Trying Not To Love You

by Megan Smith

  "Why did you have to hug him then?"

  "UGH! Are we seriously doing this?" Hunter nodded his head. "Dominic only has a problem with him because he told me that he saw Dominic and Alexis together after one of the games. Look, I am not having this argument with you. Let's just go back inside. I need to go check on Hailey, and Dominic should be here soon."

  I started walking away from him. "Wait!" Hunter called out, and I stopped walking, but I did not turn around. "Please don't be mad at me. I'm trying to do the right thing here."

  "Yeah? And what's that?" Hunter took a few steps, pushed his body flush against my back and whispered in my ear, "Keeping you away from me, CC. You know I want you. Fuck, you can feel it." To prove his point, he shifted his hips so that I could feel his hardness. "We both know I just can't have you." Hunter backed away from me, and walked back towards the house.

  Hunter left me standing in the driveway, all hot and frustrated, as he walked back into the house. Yes, I knew he wanted me. That was clear. What I did not understand was why he would tell me this now. He knew I was with Dominic. Hunter would never act on his feelings; look how that turned out last time. I needed to clear my head before I could walk back into the party, so I took the little path beside the house that lead to the beach. I watched the waves crash and the moon dance on the ocean for a little while before I went back to check on Hailey. I could not imagine how trashed she would be if she had not stopped drinking yet.

  I was walking between the sand dunes when I spotted Hailey sitting on the bottom step with Mason and Hunter hovering over her. I bent down to her level so I could see her. "Mase, what's wrong with her?" Hailey was sobbing.

  He looked annoyed and disgusted. "I don't know. She is either crying about her ex-boyfriend, her one-night stand from last weekend or her own puke. None of those things are worth her tears, though."

  Hailey had a different relationship with Mason than she did with Jackson and Cooper. I had asked her a few times if she had feelings for Mason. She had always denied it, so I left it for them to figure out.

  "He…had…Slam Station…carved…into his…headboard…and he wasn't…even any good at it." Hailey was saying between the sniffling and hiccupping. She was trying to get over Matt, but was going about it the wrong way. She was going out with different guys all the time. This was the third one-night stand she had this month. Lucky for her, Mason does not know about the those. There is no telling what Mason would do to them.

  Trying my hardest not to laugh at her, I reached over and put my hand on her knee. "Shut up and let's get you upstairs." I seriously hoped she was done running her mouth. I knew she was going to regret saying that tomorrow.

  She tried to stand up, but nearly fell over. "I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for waiting, or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad Kenzie."

  "Christ, Hailey! That is enough. Come on, let's go." I grabbed Hailey by her arm to try to pull her up, but she was dead weight. Hunter grabbed her arm from me, and picked her up so we could make our way inside. When we reached my room, I dug into my pocket for the key to unlock my door. It was a pain in the ass to have the doors locked, but we really didn't want to have people hooking up in our beds.

  Hailey put her arm around Hunter's neck. "You know what? I'm just so happy because I get to go to bed, and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and Mason's penis waiting for me." I gasped, looking back at Hailey while she started to giggle.

  "That is just wrong on soooo many levels Hailey." Hunter said, trying not to laugh; clearly, the situation amused him.

  I just shook my head. "Like, really wrong, Hails! That is just disgusting. No one wants to hear about that shit!"

  As I got the door opened, Hunter stepped in and put Hailey down on her feet. She started jumping up and down, screaming she had to pee. After she had taken off towards the bathroom, I took a few steps towards my bed. Hunter grabbed my hand, and turned me around to face him. He whispered, "CC, you look so damn sexy tonight." Then he leaned in, and kissed my forehead.

  He was giving me whiplash. He wanted me, but did not want me at the same time. After a few seconds, I heard him curse under his breath. "I've got to get out of here before I do something I shouldn't. If Hailey becomes too much for you to handle, just come get me or one of your brothers." Looking puzzled, I said, "Goodnight, Hunter." Then he left.

  About an hour later, there was a knock at the door. I got off my bed, went to open the door and found Dominic leaning against the wall across from my door.

  I was furious. "What in hell took you so long? I thought you would have been here hours ago?"

  He was standing there, looking at me as if I was crazy and being unreasonable. "Can I just come in, and we can talk?"

  I walked back in my room, and he followed behind me. "Just be quiet. Hailey isn't feeling good. She had too much to drink."

  "You couldn't put her in her own damn room? I haven't seen you in two weeks, MacKenzie."

  I shook my head, "No, I couldn't. Hunter is in the spare room, and you know I always share this room with Hailey and Jaylinn."

  Cocking his head at me, he asked, "Why are you being such a bitch? It was just a question. I drove all this way just to see you; you could have at least made sure we had our own room."

  "You know what Dominic? Just leave. I don't even know why you bothered to show up this late. You didn't have practice today, so there is no excuse for why you were late."

  He grabbed the bag he had left by the door. "Fine. I don't know why I bothered to drive hours just to come to this stupid ass party anyway." He walked out the door, and slammed it shut.

  Hailey walked out of the bathroom, shaking her head. "I don't know why you stay with that asshat, Kenzie."

  "He never used to be like that."

  When I woke up the next morning, everyone was still sleeping. I decided I would make breakfast, since I bailed on them early last night. I looked around the place, and it surprised me that the house was actually fairly clean. I thought there would be a giant mess to clean up. At least now, I didn't have to tip the housekeepers any extra.

  As I was making the last of the pancakes, Hunter walked into the kitchen with some girl. He walked her to the front door, and then came back to the kitchen. How did he turn his feelings for me off and on like that? Not that it mattered but still, I could not figure it out.

  Hunter grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge and asked, "Need any help, CC?"

  "Nope, I'm good." Yeah, I want you to explain to me what you were doing with her!

  "Alright." He went back towards his room, but then stopped before he opened the door. "Did Dominic ever show up last night?"

  I pulled the last pancake out of the frying pan and put it on a plate. "Yeah, but not for long."

  He shook his head at me, "What did he do this time?"

  "I don't want to talk about it with you." He was the last person I wanted to talk to right now; let alone talk about Dominic.

  "Fair enough. I'm going to pack up all my stuff." He went into his room, and I did not see him again until we were all about to leave.

  Everyone else, including the girl that Cooper had hooked up with, made his or her way downstairs to have breakfast, and talk about what Hailey and I missed last night. After we ate and cleaned up, we all went to pack and get ready to head home.

  As Jaylinn and I were walking out to my car to put our bags in the trunk, Cooper came up behind me and hugged me. "Thanks again for throwing us the party. We love you, lil' sis."

  "Love y'all too; I'm glad y'all had fun. You know, it's not easy to surprise you and Mase."

  Nodding his head, "We had a blast. Have you seen Mason or Hailey?"

  "Not since breakfast." Jaylinn answered.

  Shutting the door to his truck, Hunter stepped over to us. "You know, she did get her chocolate milk this morning. I wonder if she is getting Mason's…."

  I punched him in the arm, and started yelling. "Stop! Just stop. I don't want to hear
about that shit, jackass."

  While Hunter and Cooper were laughing their asses off, Hailey and Mason walked out of the house, both with big-ass grins on their faces.

  Shaking my head, I walked over to the driver's side of my car and got in, while Jaylinn got in the passenger side, and we took off for home.

  When I got home Sunday afternoon, I was still pissed off at Dominic for the way he acted last night. He tried calling me all morning, but I kept sending his calls to voicemail. Around dinnertime, my mom yelled up the stairs to tell me that Dominic was here. Sighing, I got up and went downstairs to find out what he wanted.

  He was standing by the front door, so I walked over and stood in front of him. "What do you want? Have you not noticed I have been avoiding your calls all day?"

  He looked over my shoulder and then back at me. "Can we go out front and talk?"

  I turned around to see Cooper and Hunter looking at us from the kitchen, so I turned back to Dominic and nodded.

  We sat down on the porch swing. Dominic ran his hand threw his hair, and looked over at me. "Look, I know I fucked up last night Kenzie. I shouldn't have left like that. I'm sorry. I just wanted to spend some alone time with you." He let out a loud sigh. "I don't get to see you every day anymore, and I'm frustrated. We've been together for a year now. I thought you would be ready to take that next step. Now that we don't see each other as much as we did, I just miss you. I want to feel close with you."

  I knew it; I knew this would happen. This is why I had told Dominic before we started dating that he would have to wait until I thought the time was right. I was not going to whore myself out. I saw what my brothers did to all the girls they messed around with and I did not want to be one of those girls.

  "So, because I'm not putting out, or we aren't messing around, you're going to act like an asshole? That's fucked Dominic. You said you would wait until I was ready, and if you can't accept that, then you need to leave."

  "I'm not leaving MacKenzie. You're mine." He pulled me over to him, wrapped his arm around my shoulder and then kissed the side of my head. "I love you."

  "Well then, you need to wait, and respect what I want. I told you I wanted to wait. You said you would wait."

  Sighing, he said, "I've waited this long. What's a little bit longer, right?"

  I looked up into his eyes. "Right."

  He kissed me lightly on the lips. "Look, I have to get on the road. I have practice tomorrow morning."

  We walked over to his car, and I gave him a hug and kiss, "Okay, I'll see you next weekend."

  Dominic sat in his car, and slid on his sunglasses. "Love you."

  I waved, and started back towards the house.

  Did I love Dominic? Yes. Was I in love with him? No, I don't think so. Would I ever truly love him? Maybe, one day I would. Dominic was my first serious boyfriend. I didn't seriously date anyone because everyone in school knew my brothers; no one messed with my brothers, no one. When I was in seventh grade, I had a crush on this boy Ryan. We started going out, mostly talking on the phone and going to the movies occasionally. Right before winter break, he said he did not want to go out anymore. Ryan broke my heart, and, at thirteen, I thought my life was over. My brothers found out about what happened, and when we went back to school a week later, Ryan had a broken nose and two black eyes. To this day, when I see him, he will look the other way, or cross the street if he sees me coming. I asked my brothers what they did to him, and they always said they did not know anything about it.

  Just when I was heading back upstairs to my room to take a nap, I heard Cooper talking to Hunter. "Dude, you better look out for my sister while you guys are away at school. I don't like that asshole."

  "I know. I don't like him either. I'll keep her safe."

  Over the next few days, I was busy packing up everything I was bringing with me to Old Dominion, and doing some last minute shopping with my mom. I was both nervous and excited to start this part of my life.

  Friday afternoon rolled around, and I had just finished packing my last box when Hailey came into my room. "Are you ready, Kenzie?"

  "Just about." I told her, with a huge smile on my face. "Jackson, Mason and Cooper want to take us for lunch before we head out tomorrow."

  She huffed at me. "They act like we're going across the country, and are never going to see them again."

  "You know how they are; I'm surprised Mase and Coop haven't transferred schools just to stay close to us. Jackson is so wrapped up in Chloe that I don't think it's hit him just yet."

  This certainly surprised me. It was probably because Hunter was at Old Dominion, too. They knew he would not let anything happen to us. In addition, the Harvard baseball scholarships gave them little to no choice.

  "When are we going? I still have a few things I need to pack." That did not shock me. Hailey was a procrastinator.

  "Around one, and I guess your ass needs help packing?" Hailey sucks at packing, always has. Every time we would go down to the shore house for the weekend, she would always forget half of her bathing suit, her toothbrush or her shoes. It was always something.

  "You know it. I'll text Mason, and tell him we will just meet him there." She was tapping away on her phone. "When is Hunter coming to pick up all our stuff?"

  "He asked me to dinner tonight, so I guess tomorrow morning when he picks us up."

  Looking shocked, Hailey said, "Just the two of you are going to dinner?"

  "Yeah, why?" We go out to dinner all the time. Why should this shock her? She quickly diverted her eyes back to her phone, "Oh, um, just wondering."

  "What the hell, Hailey? It's not the first time I have been to dinner with Hunter."

  Still not meeting my eyes, she said, "Nothing. Let's go."

  Huh? What the hell is going on? "Hailey," I turned around, so I was staring at her. "I'm not leaving this room until you tell me what the fuck is going on."

  "Nothing. Just forget I said anything." She grabbed her purse, and started towards to door.

  "Whatever, but I'm not forgetting it."

  We left and headed to Hailey's house. Just as we were getting out of the car in her driveway, Hailey's head whipped around, and she cursed under her breath.

  "What's the matter?" I asked in a panic, thinking I had done something wrong.

  She looked straight ahead. "Nothing. Can you just pull into the garage?"

  Looking at her skeptically, I said, "Yeah. Your parents aren't going to block me in though, right?"

  "Umm, no, we'll be OK. I can always have them move if they do come home," she said quickly.

  I turned the car back on, and moved it into to garage. She was acting strange all day, but I thought maybe it was just the fact that we were leaving tomorrow morning.

  "Kenzie, I need to tell you something, and I don't want you to get upset."

  "How can you say something like that, and expect me not to get upset? What's going on?"

  "Have you talked to Dominic?"

  "Yeah, this morning."

  "What did he say to you?"

  What the hell is up with the 20 questions? "Just the usual. We talked about football, and how excited he is that I'll be there with him."

  "He's home."

  No kidding! "Yeah, I know. He has practice tomorrow morning."

  "No, he's home. Like at his house, home."

  Whipping my head around to look at her, I asked, "How do you know?"

  "He is next door, at Alexis' house. I saw him pulling up when my mom and I were leaving to go to your house. I asked him what he was doing there. He said he had something to take care of, and then he was heading back to school."

  There is no way he is here, is there? "You're sure it was him?"

  "Kenzie, I talked to him. Of course, I'm sure."

  "Is he still over there now? Is that why you had me pull into the garage?"

  Nodding, she turned to get out of the car. "I told him I was going to tell you. He said he did not have anything to hide, so that is why I am tell
ing you. I don't believe him."

  "Well, if he didn't have anything to hide, why didn't he tell me he was coming home? Why the fuck is he with that bitch? He knows I hate her for starting all that shit last year."

  "That's what I was wondering."

  I got out of the car, walked out of the garage door and looked over at Alexis' house. Dominic's car was not there. I quickly sent him a text message.

  Me – 10:58am: Hey, where u @

  Dominic – 10:59am: Home

  Me – 11:01am: @ ur house or school

  Dominic – 11:03am: House, was on my way to surprise you

  Me – 11:04am: Nice surprise it was 2 see u leave Alexis'

  Dominic – 11:06am: She said she needed 2 talk 2 me, she caught me on my way out

  Me – 11:08am: Y didn't u tell me u were coming home

  Dominic – 11:10am: Where r u

  Me 11:11am: Hails

  Dominic – 11:13am: On my way

  I looked up at Hailey and said, "He's on his way here; he said she caught him on his way to surprise me."

  "You believe him?"

  I just nodded at her. "I don't exactly have a reason not to."

  Shaking her head, she huffed and said, "I'll be in my room."

  I sat on her front steps for about ten minutes before he pulled up. I walked over to his car. He motioned me to over to his window.

  "Hey, baby." He leaned out of the window and kissed me.

  "So, why didn't you tell me you were coming home?"

  "I told you, I wanted to surprise you. I thought maybe you needed some help packing."

  Did I believe that was the reason he was here? No, not really, because I knew he was up to something. He had changed so much for having only being gone a few weeks. "Oh, well, I wish you would have told me last weekend that you were coming home. I could have used some help this morning." I tapped my finger on the door of his car. "So, what did Alexis want?"