Trying Not To Love You

by Megan Smith

  "Hey Hails."

  "Hey sleeping beauty. Hunter keeping you up all hours of the night?" she said laughing.

  I shook my head. Only Hailey would bring that up. "No, actually he isn't keeping me up at all lately."

  "You sure have been sleeping a lot. You feeling ok?" She asked.

  "Not really, all this tension with Mason and all of us is really starting to wear me down. I wish he would just get over it so we can all move on. It's been two months since that fight, and enough is enough." I said, turning to grab a bowl from the cabinet.

  "I know, I keep trying but as soon as I bring it up, he makes some kind of excuse to get off the phone." She closed the book in her hand and put it on the table.

  "Hails, work on your relationship with Mase. Don't worry about us; I'm his sister. He has to get over this eventually. Once we go home for the summer, Mom will put a stop to this bullshit."

  "I know..." A raging Hunter, who had just walked in and slammed the door, cut her off.

  "What the fuck, CC?"

  "Hunter, what the hell is going on?"

  "You tell me, what else are you hiding from me?" He walked over and stood inches away from me.

  "I have no idea what you're talking about." My stomach started turning. "What's going on?"

  "Dominic showed up on Christmas morning and you never told me?"

  I grabbed my stomach, trying not to think about getting sick again. "It wasn't a big deal. Cooper was there with me. He just stopped by to tell me that Brittany lied about being pregnant. That's it; he wasn't there more than 5 minutes before I told him he had to go."

  Oh my God, I was going to lose it. I took off running towards the bathroom to throw up again.

  Someone knocked on the door. "Come in." I said moaning from the bathroom floor. The tiles were cooling my face off.

  "Oh sweetie, are you ok?" Hailey said lifting my head on to her lap.

  "Hailey, you have to get me out of here. I can't do this shit anymore." My stomach was turning again; I held it tight trying to make it stop. "I can't be around him. Every time I am, my stomach knots up and I get sick."

  I started crying. I didn't want this to happen. I tried to ignore it but it just wasn't going away. He was pissed off about something that happened two months ago, something that was no big deal at all.

  "Alright look, you go grab your stuff and meet me back downstairs. I'll get us back to the dorms. I think you just need a little space." Hailey said while she was running her fingers through my hair.

  I got up off the floor, threw some water on my face and went upstairs to grab my things. I quickly put everything in a bag. I didn't want to have another fight with Hunter; I just needed to get out of here. I was walking down the stairs and I could hear Hailey and Hunter's voices. I couldn't hear what they were saying so I walked out the front door quietly to wait for Hailey. She was taking forever in there with him. Bentley had pulled up in the driveway. I ran over to him before he got out.

  "Bentley, could you give me a ride back to the dorms please?" I didn't wait for an answer. I just climbed in his car.

  "Yeah sure, everything ok?"

  "No, but it will be."

  He dropped me off and I said, "Don't tell Hunter. If he asks if you saw me, just say no."

  "Kenzie, you know I can't do that." I knew that I shouldn't ask him to lie for me but I just didn't want him coming after me.

  "It's fine. Don't worry about it. Thanks for the ride Bentley." I opened the car door just as Hunter and Hailey pulled up behind us. "Shit!"

  Hunter came stalking over to me. "Don't ever take off like that again. I am not fucking around CC. I don't give a shit if we are fighting or not." Then he stalked back to his car and Hailey got out.

  "Come on sweetie; let's get you up to our room." Hailey grabbed my hand and we walked into the building. I turned one last time to look over at Hunter but someone blocked my view. Once my focus came to the person in front of me, I was surprised to see Dominic with Brittany off in the distance.

  Great fucking timing, I thought. I haven't seen him since he showed up on Christmas morning, here I had just had a fight with Hunter over him and now he is standing in front of me all within an hour of Hunter mentioning his name.

  "You ok, MacKenzie? You don't look so good." I looked past him to see Hunter speed out of the parking lot.

  "Dom, today's not a good day ok. I really need to get her upstairs." Hailey opened the door, and we walked in.

  Dominic followed us the whole way up, but didn't say anything more. I walked into our room, went right over to my bed and pulled the covers over my head, begging sleep to come.

  I had not heard from Hunter for two weeks, not one word. I saw him a few times around campus while walking to class. He always had his head down, so I knew he never saw me. I was still throwing up every day from the stress of losing Hunter. I had hoped nothing like this would happen to us but when Mason refused to come around, I knew that it would eventually lead to Hunter and me splitting apart.

  I was at work one day, sitting behind the counter scanning ID badges, when Logan came in with a cheeseburger in his hand. The smell of it made me immediately sick; I could not even make it to the bathroom. I got sick in the trashcan right next to where I was sitting.

  After I was done, I looked up to Logan, who had his jaw dropped open slightly. "I'm sorry; I haven't been feeling well lately. Whatever that is," I said, pointing at his cheese burger, "made my stomach turn."

  Logan closed his mouth, nodded his head and walked off towards the back office. I went to find him, because I wanted to apologize again for getting sick in front of him while he was eating. I heard him talking on the phone and waited a minute before I walked in.

  "Dude I think she's pregnant." I shook my head, guessing he got someone pregnant. "You have to get her to take a test." I wondered why he couldn't just get her to take the test. He got her pregnant. "Because, when I was home over Christmas break, my sister was the exact same way." Forget it; I will talk to him about it later since it didn't sound like he was getting off anytime soon.

  When he came back out about ten minutes later, he said, "Go home."

  "What?" Shit, I shouldn't have waited to talk to him. "I don't get off for another two hours. If you're worried about me getting sick again, I won't."

  "I'm not worried about that; just go home. I'll cover you." Logan grabbed my hand and helped me off the stool I was sitting on.

  "Are you sure? I really don't mind staying. I already feel better."

  "I'm sure." He said with a stern look on his face.

  I reached down to grab my purse from under the counter and put the strap on my shoulder. Logan asked, "Are you leaving Friday for spring break?"

  "Yeah, Hailey and I are heading home. Why what's up?"

  "I got your shift covered tomorrow; I'll see you after you get back." Logan said while he grabbed a student's ID to scan.

  "If you're sure? I know Hailey wanted to go home early so this would be great."

  "I'm sure; see you when you get back."

  "Thanks."

  "Hey, Kenzie?" Logan called out. I stopped walking and turned around to look at him. "Take care of yourself."

  "I will."

  As soon as I walked out of the library, I sent Hailey a text to see where she was. I was walking and texting when Dominic snuck up behind me.

  "Damn it, Dominic." I said.

  "Sorry, thought you heard me coming up." I finished my text and slid my phone back in my purse. "Are you heading back to the dorms?"

  "Yeah, I was just texting Hailey to find out where she was. Logan is covering for me, so we can get out of here sooner for break."

  "You talking to Hunter yet?" Dominic asked, kicking a rock that was lying on the sidewalk.

  "No." I watched as the rock bounced in the street and saw Brittany standing at the ending of the sidewalk watching us. I had seen Dominic and her talking a few times but I wasn't sure what the story was with them.

  "How are you
getting home then?"

  "I asked Jackson to come pick us up."

  "Well I can take you; I was actually getting ready to leave tonight anyway. I got a nap in earlier and I'm not tired now, so I thought I would head out tonight."

  "Um, let me call Hailey." I reached in my purse and dialed Hailey's number.

  She must have been out with Zeke or Bentley because I heard the radio volume lower before she said, "Hello."

  "Hey, where are you?"

  "Oh I'm out with Zeke; he's taking me back to the dorms right now. Why what's up?"

  "So Logan sent me home because I got sick at work and gave me tomorrow off. Dominic offered to take us home tonight. You want to go?"

  "Hell yeah! I'll be there in ten minutes. Love you, bye." Then she hung up on me. I guess she was in a hurry to get home.

  "I guess we're heading home tonight. Thanks Dominic."

  "Sure no problem. I have a few last minute things to pack and take care of so I'll come meet you in about an hour?"

  "Yeah sure."

  I walked off towards the dorms and Dominic took off the other way towards Brittany. Hailey and I got everything ready to go and put all our bags by the door, waiting for Dominic to come. He finally showed up right on time. We got all the bags loaded in his car and left to head home.

  We were finally back in town late at night but Dominic claimed he had to pick up something from the drug store before he dropped us off. He ran in quickly, got what he needed and then we pulled up to Hailey's house first. It didn't make any sense to me since he lived closer to her.

  "So I'll see you in the morning, I guess. Cooper said they were coming home tomorrow at some point." I said to Hailey as she was pulling her last bag out of the trunk.

  "Yeah, I'm just going to unpack and then I'll be over."

  "Ok see you later."

  "Thanks again Dom." Hailey said.

  "Sure no problem."

  We got into the car but pulled over right up the street from Hailey's house.

  I looked over at Dominic, "What are you doing?"

  "I need to talk to you and if I have you in my car, it's a lot easier. Besides, now there isn't anyone else around."

  "Dominic, please just take me home. I can't do this with you right now ok."

  "Just listen to me ok."

  I crossed my arms over my chest and stared straight ahead.

  He cleared his throat. "I know this isn't any of my business but did you sleep with Hunter?"

  Groaning, I dropped my head to the back on the seat. "I'm not talking to you about this Dominic. It's none of your business. I don't ask what's going on with you and Brittany; don't ask about me and Hunter."

  "I know but just answer the question, it's important."

  "It's not important and it's none of your business." I spat back at him.

  "Damn it Kenzie, just answer the question!" He raised his voice to me.

  I was fuming but I knew him well enough to know if I didn't answer him, I would be here all night and I really just wanted to go home. Huffing I said, "Yes."

  He ran his left hand through his hair and then reached in the center console with his right, grabbed the drug store bag and handed it to me. "You need to take this."

  I opened the bag that he handed to me and I shot my eyes up to him, "Are you fucking kidding me? I'm not pregnant asshole. You know how I am when I get upset over shit." I closed the bag back up and stuck it back in the console then crossed my arms over my chest again. Was he crazy?

  "I can't be pregnant, I'm on the pill and you know this." I told him after a few minutes.

  He looked over at me and said, "Please just take it when you get home, just to make sure. I know how you get when you get upset over something but this, what you have, is different. You're different."

  "Fine, I'll take the damn test but I already know the answer. Now can you please take me home?" I huffed still looking straight ahead.

  Dominic put the car in drive and took me home. I got out of the car and went to grab my bags. He came around his side with the drug store bag and handed it to me. I took it and shoved it in my purse.

  "Thanks for the ride; I'll see you back at school I guess."

  "Yeah sure, let me know if you need a ride back."

  I nodded and grabbed my last bag that he had in his hand and went into the house. "Kenzie," Dominic called out.

  "Yeah?"

  "If you need to talk or anything, call me." He didn't wait for me to answer; he got back in his car and backed out of the driveway.

  My mom was pacing the floor when I walked in; I knew something was wrong when I saw her. "Mom? What's wrong?"

  "Oh thank God." She ran towards me and squeezed me.

  "Mom?"

  "Hunter has been calling nonstop looking for you. He said your phone is turned off and he couldn't get a hold of you."

  Nice, why is he calling now? "Well Hunter shouldn't worry about me; he hasn't for the last two weeks. Hailey and I got a ride home from Dominic."

  "What do you mean he hasn't worried for the last two weeks? Are you guys fighting?"

  "Yeah, because of Mason's bullshit."

  "Oh baby girl, I'm so sorry." She started rocking me back and forth slowly as she did every time she comforted me. The swaying was doing nothing for my stomach.

  "Look, I'm really tired and I just want to go to sleep. We'll catch up later." I kissed her cheek and started for the stairs.

  "What do you want me to tell Hunter when he calls back?" she asked.

  "Tell him whatever you want." I don't care if he gets pissed off because I took off again or because Dominic took us home.

  "Alright."

  I went upstairs, dropped my bags, slipped off my shoes and curled up in bed. I fell asleep for a little while but that drug store bag was taunting me. It was after three in the morning when I finally had enough and got up to take the test just to prove to Dominic that I was not pregnant. Ok, maybe to myself too.

  I grabbed the bag and walked towards the bathroom. Hailey was standing in the hallway talking to Mason. What the hell was Mason doing here this late at night with Hailey?

  I tried to walk past them, but Mason grabbed my arm stopping me. He pulled me into his chest and hugged me. "I'm sorry I've been such an asshole lately."

  I pushed off him a little. "If you don't mean it, then don't apologize to me Mase. I know you're only saying it because I'm not with Hunter anymore."

  Taken back a little by my remark, he frowned and said, "I am sorry. I just don't want to see you hurt and from what Hailey's told me you are hurting." He pulled me back to his chest and kissed my forehead. "I'm sorry. I'll talk to Hunter tomorrow."

  Shaking my head and trying to hold in the tears, I said, "Don't worry about it. It's over between us."

  "I'll fix it; it's my fault. I just don't think he's good enough for my little sister, but I don't want to see you like this every day."

  Tears were streaming down my face and soaking his shirt, "Please don't; just let it be, for me."

  Sighing he said, "Ok," he grabbed my face and wiped the tears away. "Just because you asked I won't say anything."

  "Thanks Mase." I turned towards Hailey and said, "Can I talk to you for a minute."

  "Yeah, sure."

  I grabbed her hand and pulled her into the bathroom with me. I turned on the faucet so Mason couldn't hear us. I pulled out the test from the bag, and her eyes flew open wide. "You have to be shitting me!"

  "Shh, Hailey." I flipped the box over and read the directions, then opened the box and set the test on the sink. "Turn around. When I'm done, I need you to look at this and tell me its negative, ok?"

  She turned around and nodded. I pulled my pants down, sat on the toilet, peed on the stick and quickly put the cap on. I cleaned myself up, all the while not looking at the godforsaken test.

  "Ok, look at the test and tell me it's negative."

  Hailey slowly turned around, gasped and put her hand over her mouth. That was not the reaction I want
ed. "Hailey, it's negative right?"

  She just looked at me but didn't say anything.

  Fine, I guess I had to do this on my own. "Fuck!" I yelled and then put my hand over my mouth. Five, ten, twenty minutes went by and we both just stared at the test both in disbelief.

  Mason must have been worrying because he came banging on the door, making us both jump. "Kenzie, Hailey you guys ok? You've been in there forever."

  Startled and worried he would pick the lock, I picked up the test, threw it back in the bag and shoved it under my shirt. I looked over at Hailey, "Don't say a word to anyone Hails."

  I opened the door and walked straight into my room; I took the test out from under my shirt and shoved it in the back of my underwear drawer. I paced the floor for the rest of the night. The test had to be wrong. I always took my pill at the same time every day, and I never missed. There had to be a mistake.

  Around eight the next morning, I still could not even think about going to sleep. I need to talk to someone. I couldn't talk to my mom; Hailey had no idea about being pregnant. Chloe! I went over to my purse, grabbed my cell and dialed Chloe.

  "Kenzie, what in the hell are you doing up so early?" She yawned and I heard Alex crying in the background.

  "Um, can I come over? I need to talk to you." I was already walking downstairs to grab my keys.

  "Yeah sure but stop and grab us coffee first. Alex has been up most of the night and it was my turn to stay up with him."

  "Yeah sure, I'll grab you a coffee. Should I get one for Jackson?" I started the car.

  "Better pick him up one so when he gets up, he doesn't bitch about it."

  "Ok see you in a few."

  Fifteen minutes later, I pulled up to Jackson and Chloe's little house that they just recently bought. I grabbed the coffee and made my way inside, Alex was lying on his back on his little play mat and Chloe, who looked like she hasn't slept in hours, was in the kitchen making bacon. As soon as I smelled it, I ran into the kitchen, dropped the coffee down on the table, spilling some in the process and darted to the bathroom to throw up.

  I heard mumbling outside of the bathroom door and then someone knocked.

  "Kenz let me in." Chloe said.