I looked above me, at the cock and ball sack hanging in my face. Extending my tongue, I swiped it across his nuts, laving them and tasting the tiny hairs that grew there. He didn’t shave, and I was fine with that. I took first one ball into my mouth, and he let out a small grunt. I sucked on it carefully. I was sure he’d never had his balls sucked on, and I wasn’t sure if they were a sensitive area for him. They didn’t seem to be. In fact, he seemed to enjoy it because he picked up speed on my cock.
Popping the one ball from my mouth, I sucked the other in, giving it the same treatment I gave the first. Then, because I could, and because I wanted to drive him out of his mind, I sucked both in, swirling my tongue around them. I heard him grunt again, and saw his tiny pucker wink.
He was into it.
I stroked his back with my left hand and let both balls fall from my mouth. Using my right hand, I guided his dick to me, wrapping its head with my tongue. I found his slit and the copious amount of pre-cum pulsing out. With the tip of my tongue, I licked into his slit. The more I lapped, the more he seemed to make.
I felt the heat begin to pool at my spine, and knew that I wouldn’t last much longer. I wanted us both to go at the same time, for him to know that he had been the one to tear me apart and put me back together again, just as I was doing to him.
I took his cock in, burying it to the root, feeling his fine pubic hair against my lips. I inhaled his scent, dark and masculine, and wanted to live in that moment with his cock buried down my throat.
I flexed my throat muscles, swallowing as much of him down as I could, and he groaned again.
I watched as his balls drew up to his body, and I pulled away slightly, wanting to taste every drop he had to offer.
The heat at my spine became an inferno. I tapped his shoulder, signaling my impending orgasm. He seemed to get the message, pulling back just enough to keep me firmly encased in the warmth of his lips.
He shot first, and I followed a split second later, filling each other with everything we had. My vision went white and my ears began to ring. I felt him let loose once, and I swallowed it down. A second volley followed by a third and fourth hit my tongue, and I savored those before swallowing. A fifth hit my tongue, smaller than the rest, and I saved it, holding it on my tongue as if my life depended on it.
I gently lifted him at the waist and nudged his hip. He seemed to understand, pivoting on his knee to turn and face me. His lips crashed to mine and his tongue invaded my mouth. I tasted myself for a moment, then my seed combined with his to create something unique, and purely us.
Our dueling tongues slowed to gentle kisses, and our breathing slowed.
He looked me in the eye, and I swear I saw something there resembling what I was feeling. Acceptance, safety, and warmth with a hint of fright, all swam in his eyes.
I scooted higher on the bed until my head touched the wall, dragging him with me. He came willingly. I grabbed one of his pillows and propped it under my head. David wrapped his arms around my neck and nestled his head against my chest. I held him to me, squeezing as tightly as I could without causing discomfort.
I felt a drop of moisture fall onto my chest, and I knew it was a tear.
“David?”
He sniffed.
“David?” I repeated.
He sniffed again before answering. “Yeah.”
“That was amazing. No tears, okay?”
“I’m not sad. I’m happy. For the first time in my life, I’m happy. And it’s because of you.”
That thing, that name, that word, came rushing to my lips. I wanted so badly to say it. I wanted him to know what it meant to me, what he meant to me. But I waited. Post-orgasm was neither the time nor the place to make those kinds of declarations. I knew in my gut and my heart what I felt.
I loved him. And I prayed he felt the same.
I HAD SPENT SO MUCH of my life, up to that point, believing everything that my father had said to me. The fact that parents are supposed to be nurturers and supportive of their children’s dreams was lost on my father. As far as he was concerned, I was worthless. I was nothing but a good-for-nothing queer—how he knew before I did, I will never know. I would never amount to anything. It formed every decision I made and dictated what I felt about myself. I actually saw myself as all of those things he had ingrained in me.
I remember when I was a sophomore in high school, just before everything happened, I was in a show choir. We rehearsed twice a week after school, learning new songs and new dance routines. I was in heaven, but my father always looked down on it. He felt it was unmanly and had no problem telling me so. We moved into a new house midway through the school year, forcing me to change schools and leave behind activities I enjoyed. To this day, there’s a part of me that believes that part of the reason for the move was to get me out of that school and away from that “unmanly” hobby.
Once I transferred to my new school, my father pulled me aside and point-blank told me that if I ever got involved in anything like that again, he would kill me.
To have my life threatened by my very father was a frightening proposition. I knew he wasn’t kidding, he was deadly serious. My father did not make idle threats. He had the tenacity to back them up. Despite the alcohol.
Ghosts of my father haunted me, and made it difficult for me to believe anything positive that anyone had to say about me. His voice became that of my subconscious, and would remind me continuously what a worthless piece of shit I was.
Adam’s presence in my life changed that, on a fundamental level. He reminded me constantly of the good I could achieve and the strength of my character. He made me feel my own value, and the value that others had in me. It conflicted with everything I had been taught about myself, and made me question my own identity. There’s something to be said for seeing yourself through someone else’s eyes. Adam saw me completely differently than my father had, and had absolutely no problem vocalizing that. Now, relying on someone else’s opinion of you to bolster your own can be dangerous, you can start believing in everything they say and lose focus of your true identity. I had with my father, but I was beginning to see that perhaps Adam was right.
How could someone as strong, outgoing, charismatic, and compassionate find anything of value in me? And yet he did.
It would be easy to say that he kept coming around because I was an easy lay, but truth be told, I was not easy. My own lack of sexual experience embarrassed me. There I was, a twenty-eight-year-old gay man, and had just given my first blowjob a few weeks earlier. How does something like that even happen? And yet, it was the truth of my life. No one had ever engaged me the way he did, and I never wanted to simply sleep with someone for the sake of getting off. I had two hands for that act, and I was quite proficient at that.
My own self-doubts plagued me for weeks. My nerves were frazzled. Why had I opened my mouth and made the suggestion about the Halloween event? Now, people were counting on me to perform, and if I failed, there was the very strong likelihood that it would make Adam look bad too. The idea of him looking bad spurred me on, and made me want to succeed, not just for me, but for him as well.
Owen and Greg volunteered to assist with the preparations for the night. They both seemed to be impressed with the idea. Owen went so far as to wrangle in the aid of Chad, the owner of The Chipped Cup, and Beatrice, the lady that owned the used book store next door. All three had connections throughout the community, and had no problem convincing others of the value of this, even if for nothing more than free publicity.
Owen, Chad, and Beatrice donated some of their own money to the cause. Owen went so far as to have bags made with all three business logos emblazoned on them that could be used to pile the candy into.
Adam and Ryan had spent enough time at the hospital to become friendly with some of the staff. Even though Lucas was at home and resting comfortably, Ryan still kept in touch with the doctors and nurses. The entire staff seemed to be on board for this.
Then there was Adam.
Adam supported every decision I made, every idea I had. He stood by my side, both physically and emotionally, every step of the way. I found myself relying on his strength when I thought things might fall apart, and it was with his help that I kept it together, all the while he kept me together.
-We need to get you a costume.
That was the text I got from Adam the Thursday before the event. I smiled down at my phone. I did a lot of that when he texted or called. I had been so preoccupied with organizing the event that I hadn’t given any consideration to what I would wear. But leave it to Adam to think about it.
-I haven’t dressed up since I was ten. I sent back. And that was the truth. Halloween, and most holidays, lost any meaning the following year.
-So? You have to.
-Who says?
-I do. It’ll look kinda funny if you’re the only one of us that’s not in a costume.
My curiosity was piqued. I had heard nothing about anyone else dressing up. I had to admit, I found the idea of three grown adults dressed up in costumes somewhat ludicrous and humorous at the same time.
I thought about it for a moment, and conceded. -Fine. What’re you going as?
-I’m not tellin’. :-P
I could picture Adam’s face as he sent that, tongue sticking out like a child’s, and I couldn’t help but to bark out a laugh.
-Suggestions?
-We’ll figure it out when we get there.
-There? Where’s there?
-I’ve been doing some research.
-Oh, you have?
-Yes, smartass. There’s a place near you called Costume Holiday House. They have JUST what we need.
-And how do you know what we need?
-I’m smart that way. He sent, along with a smiley face emoji.
God, what this man did to me.
-I’ll look it up and meet you there.
-No, I’ll pick you up. You’re off, right?
-Yes.
-Other plans?
-Just the usual.
-Then we’ll make a day of it. How soon can you be ready?
Suddenly, I felt lighter than air. How could I say no. “I’m sorry, I don’t want to spend the day with you.” That would be a total lie. I wanted nothing more than to spend the day with him. More if possible. Why he wanted to sacrifice his time for me was completely beyond me.
-An hour?
-See ya in an hour.
I knew it wouldn’t take me an hour to get ready. It never did. But I wanted some extra time to calm myself. A giddy excitement had shot through me the moment I saw his name on my phone’s screen, and had stayed with me throughout the short conversation. I was still becoming accustomed to the feeling, and needed time to process.
My “usual” on Thursdays consisted of grocery shopping. Because I took the bus, it had a tendency to be an all-day proposition, so I usually didn’t make any other plans. Until Adam came along. I was beginning to view my life as two distinct different time periods: Before Adam, and After Adam. That should have scared me, but I was finding that the more I examined it, the less frightening it was.
I showered and primped. As I stood in the mirror adjusting a shock of hair so that it was just right, I had to laugh at myself. I had never taken the time before to look decent just to go grocery shopping. It was the most mundane thing you could imagine. Who cared what you looked like? Hell, people shopped in their pajamas. And yet there I was, doing what I could to look as perfect as possible. Whatever that was.
The unmistakable sound of Adam’s truck pulled me to the window. Grabbing my keys, I closed and locked the door and ran down the stairs, smiling the entire way.
Adam leaned across the cab of the truck and popped the door open. “Morning.”
“Morning,” I said.
He reached to the center console and pulled out a covered cup, and handed it to me. “Coffee. Black, right?”
Now, for most, the simple act of someone bringing them a cup of coffee in the morning wouldn’t be a big deal. It really shouldn’t have been, it is only coffee, after all. I had done it for Owen more times than I knew over the years. Still, the thought that Adam had thought about me enough to get it without my asking meant more to me than it probably should have.
As he pulled out of the parking lot, he asked, “Any idea who you wanna be?”
He reached for my hand across the center console, interlacing his fingers with mine
Anyone but me. “Absolutely no idea. I honestly haven’t even thought about it.”
“You can’t be serious.”
“But I am. I told you, I haven’t put on a costume since I was ten.” What I didn’t tell him was that I had been hiding virtually my entire life. Why bother with a costume?
“I think you’d look hot as Namor, Prince of the Seas,” he said, raising our joined hands to his lips, and kissing the back of mine.
“I’m impressed. Throwing out the name of Marvel’s first mutant.”
“I told you, I’ve been doing some research. You in a little green Speedo. Fantastic.” He waggled his eyebrows up and down and leered.
I chuckled, trying to form an image of that in my mind. I knew I was too thin to pull it off. Namor is buff, and I’m…well…not. “Research, huh? Should I ask what else you’ve been ‘researching’?”
“Besides the costume shop? Lucas’s illness mostly, but also Toledo. I was away so long that it’s weird being back. It still feels like home, but everything’s different now. My old school is gone, the grocery store we shopped at as kids has closed. But there’s so much here that’s new too. I need to find my way again.”
There was a wistfulness to his voice, a hint of regret. Toledo had been my home for my entire life, and yet at the same time, I had stayed within the confines of my own little area. I had witnessed the changes firsthand, moving from once vibrant to a shadow of itself, all in slow motion. Adam had been gone for years. The changes the city had gone through must have seemed more drastic to him, and much more shocking.
“If we have time, there’s a little diner I want to take you to. Doesn’t seem like much, but the food is fantastic.”
“You’ve already scoped it out?”
“Yeah. Found it online and decided to give it a try. The food tastes just like Mom used to make.”
I began thinking about my own mother. I tried to remember what her cooking smelled like, what her face looked like, how she wore her hair. I couldn’t.
He squeezed my hand. “You okay? You went away for a second.”
I glanced at him and tried to smile. “I’m fine,” I lied. “What else is on our agenda.”
“Costumes, diner, groceries, and whatever else. My day’s open.”
“Mine too. I have to work open to close tomorrow, though. Trish is off, and its game night.”
“Early to bed with you, then, mister. Wouldn’t want you dragging ass,” he teased.
We’d spent the rest of the drive in comfortable silence, hands still interlocked. As often as we had done that over the last few months, I was still amazed at how that simple physical connection could mean so much to me. We didn’t need to talk. Everything he needed to say was in the way he would rub the back of my hand with the pad of his thumb, or the gentle reassuring squeezes he would give at just the right time. The physical contact was enough for me. I missed it when he wasn’t around, I missed him. Was it possible to form an addiction to a person? He was becoming a link to something I never thought I would find.
We pulled into the parking lot of a relatively new strip mall and parked at one end. Adam jumped out of the truck and practically ran to the store. I had to laugh at his enthusiasm. He got to the door and pulled it open, bowing slightly and waving his arm. “After you.”
I dipped my head and nodded. “Why, thank you, good sir.”
The shop was sectioned off, with Halloween decorations at the front and costumes at the back, and separated by gender and age group. As we made our way back to Men’s, I asked Adam if he k
new what Ryan and Lucas were dressing as.
“Batman and Robin, I think.”
“I thought Spidey was Lucas’s favorite.”
“He is.”
“Then why not go as that?”
Adam shrugged his shoulders. “Does Spidey have a sidekick?”
“No. Never has. He’s always been a loner.”
Something like understanding passed across Adam’s face before he said, “Maybe he should.”
I understood the unspoken meaning.
“Anyway,” he continued, “they wanted to do something together, like a father and son deal. And that seemed the most appropriate.”
I had to agree. I couldn’t think of a better set of costumes for the two of them together.
“And what about you? What are you doing?”
He gave me a sly grin. “Not tellin’.”
“Seriously?”
“Seriously.”
“Then how do I even know you’re dressing up? How do I know that you’re not just saying you are so I look dumb?”
I didn’t realize what I had said until the words had passed my lips. He stopped in the aisle so fast that I almost ran into him. He turned to me, raising a hand to my cheek, his brows knit together in a scowl. His palm felt warm against my skin, and I couldn’t help but lean into it. “I wouldn’t do that, baby. I promise. Trust me?”
And in that moment, I realized I did. Utterly and completely.
I nodded against his hand. He leaned in, gave me a quick peck on the lips, and I didn’t care who could see. “Good. Let’s shop.”
Happy Adam replaced Scowly Adam as he took me by the hand and led me further into the store.
“I think you should be Spidey,” he said, matter-of-fact.
“You can’t be serious.”
“I am. Think about it. He’s your favorite, right?”
I nodded, even though he couldn’t see me do it
“And he wears a mask.”
I could see where this was leading before he even said it. But I didn’t interrupt.
“I know you’re nervous about next week, but I’m thinking that if you’re wearing a mask, it might help you.”
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