Break Through Your BS_Uncover Your Brain's Blind Spots and Unleash Your Inner Greatness

by Derek Doepker

  To prevent having to go to the extreme often, or to build up the motivation to be willing to do what’s extreme, it would be wise to start playing the game of “comparing destinations.”

  Comparing Destinations

  When you realize you’re already in the air flying to some destination and have left the “departure point,” then you’ll make a far more accurate comparison: Which destination would I like to end up at?

  Where am I going to be a year from now if I keep doing what I’ve been doing and don’t make a change?

  What is this going to cost me? What will this destination feel like? Look like? Be like? Is that a place I want to go to in my life?

  Continuing to use health and fitness as an example…

  The person who’s been gaining 10 pounds each year for the past two years might not be in that much pain about being 20 pounds overweight. They think, “I’d like to lose this weight and get fit, but I don’t want to give up what I enjoy. I can tolerate 20 extra pounds comfortably.”

  The delusion is they think they’re going to stay twenty pounds overweight continuing what they’ve been doing. They think, “I can keep doing what I’ve been doing and keep getting what I’ve got.”

  Instead, they need to consider, “If I keep going where I’ve been going, where will I end up?” Everything is in motion towards something. They need to project into the future and ask, “What’s this going to be like five years from now if I continue my current trend, and am now 70 pounds overweight?”

  Oh. Hell. No.

  That shit ain’t cool.

  This ability to compare two potential futures is critical for eliciting enough pain right now in order to change. This is crucial as moving toward your greatness requires painful sacrifice and discomfort. When you realize the alternative is even more painful in the long run, choosing greatness becomes a much more comfortable choice.

  To choose mediocrity is to choose to give up nothing that matters right now at the expense of giving up everything that matters later.

  I love the idea of being more educated in a year by going to seminars, getting coaching, and purchasing training programs, but then I consider, what will this cost me? An uncomfortably large amount of time, money, and energy. Some sacrifice. Some discomfort. Some pain. It’s a bit scary to think about. If I compared it to my current situation, I might be tempted to say, “Nah. It’s OK. I’m cool with where I’m at.”

  But what if I compare getting this education to where I would end up being if I moved towards ignorance over the next year? What would that cost me? Probably even more time, money, and energy trying to figure things out myself, making mistakes, and paying the price for it. This means even more sacrifice, even more discomfort, and even more pain relative to getting an education.

  When I see I’m heading to one destination or another, “comfortable ignorance” now becomes a far less desirable destination to choose. This is why I’ve invested thousands of dollars to educate myself through books, seminars, coaching, and more.

  If I compared the desired destination of more education with my current departure point, my current pain might not be enough to move me. Yet if I compare potential destinations based on either where mediocrity takes me vs. where stepping into my greatest potential takes me, I’m scared shitless of settling for mediocrity.

  Don’t compare where you want to be with where you’re at. Compare where you want to be with where you’re actually going. Then you will see the cost of moving towards mediocrity compared to moving towards greatness.

  Morphine For The Mind

  Regardless of whether or not you look at your current location or a future destination, you won’t effectively move towards greatness if you’re ignoring the painful signals that are warning you to change course. This whole approach requires the ability to actually feel pain fully.

  If you’ve trained yourself out of this ability to feel pain, then you’ve trained yourself out of accessing one of the most powerful motivating forces you have. If you’re wondering why you lack motivation, ask, “In what ways am I not allowing myself to feel pain?” Keep in mind that this isn’t about unbearable pain or torturing yourself. It could simply be the painful discomfort of a deadline you set for yourself or the painful exertion of a workout.

  One is supposed to feel pain when they don’t have an open conversation with someone about something that needs to be addressed. But instead of finding comfort by resolving the issue, they find comfort, temporarily, by eating a tub of ice cream. One is supposed to feel pain when their life isn’t fulfilling a mission. But instead of finding excitement by working towards a meaningful cause, they find excitement, temporarily, by playing and completing a mission on a video game. #NotHating #ILoveVideoGames

  In other words, we have become a culture that has gotten really good at numbing pain with endless distractions.

  Distraction is morphine for the mind.

  Even pain itself can be used to distract oneself from a deeper pain.

  Just look at the things people get upset over. At the time of writing this, there was recently a controversy about Starbucks having red cups for Christmas. In some people’s minds, this is more worthy of placing their energy and attention into fighting than say… fighting against the injustice of children being sold into sex slavery.

  Are they crazy?

  No. It doesn’t matter where you stand on the great red cup shenanigans of 2015. Anyone who is outraged over red cups is just like you in some way.

  Before you point a finger at them, ask, how many ways you could make your own life or the world better?

  Ask yourself if instead of doing something, do you prefer to complain, silently or out loud?

  Ask yourself, “Even if I am doing something about the causes I believe in, am I playing full out, or do I hold back?

  Do I focus on the big things that matter or distract myself with the little things?

  Do I care more about what matters some or what matters most?

  Why do we hold back on striving to resolve great problems and do great things? Because to strive to take on greater challenges entails taking on greater risk.

  This phenomena can clearly be seen on the TV show The Walking Dead with a situation Denise found herself in. She had aspirations of becoming a surgeon, but opted instead to become a psychiatrist. A man was going to die, and she was asked to perform a surgery as she was the only one with some degree of medical training. In this situation, she was overcome by fear and anxiety because she didn’t know exactly what to do. What if she tries and fails? What if this man dies at her hands?

  Now on the surface, it’s a silly fear as an outsider. So what if she tries and fails? The guy would die anyway. At least there’s a chance he’ll live if she makes an attempt.

  Yet she feels a pressure we can all relate to. As soon as we give ourselves responsibility for saving someone or something, we take responsibility for losing it as well. It’s easy to say, “I’m not really responsible” intellectually, but practically and emotionally, it doesn’t work that way. Taking responsibility gives one an opportunity to gain and therefore an opportunity to lose.

  This pressure is partly why we admire surgeons so much. They’re willing to put themselves in a high pressure situation where, although they can save a life, they also have a great responsibility to not cause the loss of life. There’s a looming feeling of, “If I don’t do this right, if I get distracted, or if I simply am not prepared enough, this person may die at my hands.” #NoPressure

  This pressure can push one to be focused and unleash greatness. However, too much pressure can become paralyzing. The attempt to avoid this pressure and the discomfort that comes with it is why we hold back to some degree or another. We play small, or in most cases, modestly. Not necessarily modest by other people’s standards, but by our own potential, which is far beyond what we ever gives ourselves credit for.

  Since we can’t avoid pain, we try to minimize it by playing small to only risk losing a little. Y
et it’s the moment one decides to hold back and play small that they’ve already lost what’s most valuable – the gift of their greatness.

  Taking Pride In Pain

  To numb pain is a common approach, but there’s another interesting thing people do with pain besides avoid it. They take pride in it.

  “You don’t know how bad I have it! You think your life bad? Look at mine! I have way more pain than you!”

  Have you ever fought to make sure people know how shitty your life is? Do you ever feel a need to defend how much pain you’re in? Or does it show up as resentment for how comfortable others have it, and you remind yourself that your suffering makes you somehow better than them? At the very least, have you seen others do this?

  Why do almost all of us take pride in our pain from time to time? One reason is it makes us feel significant – a need we all have. If we can’t avoid pain, we might as well fight to make the pain matter. I might as well say the pain makes me matter.

  Remember, pride is the ultimate impediment to your potential. Taking pride in your pain is about making you more significant, more special, more “worthy” because of your pain.

  If you haven’t found anything else that makes you significant besides your pain, you’ll cling to it – even when it destroys you. It would be as silly and destructive as a person who says, “I’m so proud of what big breaths I can take. I refuse to stop taking them when I go under water.”

  Then they choke and drown.

  They couldn’t let go of taking big breaths because their pride makes them cling to what made them feel significant. And yet they could have easily deluded themselves into thinking, “But breathing is ‘good,’ so I should be proud of this and keep doing it always.”

  At some point, you have to be willing to give up pain to avoid destroying yourself. At some point, you have to be willing to give up pleasure to avoid mediocrity. You can’t attach to either side. You can’t attach to just feeling pleasure or to just feeling pain. Remember, at some point, you have to be willing to give up breathing to live. Then at some point, you have to be willing to give up holding your breath and come up for air to live. Are you willing to both experience pain and willing to let it go?

  It’s like the two ways of handling emotions, suppressing them and expressing them.

  Those who suppress their emotions are like those who numb themselves to pain. It’s still there lurking beneath the surface until it bubbles up. It’s not resolved, just hidden away temporarily.

  Those who express their emotions are like those who take pride in their pain. It’s not necessarily bad in a moment to express your emotions, and you may even think “expressing yourself” is a good thing. But remember, nothing is “good” or “bad.”

  One who always feels a need to express emotions can be run by their emotions. They’ve chosen to let their emotions make their choices instead of their consciousness. Just like those who’ve given up their sense of choice and let their mind run the show, one can “give up choice” and let their emotions take control.

  Those who take pride in their pain need their pain to make choices for them. They have all kinds of stories about what they can and can’t do because of their painful upbringing, painful circumstances, painful body, painful finances, or anything else they feel. Their pain is making their choices, not them, but yet they still have a choice to take back control from their emotions at any time.

  While we are emotional creatures who make emotional decisions, when you realize you can choose your thoughts, actions, and environment to change your emotions, then you still have a choice, to some degree, in how you feel.

  We want to be willing to move into pain. This is part of the slingshot. This is the person who goes, “I’m willing to endure this workout and this pain. I’m willing to make this painful sacrifice for those I love. I’m willing to be uncomfortable by going without sleep to stand guard.”

  But the slingshot doesn’t work just by a willingness to go into pain. You have to have a willingness to release it too. You have to let go after you pull back the bands on a slingshot.

  “Letting go” is the third way of handling emotions. To feel them fully, even more fully perhaps than when you’re expressing emotions, and yet recognize you can also release the emotions. You have choice, not your emotions.

  So now you have a choice.

  Are you willing to let go of the pride you take in your pain and the significance it gives you and realize it’s your inner greatness that’s already here within you now that makes you significant?

  The Root Of Fear

  Fear of failure and fear of success, and perhaps all the different types of fears, are essentially the same thing – fear of loss. Fear of losing out on meeting our needs. The fear that keeps you from unleashing your greatness is that you’ll risk losing too much.

  How can fear of success be a fear of loss?

  The delusion is this... "If I have everything I want, then I'll be happy."

  In reality, if one gets everything they want and their life finally ends up how they feel it "should" be, they'll experience far more fear than they ever have before.

  That fear will be losing the perfect life they've always wanted and now have, which will haunt them every moment they think about how perfect things are.

  What if you're subconsciously stopping yourself from getting what you desire because, deep down you know that getting what you desire means a real risk of then potentially losing what you desire?

  Buddha says attachment to desire is the cause of suffering.

  Those with nothing left to lose can have the most freedom as they have become free from the fear of loss, which may be the only type of fear there really is.

  To have what you desire without attachment starts with letting go of wanting things to always be a particular way in a universe whose rule is that all things must change. It’s the recognition that you will lose whatever you get because nothing is permanent, so there’s no point in fearing its loss.

  Another game to overcome the fear of loss is realizing you’ve only ever had one thing to begin with, and this could never be taken from you…

  Losing Is A Delusion

  You won’t experience the fear of loss if you realize you have nothing to lose. It means seeing what you think you “have” is really just “borrowed” for this moment. And realize a “moment” is relative. What is a day to a decade if not a moment in your memory? What is a lifetime to an eternity if not a moment?

  You can only return to nature what was borrowed for your momentary lifetime here on this Earth. Nothing is taken for granted, because you know all must be returned to its source.

  In the future, your relationships have all ended. Your body is dirt. Your possessions are buried, burned, or recycled after eons have passed. In the big picture of time, you’ve already lost everything. Fear of loss is clinging to what is already gone.

  This is the source of gratitude. To look at your life and say:

  “This vision that reads these words isn’t owed to me. It could be taken at any moment, but for this moment, I get to enjoy it. Only for now do I get to see beauty. Any beauty I see in the future is a gift.

  “This food I eat isn’t owed to me. Mother Earth could have kept it for herself, and maybe one day she will choose to, but for this moment, she shares it with me. Only for now do I get to eat. Any food I have in the future is a gift.

  “This next breath isn’t owed to me. The trees that give their oxygen may not always be here, but for this moment, the trees and I share our breath with each other so that we each may live. Only for now am I being granted this exchange of life. Any breath I have to give and receive in the future is a gift.

  “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.”

  The greatest lie you can tell yourself is that you have something to lose when everything you have is being shared with you momentarily as a borrowed gift. How can you lose what isn’t yours? In every moment, you have nothing but an overabundance of gifts constantly be
ing showered upon you.

  You’re alive because at one point, you were a helpless baby headed for destruction, and someone shared their nourishment, lessons on life, and love to give you the gift of living just a little longer. Despite being a “self-sufficient” adult, you’re still as helpless and dependent on an outpouring of gifts as you’ve ever been. You’ve just bought into BS that you’ve somehow accumulated possessions that are yours to keep instead of yours to borrow until they’re called back to their source.

  What if you choose to see this moment as a gift? What if any moment you’re frustrated or feeling any pain, you use this pain simply as a reminder to say, “I forgot to be grateful, and I’m grateful for this pain showing up to remind me to be grateful.”

  So now you have a choice. This is all you have. A choice. The only thing you’ve ever had and truly own is choice. Your “agency,” which means your ability to choose, can never be taken from you. It can never be lost because, even if you’ve chosen to give it away, you can reclaim it at any moment. You can choose to reclaim your sense of choice now.

  No one else but you can make you choose to volunteer on your own accord to go along with another’s will, but guilt-tripping family members, friends, co-workers, or beggars may sure try with their choices.

  No one else but you can make you choose fear and hatred over love, but there will be those who try to strike you with terror by their choices.

  Nothing and no one but you can make you choose mediocrity over greatness, but your bullshitting mind will try to convince you it’s safer with its programming.

  Of course, you can choose to see you have more things than choice alone.

  Maybe you do “have” a body, and you feel this recognition is important so you don’t neglect it. Maybe you do “have” knowledge, and you feel this recognition is important so you appreciate the lessons you’ve learned. Maybe you do “have” something that exists beyond your body, beyond your mind, beyond even your agency, beyond what you can understand with these words.