Break Through Your BS_Uncover Your Brain's Blind Spots and Unleash Your Inner Greatness

by Derek Doepker

  How can I boost my state so that I think and feel great?

  How can I serve others?

  How can I serve my future self?”

  Managing your state is more of a priority than even serving others or your future self. Without the ability to manage your state with quality questions, the right type of language, and adjusting your physiology through movement, diet, exercise, sleep, and more, you’ll never tap into your creative potential and drive to make all this other stuff happen. The mistake some make is they’re trying to lift others up so much that they become so tired and helpless that no one benefits.

  If you want more resources on the actual order of priorities and tactics for these things, I recommend checking out the book Why You’re Stuck at http://excuseproof.com/stuck and the work of Brandon Broadwater at http://excuseproof.com/event.

  You can choose your emotional state to a large degree. You might not help if you get in a poor state, but you can help if you remain in a poor state. If you’re in a good mood, remember this won’t stick either. It will fade. It’s unwise to get too complacent expecting your great mood, creativity, and drive to last.

  This is all important to understand for when you find yourself in a state of pride and complacency. There’s a slingshot of pride on one side, and growth on the other. You can go into pride for a moment and let the feeling of success motivate you to have even more success.

  The key is, after you move into pride, let that shit go. Don’t let it go to your head. Enjoy it for a moment and release into growth. Go, “I’ve done something great and learned a great lesson. This is awesome! I can do this! I love this feeling of success in learning a lesson, and now I’m hungrier for even more success! Now it’s time to start growing again!”

  Celebrate your successes if you want more success! This is critical. You’re motivated by wins. You need them to be inspired! Find every little thing you’re doing right, and praise it. I really believe it’s my ability to say, “Hell yeah Derek you da man!” that’s been responsible for a lot of my success when I’ve had a win. It’s also been responsible for a lot of my complacency when I didn’t let it go and let myself rest in my success for too long.

  Yes, you are motivated by challenges too. However, you need both success to make you think, “I can do it!” and challenge and “failure” to ask, “Now, how can I do even better?” It’s integrated thinking, not choosing just one or the other.

  This means, define your success not just as getting a desired outcome, but as your “effort” and “striving” to achieve success. Success isn’t only when one loses weight or makes money, it’s when they do the workout they didn’t feel like doing, or attend a networking meeting when they could have stayed home. All of these things are successes. All of these things are wins. Are you choosing to give yourself recognition and appreciation for each of your wins? The wins of outcome, and the wins of striving, and the wins of intending to show up in your greatness? Are you reminding yourself to do this by giving others recognition and appreciation for each of their wins?

  This praising effort is what Carol Dweck found was a key distinction with growth mindset. When parents praised their kids for attributes, like “you’re smart,” it led to more of a fixed mindset. When parents praised their kids for effort and striving, like “great work,” this led to more of a growth mindset.

  You might not ever be told by another that you’re the shit for striving, but remember you can always choose to recognize yourself as being the shit for striving.

  In here, I playfully refer to “being” the shit for “doing” the effort of striving. This is, I believe, an important integration of being and doing.

  If you’re just focusing on the challenge part of growth by saying, “I’m such a loser, and I have to get my shit together,” this is attempting to change through force of guilt, not power of choice. It’s lifting a heavy dumbbell to get stronger, and then forgetting you actually need to put it down to let yourself rest, recover, and grow. Constant unending challenge isn’t the way to growth.

  Would saying “you’re a loser and can’t do anything right” work to motivate another person? Would telling someone all the ways they’re failing motivate them?

  Sometimes…

  Those inspired by challenges may say, “If you tell me I can’t do something, I’m going to prove you wrong!” Yet the only reason this works is because they recognize how they’ve already been successful. They have enough, dare I say, pride in themselves to take failure as an obstacle to conquer rather than be conquered by.

  The masculine often responds better to challenge while the feminine responds better to praise. However, we all need both challenge and appreciation to stimulate growth to varying degrees. Just like we need both resistance and recovery to strengthen a muscle.

  The real question is, does your current approach work on you? How would you want someone else to motivate you? Would someone telling you to “Stop doing that! Get your shit together, and do this instead!” inspire you?

  What if someone didn’t say you were wrong but simply recommended an even better way?

  Case in point, I have a resting asshole face. I could probably work to change it, but for now it’s what I’m working with. Well-meaning people sometimes come up to me out of the blue and say, “Smile!”

  Uhh… sorry? I wasn’t aware I was doing something wrong by sitting here minding my own business with a neutral look on my face.

  This doesn’t motivate me to change. If anything I’m more upset for these people “making me wrong” by implying that me not smiling is somehow bad, and I should be doing something else instead. Of course, this idea they’re “making me wrong” isn’t reality, it’s just a mind game. But seriously, who feels the need to tell another person what to do with their face? #ItsMyBodyIDoWhatIWant

  What I can imagine would work quite well to motivate me to smile is someone saying, “Derek, I love how calm, cool, and collected you are. I also love that you have an extreme sexy smile. When you let it out, my heart swoons. *wink*” I should note that it’s a hot girl saying this to me in my imagination, so bear that in mind.

  Would I be likely to naturally let out a smile in this moment, and would I be more likely to smile on an ongoing basis after hearing this? Damn straight. Notice this works because I’m not being made “wrong” for being the way I am and doing what I’m doing. It’s more like, “You’re great now, and here’s another way you can be even greater. Here’s something else to add more greatness to your existing greatness.”

  The longest relationship you're ever going to have is with yourself. How would you feel if another person talked to you the way you talk to yourself? Do you treat yourself the way you want others to treat you?

  Choose to celebrate both what you’ve done and what you’re capable of doing. See how much of your capacity you’ve already fulfilled, how much of your greatness you’ve already unleashed. Yet continue to hold in your mind the image of how much more greatness you still have left within you. It’s 10x, 100x, 1,000,000x greater than whatever you think it is. Never settle for where you’re at when you realize you were meant for so much more while also recognizing that where you’re at is exactly where you need to be to make the next step towards even more greatness.

  See the current reality and the future possibility. Accept where you’re at but never settle for it, for all things in nature must change. To wish to remain the same as you are now is to violate the very nature of your being as one that must evolve or die.

  Realize this…

  Pride is not a choice for greatness.

  This has a dual meaning…

  If you’re moving towards growth, realize that there will be a natural tendency to end up in pride at some point. You will, inevitably, find yourself suddenly waking up one day and going, “Damn. I’m pretty great, aren’t I? Look at all I’ve accomplished. Look at all the successes I’ve had because I challenged myself and have grown so much.” You were moving toward growth, and as a resu
lt, the slingshot released, and you find yourself in pride. It’s the human condition. You can’t choose not to end up in pride at some point. Sometimes thoughts and feelings come up without our choosing. It’s in how we respond to these things where choice lies.

  So now you have a choice. The choice is not, “How can I never feel pride?” Your choice is this: When I experience pride… do I choose to remain in pride or move back towards growth?

  Consider holding your breath again, but see it this time not from a place of choice. If you’re going underwater, might you instinctually hold your breath without consciously choosing to do so? Do you “decide” to hold your breath or is it almost automatic?

  Pride, and fear for that matter, and many other so called “bad” emotions may almost be seen as automatic reactions to the environment you’re in. You can use these as tools to dive into waters and uncover treasures hidden underneath the surface. Yet you must never hold onto pride or fear, for if you don’t let them go, eventually they would choke the life out of you.

  Pride is not a choice for achieving greatness. Pride is inevitable, and yet you must also choose never to remain in pride, but rather to move toward meekness and growth to continuously unleash even more your greatness.

  Being Is Doing Is Having – Having Is Doing Is Being

  You’re in a house of mirrors, remember?

  I mentioned that what shows up in life often stems from your way of being, which determines what you do, and ultimately what you have.

  However, this is a two-way street. What you Have affects what you Do and who you Be – if you choose.

  Let’s look at how “having” affects your “being” and “doing.”

  You can have an outcome which affects what you decide to do. If a person does a workout program for six months, and not a single thing has changed in their body, wouldn’t it be stupid to keep doing the same thing? Wouldn’t it be wise to look at the results they have and at least consider, “Is this because I haven’t given it enough time and effort to see results (which is sometimes the case), or is it because what I’m doing just isn’t working? Could the things I’m doing that used to work no longer be the best things for me to do right now?”

  You can have an environment that you put yourself in or that you’ve been put into by force. Research shows that one’s environment, through the power of mirror neurons, does have a psychological and emotional impact on a person. If one has a poor environment, shitty friends they hang out with, and only have access to terrible foods, all of these things will affect what one does and who they are – if they choose.

  Do you notice that you naturally start to take on the mannerisms of people you hang out with? One can choose contrary to their environmental influence, but willpower can only go so far. Rather than fight against a poor environment with limited willpower, wouldn’t it be easier to use the willpower you have to make a choice to have an environment that almost effortlessly leads to being, doing, and having what you desire?

  “Environment is stronger than willpower.” – Yogananda

  But Derek… I can’t always change my environment. It’s nice to say have a great environment, surround yourself with people who have what you want, and be around people who uplift you. However I can’t totally avoid people in my life who are negative.

  Yes mind, thank you for sharing. Something isn’t necessarily “good” or “bad” until one responds to it a particular way. Challenging and “negative” people can help one grow and develop compassion, so I don’t have to get rid of them in my life altogether. However, let’s play the game of investing in and exposing myself to books, seminars, mentors, coaches, podcasts, blogs, meetup groups, and other sources of positive influence to add more good to my environment. Let’s play the game of rejecting, at times, the negative influences both in people and things that challenge me beyond my current capacity until I grow enough to handle them.

  What you do also affects who you be. If one starts exercising, then this would start to create an identity of being an “exerciser” or “health conscious.” Then this identity creates a momentum to exercise even more. What you do is reinforcing or creating your identity – who you “be.”

  This is why taking even the smallest steps in the direction of what you want is critical. These tiny steps may appear insignificant because they don’t create a big outcome in what you have right away. However, their significance is in their power to start to shift your identity.

  Momentum generates motivation. Even tiny steps in the right direction shifts your state, so you want to do even more. Once you get started, then you want to keep going. Success breeds success.

  This is the idea of a micro-commitment or micro-habit as I outline in my book The Healthy Habit Revolution: Create Better Habits in 5 Minutes a Day available at ExcuseProof.com/revolution #AnotherShamelessPlug #ItsMyBookIDoWhatIWant

  All things works together. Everything affects everything else, and usually in a two-way street sort of way. What you do with your physical body affects your emotions. Your emotions affect your physical body. How you think affects how you feel, and how you feel affects how you think.

  There is an order of priorities where some things matter more than others, but just because something matters more or is a starting point, doesn’t mean other things in a chain don’t cycle back.

  A wise order of significance is: Start by doing what you already know to do. If you have a particular faith, this would be aligning to the Creator’s (whatever term you use) wishes. You may also think of this as not asking, “What will I do?” but rather responding to the question of “Will you do this?” being asked of you by something beyond you.

  “Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” – Steve Jobs

  Then do what you need to do for your own state. Then serve others. Then serve your future self by growing. It’s wise to start with what you know to do before trying to get new information. Too often people get themselves stuck trying to get new information, which is important for growth, at the expense of doing what they already know.

  You’ll have the most positive impact if you prioritize those closest to you. In other words, it’s unwise to try to save strangers you’ve never met if it means letting your family and friends suffer. If I’m spreading the word about this book to “save the world,” and my mom needs me to stop and help her, she gets first priority.

  If I’m in a business, my team and employees would matter more than even the customers. As Richard Branson says, "Put your staff first, customers second, and shareholders third." While a business principle, it’s really a life principle about focusing first on those closest to you whom you have the most impact on and let it spread from there.

  Remember, the person you have the most impact on and choice with is yourself. Treat yourself well and let your unleashed greatness unleash the greatness in others. If I’m attempting to help my friends, I can sacrifice from myself in the short-term, but if I sacrifice from my long-term needs, then I’m doing them and myself a disservice. I must prioritize myself, then those closest to me, and only after this, then spread out from there, if I wish to be effective.

  Realize too that unleashing your greatness may make others uncomfortable. It may feel like doing a disservice to some to be your fully awesome great self. They may be intimidated by it and may even attempt to shame you. They may project their insecurities on you and say “You’re proud! You’re arrogant! You’re wrong for showing up as being so great! Take it down a notch, you show-off! Being great is forbidden!”

  Realize, though, that there’s a slingshot with your influence in them. While you may “make” them uncomfortable, although it’s their choice to be uncomfortable from one perspective, still consider that this for them may only be temporary discomfort that actually leads them to more comfort and joy if they decide to get over their pride and be inspired by you.

  You may plant a seed in them of
what’s possible by your example. They may see how they’re not stepping into their own greatness when they see you in yours. You are being a mirror to them showing what they couldn’t see from the inside looking out. They start to see their own unfulfilled potential that isn’t being fulfilled due to their choices. They may fight it and reject it momentarily, but still it lingers in the back of their mind.

  A seed starts to grow and that resentment turns to appreciation. They may eventually turn around and say, “You know what… I was actually the one being proud. You showed me how I wasn’t stepping up and, once I got over my ego, I became inspired by your example. Now I’m going to be more like you and unleash more of my greatness.”

  Being a health and fitness coach, I see a common scenario. Someone is first shamed by their peers for suddenly eating a salad every day for lunch. They’re picked on and mocked. But then months go by, and eventually some of their peers open up to them and say, “You know… I’m actually kind of impressed by your commitment. I want to start eating better myself. Do you have any tips for me?”

  Don’t confuse a current reality for a potential possibility in what you see in others. Your greatness may plant a seed. Sometimes to plant a seed you gotta dig up some dirt. You’re going to dig up some dirt in some people when you are being great, but you’ll plant a seed of what’s possible for them in their mind. They’ll see the gap between what they are and what they could be. This may be uncomfortable for them, but it may also be exactly what they need to be set free.

  Do you love them enough to suffer yourself being ridiculed, and/or allow them to suffer the discomfort of seeing their untapped greatness, in order to set them free?

  If they choose to get over their pride, then they’ll nourish the seed that you chose to plant by your example. At which point, you played a critical role in unleashing their greatness. They’re still responsible for nourishing the seed within them, but it was you who chose to plant the seed of what’s possible by your example.