Supernaturally (Paranormalcy)

by Kiersten White

  “Oh.” I lowered my hand, deflated and confused, and put my nose surreptitiously to my shoulder. Did I really smell? And since when did Reth not want me? He always wanted me. But I didn’t want him to want me—so why was I disappointed? Leave it to him to take me from angry to confused in five seconds flat.

  “Walk with me? I would offer my elbow like a gentleman, but your hand looks rather sticky.”

  I scowled. “Why on earth would I walk anywhere with you?”

  He held out one perfect, slender hand toward the kitchen door of the diner. “My apologies; by all means, go back in. No doubt more filth awaits.”

  I looked at the door, at war with myself. On the one hand, I hated doing anything Reth wanted me to. On the other hand, there was a mop with my name on it inside. . . .

  “Fine, but if you try anything—”

  “Really, Evelyn, how I’ve missed your charming company.”

  Keeping a wary eye on the faerie, I followed him through the alley. We made our way down the lamp-lined street, his step so light it bordered on dancing. I felt like a graceless clod next to him. Then there was the aspect of his ethereal, near-angelic beauty compared to my . . . well, for the sake of my self-esteem, it was probably best not to compare.

  I hugged myself, shrugging inward against the cold, tickling breeze as my breath fanned out in front of me. I had no doubt I’d regret going with him, but part of me was glad for these strange new happenings. They reminded me I wasn’t just a girl who was bad at soccer. Even though I no longer knew his true name and thus couldn’t control him, for once I felt almost equal to Reth. The knowledge that I could hurt him if I needed to—if I wanted to—gave me a heady feeling of power.

  It probably wasn’t healthy.

  Still, if he did something stupid and forced me to drain him, well, I wouldn’t cry about it. “So, is there any point to this walk? Because I’m kind of cold.”

  Reth laughed, that silver, ringing laugh, and unconsciously I leaned in closer to him. Shaking my head, I took a firm step toward the street. We were nearing the border of thick trees that pushed in along the small town’s edges. I looked over at him, noticing for the first time that he had his glamour on. Not that it was much less gorgeous than his real face, but it surprised me. When he was IPCA and required to wear a glamour he almost never did; I couldn’t figure out why he would care now that he was free. (Which was mostly my fault, but, really, a girl can’t be expected to outsmart a faerie when running from her own death, now, can she?)

  “Still cold, my love? I can take care of that.”

  “Yeah, I remember. I think I’ll pass.” I rubbed my wrist, where I could see the faint pink print of his hand, forever burned there. I’d had enough of his warmth to last a lifetime.

  Reth stopped and I did, too, reluctantly facing him. Latent rage welled up. I wanted to scream at him, attack him. It was his fault that Lish was dead—he was the one who let Viv into the Center. But if he hadn’t, I wouldn’t ever have gotten out of IPCA. And I definitely wouldn’t have been able to rescue Lend. For all I knew, he would still be in a cell in the Center and Vivian would still be slowly but surely killing every paranormal around. It made me sick to think about.

  Nothing was ever, ever simple with Reth.

  “Why are you here?” I asked, all my pent-up anger draining away to exhaustion.

  He reached out a finger, nearly touching my face but instead stroking the air in front of it. “Would you believe I merely wanted to see you?”

  “Nope.”

  He smiled. “No, I suppose not. Initially I thought to take you. I could, you know. I’ve always been so gentle with you.”

  “Gentle?” I glared incredulously at him.

  “Yes, I can’t fathom it, either. Other methods would have been so much simpler. But for whatever reason I find myself charmed by you and concerned with your best interests.”

  “You just can’t help topping your own levels of crazy, can you? My best interests? You kidnapped me! You burned me! You tried to force me to become something I never wanted to be!”

  “Evelyn, dear child, simply because you cannot understand what is in your best interests doesn’t mean that I do not. And if what is best for you also hurts you, well, that doesn’t change the necessity of becoming what you should be.”

  “You’re—I—AUGH! You have no idea how insane you are. If you really cared about me, you wouldn’t hurt me. But you don’t care, because you can’t! You can’t care about anything except yourself.”

  His eyes flashed, the gold darkening. “I care for you more than anyone in this sad, spinning world does. I couldn’t have poured my own soul into you if that weren’t true.”

  I was glad I’d let out whatever soul Reth had given me along with all the others. Knowing that I’d had part of his soul in me made me feel, well, icky. I raised my chin defiantly. “Lend loves me. He’d never hurt me.”

  “And no doubt he’d do anything for you.”

  “Yes!”

  “Do whatever it took to protect you.”

  “Yes!”

  “And if the only way to protect you and save your life was to hurt you?”

  I snapped my lips shut against the yes that was about to come out. Could I hit Reth? Could I please, please just hit him?

  He smiled, knowing he had me there. “Lend can’t love you because he doesn’t truly know you. No matter how much you want this life, it isn’t yours. It never has been. This isn’t your home, Evelyn.”

  Angry tears pricked my eyes. “Go away.”

  “Come with me.”

  “Never! And you can’t make me. If you really could have taken me, you would have by now.”

  He clicked his tongue impatiently. “My previous methods met with . . . disapproval from my queen. Sometimes I wonder if I chose quite right when aligning myself with a court.”

  “What do you mean? You’re either Seelie or Unseelie.” I might not know as much about faeries as I should, but I did know they were in one of the two courts: Seelie, meaning good—or rather, goodish, since no faeries were really good—or Unseelie, meaning definitely,definitely bad.

  His smile shifted, and I saw something feral and primal beneath his refined features. “No one is either good or bad, my love. We all have bits of both; we simply choose to align ourselves with whichever side has a stronger pull. My choice to get involved was motivated by a very sad, empty girl with eyes like streams of melting snow.”

  So now Reth was saying he only went with the good court because of me? Or was he saying something else entirely? Only he could do this to me—make me feel this awful and confused. When I was with Reth, everything lonely and heartbroken in me seemed to well to the surface, begging to let him take it away. “I hate you,” I whispered, my voice cracking.

  He locked his eyes on mine, drawing me closer, his voice slipping around me like a golden net. “Nonsense. My queen’s forbidden me to force you to come with me again, but I can’t understand why I should need to. It doesn’t have to be this way. It can be easy, safe, warm. And when you come home, none of this will matter—it will slip away, all the dark and cold, less than a dream. You’ll never have to worry or wonder again. Just choose it, Evelyn. Quit clinging to this world of loss and come with me. I can fill all the emptiness that you are. Become what you should be, and help us get back to where we belong. Leave with me.”

  I sighed, breathing in deeply, my cheek against his chest. The heartbeat there was strange, too slow, but he was warm, and his arms around me were wonderful, and how did I get here again? I didn’t want his arms around me. Did I? There was someone . . . something . . . some reason. Did it matter?

  Reth jerked away, his perfect nose wrinkled. “Oh, that necklace is monstrous. Where did you get such an abominable thing?” I blinked, dazed, and my fingers drifted up to my pendant. When I touched the cold iron, reality snapped back into place.

  “Are you kidding me? You come here and use your stupid faerie mojo and then you back away from me? Is there
anything in your golden head that makes sense? What, you thought, hey, Evie’s probably having a bad night, why don’t I go mess with her? While you’re at it, there are probably some puppies you could kick!”

  I whipped around, stalking back to the diner. I should have known—had known—this was a bad idea. Idiot Evie.

  Turning a corner, I stopped short at the sight of Reth, leaning casually against a lamppost, surrounded by a puddle of light and looking like an ad for an impossibly perfect reality.

  “You need to come with me. Things have been set in motion, and I cannot control all the variables. I can’t hide you forever. I can, however, keep you safe and make you happy. Give me your hand.” He held his out; I could almost see waves of heat radiating from it.

  I frowned, thinking of the sylph. Clearly something had found out where I was. Come to think of it, who was to say he didn’t set the sylph on me himself to trick me into thinking I was in danger? It would be just like him. The whole thing reeked of faerie mischief.

  “Screw you. Me and my magic hands will be fine, thank you very much. I’m staying right where I am.”

  He smiled, straightening to stand in front of me. “Very well. Clearly this life you so desperately craved is everything you hoped it would be. It warms me through to see you this fulfilled and”—he leaned in, whispering right in my ear—“happy.”

  I closed my eyes, clenching my jaw. If he thought he could swoop in here and start messing with my life again, he was wrong. “Look, just because—”

  I opened my eyes to find myself utterly alone. The lamplight that seemed to glow before was now harsh, creating shadows and sharp lines but illuminating nothing. The darkness of the night pressed in on me from all directions, and my teeth started to chatter.

  “What am I doing here?” I whispered. And then quickly corrected: “Out here. I meant out here.”

  I walked back to the diner. Ignoring Grnlllll, I went straight upstairs, stripping off my filthy clothes and standing in the shower until the hot water ran out. Miserable and unaccountably sad, I wanted to call Lend. I never felt empty around him. But then I’d have to tell him about tonight, and he’d be worried that Reth showed up again, and I didn’t want him to stress out about it. Instead I told Arianna I felt sick, climbed into bed, and willed myself to sleep.

  Things would feel better in the morning. They had to.

  My brain and body finally disconnected and I drifted off to blessed sleep.

  “Hey, stupid,” Vivian said.

  “Oh, Viv.” I broke into tears. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

  Dream On

  What’s wrong?” Vivian asked. We sat on a hill overlooking the ocean, stars in the black night sky reflected on the water. She put her arm around me awkwardly and I leaned my head into her shoulder.

  When she first started showing up in my dreams again after last April, it scared the crap out of me. She was so lonely, though, and I couldn’t help but talk to her. I still hadn’t forgiven her for killing Lish—I don’t think I ever will—but it was a topic we both avoided so that we could get to know each other. I understood now a little better where she came from, and I’d always sympathized with how deeply alone she’d been. Plus, being raised by faeries, she was bound to make bad choices. We treaded lightly around the hard topics, and somewhere along the way it felt like we really had become the sisters she always wanted us to be.

  Except she never took my stuff, which was nice.

  I wiped away tears. “I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m sad, and I don’t know why, and I shouldn’t be—and here I am, complaining to you when you aren’t even—” I stopped, unable to finish. Vivian wasn’t going to wake up, ever again. When I took the souls from her, she hadn’t had enough of her own soul to live a normal life. It was my fault.

  “Hey, shush, don’t you worry about me. I’m fine.”

  “You haven’t visited in a while.”

  “Haven’t I?” She looked thoughtfully out over the water. “I’m here, or I’m nowhere, or I’m somewhere else entirely. It gives me a lot of time to think. But I never seem to get anywhere with it.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “I know. Me, too. I try to make my life different in my mind, be the one who was strong enough to let go.”

  “You were, though.” I nudged her with my elbow. “You didn’t take my soul.”

  “That’s something, but it doesn’t really make up for the ones I did take, does it?”

  No. No, it didn’t.

  “Sometimes . . . sometimes I wish you had sent me with them.” She took my hand in hers, tracing the outline of the gate in the stars I had sent the souls through. Neither of us really understood what happened that night. We might both be Empty Ones, capable of opening gates between worlds, but that didn’t mean we had any idea how it worked. “I wonder what would have happened if the faeries hadn’t sent me after you, if they’d realized I had enough energy to open a gate myself. Lucky for us that my faeries were idiots, but I can’t help imagining it. I think I’d like to see what’s out there.”

  I let out a heavy sigh. “Someday we both will.”

  She laughed again. “Hey, stupid, it’s not a bad thing.”

  “It’s another way of losing people,” I whispered. “I feel like I’m doomed to lose everyone, always. I can’t seem to keep the people I love.”

  She squeezed my hand. “I know. On the bright side, I’m not going anywhere.” Her voice had that edge of irony I remembered so well; funny that what used to scare me about her was now comforting, familiar. Being together was like a little touch of home—a foreign concept for both of us. She looked down at my hand; I thought I saw a tiny flash of light, along with tingling. “What was that?”

  I had forgotten about the stupid sylph. This was hardly the place to bring it up. Another thing to worry about. “I didn’t see anything,” I said.

  “If you’re going to lie you really ought to get better at it.” She lay back on the grass to stare at the sky. “So, you’re sad. What’s the problem?”

  Sighing heavily, I lay back, too. “I don’t know. I’ve finally got the life I wanted for so long. And it’s great, really, and Lend—”

  “I like hearing about him.”

  “I like talking about him. And he’s wonderful. But I haven’t . . . I still haven’t told him.”

  “Yeah, I figured. You’re not really good with the honesty thing.”

  “You’re one to talk!”

  “Hey, I was always honest about what I was doing.” She flashed a wicked grin, reminding me that she wasn’t as innocent as I liked to pretend. “But that’s not what this new crying fit is about, because you’ve known about Lend’s immortal soul for a while now.”

  I shifted uncomfortably. “Reth visited tonight.”

  “Really? Wish he’d visit me. . . .”

  “Vivian!”

  “What? A girl gets lonely in a coma, and faerie or not, he’spretty.” I wasn’t sure if she wanted him to mess around with or to suck dry—and equally unsure which option creeped me out more. “Go on, though.”

  “I don’t know. He implied that I’m not really happy with the life I chose.” I hated how he always seemed to see straight through me. If he didn’t have to deal with squirmy, unpredictable mortal emotions, why did he have to be so good at reading them?

  “Well, are you happy?”

  “Yes! I am! Of course I am. It’s what I always wanted.”

  “But . . .”

  “Nothing. It’s stupid.”

  “Well, duh. You, my darling sister, are stupid about a lot of things.”

  I glared at her. “Gosh, tender much?”

  She shrugged. “Like I said, I’m honest. Go on. It’s what you always wanted, and?”

  “And it’s not, you know? Lend’s gone so much, and even when he’s here I can’t help but worry that this isn’t the life he’ll choose when he finds out that he’s like his mom. And then Raquel showed up this week, which reminded me of how things used
to be. They weren’t great, but I kind of miss . . .” I thought about what my life had been like at IPCA, how much I had dreamed of being normal, of this life I had now. What was it that I missed? It wasn’t the missions, the restrictions, the lifestyle.

  It was mattering.

  “I miss being special. With IPCA, I was special. They needed me. And in the real world, I’m . . . not.” Tears started streaming again and I wiped them away, embarrassed. “I’m sorry. How lame am I, whining my whole life about being different, and then hating being the same as everyone else.”

  Viv pushed up onto her elbows, frowning at me. “But you’re not. You’ve never been the same. So I don’t get it—you haven’t changed. What’s the problem here?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Get over it then. Do something.”

  “What?”

  She waved a hand dismissively. “Whatever you freaking want to. That’s the glory of being you, Evie. You’ve got a choice. I wouldn’t recommend going on a massive paranormal killing spree, though. It didn’t turn out so hot for me.”

  I let out a strangled laugh. “You’re terrible.”

  “Tell me about it.”

  We were quiet then, both lost in our problems. Finally, Vivian took my hand in her even colder one again, pulling me up to sit next to her. “Well, enough with this pity party. If I’ve been gone for a while, there are important things we need to talk about.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Umm, hello? You need to catch me up on Easton Heights. I didn’t listen to a rundown of the first three seasons for you to leave me hanging now.”

  I laughed. “Important, huh? Fine.” And I shared what little I could of the outside world, here in my dark dreamworld where Vivian and I met.

  Sometimes it felt more real than anything else.

  When I woke up in the morning my hand was still curled like I was holding Vivian’s. I sighed. Viv nights always left me with the weirdest combination of well-being and regret. And then, of course, guilt over being friends with the girl who murdered my Lish, but Lish would understand. I hoped.