Battle Ready: Memoir of a SEAL Warrior Medic

by Mark L. Donald

  Jacky had a plethora of support options at her fingertips, but once Steve retired, programs previously available to his family were closed or at the very least extremely limited. Jacky and I had discussed this exact scenario with Jack Lynch, the president of the UDT-SEAL Association, and his executive director weeks earlier. All agreed that it was time to update the organization from a club to a service organization, but being in the initial stages we were still building our network of resources and establishing protocols.

  “Well, I guess there’s no better way to develop our process than the immediate needs of a member,” said Jacky.

  “I guess so,” I said, as I started thinking about how to put new plans in motion. Having personally experienced the horrible effects of self-inflicted isolation, a common response by many veterans, I understood the importance of utilizing fraternal organizations to reach out to men and women and their families who might otherwise be missed. Likewise I had seen the positive effects of getting veterans and their surviving family members involved in activities affecting both their previous military profession and veteran community. No vet or family should ever feel that their alliance with the military ends when they separate from service. There are plenty of organizations from American Legion to VFW to join and I find spending a good amount of time helping fellow vets find support and camaraderie as they transition from active duty to the civilian world has helped me a great deal as well.

  Needless to say, Jack’s wife, Jeanette, and Heather, the spouse of an active-duty SEAL, immediately dove into Lynn’s case. Working in conjunction with other organizations, they were able to help her. Unbeknownst to her, she became a catalyst for redirecting some of the organization’s efforts from reacting to the passing of veterans to assisting them in life, and so started the consortium of support that continues to build today.

  31

  CLOSE

  We are made wise not by the recollection of our past, but by the responsibility for our future.

  —GEORGE BERNARD SHAW

  The invisible wounds of combat are difficult to treat, primarily due to each member’s reluctance to reach for help. I feel a large part of their trepidation is because of society’s misapprehensions about combat stress. Thankfully, the Veterans Administration, the Department of Defense, and our veterans from previous conflicts have been working to erase the stigma attached to post-traumatic stress. If we are going to reach these patriots and their family members, we must first recognize the problem for what it is, a condition and not a disorder.

  The changes that combat causes in the mind and spirit are a result of exposing a normal mind to abnormal, horrific, terrifying, and continual stressful circumstances; it is a normal and expected reaction. In the world of special operations we learn to compartmentalize these stressors and moderate our emotions, thereby minimizing the ill effects while conducting operations. It is an inherent quality that is honed from the first day of training. However, it is important to understand that although these stressors can be minimized, they are not eliminated, nor are the families of these brave heroes immune to them.

  Anyone who experiences combat will be changed forever. The idea that you can go into battle and not be affected by the death and destruction that accompanies it is ridiculous. If you were to visit the Louvre in Paris for the first time, whether you found it an enjoyable or dreadful experience it would be a life-changing event. The idea that somehow going to a foreign land filled with hateful people trying to kill you or experiencing the wounding or burial of your fellow soldiers isn’t going to alter your psyche is ludicrous. However, not all of those changes have to result in harmful effects. Many of my friends and teammates have been able to positively refocus their lives toward other endeavors, and I have yet to come across one of our wounded who hasn’t found some way to benefit from his or her experience. I know I am a better husband, father, and person for what I went through, but I also know that I will always carry guilt and pain deep within me, requiring treatment.

  As you can see, I am no hero. I, perhaps like many of you, boxed up my emotions and locked them in a war chest deep inside my mind. This allowed me to continue on with the mission, but only for the short term. Over time my war chest became full and was unable to hold all of my boxes. Yet I kept adding more until one day it exploded and sent them crashing to the floor, releasing all of my demons at once.

  It is impossible to know if or when this might happen to you, as boxes come in all shapes and sizes. Some are large and completely fill a war chest; others are small, allowing a much greater amount to be stored away. The effects are still the same, a war chest full of heartache and pain. Some of you may be able to keep the contents safely locked away, but the majority won’t. You might sustain a physical wound or injury, and as your mind and body focus on healing, the lock weakens. Others may overload the chest with new emotional experiences unrelated to the war—the death of family member or a friend, or discovering that the time to reconcile a relationship with a spouse or child may have passed you by. It may be the fragility of age that loosens your lock, or any number of things that only you may know about, but eventually the chest will open. What happens when it does remains to be seen.

  If exposing my vulnerabilities helps one of you, be it a soldier, spouse, or child, to realize it’s better to seek help with unpacking your boxes before the inevitable bursting of the war chest, then all the criticism I will receive for writing this book will be worth it. It took years of heartache and pain that nearly destroyed my family and me and that deeply affected my friends, co-workers, and neighbors before I could admit to having this lifelong condition. I recognize that my anger only masked my fear and that much of my fear was derived from a stigma I chose to accept. My not wanting to be affiliated with what my colleagues branded a disorder only isolated me from the world, and the walls I built to protect myself from the indignity only perpetuated my condition. It wasn’t until I started to speak to a trusted friend with similar experiences and my family convinced me to seek help that I began to recover. Don’t let that happen to you! Combat stress is not a disorder. It is a circumstantial condition that affects everyone in the family, especially the kids. The only way to effectively deal with it is by continually emptying the boxes, and that takes talking to someone. It doesn’t matter to whom you speak at first, but it is paramount that you talk. I intensified my problems with silence. Learn from my mistakes and be willing to listen to what is offered to you.

  It took years before the services openly expressed a willingness to tackle these problems, but the programs are in place, and although there is room for improvement they are working. The number of medical providers permanently assigned to warfighting units has substantially increased, including psychologists and sociologists. Wounded advocates and family support programs once consolidated hundreds or thousands of miles away now reside at warfighting commands. The importance of this co-location cannot be stressed enough. Warriors and their spouses won’t open up to individuals they don’t know! It doesn’t matter if they wear the same uniform, patch, or beret. If they are not working side by side with them every day, if they don’t see them within their compound, they are viewed as outsiders. Trust is the most essential element for someone seeking assistance, and those military commands that have been willing to make these changes have the opportunity to address the problem before it starts. These are very personal issues that demand personal attention, based on a personal relationship.

  Those of you who have never served or experienced combat may be asking, “What can I do to help these brave men and women?” The answer is simpler than you might think. First and foremost, assist in breaking the silence. As a society we must make it acceptable to speak openly about this condition, the same way you would about any other medical diagnosis. It should never be disastrous for a veteran, spouse, or child to be afflicted with any condition, especially when it is solely based on circumstances resulting from a service member’s willingness to sacrifice for others. Educate your
self on this condition the same way you would on any lifelong ailment affecting a family member or close friend. Get familiar with and support veteran initiatives in your area and know where someone suffering from the condition can turn for help. Provide assistance whenever possible; most of the time all it will take is lending a nonjudgmental ear, but other times it may require much more as we try to prevent these patriots from becoming jobless or homeless or even taking their own lives. Hold America’s feet to the fire when it comes to ensuring our service members, veterans, and their families receive the physical and mental care they deserve. If they can bear the cost of freedom, we can certainly manage the cost of their health care! Above all else, keep in mind that when you encounter a combat veteran there might be more going on inside than you know, and maybe, just maybe, you are the one person who will open the door to allow him or her to reach out for help.

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  As I stated in the introduction, I never intended to write a book. Even after I began to transcribe my journals into a memoir I wasn’t comfortable with the idea of publicizing my life. For nearly a year the partially completed manuscript sat on my dresser while I contemplated the impact this book might have on my family and me. It wasn’t until my fellow service members began telling me how my admissions helped them deal with their own difficulties that I realized how important it was for me to finish the book. Therefore I would be remiss if I didn’t start off by thanking those war veterans who rekindled my spirit.

  If my comrades sparked the fire, Korrina certainly tended the flame. Thank you, my love, for believing in me and always finding a way to make things work. You cared for our kids when I needed to write and were my pillar of strength when my father passed away. You put love in my heart and fervor in my soul. I would be lost without you.

  Tabetha and Cody, we will never get back the months I spent overseas, the days lost while I emotionally separated myself from the family, or the mornings I spent hitting the keyboard trying to express to the world what had gone on inside of me. I hope one day this book will tell you things that I never could. I love you both and wish I could have been more of a traditional father during your formative years.

  Mom, words cannot express how thankful I am for having you as my mother. You’ve been my guiding light in a sea of darkness and my stalwart supporter when I was at my worst. All that I am is because of you. More importantly, the world is a better place with you in it.

  Jedi and Ginger, my therapeutic canine companions, your gentle nature and unconditional love were monumental in helping me regain trust in my surroundings. Your ability to instantly omit my misgivings was a constant reminder to me how essential forgiveness is in order to find happiness. Korrina may have rescued you from the racetrack, but your company helped save me from myself.

  I also owe an enormous debt of gratitude to following individuals who assisted me in writing this book. My coauthor, Scott Mactavish, understood how this was more about me saying what I needed to say than a historical listing of events. You’re a great mentor and confidant. I couldn’t have done it without you. Dwight Zimmerman introduced me to the literary world and educated me along the way. I wish circumstances had permitted us to write together; regardless, I never would have met Marc and the others without you or learned the intricacies of the industry, and for that I am truly grateful. Mike Atkinson was not only the catalyst that got me moving but also a friend willing to accept the nuances that are distinctively me. Mike, you are a great patriot and teammate for all SEALs; thank you. Dennis Kelly, your unwavering generosity with your time and energy is remarkable especially considering all the events going on in your life. You’re a shining example of an officer and a gentleman. Jeanette Lynch, your sound advice and gentle feedback were essential in my sorting out a confusing time in my life. Doug and Pam Sterner, Violet and Mac Stroud, and Heather Connors, at various times each of you kept me energized and often unbeknownst to you reminded me of the reasons for my writing; thank you. Suzanne and Steve Vogel, I wish the world knew what dedicated and good-hearted people you are. When others criticized not only my efforts but also my intentions, your spirit helped remind me to focus on the good in them. You are truly compassionate professionals. Peter Wikul, at a time of war you still remained a big-hearted commanding officer, mentor, and close friend. You broke new ground and developed officers and sailors who continue to make a difference; thank you. To my teammates, friends, and family not mentioned in the pages of this book, thank you for accepting me for who I am and guiding me along my career. I try just to remember the good times, unless the bad are required to prevent me from duplicating a monumental mistake or to impart a lesson from my life to others. I was told by an old gunnery sergeant when I first entered service that my appreciation for the military and those with whom I’d served would exponentially increase with age. He was definitely right! You are all such great individuals, and I am thankful for your being a part of my life.

  To the families of the fallen, especially those mentioned or alluded to in my writings, you’ve overcome more adversity and heartache than the world will ever know, yet were still able to help me out along the way. I pray that one day your story will be able to be told; it is truly a remarkable one, but not as remarkable as each of you. From me, my family, and the team, thank you! I would like to close by giving my final thanks to the Lord for giving me the fortitude to bare my soul, the opportunity to reach out to others, and the strength to embrace change.

  A PERSONAL APPEAL

  There are a number of organizations assisting our service members that could use your support. If you are currently involved with one I encourage you to continue. However, the preponderance of those who serve will spend the majority of their lives as veterans. Therefore I have listed organizations that both impact the lives of the men and women in uniform as well as our veterans.

  The UDT-SEAL Association www.udtseal.org

  The association was founded in December 1969 by some of America’s first Navy SEALs as a mechanism of support for its members and their families. However, due to the expansion of support to the community’s active duty population by its sister organization, the Navy SEAL Foundation, the association has slowly segued its focus toward the community’s veteran population. Working in partnership with other veteran service organizations, benevolent causes, and grants, the UDT-SEAL Association has been able to improve the quality of life of generations of frogmen from World War II to our present day SEAL and SWCC (Special Warfare Combat-craft Crewmen) warriors.

  NSW Kids www.nswkids.com

  Naval Special Warfare families experience hardships that can be extreme even when considered within the context of military life. Many of these difficulties transcend their parent’s military service. NSW Kids works closely with established and proven organizations to provide educational, counseling, and other services that empower these children and honor the fallen.

  The OASIS Group www.oasisgrp.org

  The OASIS Group provides veterans professional analysis and assistance related to the Department of Veterans Affairs. Although the OASIS Group primarily coordinates with the fraternal organizations within the special operations community, it works with a multitude of veteran service organizations to ensure no veteran is left without the assistance they deserve.

  The Military Order of the Purple Heart www.purpleheart.org

  Chartered by Congress in 1958, the Military Order of the Purple Heart is composed of men and women who received the Purple Heart Medal for wounds suffered in combat. Although membership is restricted to the combat wounded, the MOPH supports all veterans and their families through a myriad of nationwide programs and their national service officers.

  ABOUT THE AUTHORS

  MARK L. DONALD completed BUD/S training and served in the SEALs until 1996, upon selection for the Intra-service Physician Assistant Program. Graduating with a degree from the University of Nebraska, he was commissioned a Medical Service Corps officer and became operational medical support to Special
Operations after 9/11. Donald received the Silver Star and Navy Cross for extraordinary heroism while engaged against al Qaeda in southern Afghanistan.

  SCOTT MACTAVISH is an author, filmmaker, and veteran of the United States Navy.

  BATTLE READY. Copyright © 2013 by Mark L. Donald. All rights reserved. For information, address St. Martin’s Press, 175 Fifth Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10010.

  www.stmartins.com

  Cover design by Olga Grlic

  The Library of Congress has cataloged the print edition as follows:

  Donald, Mark L.

  Battle ready: memoir of a SEAL warrior medic / Mark L. Donald with Scott Mactavish.—1st ed.

  p. cm.

  ISBN 978-0-312-60075-4 (hardcover)

  ISBN 978-1-250-00976-0 (e-book)

  1. Donald, Mark L. 2. Afghan War, 2001—Personal narratives, American. 3. United States. Navy. SEALs—Officers—Biography. 4. United States. Navy—Medical personnel—Biography. 5. Afghan War, 2001—Medical care. 6. Afghan War, 2001—Campaigns. 7. Hispanic American soldiers—Biography. 8. Post-traumatic stress disorder—Patients—Biography. I. Mactavish, Scott. II. Title.

  DS371.413.D66 2013

  359.0092—dc23

  [B]

  2012037788

  e-ISBN 9781250009760

  First Edition: March 2013