Ascending Shadow

by Church K Calvert

  “I’m saying if a part of him exists in you, why wouldn’t you take advantage of the fact. You could be the one to destroy a part of him- the part of you that’s nothing but a drain on the life of this world. You don’t even know what you’re capable of or what you’re going to do.”

  “I know what I’m going to do as soon as I get out of here. I’m going to expose you for what you are—” I stopped suddenly.

  “Is something wrong?” Franklin asked.

  “You keep telling me how insignificant I am, worthless, how the world is better without me. But Franklin only thinks of himself, he’s the poster child of self-preservation . . .” I said out loud, letting each word come to me as I slowly began to connect the dots. “Katia is your new favorite employee the prophecy girl. You said she can show you what you are from conception to death. You’re not trying to save the world, you’re trying to save yourself! She showed you that I would be the one to end you.”

  Franklin’s image stood emotionlessly, “You won’t survive this test, Danielle.”

  “How much more could be left? After all of that, honestly, do you think there’s anything worse than that? I abandoned the burden of thinking as a child, it was my responsibility to take care of my family, I forgave almost everything in my life, I freed my darkness, and I’ve come face-to-face with the idea that I am biologically a child of incest with the person I hate more than anything. What’s worse than that?”

  Franklin held his hand to his side as Katia stepped out from behind him and placed her hand in his. The environment drained of color until everything was drenched in bright white. It turned to an almost diamond shaped room. We stood in the middle. To my left was the wooden door with the key. To my right was a door that looked like those found in the hospital, all thick metal with a small square window with two-inch thick glass in the center.

  “You just have one more step and then you are free to choose,” Franklin said.

  “This room doesn’t look too dangerous,” I said, looking over my shoulder.

  “You‘re what’s dangerous,” Katia’s voice said. I jerked my head in her direction.

  “What do you mean?” I asked.

  “I can’t tell you, I must show you,” she said, lifting her hand towards my face.

  I took a small step back and looked over at Franklin. “And after this I can go?”

  “Yes, you’ll be free to go,” he said.

  “Okay,” I said.

  “I’m sorry,” she said, reaching for me.

  As her hand touched my face, I was immediately transported to an alternate reality. A prophecy:

  “Stop running from me”

  Keys dropping to the asphalt.

  “What are you doing here?”

  A clamor of voices.

  The blaring of sirens.

  Explosions

  “Danielle, stop!”

  Silence.

  Flung back into reality, Katia’s face close to mine, my mouth hung open. I shook my head from right to left. Franklin was right.

  “I’m so sorry,” Katia said, her hand still touching my face.

  “I. . . I can’t let that happen,” I said, traumatized by the vision, “I can’t let that happen!”

  “You don’t have to. . .” Franklin said, his hand outstretched toward the wooden door. “Now is your time to choose.”

  “There’s no choice to make. . . .” I said, empty. I felt that hope - that tiny seed of hope in myself - shrivel and turn to death. There was sadness and reluctance now- and yet acceptance swelled inside me. It was not my hatred for myself but love of something more that made up my mind.

  I took a step toward the wooden door.

  “Will they know why I chose what I chose?” I asked.

  “They?” Franklin asked.

  “My friends, my family,” I said.

  “I don’t know,” Franklin said.

  “I just. I don’t want them to lose hope. I don’t want them to think I gave up.”

  Franklin stood there staring at me and said nothing. I began to walk toward the door. With every step I took I felt the overwhelming sense of loneliness. I wanted someone to walk with me, to hold my hand. I needed reassurance that I was making the right choice. Someone to let me lean on them as my legs shook with fear, or someone to carry me to the other side. The deflation between fighting for my life moments ago and obtaining this realization had left me feeling weak. I fought hard, didn’t I? I fought until my body broke, until my mind was too exhausted to challenge me any further because it saw my strength.

  The narrowing hallway to the door began to glow as I advanced towards it. I saw a red glow forming in a ball of energy in front of the door. Out of the red glow formed a ravenous dog- my shadow. The side of my mouth curled with familiar comfort. The dog began transfiguring into the demon and it grew several feet high and then shifted into something new. It was more familiar than my reflection. It was myself I was seeing in a haze of red. Though it doubled me, my shadow seemed to tower over me with strength and disappointment, like it knew what I was going to do and even it was disgusted.

  Although I was comforted by its presence, its demeanor unnerved me. It outstretched its right hand toward me. I uncurled my arm from the other and reached for it. As its hand touched mine, I felt the warmth inside of it.

  It jerked me towards it and shoved its palm into my chest. As the impact hit me, red ignited against my chest and threw me back away from my shadow and the door. The force shook me and penetrated my core. I slammed my palms against the floor and pushed myself up, glaring at my shadow, who now stood, arms crossed, in front of the door.

  “What do you think you’re doing?” I said to it.

  It simply stood there, glaring down at me on the ground. I planted my foot in a ready position and stood up, advancing toward the door once more. My shadow took two steps toward me and planted its hands against the sides on the wall.

  “You can’t stop me,” I said, shaking my head at it.

  “Watch me,” it responded.

  I darted toward my shadow. As I reached it, it wrapped both of its arms around my waist as I attempted to twist and turn to get past it. It handled me with ease, turned me away from it and planted its foot in my back as it kicked me away from the door.

  “I need to do this!” I shouted with frustration, “Why would you try to stop me?”

  “That’s my job.”

  “What’s your job? To hurt people, to destroy the world, to destroy me? Well, if you want to do the honors, then go ahead. You can push me through the door yourself. I won’t let my fate become a reality.”

  “You don’t get it,” it said, leaning down beside me, “I keep you alive, that’s what I do.”

  “At what cost?” I asked.

  It grabbed me by the back of my shirt and tossed me like a bag of trash, further away from the door.

  “At whatever cost it takes!” it yelled.

  “I’m not willing to pay that price. You saw what we’re going to do! I’m going to how can you live with yourself knowing that?”

  I dug my hands, like claws, into the floor, trying to struggle away from my shadow. It wrapped its arm around my shoulder and neck, trying to drag me back away from the door. My arms were becoming weak against its strength.

  “What do you want me to say, that it’s not going to happen? I can’t tell you that, but I know that your destiny is bigger than the catastrophe you’ve caused. This world will need you, need us.”

  “I just want to give up, and for once, I know that it’s the right thing to do,” I said, as I stopped struggling and rested my face against the ground.

  “You think you’re giving up now? You’d given up a long time ago. Why do you think I became so strong? Because I was the only one fighting. I’m that part of you that fights when you’re afraid, that stands when you want to fall, that hunts when you need to eat. I’m what hides your trauma because you can’t bear to remember it
. I carry those nightmares constantly, so you only remember but a glimpse. I’m the one that kills rather than let you die. I’m the part that shows strength when you show weakness. I protect you and what you love. I’m what carries you when you can’t walk. You may think you are willing to give up, but I’m the thing inside you that’s not done fighting.”

  It was true. My shadow had been running my life because I stopped fighting. I gave up and I let it in. I let everything pass me by, and all this time it was waiting for me to wake up, to fight for my own life, to find purpose and strength, to learn how to do these things on my own, without its sadistic methods. It was like Jude had told me. Our darkness was created out of a time in our lives where they were necessary. They’re what kept us alive until we were strong enough to fight ourselves.

  I looked up at my shadow out of the corner of my eye.

  “We can get through this, we can be better,” it said, extending its hand, “Let me help you.”

  Exhaustion weighed on me as if my skin was suddenly made of iron, pushing my body against the floor. I struggled to move my hand out from under me and placed it closer to my shadow’s.

  “You’ll protect me, keep me safe, keep what I love safe?” I asked.

  “At whatever cost,” it nodded.

  “If you falter, if you fail. . . I will destroy you. I will destroy us.” I said.

  “I won’t fail.”

  “Take us back; it’s time to be strong. Take me back,” I said with exhaustion.

  My shadow pulled me up by my hand and wrapped my arm over its shoulder to carry me to the other side. My body dangled, nearly lifeless. As we walked, I faded into its essence and it carried me the rest of the way through the door, in silence and strength.

  As we stepped through the door, I felt my body shoot through time and space like being strapped to a rocket. While gaining velocity, I felt the strength of my shadow fading into me. The force slammed me back into my body, collecting the torment it had endured and swallowing it. The pain transformed into strength. My wounds and weakness evaporated. The cuts sewed themselves together and the pain vanished.

  My eyes shot open to see Franklin standing before me with his bodyguard, both had arms outstretched, pointing their guns across the room. Their shouts and demands came into focus as I glanced to the other side. Close to me was Caro, Katia cowering behind her for protection. By the door stood Law, Caleb, and Jude.

  “How the fuck did they find us?” Franklin spat.

  “With this,” Caro said, tilting her head slightly upward and tossing one of Law’s beepers down onto the floor in front of Franklin. Franklin glanced down in confusion and realized he had been betrayed once he saw Caro’s name inscribed across the faceplate.

  “You fuckin’ bitch!” Franklin shouted and squeezed the trigger.

  As the gun went off, the bang reverberated through the empty room in a loud echo out of the silence of hesitation.

  “Franklin!” Law shouted.

  “Oh, look who showed up! Lawless.” Franklin said.

  “Franklin, it’s time to turn yourself in. Officers are on their way. They already know what you did,” Law said, with his hands outstretched to calm Franklin down, “Let me help Caro. If I don’t, it will only make it worse for you.”

  Franklin took a few slow steps toward Caro.

  “No! I’m not going down! I beat my destiny. Danielle’s dead and she’ll never destroy me. If I can change that, I can change anything!” Franklin said, firing multiple rounds at Law and the others. His bodyguard followed suit, creating an eruption of deafening blasts. Bullets pelted them and they dropped back to the ground. Law took one right between the eyes, Caleb was hit on the right side of his chest and his collarbone, Jude seemed to have eluded gunfire as he grabbed Law and tried to protect him.

  “I’m not going to die! You hear me! I will never die!” Franklin shouted hysterically into the air.

  I stretched my fingers in my seat, still feeling the constraints against my arms and legs and waist. Even in this tiny movement I felt immense strength. It was ready. I clenched my fists and watched that familiar crimson wash over the room. I lifted my wrist from the armrests and the chains popped like they were made of plastic.

  Franklin turned toward me in disbelief. His mouth gaped open, dumbfounded, making him appear almost frozen.

  As I stood, I felt the wounds of my flesh finish closing and I glared down at Franklin. Franklin stepped back repeatedly in horror, knowing he was about to meet his demise. I said nothing to him and I walked toward Caro. She writhed on the ground in pain. Caleb attempted hopelessly to tend to his own wounds, and Law remained on the floor as Jude attempted to bring him to consciousness.

  I felt the fire and ice within me collide in a liquid flame. I shot a look at Franklin, who looked ready to run, “These are my friends, Franklin, whom I care for very much.”

  I stretched my hand out in their direction. I felt the pieces inside of me connecting, like dominos falling into place. As the last one fell, I released that compassion and love for them and it fell from me like an avalanche.

  The force of release shook the walls of the building and uprooted the tile. Blue, like waves of untouched beaches, enveloped the red, and cast healing over my friends. It worked its way inside them and through their wounds, mending the pieces back together. Caro found the ability to breathe as she moved her hands across her chest, searching for the bullet entry wound. Law awoke in the arms of Jude, and Caleb stood on his feet, shaking off his pain. He made a slight nod at me. As the blue continued to rain down over them and the red resumed its position, I turned toward Franklin once more.

  “Franklin,” I said. He raised his gun. “That’s no use.”

  I cast my shadow to his side, and it snatched the gun out of his hands and tossed it toward me. I caught it and pointed it at his face. He threw his hands up in fear. I loaded a bullet into the chamber and aimed down on him as he fell to his knees in fear.

  “Please, please. . .” was all he said.

  “Don’t cry, don’t you dare cry. It’s pathetic,” I said.

  He lowered his arms a little.

  “I need to know, Franklin, what did Katia show you, what was your prophecy?” I asked.

  “This,” his voice shook, “This is what she showed me.”

  He dropped his head hopelessly.

  “Was it just like this?” I asked.

  “Almost,” he sighed.

  “I kill you?”

  “Yes. You. . .” he pushed his hand against his chest, “You glance back to Law and say—”

  “I have to,” I finished.

  “And he says—” Franklin begins.

  “There’s another way,” Law recited.

  “And I die twice, the bullet,” he places his finger directly to the middle of his forehead. “And worse than that, you rip my soul out of my body.”

  “That’s the prophecy? That’s how you are destined to die? What I am destined to do?” I asked.

  “Yes,” he said, nodding his head in defeat.

  The desire coursing through me was unbearable. It was like it had already been written. I could almost feel the memory of what I was going to do materialize in my mind. I could see it.

  “So, that means,” I said, raising the gun to the air, “That we can change our prophecies?”

  He raised his head, hopeful, “Do it your way, Law.”

  I turned toward Caleb, who was already stepping toward me, “Caleb,” I said, reaching my arm out toward him. He rushed toward me as I collapsed to the floor.

  He sat me up and leaned me against him. Law and Jude rushed over, grabbed Franklin’s gun from me, and subdued both Franklin and his guard.

  “Danielle, hang in there,” Caleb said as he held me up. Caro rushed up to me and ran her hand across my face, brushing the hair out of my eyes.

  “What’s wrong with her,” Caro asked frantically.

  “I’m not really sure, but
we have to get her out of here,” Caleb replied as his voice began to fade out and darkness seeped in, “You’re going to be all right, Danielle. You’re going to be fine.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Healing

  They brought me home. Returning to the house was difficult. I was overwhelmed by the trauma I had endured. There were no physical wounds to overcome, but the mental anguish had all but destroyed me and recovery required energy that I didn’t possess. There were consecutive days of Mortal Nights I thought would never end. Law put me on a healing assignment. For the first several days I slept almost twenty hours a day. My body slept to help heal my mind. The only people allowed to speak with me for the first two weeks were Law and Caleb. Law knew how much I needed Caleb’s friendship and how he helped me grow. The first several days I could not speak, Caleb just sat with me in the silence, just to keep me company. I appreciated him not draining me of the little energy I had by asking questions. He was just there for me. Law talked me through the stages of healing, piece by piece. It was true. I was broken once again and had to put myself back together. They made sure I ate and rested.