by Emily Bex
Slamming his hand against the wall, he spun on her and growled, “So, this is how you show your trust to me, with demands, rage, and jealousy? You never fucking trusted me and apparently, you never will. I am so damn done with this bullshit from you, Kate. Done!” Walking to her, he bared his fangs and growled, “Done.”
Her voice still defiant, she spat back, “Done? You’re done with me? Just like that? I’ve always trusted you. Always. But I’ve never trusted them. You can't deny the parade of women in your past, and I accept that. But I don't need them flaunted in my face either.”
He went nose to nose with her. “Oh yes, let me just flaunt them right in front of you! You fucking do not get it, do you? You just cut me to the bone.” Reaching into his boot, he whipped out the knife before she could blink and slapped it hard into the palm of her hand. She let it slide from her hand, and its metallic clang echoed through the foyer. “Why don’t you just fucking kill me now? I have one long past and you better get over this right now! I am not going to have this damn discussion every time a female crosses our path. So, get it the fuck out of your system or kill me now. I am not doing this with you again. There are female warriors in my ranks and if you think I will just wave my hand and have them all disappear, then you are dead wrong. They are my sisters-in-arms. I take care of them, familia, familia! Do you have any concept of that damn word? No.”
“I understand family. I left my entire family to be with you. I walked away from everyone and everything to be with you. Apparently, that’s not something you’re willing to do for me. So, tell me now, look at me when you answer me, did you sleep with either of them?”
Her anger only fueled his, as they both spiraled out of control. “I am not willing to do this for you? All the things I have done for you and you say this to me? Fine! Let’s play this little game, Kate.”
He walked her across the floor until her back slammed against the wall and he towered over her, like a beast ready to kill. He slammed his hands against the wall on either side of her head. His eyes were blazing red as he stared straight into her, not blinking or flinching. “Oh yes, Kate, I fucked Fiamma until she screamed my name to the heavens. I drank her blood, letting it fuel my desire. She rode me like the wind, fucked me so hard, with her fangs bared and that red hair flying as I slammed my cock deep and hard. Oh, si, Kate, I fuck them all, I am master, and I can’t wait to jump that warrior bitch right now. Can you feel how much I want her? How I crave to feel her lips suck my cock down that deep throat?”
His words ripped through her. Kate placed her hands over her ears, but there was no way to block what he said. She slid down the wall and crawled across the floor to pick up the knife. Standing, she reached up and cut a lock of her hair. Yanking his arm up, she placed the lock in his hand. “Then you better decide which redhead stays, because one of us is leaving.” She turned and started up the stairs, a part of her hoping he would follow, take back his words, and end this madness.
“Hold! I said hold, damn you, woman.”
She faltered on the steps, pausing to hear what he would say, when he answered in a low, deadly tone, “That is what you wanted to hear, is it not? What you believe, Kate? What you will always believe? If you ever loved me, you would feel inside I have no desire to be with either of them. But you can’t feel me. Think about that, very hard. You are so consumed with jealousy. You could not feel the truth of me in your heart. Perhaps, I am a fool to love, to want no other but you.”
Reaching in his pocket, he took out the small, red, heart-shaped rubies he carried with him wherever he went and laid them on the small table by the door along with the lock of her hair. “All I wanted was to love you and be loved in return. I was wrong to think it possible. I’m sorry.” Turning, he stalked to the door. He felt the need to be far away, while his heart broke into a million pieces.
She watched as he vanished. Then she sat down on the steps and put her head in her hands, too angry to cry. She heard Luca's door open and the sound of his boots as he approached. He had heard every word of this very private, but very loud conversation held just outside his door. “Kate, are you okay?”
She lifted her face to him. “Okay? Do I look okay? He walked away. Again. I am exhausted by this game. I can be his doormat, and agree to his terms, whatever they are, regardless of my feelings, or we play this game. Luca, he knows I can't follow him, and he just leaves. If I pack up some things, would you drive me into town, please?”
He looked at her with astonishment. “Pack? Wait. Don't make a decision in anger, Kate. Let's talk about this.”
Fiamma was outside waiting with the other warriors for Master to take them to the Dead House when they all heard the fight between him and his mate. She knew this was serious and she asked Marcello to come with her. Perhaps if she talked to his mate, she could help somehow. She heard the lies he told her, and damn if she wanted Kate to believe that of her. Knocking on the door, Luca answered. “Luca, please, will you ask my lady if she will speak with me?”
Luca realized Fiamma and all the other warriors had overheard the argument. He didn’t know why Shade chose to tell Kate he had been with Fiamma. They all knew he had not. But Kate believed his words, so they needed to move carefully.
“Come in, but tread lightly, Fee.”
Fiamma nodded. “Understood.” Walking in, she bowed her head to Kate, who was still sitting on the stairs, and spoke softly. Fee could see she was hurt. “My lady, will you please grant me some time to speak with you? Explain some things to you. Please may I?”
Kate took a deep breath before she answered. “Say what you have come here to say.”
Fiamma sat down on one of the steps below her, so she could see her face to face. “Thank you, my lady. I know I’m the last person you want to see. I’ve never been mortal, but I’ve been in love. At its core, it’s a lot of work. Throw in all the confusion of our world and I imagine it’s much worse. I come in peace. Master Shade didn’t tell you the truth.” She held up her hands. “Please, I know you don’t believe me, but you can ask Luca, Marcello, or any of the other. They know. I’m a sister here, not a rival or a threat to anyone, including you.”
Fiamma shook her head. “Trying to understand any man is hell, and master, that’s a whole other issue. I don’t know why he would say those things to you. I’ve never been with Master Shade. I’m a Medici warrior. I respect and honor him, and those he loves. If any of my sisters in the camp were to behave as he said, we would no longer be warriors, but outcasts. Believe me, when I tell you, I love master very much, but not in the way you think. We all love him. He is my brother, my father, my master, and my friend. Is there anything I can say to help you?”
Kate buried her face in her hands and the tears flowed. She looked up at Fiamma again. “I’m sorry for thinking badly of you, but I asked him outright, and you heard his words. He shared his past before, and I let it get to me. He thinks I don't trust him, but that’s not true. You understand what I mean when I try to tell him it’s women I don't trust, not him. I see how other women respond to him. Thank you for coming to me. That took a lot of courage.”
“My lady... do you hate being called that? It sounds so formal to me. Everyone calls me Fee. Please feel free to call me that. He’d kill me for speaking so informally to you. I trust few women, but I trust my Medici sisters-in-arms. We have to, for our very survival. But I understand your distrust of women in general. When they want something, they think nothing of taking it. It disgusts me to the roots of my red hair to admit that of my own sex. It’s not courage that brought me here, but heart. I care about my family and master is my family, as are you. Can I ask you to do something?”
Kate felt the sincerity of her words. “Please, call me Kate, although Shade will hate it. And you can ask me anything.”
“Don’t turn your back on him, you love him and he loves you. That’s obvious to all of us. I know you can’t teleport to him, but you need to find him, don’t let him walk away from this. I know if you concentrate,
focus on him, you’ll find he’s not far at all. I’m able to sense things, see things, not an exact location but clues to where someone is, like I can see through their eyes. See what they see. Sometimes, I get a random thought from them. Does dormire guerriero mean anything to you?”
“Dormire guerriero? Is that Italian? I don't speak Italian. What does that mean?”
“Dormire guerriero means sleeping warrior.”
“Sleeping warrior?” Kate paused as she ran the words through her head. “Oh. He’s with our baby?”
Fiamma blinked a few times and let out a deep breath. “Baby?” She recalled the rumors they’d heard in Florence. “Oh, Kate, I didn’t mean to bring you pain. But, yes, he’s with the sleeping warrior. He feels something there, something in connection with you, which now I understand. He feels lost. Go to him, chase him down, make him face this.”
Fiamma took Kate’s hand in hers. “There is a warrior inside you, I can feel that. Marcello and I will gather the others and head into the city. You work it out. Don’t give up on him, please. He is male, he does some stupid things, but he does them all from love. It’s his way. Will you go to him?”
Kate locked eyes with her. “You don’t need to apologize. Of course, I’ll go. Thank you. And welcome. You’re welcome here. I want you to feel it’s your home.”
Standing, they walked back down the stairs and Kate continued on out the door, toward the garden pathway that led to the angel marking the grave of their baby.
Shade sat on the bench, staring at the garden statue that marked his son’s grave, as he faced the idea of losing her. He had blown it. He blew it far beyond anything he could imagine, and he had felt her need to leave him. Why couldn’t she understand his relationship with the warriors? How was it she had the power to push his temper over the edge so quickly? He knew it was because he loved her beyond reason. He knew loving a mortal would be hard. How did he make her understand his life and how it was ruled by his responsibility to his coven? Then there were the women, it always came back to the women. He thought she would love him enough to understand, to feel him so deeply and know, without a doubt, he never wanted to go back to that life again. Maybe he had been wrong, from the very beginning, to think their love could bridge two very different worlds.
He had teleported out in anger and he blocked her still. He bent over his knees, running his hands through his hair. His life was in chaos, and last night, everything had seemed in place. How in the hell had this gone so damn wrong in a blink of an eye? He wanted to go to Florence and rip Marco’s throat out, but that would do him no good whatsoever. He needed Marco and fucking loved him, but this was a cruel thing to do to them both, and he wouldn’t soon forgive him for it.
Reaching out, he touched the angelic statue, and his heart broke once again. She had no idea what he had sacrificed for her. He had taken their son, their firstborn, to save her. He never wanted to protect anyone more in his life, and yet, he was losing her slowly, he could feel it. He had no idea where to go from here. What to say or do that would make her reach out for him and, once again, be his bel rosso. I am a damn warrior, the best there is, but I have no idea how to fight this.
Kate walked down the darkened path to the section of the garden that she had come to think of as The Baby's Garden. Fee's image could have no other meaning. She knew she would find him here. As she rounded the final curve, she saw him seated on the bench, his head in his hands. Oh lover, I know your pain.
She approached him quietly and he didn’t look up. Is he blocking me? Or ignoring me? I won't let him walk away this time. In a quiet voice, she spoke to him. “How can we love each other so deeply, and then inflict so much hurt and pain? I’m so sorry. Please tell me we’re not too broken to fix. Please tell me you’ll fight for me, because I won’t stop fighting for you.”
Looking up, Shade could see the pain she was in and he hoped she could feel he was in the same place. “Kate, my sweet Kate. I can fight anything, at least I thought I could, but this pain that is ripping us apart is something I have no weapons to fight. Just my heart and soul, and they belong to you.”
She knelt before him on the bench, laying her head on his thigh and letting her tears flow quietly. “You give me no reason to be jealous. None. But I’m fighting your history and my past. All I ever heard about you from Rissa was what a player you were, how you would leave me and move on to the next woman. You’ve been very forthcoming about the women in your life. You spoke of Adriana and Sabine, both warriors. I wasn’t expecting to see women warriors here tonight. When I did, I'm sorry, it angered me, and things just spun out of control so fast. I know if I had asked you calmly about those women, you would have answered me. But we both go off like ticking time bombs. I don't know how to fix that, but I know I don't want to lose you.”
His hand lay softly on her head. “My whole life is about being a warrior, Kate, there is nothing else I understand. I took for granted you knew I had women warriors in my coven. It never crossed my mind that you would think I wouldn’t have women within my ranks. My past is long gone, Kate. What we have is our future. You need to let go of whatever past you hold, because it hampers you from moving forward with me. I don’t know what has happened to you, and that is something only you can decide when to share with me. But I know it formed you into the woman you are now, just as my past formed me. Lessons to be learned, it is your choice to learn them and not repeat them and leave them in the past. It needs to be done. Do you understand what I am trying to say?”
She looked up at him. “Oh, I learned from my past, but the repeating part was out of my hands. Shannon said I trusted men too quickly, but in any case, in every relationship, the men would be unfaithful. I came to expect it. I decided that real love didn't exist, and men didn't commit. I told myself I wouldn’t fall in love again, so I’d never be hurt like that again. Then there you were. And all I heard from others were warnings, but I was drawn to you anyway. I tried to resist you, tried to avoid you. But everywhere I went, we ran into each other and my heart won out. So, I came to you broken. I came to you expecting to be hurt and abandoned because it’s all I’ve ever known. I want to tell you I can put jealousy behind me, but I’m not sure I can. I can only tell you that I’ll try.”
Listening to her, Shade realized she’d been waiting for him to abandon her and it gave him a new perspective. He also realized that storming off when he was angry was just about the worst thing he could do to her. “Then you have never really felt the love of a man. We are both broken, and if we do not mend together, we will go on the same. I don’t want that. I don’t want to be broken anymore. I love being loved by you. I love being yours.”
Reaching down, Shade pulled her into his lap and tucked her into his chest. “My whole life has been structured around finding my mate. Once found, I could never abandon her. I am genetically programmed to find my mate, my eternity, and I finally found you. Believe in that. Believe that long before the stars aligned in the skies, this was deemed our fate. Our souls finally crashed into one another and damn if I didn’t feel the explosion, but what a glorious one it was. I am going nowhere. I don’t want to be anywhere but in your arms. You are my home, bel, my home. I have lived, fought and struggled to be right here. It was one hell of a journey and I’ll be damned if I am giving it up now. I am not those men. I am not like mortal men. I do not think like them, I do not love like them. I do not live like them. I have asked much of you, to become part of this. I want you here, but only if you want to be here. I know you do, I know so deeply how much you love me, I just hope you can reach inside and feel that in me as well.”
“I feel the depth of your love every day. I have never doubted it, and I have never doubted you. My jealousy is directed toward the women, it’s the women I don't trust. You have never given me a reason not to trust you. It’s my temper and your temper. I don't know how to turn that off. Every time it happens, I think I’ll control it next time. But then, when we are in the middle of it, we just spiral out of control
. Saying words we don't mean, inflicting pain we both regret. We both get so angry, it scares me. And when you leave, when you are able to just disappear, I feel like... you’ve given up on me. If I ever say I’m leaving, I need you to grab me and say no! We’ll fight until we work this out because we're worth fighting for. But when you leave... you just disappear and I can't follow. I only found you tonight because Fee came to me. Don't leave me, lover, don't ever leave me. I don't care how loud we scream or how many walls get smashed, I want us to always figure out how to find our way back. I love you, Shade, I want to spend all of eternity with you.”
Taking her face into his hands, he kissed her hard, so hard it rattled them both, and he didn’t stop, he kept on kissing her like his life depended on it. Breaking the kiss, he leaned his forehead against hers and spoke softly, breathy, and desperate for her. “Mi amore, when you feel that jealousy, you need to stop and feel me inside you. It will tell you everything you need to know, and once you do that, you will see I feel nothing for them. Nothing. I belong to you. I am bonded to the females among my warriors, just as I am bonded to the males. I love them all, as my coven, my familia. I will try not to walk away, mi amore, but it scares me to think of the damage I could do to us when I get that angry, so I walk away to protect us both. It is wrong, I see that now, I understand now, how you see it, so I too will try to stay and control the beast.”
Standing up, he cuddled her ever closer to him and felt her cling to him as they walked back to the house. He stopped as the lights in the windows of their home came into view.
“Look, just look at that. It is our home, mi amore, ours. What do you say we go home?”
“I love that word… our home, our bed, and someday, our children. Our life together, bound as one. Will you carry me?”
“I will carry you to the god damned moon if you ask me to. I love you, Kate Reese. I love your past, your present and our future.”
