Lie to Me

by McAdams, Molly

  And just as quickly as she’d melted into me, she went still.

  Shit.

  Her hand flattened against my chest and pushed before I could step back. Sucking in broken breaths as her wide eyes dropped to the floor. Trembling hands straight out as if to keep me back when I was already against the other wall.

  “I’m sorry.”

  A stunned breath burst from me at her apology. “What?”

  “I’m sorry.” Her voice was barely a whisper, her head shaking subtly. “I didn’t—”

  “Emma, you have nothing to apologize for. I know better.” I did, but it was so easy to get wrapped up in her and forget that I needed to go slow with her.

  “You know better,” she echoed to herself, the words nothing more than self-deprecation. “Oh God, if that doesn’t—why can’t you see—”

  “Don’t.”

  Her stare snapped to mine and narrowed. “For so many reasons on my end, this can’t work out. For so many on yours, you shouldn’t want it to.” Her hands lifted, encompassing us and the entryway. “Just these last few minutes are evidence enough of that, Reed.”

  “I don’t agree.”

  “You need solace,” she said gravely. “I can’t give you that.”

  “Believe me when I say I’d rather be here, figuring shit out with you, than doing anything else right now.”

  “Figuring . . . we’re not figuring anything out,” she said with a laugh that bordered on frustration. “If we were, you would realize what I’m saying is true.”

  “I think we’re figuring things out just fine, and that scares you.”

  I watched as she tried to pull that shield around herself. But the hesitation billowing from her continued spilling through the cracks in her armor.

  “You’re . . .”—my head slanted as I tried to think of a way to describe her—“unlike anyone I’ve ever met. For so many reasons,” I added, twisting her words back around on her. “The way you push me away now is not the same way you pushed me away those first days. There was so much hatred mixed in with your fear then. And this?” I lifted my shoulders. “This is just fear, Emma, and it isn’t the same fear you first showed me. You’re also talking to me about it instead of lashing out at me.”

  Her eyelids slowly shut on an exhale. “You say all that like it’s simple, and it isn’t.”

  “There isn’t a whole lot about us that is simple, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t worth it.”

  “It won’t be worth it,” she said, voice trembling.

  The corner of my mouth tipped up. “I love your lies.”

  Her shoulders sagged when she finally looked at me again, eyes begging me to agree with her.

  “If you really believe that, why are you here?” I asked, knowing full well she couldn’t stay away from me the same as I couldn’t stay away from her. When her only response was a hopeless look, I gestured between us. “We’ve had this conversation before, and I know we’ll have it again because whatever happened in your life is trying to make you stop this from happening. So, I’ll gladly have this conversation with you as many times as it takes, knowing that each time will be a little easier until we don’t have to have it at all.”

  “What if I can’t give you what you want?”

  My brows lifted at the unexpected question. “I want you, Emma.”

  Her head dipped in a nearly imperceptible nod as she repeated, “What if I can’t give you what you want?”

  The way her voice dipped and broke had my gaze dragging over her body, all long legs and subtle curves that were made for my hands. “Wanting to be with you and wanting your body are two separate things. But you should probably tell me if you’re saving yourself for marriage, so I have a better idea of your boundaries.”

  Blood rushed to her cheeks as her stare darted to my face before falling away. “No, I—no. I’m not.”

  I studied her a while longer, the woman whose body and features were an intoxicating mixture of sex and innocence. Whose fierce expressions and sharp tongue could have any guy begging for mercy.

  But that wasn’t the real her.

  “Are you a virgin?” I asked softly.

  Her eyes met mine and narrowed in a look so cold, it had my heart faltering painfully. “No.”

  No more blush staining her cheeks.

  None of the unease that accompanied the real Emma.

  That one word was all ice and shields, and it shredded me because I knew. My gut screaming at me that I knew exactly what happened to her because I’d been trained to look for the signs.

  “Emma . . .”

  “I’m going to watch the sun rise,” she said abruptly, yanking the door open before she’d finished speaking.

  “Emma, wait.” I took a step toward her, hand already reaching before I remembered to draw it back just as I was about to graze the skin of her arm.

  And then the door was slamming shut in my face.

  Fuck, fuck, fuck.

  “Fuck,” I ground out, hands curled into fists and a rage I’d never known racing through my veins at just the thought of someone touching her. Hurting her. Abusing her.

  Raking my hands through my hair, I took a step away from the door and let my head fall back. My eyes closing as I dragged in deep breaths.

  Trying to soothe that anger and calm my racing heart before I went after her, knowing it wouldn’t help anything if I went outside and demanded she tell me what happened to her.

  “What?” I ground out when I heard the floor shift behind me.

  “I like her,” Rowe said, voice subdued.

  I let my arms fall like weights as my head dropped forward, bobbing a little in agreement as it did.

  “See what you’ve been saying about her,” he continued somberly.

  Glancing over my shoulder, I narrowed my eyes at where he was leaning up against the wall. Arms folded over his chest and watching me carefully. “What do you mean?”

  Rowe hesitated for so long that I eventually turned to fully look at him. “I like her,” he repeated when I closed the distance between us. “She’s actually pretty funny, and I appreciate the hell out of her for what she did for me tonight. But in the few hours she was here, it felt like there were two Emmas. And one of those Emmas . . . I think you should be careful with her.”

  An irritated breath fled from me. “I fucking am.” I gestured back to the door. “I’m always trying to be careful with her.”

  His head shook as I spoke. “No, man. Careful . . . because I think she’ll hurt you worse than Sadie did.”

  I studied him for a while at the mention of my ex before taking a step back and shrugging. “You don’t know her.”

  “Do you?” he challenged.

  “Not nearly enough, but I’m getting there.” My shoulders lifted. “Emma isn’t the kind of person to spill out her life story. You have to earn it—and I am. A little bit at a time.”

  “Well, let me give you a little more,” he said, tossing out a hand to gesture behind me. “I don’t think she’s ever been in a relationship. And I’m pretty fucking sure she isn’t looking for one with you.”

  A huff of amusement left me at Rowe’s first bit of news. I’d gone still at the last. “What?”

  “Leah asked how long y’all have been together.”

  “Shit,” I muttered, already having an idea of how everything had gone after.

  Rowe lifted his brows in agreement. “When Emma told her y’all weren’t, Leah let her know exactly how wanted you are in town and that someone else was gonna try to steal you if Emma didn’t get you off the market. Emma said, ‘That’s fine.’”

  I nodded before my head began shaking. “Was she quiet?”

  “What?”

  “Emma . . . was she quiet? Did she seem uncomfortable?”

  “Not then.”

  “Right, then I’m not surprised by her answer.” I shrugged again. “It sounds like something she’d say. That’s her getting on the defensive and blocking everyone else from knowing whatever she’
s thinking and feeling.” I continued backward toward the door. “I appreciate you looking out, man, but I’m fine.”

  “She looked uncomfortable a lot of other times,” he said before I could reach the door. “Like when Leah asked what brought her here, and Emma didn’t really answer. So, Leah tried to figure it out and asked if it was a bad breakup. Emma seemed caught off-guard by the word breakup and fumbled over another answer. Then Leah about lost it when she found out Emma came from New York and asked a dozen questions, circling back around to what men there were like and how dating life must’ve been so different there.”

  I thought about the way Emma kissed me, all hesitation before igniting. The way she was slow to open up and quick to push me away.

  None of those screamed she hadn’t had a relationship before, but they were all bright signs of what she’d more than likely gone through.

  “What’d she say?” I finally asked.

  “Nothing,” Rowe answered. “But she looked uncomfortable as hell and confused—like she wasn’t sure how to answer something she didn’t know anything about. So, she didn’t. And all of that mixed with the last part of y’alls conversation I woke up to . . .” He unfolded his arms, holding them out to the sides before letting them fall. “I like her, Ryan. I really do. Just be careful.”

  I nodded as I reached back for the handle, pausing as I grasped it. “You good?”

  He shrugged, his entire demeanor changing in an instant. “Yeah.”

  “You did everything right. There was no changing what happened.”

  “I know,” he murmured, looking like he was going over it in his head, still trying to figure out how he could’ve.

  “Kids hit hard,” I said knowingly before forcing my voice into a tease as I pulled the door open. “You can always come watch the sun rise with us.”

  He huffed out a laugh, that heaviness disappearing from him as he pushed from the wall and turned for his room. “Such an idiot, Ryan.”

  Stepping out into the humid summer air, I shut the door behind me and was met with a pair of unreadable eyes, looking up at me from where she was sitting on the top step, legs stretched out in front of her and back pressed up against the railing.

  “I left,” she whispered, shame and apology dripping from the two words.

  I held out my hand for her as I neared her, shrugging as I did. “You’re right here.”

  A disheartened breath tumbled past her lips as she slipped her hand into mine and let me help her up.

  “Sunrise?”

  A pleading hum sounded in her throat when I passed my lips across her palm and then wrapped our joined hands around her back. “How’s Peter?”

  “He’s good. Those situations are just a lot different than everything else.”

  Hesitation billowed from her as I began leading her down the porch steps and across the pathway. “Do you think you could tell me what happened?” Her hand tightened against mine as she hurried on. “If you still don’t want to, that’s fine. I understand.”

  “No, I can,” I said as I climbed into the bed of Lala’s truck and then reached back to help her up. “Our neighbors . . . their toddler died today. Walked right out of the house and into the street and got hit by a car.”

  She faltered in climbing over the tailgate, her eyes shifting to me before drifting to the neighboring house.

  “We were getting ready to go work out when it happened. Peter was headed outside, I was still in my room, grabbing my stuff. By the time I got out here, Peter was already working on the kid. The Mom was . . .” I slanted my head, trying to get her screams and the way her child had looked out of my head as I pulled us both to sitting. “She was hysterical and trying to get to her son. So, I grabbed her and held her back while calling for an ambulance. But he was . . . he was gone.”

  “Oh my God,” she whispered, voice hollow.

  “Yeah,” I murmured. “We’ve seen people mutilated and burned. I’ve held my friend’s head together while we waited for a MEDEVAC. But, kids . . . kids hit differently, and they hit harder.”

  “Did he live?”

  My brow furrowed at the question I was sure I’d already answered.

  “Your friend,” she clarified as she scooted closer to me.

  “Oh.” I leaned back against the cab of the truck and held out my arm for her. “No. We lost him a couple days later. But that is one of the days that haunts me the most,” I admitted, breathing life to words I’d never told anyone. “Considering what we saw and did, I know I’m lucky that it doesn’t happen often. But there are times those memories slip in and it feels like I’m right there again.”

  Understanding and empathy poured from her as she curled against my side, never saying anything about it. Not that I expected or wanted her to.

  It was why I’d known she could handle anything I told her—because I already knew she’d seen so much in her life without knowing the specifics. And when you see horrors and experience devastation, you become numb to it, in a way. Even if it isn’t the shit you’re used to.

  “Did Peter tell you to stay away from me?” she asked a while later as her body relaxed deeper into mine.

  “What?”

  A slow, exhausted breath teased her lips as she thought. “Over the night, he started watching me. And the way he was looking at me . . .” One of her shoulders lifted. “It was like he didn’t trust me. I don’t think I remind him of that girl in Texas anymore,” she added, trying to joke and falling short.

  “He actually told me he liked you . . . multiple times.”

  “Liar.”

  “I’m serious.” I trailed my fingers along her shoulder as I admitted, “Doesn’t mean he isn’t worried about me.”

  Her silence tore at my heart.

  It felt like she was taking what I’d said and handing it back to me as more proof of why we should stop before this could go any further.

  “He was there when everything happened with my ex, and he went through worse. Peter’s wife left him and made up a whole bunch of shit about him so he looked like an asshole—and he still did everything to make things work between them. So, he’s just watching out because he doesn’t want me to get hurt again.”

  “Peter was married?” she asked softly, a hint of shock weaving through the words.

  “Yeah, they got divorced a few months before he moved here. And he’s been here about two years, maybe more?”

  Long seconds passed before her body shook with a muted huff. “I just don’t understand how people move on like this,” she whispered, bringing up the conversation we’d had the morning before.

  I ignored the implication because I didn’t want to face that shield again when we’d already gotten through it. And, if Rowe was right—if Emma had never had a relationship—then she couldn’t understand.

  “Peter isn’t moving on anytime soon,” I said instead. “Guy was a fucking wreck when she left him. He hasn’t so much as looked at another woman since.”

  If Emma hadn’t been tucked so close to my side, I wouldn’t have noticed the way she tensed at my last words.

  Looking over at her, I searched her carefully masked features. “Emma?” At her responding hum, I pulled back to better see her. “What just happened?”

  “What do you mean?”

  I thought through my conversation with Rowe as I studied the girl beside me. “Did Peter say something to you?”

  She looked at me then, a crease forming between her eyebrows. “He said a lot.”

  “Did he make a pass at you?” I clarified, doubt twisting the words.

  Shock broke through her mask so quickly and faded into amusement. “I’m pretty sure he saw the ‘Fuck Off’ sign hanging above me that you’ve refused to notice.”

  A sharp laugh burst from me. “Trust me, I’ve seen it.” I pulled her closer so she was leaning fully into me and away from the truck. “I also see when you take it down for me.”

  Her eyes flared, but her hand just pressed to where my heart was pounding out
an unforgiving rhythm at having this moment and having her this close.

  “But what happened with you,” I said, refusing to let up. “You went still when I said Peter hadn’t looked at anyone else.”

  Emma’s tongue darted out to wet her lips as her stare fell to where her hand rested on my chest. Lingering there as the silence between us formed and grew.

  “Head,” I whispered just before the tips of my fingers brushed across her temple. “You telling me what’s going on up here is how we keep moving forward and figuring things out.”

  “I don’t think it’s for me to say,” she finally said. “And if I’m wrong . . .”

  “If it has to do with one of my best friends, I should probably know. Especially if it has you locking up on me.”

  “Reed . . .” She pressed her lips into a firm line, her eyes finally meeting mine again. With a fortifying breath, she said, “I’ve never cared about my reactions to anyone, especially men. But I hate what I keep doing to you and dragging you through. Sometimes it feels out of my control though.”

  I lowered my hand to cradle her neck as she skipped right past what I was asking about Rowe and started giving me more of herself instead.

  “What happened inside . . .” Her head shook quickly. “I can’t change that, and I don’t know if it’ll ever change. But I’m sorry for the way I reacted after.”

  “Don’t,” I said softly. “You have nothing to be sorry for.” I searched her face, hesitation mixing with my anger and pain for whatever happened to her. “Can I ask something about it?”

  Reluctance burst from her before she said, “Maybe.”

  “Was it being pressed up against the wall or being kissed?”

  She didn’t respond. Just stared at me as she seemed to fight those shields moving into place.

  Before they could win out and fully block me from her thoughts, I asked, “You trust me to try something?”

  “I don’t want to trust you.”

  “Those lies, Emma,” I whispered, my thumb tracing along her jaw.

  She blew out a shaky breath, her eyelids slipping shut as she gave a reluctant nod.