by Lee Crystal
“Do you want to talk about your dream?” he asked, and I felt my body go rigid. I never talked about them, I hated them, and wanted to forget, not rehash them.
“No, I don’t really remember what it was about anyway,” I lied.
He snorted, and tilted my chin up toward his face. “You, sweetheart, are a really bad liar. If you’re not ready to talk about it, just say so. I won’t push you.” He said it so matter-of-factly, like it was pre-ordained that I would eventually talk about it. It made me mad, and I scowled up at him, before snuggling back to his chest.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I offered.
He tilted my chin back up. “You know, you’re going to give me a crick in my neck if you keep doing that,” I said half-heartedly.
“How ‘bout I kiss it better?” he asked, stunning me. Was he joking? I felt flutters in my belly at the thought of him kissing me, and it was startling to say the least. The feelings I had when I was around him were nerve-wracking, scary, and wonderful all at the same time.
“Um, I guess?” I squeaked, making it a question. Of course he chuckled at me. I was beginning to think I was around for his personal amusement.
“May I kiss you, Taryn?” he asked with all seriousness, and the look in his eyes had changed. They looked like they did when I thought he would eat me down at the lake.
I shakily nodded my head. He softly cupped my chin, and lowered his mouth to mine. When our lips met, I was shocked at how soft his lips felt as he lightly brushed them across mine. He kissed one corner of my mouth, then the other, before kissing me fully. Oh, it was heaven, complete nirvana. I greedily wanted more.
I put more pressure to his lips, until he swiped my top lip with his tongue, and I gasped. I was shocked, not sure if it was that he was using his tongue or because I liked it so much. With my mouth slack, he pushed his tongue barely into my mouth, and hesitantly I touched it with mine. I couldn’t put a name to the way he tasted, only that I liked it. He let out a groan, and I pulled back.
“Should I not do that?” I asked, feeling stupid for not knowing how to kiss someone.
“Baby, I liked it when you did that, please don’t stop.” He lowered his lips to mine again, cupping my cheek.
Feeling slightly more confident this time, I met his tongue with mine. He rubbed, licked, and sucked. I wasn’t quite as forward, but each time I responded, he groaned, squeezed me tighter, and became more insistent with his mouth. I loved it, if I hadn’t already been on his lap, I would have melted through the floor.
By the time he pulled back, we both were panting, and our chests were heaving with each breath we took. I laid my head back to his chest, curling into the comfort of his arms. I wasn’t not sure how long we sat like that, but with the soft brushes of his thumb against my cheek, and the constant beat of his heart against my ear, I started to feel drowsy.
“Thank you,” I said sleepily.
“For what, baby?”
“For my first kiss,” I replied, letting my eyes flutter closed. I thought I heard him say, “You’re too perfect,” before I fell asleep.
The increasing pressure in my bladder woke me up. I tensed and held my breath when I felt large muscular arms wrapped snugly around me. Not understanding why or who was in my bed, I quickly tried to extricate myself from his hold, only to have him pull me harder against him.
“Shhh, you’re all right, Taryn.” Carter? Frozen still, I tried to recall why he would be in my bed. All at once, memories flooded my mind, and I recalled our date, the mailbox, and the letter, him holding me, my dream, and the kiss. Out of everything that had transpired last night, my thoughts were directed to that kiss. Having oriented myself, I still didn’t quite understand why he was in my bed.
I turned my body to face him, and drew in a sharp breath when I met his eyes. Gone was the redness and fatigue, in their place was a look I had come to realize as hunger. Startled by the intensity of his gaze, I started rambling.
“You kissed me. I mean, we kissed, ah I meant, I let you kiss me, with our tongues,” I bumbled out. Holy cow, did I really just say all that? “I’m sorry, it’s just you’re in my bed, and we slept together, in the same bed, in my room… in my bed… together…” I needed to shut up. My face felt like it was under a heat lamp. It must have been as red as a tomato. I closed my eyes and groaned.
He chuckled, “Good morning, Taryn,” was all he said.
I opened one eye only to see a broad smile on his lips and amusement lighting up his face. I groaned again, burying my face into the pillow. I felt him shift, and place a kiss on my ear.
“Don’t worry, nothing inappropriate happened. Your virtue is still intact,” he whispered. He gave a light laugh. The warmth from his breath on my ear made me shiver, and when his hand moved slowly from my shoulder to the small of my back, I sighed.
“Are you going to come out of hiding anytime soon?” he said, still amused.
I wanted to tell him NO, but the pressing need for a toilet halted that response. I raised myself up, looked at him, amazed once again by his masculine beauty. I snapped myself away from that line of thinking before my bladder exploded.
“I need the bathroom.” I rushed out, feeling a blush sear my cheeks, again.
He grinned, nodded toward the bathroom door. “I believe it’s right there,” he said, and I realized I was just staring at him. Quickly, I moved from the bed and practically ran for the bathroom.
Feeling much better after I had relieved myself, I walked to the sink to brush my teeth. As I was brushing, I took note of the state I was in. Disheveled and homely were the words that came to mind. My hair was a matted, tangled mess, so much that I winced at the thought of brushing it. My eyes were bloodshot, slightly swollen, and marked with dark circles. I was still in my dress from yesterday, and it lay skewed and wrinkled. With a sigh, I finished brushing my teeth and quickly washed my face.
After opening the bathroom door to find my room empty, I quickly grabbed some clothes and locked myself back in the bathroom for a shower. Forty-five minutes later, I was showered, my hair brushed, and I was dressed in a pair of jeans and my Mom’s old Bob Marley t-shirt. I felt refreshed.
Padding barefoot to the kitchen, the smell of bacon assailed my nose. My stomach growled, and I realized I was starving. I hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast the day before, being I was too nervous to eat, and, well, we never made it to Carter’s house for dinner. That thought soured my mood, and I knew that I would have to live through what happened last night again with Ethan and Grandpa. But, first I was going to have some breakfast.
I was greeted by Ethan, Grandpa and Carter in the kitchen. All three looked ten times better than I did. Carter had showered, but was still in the same clothes from last night. I idly wondered if he decided to go commando, or if he was wearing dirty underwear. I chose to think the former; the latter was disgusting, and the former was way too interesting.
Carter met my gaze, and smiled a knowing smile. I averted my eyes in an effort to quell the rushing blush. If this kept up, my cheeks were going to burn right off my face. I heard him chuckle softly, and felt my cheeks grow hotter. I quickly looked to Grandpa, who was at the stove turning bacon and eggs in the skillet. Ethan was standing in front of the toaster, buttering toast. He glanced at me, and if the smile on his face was any indication, he noticed my blush.
Trying to ignore the two of them and look somewhat assured, I walked between them to the refrigerator, where I grabbed the orange juice. Still avoiding looking at them, I took a glass from the cupboard, made my way to the breakfast bar, and sat on the stool.
“Taryn, usually it’s polite to greet your elders in the morning. Some might even say it’s disrespectful not to” Grandpa said with a straight face. If it weren’t for the gleam in his eyes, and the slight twitch of his lips, he would be almost convincing.
I smiled. “I’m so sorry, Grandpa. I figured with you being so ELDERLY and all, you wouldn’t hear me if I told you ‘good morning.’ I was only thinking of s
aving your pride in front of Ethan and Carter,” I replied in a thickly sweet voice.
He let out a bark of laughter before turning to me. “You just keep that saucy mouth of yours, and see that I don’t switch your backside.” He chuckled more as he turned back to the stove. I couldn’t help but giggle. I loved my mornings with Grandpa.
We all sat at the kitchen bar eating breakfast with light conversation. I would catch glimpses of Carter out of the corner of my eye, and darned if I didn’t blush every time. I know Ethan noticed, because he kept prodding me by asking, “Taryn, is it hot in here?” “Taryn, do you have a fever?” “Taryn, are you wearing blush?” I honestly wanted to strangle him. Thankfully, Carter didn’t say anything. I could only imagine what the two of them would do together.
After everyone was finished, I stood up, gathered the dishes, and carried them to the sink. When I turned around, all three men were looking at me, all looking serious and determined. My food threatened to come back up; I knew what we were going to discuss. Although I needed to know, that didn’t mean I necessarily wanted to know. I let out the breath I was holding, looked up and met Carter’s gaze. The look of understanding and admiration I saw helped me shore up some courage and determination of my own.
Ethan led us all into the study. I sat on the love seat, Carter next to me. Grandpa pulled a chair from the corner closer, and Ethan sat behind the desk. Carter grabbed my hand, gave a gentle squeeze, and began caressing my wrist with his thumb. I felt immensely comforted by the small touch, not to mention the goose bumps that crawled up my arm.
“Tare, we all saw the letter, and we need to talk to you about it,” Ethan said, looking pointedly at Carter when he said “we all.” I understood, then, that Carter knew. I wasn’t sure how much he knew, and I wasn’t sure that I was ready for him to know anything. I was afraid that if he knew too much, he would look at me with pity, or revulsion, and I couldn’t stand to see that from him.
“There are more letters,” Ethan said, and all my thoughts on what Carter knew or what he thought were gone. I sensed the panic start with my rapid pulse, and my breathing turned shallow. I registered Carter’s hand squeezing mine, and felt his breath at my ear.
“You can do this, sweetie. YOU ARE SAFE,” he said, and gently brushed his lips against the lobe of my ear. The panic started to recede, and I was able to grasp the calm. I slowed my breathing, and felt my body start to relax.
“There you go,” he whispered.
Ethan must have sensed I was all right, so he continued. “We didn’t want to hurt you, but we didn’t think you would be able to handle them.” He looked so repentant, and I understood why they would hide them from me, but it did hurt. “We called the police after the first one, and they have been involved with each one.”
“H-how m-many?” I stammered.
“There’s fourteen so far, honey,” Grandpa spoke up. “It can’t be Maddox, and Malcolm is still locked up in prison. We don’t know who is doing this, but you are safe.” His face revealed a deep sadness.
Just hearing their names made bile rise to my throat. I realized then that Carter must have known everything. If Grandpa was throwing out their names, and Carter didn’t seem surprised about anything so far, he had to know. I felt saliva pool in my mouth, and scrambled to get off the couch, thrusting Carter’s hands from me. I reached the trash bin on my hands and knees, just before the first spasm hit. I felt someone pull my hair back. I knew it was Carter when he started rubbing my back. Funny how I could decipher his touch while I was puking out my guts.
After I wretched the last contents of my stomach into the trash, I stayed there with my head hung low.
“You know,” I rasped.
“Yeah, baby, I know,” Carter said.
I let out a sob, and began to cry before he scooped me up and carried me to the couch. He sat with me settled on his lap, and I thought it was a good thing he was so big, because I did not have a small bottom. The fact that I thought something so stupid during such a screwball moment made me laugh. Well, it turned more into a snuffle snort kind of laugh, which only made me laugh more. I was still laughing when Ethan started wiping my face with a wet cloth. I took it from him, not wanting to be more pathetic by having him wash my face, and excused myself to the bathroom.
After I cleaned up, brushed my teeth, and put my clothes back to straights, I tried to put my thoughts in order. Oddly, more important to me at the moment was what Carter thought. Not the letters, or who was behind them. I didn’t want Carter to see me as weak, or look at me with pity. I didn’t want him to be repulsed by the ugliness that Maddox left on me. I wasn’t sure why I cared so much what he thought, but I did.
I made my way back into the study, and sat down on the love seat next to Carter. I had barely sat down when Carter grunted, and before I could question what was wrong, he pulled me with ease and gentleness back to his lap. I caught looks of amusement from Ethan and Grandpa, causing me to blush. I ducked my head so my hair would shield my face.
“I like you right here,” Carter whispered in my ear. Well, I liked it too, but his boldness was shocking. I glanced up at him, and saw his devilish smile, and that hunger was back in his eyes. I was relieved not to see the look I was expecting, and that he didn’t mention my moment in emesis. I started to feel a little more assured. Although, I still wasn’t sure what all he knew, I wasn’t looking forward to finding out.
“Are you all right?” Carter asked while rubbing my wrist.
“Yes,” I answered in a whisper.
“What has you looking so worried, besides those letters? I know it isn’t just those that had you reacting like you did.” Well, so much for not mentioning the barf episode.
I looked up to him. “It’s nothing, really, just the letters. I’m afraid.” It was the truth, just not all of it. I heard the study door close, and looked to see that both Grandpa and Ethan had left. Why would they leave?
Carter lifted and spun me so that I was straddling his lap and our eyes were level. When I noticed the position, there was no stopping the blush or the bubbles in my belly. He placed his hands on my cheeks and pulled me closer to his mouth. When I thought he was going to kiss my lips, he diverted and kissed the tip of my nose.
He pulled back. “Let’s get a few things straight. First, don’t lie to me. You are the worst liar I have ever met, so it’s pointless. More importantly, it pisses me off. If there is something you don’t want to talk about, tell me and we can discuss it.”
I started to rebuff his domineering command when he put his finger to my lips, effectively silencing me.
“Not yet, wait until I get done. Second, since I expect you to be honest with me, I am going to be totally honest with you.” He took a deep breath. “I have very strong feelings for you, Taryn. I can’t explain why or how I have them, but I find myself completely drawn to you. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, you are also the strongest person I have ever known.” He ended almost in a whisper.
I was stunned, and touched. Never before had anyone told me I was beautiful, and to hear this big, beautiful, alpha of a man say it impacted me beyond description. Only, he was wrong, too.
“You’re wrong,” I said. “I’m about the weakest person in existence. Wasn’t what you witnessed last night enough to show you that?” I snorted with derision.
“I don’t think I can convince you now, but one day you will see that I am right. Now, can you tell me what had you so upset it made you sick?”
I didn’t know what to say, I obviously didn’t want to tell him the truth. He was right though, I was a crappy liar. I didn’t have much practice with it. I could tell by the look on his face that he was serious, and he meant everything he had told me. He wanted honesty, and so did I. I knew hardly anything about him.
“Can I ask you something first?” I asked.
“Sure, you can ask anything.”
“You are demanding I not lie, but is that for both of us? Will you answer my questions with honesty? Be
cause I have a lot of questions, and I think it’s only fair that it goes both ways,” I rushed.
“Yes, I wouldn’t expect you to do something I wouldn’t do. I am serious, Taryn, I want to know you. I want to be part of anything that is you. I have never been as overwhelmed with feelings for another person as I am with you,” he paused for a moment and licked his lips. “To tell you the truth, it scares the hell out of me, because I can’t reason with it. I can’t diagnose, dissect, and pick apart the way I feel about you. Wondering if I’m alone in this drives me crazy. I am not a guy who loses control, nor am I one who isn’t sure of himself. With you, I have no control, and I question everything. Do you understand?” He looked at me, making eye contact and holding it steadily.
“Yes I do, I feel the same,” I answered without hesitation. “I don’t understand why I like you to hold my hand, when almost any other person who touches me sends me into a panic. I don’t understand why I yearn to just hear your scratchy voice. I don’t know why I feel safe when you hold me. I am confused, and scared, but mostly you excite me.” I answered with all the courage I could manage. I figured if he was going to spill his guts, so could I.
He let out a long breath, and closed his eyes. When he opened his eyes, I could see relief in them. He was afraid of what I was thinking. To know this giant guy was afraid of what I would say was heady. In some way, I felt bound or tied to him; we were experiencing these feelings together, neither of us alone to figure what was right or wrong, or the hows or whys. Just two people stumbling through a maze of chaotic emotions, finding a way through together.
He rested his forehead against mine, our breaths intermingling, then he kissed me. It was a soft kiss, a kiss full of hope, and maybe love? I kissed back, and I initiated him with my tongue this time. The growl of approval had those bubbles back in my belly, and shivers ran from my fingers to my toes. My breathing had started to become frantic as he plundered my mouth, so much I was getting light headed, but it felt so good, I didn’t want it to end. He slowed the kiss, and eventually pulled back.
