Endless Winter (Guardians of The Light)

by J Armitage

  “Get out,” she warned but had a smile on her face. “Anais love, you can stay.”

  Alex left and Anais sat down at the seat Arcadia had vacated.

  Winnie sat next to her and cut her a large slice of cake.

  “Don’t tell Alex” She whispered and then smiled.

  “How are you feeling love?”

  Anais couldn’t put into words how she was feeling although miserable, fed-up and depressed were certainly contenders.

  Winnie understood Anais lack of words and came around the table to give her a hug.

  “I can’t begin to imagine what you are going through. I know Aldric wouldn’t put you through this if he thought there was any other way.”

  “I know.” Tears began to form in her eyes.

  “How can I have a baby Winnie? I don’t know anything about babies. We don’t even know if I can conceive. Even if I do, who’s to say it will have the right amount of DNA.”

  “It is a dire situation that we are all in. We can only pray for a good outcome.”

  It was not the answer Anais was looking for. If prayer worked at all, they would not be in this mess. Actually if prayer worked, Winnie’s youngest daughter would have survived, her father would not have drank the Elixir and she would not exist in the first place. It was all very confusing so she tried not to think about it.

  She thanked Winnie for the cake although she’d not touched it and headed back to bed.

  Back in the room she sat straight on the bed as she had done countless times before. The gold painting was still stood against the wall where she had put it when she opened it. The pain and joy she usually felt at seeing it were as intense as always but now the painting stirred a memory in her mind. The image of herself looking out at herself reminded her of another image of herself. The photographs! The ones that had been left on her pillow the day Aethelu had taken her on the tramway. At the time she had dismissed them as a prank and had since forgotten about them. That was before she knew Jago was threatening them all. Now she realised that the photos were more than likely taken by Jago. That meant he had been in the house before. In her room. She prayed that she was wrong. She put her hand under her pillow to retrieve the photos. She would show them to Alex or Aldric in the hope that they really were the prank she had originally thought they were. Her hand felt cool cotton but no photos. She picked up the pillow. They weren’t there. She dropped to her knees and lowered her head until she could see under the bed. It was dark under there but there was enough light to see that there were no photos there. Trying to keep calm she methodically searched her bedroom. Eventually she came to the inevitable conclusion that they were gone. She never locked the room but she knew that no one in the family would go through her private things. Jago had not only been in her room to plant the photos but he had been in a second time to take them away again.

  She no longer felt as safe in the house as she had before. She moved the heaviest piece of furniture, a mahogany chest of drawers, behind the door and laid on the bed.

  Sleep eluded her until the early hours when she finally drifted off into a fitful slumber.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  Anais had spent so much of the last week feeling miserable and missing Aethelu that she’d not actually put much thought into actually having to have a baby. More honestly, she was actively trying to forget it in the hope that Andrew would somehow miraculously find Jago and she wouldn’t have to go through with it at all. Andrew seemed too preoccupied with Judith to actually be working on anything save the bare minimum despite what he had said in the security room. He was the only one who seemed happy in the house. Not even the prospect of the whole of civilization being wiped out could dampen his spirits. Anais caught him grinning a number of times although he had the decency to stop when he caught her looking at him.

  She wished he wouldn’t. It was nice to see someone happy. A sombre mood was affecting everyone else in the house. It was actually uplifting to see someone cheerful. She did feel pangs of jealousy when she saw Andrew and Judith walking hand in hand in the grounds from a window but it was nice he had found love. He deserved it.

  Judith had been kept in the dark on Aldric’s request about Jago and everything going on, a request that Andrew was only too happy to fulfil.

  Judith must have wondered why everyone was so unhappy but she seemed to only notice Andrew. Andrew and the snow. She was as fascinated by the snow as Anais was and dragged Andrew outside as much as possible although she complained about the cold even when she was inside.

  Anais kept away from everyone but when Aldric came to find her one afternoon whilst she was reading in the library she knew that she couldn’t get away with ignoring it any longer. He asked her to accompany him to his surgery where he sat her down in the seat she’d sat in the one time she was there before.

  “We cannot put this off any longer Anais I am sorry but we are very limited for time as it is. I have let you have some time for yourself since Aethelu left on the insistence of Winifred but I’m afraid we cannot wait any longer. You must be pregnant within the next few weeks to give us the optimum chance of success. The sooner the better really. I will need time once the baby is here to try to make a cure.”

  He was talking about the baby as if it was a certainty. It was a long shot at best.

  She suddenly wondered how exactly she was going to become pregnant in the first place. She’d been so busy trying not to think about being pregnant that she’d not considered the mechanics of it.

  Of course she knew about the birds and the bees. Her forward thinking mom had had that particular talk with her many years ago. She suddenly felt sick. As much as she liked Alex she just couldn’t imagine hurting Aethelu in this way. Aethelu was going to be heartbroken enough as it was when she discovered what was going on behind her back. Surely Aldric was not expecting her to conceive naturally?

  Thankfully Aldric put her out of her misery pretty quickly. He explained that he was fully acquainted with IVF procedures and intended to go down this particular route. He talked a lot in the next half hour, mostly about the mechanics of the whole procedure and he managed to make the act of having a baby seem very clinical.

  He calmed her fears slightly by telling her that Winnie would be assisting him in many of the scans and other intrusive procedures.

  He then asked her some extremely personal questions about her periods which made her very uncomfortable but she tried to act maturely and answer him as accurately as possible. He wrote all her answers in a little red notebook.

  “Excellent, Excellent. By some fortuitous luck we may be able to start this procedure right away. A scan will very quickly tell us.

  Now I can do this scan quite ably by myself but am I right in assuming that you’d prefer Winifred to do this?”

  “Yes Please.” It was embarrassing enough having to answer the personal questions. Having him prodding around with a scanner was more than she could bear. She was extremely grateful that he’d let Winnie do the scans. It would still be embarrassing but less so with another woman and one she trusted so much.

  Aldric picked up the phone on his desk and dialled a number on an old fashioned dial, the like of which, Anais had only ever seen before in period dramas and history books.

  “Hi...Yes please...Yes now, we’ve been lucky so far.”

  He placed the phone back in the cradle and within a minute Winnie had appeared at the door, complete with her usual smile on her face.

  She ushered Aldric out of the door and told Anais to hop up onto the bed.

  Winnie seemed very proficient using the medical equipment. The scanner she used showed them both Anais uterus which, although looked like a map of outer space to her, Winnie proclaimed perfect.

  Anais was very much emotionally torn. She was terrified of the whole idea of having a baby and it was happening much faster than she’d expected but at the same time she was saving millions, possibly billions, of lives.

  Aldric, who’d obviously been waiting just ou
tside the door in the snow was brought back in once Winnie had finished.

  Winnie and Aldric had a quick whispered discussion whilst Anais looked at the jars on the wall. They were the same as they had been when she first came to the surgery a week ago. How her life had changed since then.

  “Anais,” Aldric addressed her making her jump “We are at a time that we can proceed but despite the consequences if you do not, I will only do this with your permission.”

  Anais thought it was very unfair. She didn’t want to do this at all but she had no choice, despite Aldric telling her that she did. She felt Aldric was shifting all the responsibility on to her and it was a responsibility she didn’t want.

  “Ok, do it.”

  “Thank you Anais, I know this is difficult but you made the right decision.”

  Easy for you to say, she thought.

  “The embryos will be created here using your eggs. A week or so later, If they are viable we will implant them. Once that is done there is nothing more to do but wait.

  “They?”

  “There is only a 40% chance of the embryo surviving and that is with a normal healthy woman. In your case I do not know what the percentage will be so we are going to create more than one embryo. We are going to create as many as we can.

  “If we get more than three we will pick the three most likely to survive and implant them. We will start by giving you some hormone injections today and collect the eggs in a week’s time. A week after that we will implant the embryos.”

  Anais should have been shocked but she’d had so much thrown at her in the last few weeks that a triplet pregnancy was just one more thing to add to the ongoing nightmare she was living through. She left the surgery in a daze.

  Misery coursed through her. How much she wished that Aethelu was with her right now.

  She looked over to her right and saw the door to Aethelu’s painting studio. It gave her an idea. She ran into the main house and bumped into August in the kitchen.

  “August. Do you have a spare key to Aethelu’s painting studio?”

  “As it happens, I do.” He pulled a huge key ring of keys from his pocket and sorted through them until he found the one he was looking for.”

  He handed the whole bunch to Anais but she took the one she needed and handed the rest back.

  “Can I keep this?”

  “Yes of course, may I ask why?”

  “You may. I’m going to live in the studio until Aethelu gets home. I need space for myself.”

  “Ok love, if that’s what you want.”

  “It is August, Thanks.”

  Entering the studio felt like going home, even though she’d only ever spent one night there.

  Everything about it was Aethelu. It was almost like she was here. It was very cold compared to the house so Anais turned the heating up to its highest setting. She hoped it wouldn’t damage the paintings but she’d turn it down as soon as the space became warm. She climbed the little wooden ladder and laid down on the bed. Sniffing the duvet, she hoped to smell Aethelu’s fragrance but then she remembered the sheets had been changed and they smelled of fabric softener. She curled up in them and tried to sleep but sleep was impossible. She’d suffered terrible insomnia all her life but something about this place and being with Aethelu had meant that she’d slept like a baby in the previous weeks. She guessed it wouldn’t last with Aethelu not here with her. It was still early in the day though and no matter how much she wanted to fall into the blissful oblivion of sleep, it was too much to hope for so she got back out of bed.

  She spent the day pottering around in the studio, looking at the paintings and cleaning up the little kitchen. It was basic but had everything she would need including a little fridge and a cooker. She checked out the cupboards but they were empty apart from a couple of packets of crisps and some packet soups. At lunch time she boiled the kettle and mixed up a packet soup into a cup and drank that down quickly. It didn’t fill her but it helped to warm her up. Despite the heating being on full blast the studio was still chilly. The small heater wasn’t anywhere near big enough to heat the studios large space and Anais had not taken her coat off yet.

  She knew she’d have to venture back into the house to pick up some clothes and get some food but she put it off as long as she could.

  Eventually it began to turn dark outside and she could leave it no longer. She timed it so everyone would be at dinner. She didn’t want to see anyone. She was sick of everyone looking at her with pity in their eyes, she was sick of Rafe glaring at her for no determinable reason and she was especially sick of looking at loved up Andrew and Judith who were both so lovely but seeing them holding hands and stealing kisses was too much for Anais to bear. She didn’t even want to see Winnie who would try to comfort her.

  She made her way, through the snow, which had now started really coming down, to the kitchen. It was locked so she fished out the keys to the house that Andrew had given her previously and found the right one for the kitchen door. It turned with a faint click and she entered the lovely warm kitchen. On the table was a picnic basket with a note next to it. It had her name on, so she opened it.

  Thought you might need this,

  August

  She opened the lid and peeked inside. It was full of cans of food, a loaf of bread, a carton of milk, some packets of sliced meat and some bags of fresh vegetables. Anais smiled, August was so thoughtful. She looked again and saw an empty hot water bottle shoved down the side.

  Deciding to leave the basket for last, she sneaked upstairs to her room on the second floor. She packed enough clothes for a week including her heaviest jumpers and thickest socks and carried them down stairs. She made a quick detour to Aethelu’s room and took a pillow. Then she headed back to the kitchen. Luckily she’d timed it perfectly and she spotted no one on route. Her hands were full so she had to make two journeys back to the studio, coming back for the picnic basket. The snow had been coming down in occasional small flurries for weeks, leaving the whole estate under a thin blanket of snow, but now Anais had to carry the picnic basket through a blizzard. Every time she opened her eyes, snow flew into them effectively rendering her blind for the short journey. She was glad to get back into the studio and out of the relentless snow. Now that she had come in from the outside she could appreciate that the heater, though ineffective, had actually warmed the studio more than she thought, although it was still bitterly cold. There were no drawers and no wardrobe so she left her clothes in bags by the side of the bed and climbed back down the ladder, bringing the thickest of the jumpers with her. In the kitchen she filled the hot water bottle before making herself some dinner. Sausages and beans on toast were eaten on a little table which she had found in the corner of the studio covered in paint tubes and brushes. Tomorrow, she decided, she would organise all Aethelu’s paints ready for when she got home.

  To warm herself up, and for lack of anything else to do Anais ran the giant tub where she’d shared her first kiss with Aethelu. Being such a big bath, it took a long time to fill but the water was hot and steam rose like whispers from the surface.

  Scrabbling around in the little cabinet she found some soap and shampoo where the gold oil lived. She almost poured some into the bath to relive the experience but it wouldn’t be the same without Aethelu and she couldn’t be bothered with the inevitable clean up the next morning. Instead she found some clear bath oil and poured a generous measure in the bath instead. It smelled divine and Anais stayed in the bath until it cooled. Then she grabbed a towel and, not bothering to dress, jumped straight into bed. She’d had enough forethought to re-do the hot water bottle and slip it between the sheets so the bed was now toasty warm. She hugged the pillow she’d taken from Aethelu’s room. It had the faint smell of strawberry shampoo. She breathed deeply and fell into a fitful sleep.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Aldric had given her a timetable of when he expected her in the surgery. There were daily injections and various scans he had to perform and ea
ch one had to be completed at certain times.

  The next morning marked the first of these appointments. She opened the door to be greeted with nearly a foot of snow outside. The snow was still falling heavily although not quite the blizzard conditions of the previous evening. She slipped her wellies on and made a slow trek to the next door, the surgery. She could tell by the footprints in the snow that Aldric was already there. He opened the door and let her in. All that was needed was a shot which he gave her in silence. He then reminded her to come back the next day for more of the same. She made her way back through the snow to the studio and spent the day alone, organising the paints, washing the brushes and generally tidying. As she had tidied thoroughly the day she’d spent with Aethelu, there was very little to do. She wished she’d had the forethought to bring some books to read.

  She looked at her watch. It was an hour til midday. The family always ate dinner together in the large dining room but lunch was a haphazard affair. Everybody made their own lunch and ate where they pleased and at whatever time they wanted. There was no formal arrangement but the household generally staggered lunchtimes so as not to be getting in each other’s way in the kitchen. Anais didn’t want to see anybody but she was getting really bored stuck at the studio by herself with nothing to do. She waited the hour and then made her way to the house swinging the empty picnic basket with her. Bypassing the Kitchen, she walked around to the front door where she entered the house. It was the first time she had used these huge doors, always using the entrance through the kitchen before. They opened slowly with a slight creak which she tried to minimise by opening the large doors slowly and slipping in through the crack. Thankfully the main entrance was clear and so she quietly made her way to the library. Placing a few books in the basket she headed to the door to leave. She was just about to open the library door when she heard footsteps and voices heading in her direction. She panicked. Not wanting to face anyone, she ran to the secret door that Aethelu had shown her. Once she was inside the secret passageway she felt really foolish. There was no reason for her to hide, she could have just said hello to who it was and then casually left the library. Still it was too late now. She would look really silly exiting the secret passageway and she could think of no sensible reason why she should be there. She could walk the length of the passageway and up the ladder to the passages exit on the first floor but she had dropped the basket in her haste to hide. She decided to wait where she was, banking on whoever it was to get a book and leave without noticing the basket.