Delivering Decker

by Kelly Collins

  Suddenly, my brain felt like it might explode. “Hannah knew?”

  He nodded.

  I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. I’d been lied to all my life, and it was still happening. “When did you know?” I thought back to the day I met the brothers in my office. It was an odd meeting, but I didn’t question it. Now I realized I should have been questioning everything.

  Ryker pointed to an old leather chair, but I refused to sit. “We found out about you months ago. But we’ve been searching for you all our lives.”

  “And lying to me since we met.” With my head aching and my heart shredded, I walked out.

  Chapter 24

  Hannah

  The owl clock’s eyes shifted right and left, marking every minute I hadn’t heard from Decker. He was supposed to call when he got home last night. Although I wanted to text him every ten minutes, I’d sent only one message asking him whether he was okay. That gash on his head was worrisome. And if I were honest with myself, I was also worried that his mother would talk him out of loving a common girl like me.

  Only two couples occupied the diner. The snail’s pace of the morning made not hearing from Decker worse. Nothing filled my time except thoughts of him.

  The pot of coffee swung back and forth in my hand as I approached Mona and Marty’s table. “Mornin’, you two.”

  Marty looked up and grumbled. He may have been an early riser, but he wasn’t a morning person.

  “Marty.” Mona elbowed him. “Hannah said hello.” She had what could only be described as a teacher’s admonishing voice. The kind that sent you to the timeout chair in the corner.

  He lifted his eyes. “If you hadn’t kept me up all night, I might be more pleasant.”

  She lifted her dark glasses, and a mischievous light sparkled in her clouded eyes. “Don’t let him fool you, honey, he’s insatiable in the sack. It was him who kept me up.”

  Rather than gag, I ignored her comment. “Cook made biscuits and gravy today.”

  “They stick to my dentures,” Marty complained.

  “Give the old geezer oatmeal. I’ll take the special but add a scrambled egg. I need energy for round two.”

  “Damnit, Mona, the girl’s going to think I’m a sex fiend.”

  Mona laughed. “At eighty-one, you should be telling everyone it still works.” She looked at me. “It does, you know. It works just fine.”

  “Good to know.” My skin itched when I left the table. That sweater set and those tight white pin curls would never lead anyone to believe she had such a dirty mouth and an even dirtier mind.

  To resist texting Decker was futile. While waiting for the old couple’s meal, I rushed off another message.

  Are you okay? Tell me the truth. I’m worried.

  A reply didn’t come back for minutes. And when it did, it took my breath away.

  Save it, Hannah. Truth isn’t your strong point.

  The owl clock hooted eight times before I took my eyes off the screen of my phone. What the hell did that mean?

  “Order up,” the cook called.

  I shoved my phone into my apron pocket and delivered the meals.

  The bell above the door rang, and Silas and Ryker walked in. I approached with a full pot of coffee and several mugs in case the girls were joining them. They had that desperate-for-caffeine look about them.

  “Have you heard from Decker?” Ryker plunked into the booth and dragged himself to the center of the bench.

  “Yes. What the hell is going on?” I waited for Silas to take a seat, and I slid in next to him. “He called me a liar.” I slapped my phone on the table. It lit up with his message about truth.

  “I’m sorry, Hannah. This is my fault.” Ryker picked up the phone and frowned. “He knows who he is. He came by last night, and I asked him if you told him.”

  “Shit, Ryker, I wanted to tell him, and you wouldn’t let me,” Hannah said.

  Silas picked up the pot of coffee I’d brought and started to fill up the mugs. “That’s my fault. I didn’t want to disrupt his life if he was happy.”

  I threw myself against the booth back, hitting my head on the wooden frame. “Shit.” I rubbed at the knot that was already forming. “He wasn’t happy. He’s been alone his whole life. His father is an asshole. His mother’s a saint. His life is shit, and now it’s shittier because he has no one.” I flopped my head into my hands and cried.

  “You told us he was happy,” Ryker growled.

  I swiped at the tears. “That was before I knew the truth.”

  “Spill it, Hannah. What’s the truth?” Silas turned in my direction. Ryker scored me with sharp eyes. It was like an inquisition with both brothers staring me down.

  I started at the beginning with the crash and worked my way to the hospital room where I’d left him, omitting the sexy bits. Those were reserved for me and me alone.

  “You say this Tanner guy is his AA sponsor?” Ryker pulled out his phone and started tapping the screen. “The Dive is where he works?” His fingers skated across the smooth surface.

  “No, Tanner owns The Dive,” I said. “The place is special to Decker.”

  Ryker pulled out a ten and slapped it on the faded Formica table. “Let’s go.” He was out the door before I could say another word.

  As soon as I got up, Silas filled up two cups of coffee and exited the booth. “I’ll return these later.”

  I chased after him. “Silas, I love your brother. Make sure you tell him that.”

  He stopped with both hands full. “Hannah, I can tell him, but you need to show him. Let’s make sure he knows he’s loved.”

  “What’s this about love?” Mona asked. “I couldn’t help but hear.”

  I sank into the bench across from Marty and Mona and tapped a message on my phone.

  Is withholding a truth the same as telling a lie? What if I was trying to stay loyal to friends, and it all got muddled? Don’t judge me by one mistake. Give me a chance to make many more. We learn and grow from each other. I love you.

  The old couple sat and listened to my problems like well-seasoned therapists, only cheaper.

  “He’ll come around,” Marty said. “Men are stupid, but we can learn. Some of us take longer than others.”

  Mona reached across the table and set her hand near mine. I closed the gap so she could touch me. “You know that saying about how if you set someone free and they come back, they are yours forever?”

  “Yes, I’ve heard it before.” Was she trying to tell me to be patient?

  “Well, that’s bullshit. You get your ass in your car and chase down that boy. Flick him on his stitches to get his attention and don’t leave him until he’s convinced you love him.”

  The whole visual frightened me, but it was Mona speaking, and no matter how quirky her delivery seemed, her message was always accurate.

  “What if he doesn’t love me anymore?”

  “Oh, pish,” she snorted. “If that boy doesn’t love you, he doesn’t deserve you.”

  “She’s right,” Marty added. “She’s always right.”

  Mona smiled and nodded. “It’s all in the training, dear.” She patted Marty on the head like a good boy. “Sometimes a good man needs a little reminder of how lucky they are to have us. He’s a Savage, so his reminder might need to be a bat to the head. Those boys are thick with stubbornness but worth the extra effort.”

  “Now, Mona,” Marty piped in. “The girl’s going to think you’re being literal.” Mona leaned over and whispered something into Marty’s ear. He sat up straight. “She’s right. Bring the bat.” Marty blushed like a teenage boy with his first girly magazine. He turned toward the woman he obviously loved and said, “Can we use chocolate sauce this time?”

  Mona smiled. “Of course, sweetheart, it’s your favorite.” She winked at me. “See, it’s all in the training.”

  It took three hours and a busy lunch rush to get rid of the vision of Marty and Mona licking chocolate sauce off each other. When my replacement
showed up, I rushed out the door and drove straight home.

  Stacey was sitting on the couch with Nate. She was wearing a white T-shirt on which she’d written Not Preggers with a black marker. I didn’t have the time or energy to analyze the situation any further, but I was glad that at least Nate was decent, had a job, and didn’t have a record.

  “Have you heard from Decker?” Nate asked as I flew past.

  “No,” I called from the hallway, “but he’s going to hear from me.”

  Chapter 25

  Decker

  “I’ll have another.” I lifted my mug toward the bartender, who happened to be Hannah’s mom. She’d been working at The Dive for over a week. I’d come in at random times during the days hoping to avoid anyone I knew, but she was always here. At first, her hands shook like a leaf in a storm, but now she was solid. I remembered the DTs well. Days of praying to die if only to stop the shakes and shivers of detox.

  “Hannah has been looking for you.” Rachel was light on words, but each time she spoke it was always about her daughter. “I am only on step one, but I’ve read ahead. I think you should revisit the ‘take personal inventory’ step and admit that you were wrong. She didn’t lie to you. She simply didn’t tell you someone else’s story. That’s not a crime. In fact, most people would respect that.”

  I sipped at the root beer and set the mug down with a thunk. “I didn’t come here for advice.”

  Tanner snuck up behind Rachel and wrapped his arms around her waist. They had obviously become close in the short amount of time they’d known each other. “You surely didn’t come for the soda.” Tanner nodded his head toward the corner booth.

  Once we were both seated, he said, “Time to reconcile with yourself.”

  “Me? What the hell? There’s certainly reconciling that needs to be done, but it’s everyone else who owes me.”

  Tanner leaned forward, placing his elbows on the table. “You know the drill, Decker. Take care of you. Be honest with yourself. Be honest with others. Loving someone isn’t a crime. Making the best decision, even if it’s wrong, isn’t necessarily nefarious.”

  I threaded my hands through my hair and tugged. The sting helped distract me from the pain I felt inside. “Everyone lied to me,” I gritted out.

  “Maybe, but was it done with malicious intent, or were they thinking of your feelings?”

  Tanner had a point. It was the same message that ran through my head a hundred times a day. Was the secret kept to hurt me or help me? Each person had a different motive, and yet I’d poured all of them into the liar's container.

  “I’m confused. I’m hurt. I’m lost.” I glanced over at Hannah’s mother and saw where Hannah got her good looks. God, I missed that girl. I was furious with everyone, including her, but I never stopped loving her.

  “You have a right to be all those things, but don’t push away the people who love you. They’ve all stopped in here looking for you. Ryker. Silas. Ana. Grace. Hannah. Even that old couple Marty and Mona. Reach out to them. They want to be a part of your life.”

  “I don’t know where to begin.”

  “Start with your father. Don’t let him die when you have words left unspoken. Just be honest and be fair.” Tanner rose from his seat and walked back to the bar.

  I finished off my root beer and headed to the hospital.

  The room was dark and foreboding when I entered. A quartet of monitors beeped and whistled and moaned. Dad lay frail and motionless in his bed.

  For minutes I stared at him, wondering whether I’d ever truly known him. Mom was right. He was a perfectionist. He was a results-driven man who presented a failure-free image. Sadly, the world was about failure as much as it was about success.

  Had I not drank myself to numbness early on, I may have faced a life like my father’s—or, more specifically, a death like his. There were lessons in everything.

  “Decker.” Dad’s parched voice broke through the cacophony.

  I pulled up the chair where Mom often sat and took her place by his bed. “I’m here.” I reached for his hand, which was completely unnatural, but Dad didn’t pull away. In fact, he gripped me with his waning strength.

  “I’m sorry.” He began to cough and pointed to the cup next to his bed.

  I held the straw to his lips and waited for him to sip. Water ran down his chin, and the look on his face was pure frustration. Dad never liked anyone to see his weakness. Hell, I’d never known he had any until recently.

  “I’m sorry too.”

  “Your mother told you.”

  “Yes, and it all makes sense.”

  “I never hated you,” he said. His voice thinned with each word.

  “You never loved me either.” I tried to let go of his hand, but he tightened his grip. It was as if I was his last lifeline to this world.

  “Not true. I loved you the best way I knew how.”

  Tanner’s talk about leaving words unspoken ran like a song on repeat. I could tell him all sorts of stuff he did to hurt me. All the ways I hated him. All the ways I wished he would have loved me. But what was the point? Not telling him wasn’t a lie. It was a kindness. And Tanner’s words about being fair won.

  My stomach clenched like it had been doused in acid. Hannah and Ryker and Silas hadn’t really lied. They simply hadn’t shared the truth because of the possibility that my life could have been better without it.

  Maturity hadn’t been my strongest attribute this week. I’d acted selfishly and childishly out of hurt. I’d not let my father die with angry words as the last ones he heard.

  “Do you remember my first sale? You dressed me in a suit and tie like I was your partner.” We were a matching pair. I was his mini-me.

  His yellow eyes brightened. “You were my partner.”

  “That was the best day ever. I sold a house. We went to Scoops for ice cream, and you let me sit in your chair the entire day at your office.”

  “You remembered.”

  “That was a good day. What about when I superglued your desk drawers shut?”

  “Not such a good day. I had a board meeting, and my notes were in there.”

  “I wanted you to go to lunch with me.”

  “You got your wish.” His head fell forward but flopped back against the pillow. After several tries to sit up, he gave up.

  “If I remember correctly, you made me pay everyone an hour’s pay for their wasted time.” I laughed.

  “Time is money,” we both said at the same time.

  “About that, Decker. If I had to do it all over again …” He stalled. “I’d spend more time doing kid things with you. We should have played ball and gone to the park to fly kites.”

  I closed my eyes and pictured moments like that. It seemed like an unbelievable dream. That’s not who Rip Riley and I were. I opened my eyes. Really opened my eyes for the first time. “We parsed numbers and sold properties. It’s all the same. You lose some, you win some.” That’s who we were. We were Riley and son. He wasn’t all hugs and praise, but he was my father.

  “Do you really hate the family business?”

  This was one time I didn’t want to lie. “Yes, but I’ll do it because it’s your legacy.”

  Dad struggled to lean forward. He let go of my hand and reached for the button for the bed. He raised himself to a seated position. “And what will yours be? The man who hated himself more than he hated real estate? I don’t want that for you.”

  It was the first time I’d heard Dad consider my wants, or maybe it was the first time I’d really listened. “What do you want from me?”

  He grasped my hand again. “I want you to be happy, Decker. In the end, you can’t take any of it with you. I thought I’d die happy knowing you’d be taking the helm of what I created, but that’s my accomplishment, and when I’m gone, it no longer matters. What do you want to accomplish? When you’re lying on your deathbed, what will you see as your greatest achievement?”

  “I met a woman that I want to make a part of my
life. I want to revitalize communities that have suffered a blow like Fury.”

  “I never paid much attention to your past. Once you were ours, the past never mattered.” He took a few labored breaths. “I always thought that if I couldn’t have my DNA in you, then I’d put my work ethic and passion in you.”

  That was where I’d fallen short in my father’s eyes. “I’m sorry I was a disappointment.”

  “You weren’t, Decker. I was simply shortsighted. You have the business; make it what you want. Open a division that does exactly what you want it to do. Fall in love, make babies, play softball, fly kites.”

  I didn’t dare let the tear that gathered in my eye fall. There was no way I’d let Rip Riley know that I was weak. I was more like him than he’d ever know.

  “A party without me.” Mom walked in looking like she’d just left the spa, which was funny because she wasn’t a spa kind of girl. However, she was a Riley, and we always pulled our shoulders back and pressed forward.

  “Yep, Dad and I were just getting ready to get out of here and fly a kite.” I smiled at my father, who had drifted off to sleep.

  “I’m game. How about a picnic and afterward, we can watch the sun set?” Mom said.

  The rest of the afternoon was spent talking about our lives as a family with dad moving in and out of consciousness. And when the sun set for the day, so it set on my father’s life. He took his last breath with me holding his hand. He may not have brought me into this world, but I held him while he left it.

  Chapter 26

  Hannah

  If not for Tanner and my mother, no one would have known about Decker’s father’s passing. Although not invited, we showed up en masse at the funeral. It was a large affair with hundreds of people in attendance. I sat in the back row of the church with Ryker and Ana, Silas and Grace, Tanner and Mom, and Stacey and Nate. Marty and Mona stayed behind in Fury to babysit.