Angela's Hope (Wildflowers)

by Banicki, Leah

  * * * * *

  A chilly drizzle fell on Ted’s shoulder as he left his building. He had a few hours before he was due at the docks for the job he was working for the next week. Unloading boats from the dock was a good paying job. Extra money for staying the week, ‘good labor in this part of town was hard to come by’ said all the business owners in town. He was well taken care of. He had set aside a fair nest egg for himself and enough to get passage home as well. Today he was going to tell Angela. His heart broke in his chest at the thought but it had to be done.

  Some dogs barked angrily nearby and startled him on his quiet morning walk. Nights were dangerous in San Francisco but the mornings were mostly quiet. The industrious part of this boomtown was beginning to stretch and open doors. Preparing for the day, eating their breakfasts, chopping wood, but the sounds were good ones. The world was waking.

  Ted walked past the docks and saw the water was peaceful on the bay. The light rain hadn’t come with much wind but it was chilly. Ted grabbed a cap from his back pocket and pulled it onto his head. It had been his father’s everyday hat, grey and green plaid, weathered but warm. It made him think of his Pa working the farm back home. He had worn this cap every morning in the harsh winters to the barn to milk the cows and feed the animals.

  Once Ted had been old enough he gladly helped his Pa. His Uncle would stop by nearly every day to jaw with his dad over the kitchen table. Mother would complain at least once a week that Hank would eat up all their food with his asking for seconds and thirds over lunch every day. Pa was never one to confront his brother. Ted didn’t have his father’s issue. He was a fighter, not a brawler, in his mind there was a big difference. Ted was a fighter for justice. He didn’t look for trouble like some men, who tried to prove they were strong or good with their fists. Ted believed in integrity and hated to see people being mistreated.

  Ted walked passed a few businesses that had folks stirring inside, he waved at a few people that he had come to know. He passed the Quackenbush store and saw Gabriel shoving wood into the fireplace. Ted walked faster so he wouldn’t be noticed. His heart was a little heavy and he didn’t want to talk to anyone this morning.

  He came to his destination and knowing it wouldn’t be open yet he sat on a nearby bench that had a canopy overhead. The drizzle was starting to form raindrops and the plop of rain on the roads was comforting. It was twenty minutes of thinking and planning his conversation with Angela in his head before he heard the door behind him open and a small bell chimed the store was open for business.

  It was an all-purpose store, less useful than a Hudson Bay store with staples for living, but you could find a variety of goods for just about any situation. It was a bargain hunter’s store. Ted had been here many times in search of something, not sure exactly what until he found it two weeks ago. A gift for Angela, he had it held by the owner, a nice Irish man with a bushy beard and an easy laugh. He had thought of that silver bracelet a thousand times a day wondering if it was the right gift. Wondering if it truly would be silly to her or she would understand what it meant to him but also to her.

  Mr. Kelly had his easy laugh ringing through the room before Ted had the door all the way open.

  “Young Ted, have ya finally made up your mind about the purchase?” His bushy beard was red and brown and bobbed as he spoke. It always made Ted smile.

  “Yes, got all my money saved for everything I needed to and can finally say ‘yes.’ Would you be having a box I could slip it into? Something simple but clean-looking?” Ted asked.

  Mr. Kelly wordlessly rummaged through a shelf below the counter. A green wooden box was set before him and Ted nodded with a huge smile across his face. He couldn’t help it. Suddenly knowing he was going to buy something for his sweetheart was filling his heart with a pride he couldn’t contain.

  He plunked down his money and Mr. Kelly gladly placed his purchase in the box neatly.

  “May I ask who the lucky lady is?” Mr. Kelly gave Ted a wink and Ted was slightly ashamed of the blush creeping up his cheeks.

  “Only if you keep it secret. I would never want her to be shamed by gossip.” Ted said seriously.

  “On my honor.” Mr. Kelly said, his laughter filling the room again.

  “Angela Fahey, from the Quakenbush store. “ Ted said quietly, his face beaming again just thinking about his girl.

  “You could nay have picked a better lady. Never met a sweeter tempered red head in all my liven’ life.” Mr. Kelly said, nodding and crossed his heart with his hand as a promise.

  Ted was out of the store with a green box in his pocket and a skip to his step. His heart was a mixture of happy and sad. He had one more stop to make at the stationery shop and his deed would be done. The store was open and ready and with little fuss he had the owner cut some fancy paper to size of the inside of the box and then allowed Ted use a quill to write the note.

  With all my love, Ted.

  He knew the severity of the words and writing them down was a promise to him. In his heart he was promising to come back to her. If only he could express to her the words how he felt them when he spoke with her tonight.

  He returned to his room and hid the box beneath the bed and under a floorboard. Just in case. The city was crawling with thieves. Ted let out a breath and said a prayer. He let his worries go and them with a start looked at his pocket watch. He gathered his work jacket and cap again and headed back into the rain. He had a full day of work to think on the words.

  Lord please help me say them right. He prayed as he walked.

  * * * * *

  The day had been a full one. Angela felt a mess of dirt and grime with more than a fair share of child spit up her. She had cleaned her chicken coop out in the morning and then taken Silas for the afternoon. She was hoping for a hot bath but knew with everyone’s busy schedule for the day the best she could hope for was the bowl and pitcher method. She would have washed her hair had she been able to get Silas to sleep. He was not sick, hot, or hungry by Angela’s reckoning. Just wanting to make his voice heard. He missed his ma and Angela was a poor replacement today. Some days they got on like peas and carrots, just not today. Angela hoped one day to have a house full of children, but knew full well, there would be days like this.

  Angela grabbed Silas under the arms and plopped him on her hip. She began the old ‘dance around and sing to the baby’ system used since the dawn of time. Fast songs, slow songs, even songs she barely knew just to keep the bouncing going as she made up words to the beat.

  She was singing a spiritual song when Amber and Gabriel came home from their errands. Silas squealed with delight and held up his pudgy arms for his mama. A grin spread across his red and tear covered face. A true miracle, Angela was amused at how fast his moods could switch.

  “Was he nothing but trouble again?” Amber asked apologetically. Her face was in a pout as she accepted her son into her willing arms. Gabe was trying to help her untangle herself from a shawl as the baby was grasping at everything he could.

  “He is quite attached to you, but every trip will make it easier. I am certain. All babies grow out of it eventually. So I am told.” Angela remembered Edith Sparks and her lessons on child rearing. While Angela had been bed-ridden she had read every housekeeping and mothering book Edith had.

  “You spend a little time for you, Angela dearest. I know Ted asked to come to dinner. You can rest up then put on that new pretty dress we finished. That lace collar Clive gave you was stunning. Not sure what I want to do with the one waiting for me. It’s so hard to decide.” Amber held a sleepy child and sat in her rocker by the fire to warm up after being out in the damp and cold. Silas was nearly asleep.

  The little rascal, Angela thought with no malice. Babies are babies, no expectin’ them to be perfect.

  Angela got a kettle going on the stove in the kitchen and then washed her hair in the warm water in the privacy of her room. After thirty minutes she felt refreshed and clean. She even brought out a small jar of sc
ented cream and used it sparingly on her arms and hands. It smelled of citrus and something else. Angela couldn’t name it. She thought of Corinne, knowing that she would know the moment the jar was opened. She would tell her how the flower or herb would be of benefit to her.

  Her heart ached to see her friend again. So many months away now made Angela start to feel that empty feeling again. Like she had no real home. She had dreamt of Oregon for so long and she loved and cared for those families like they belonged to her. Yet she was here, chasing down something that may never come to pass. She had repeated ‘just one more month’ for so many months.

  She still felt that urge to stick it out. For just a bit longer… Her talks with God had led her mind to peace on that so far. But she knew with all her heart that San Francisco was not her home. This was temporary.

  Her new dress was spread across her bed, welcoming her to put it on, it had a belled skirt so she found the bell hooped slip and got that into place and with a few awkward movements got the dress over her head and she was thankful for the pearl buttons down the front of the dress. Making it easier to dress herself. The fabric was red, black and green plaid. The pearl buttons and lace collar brought out the tiny lines of cream that were weaved in sparingly. The affect was nice against Angela’s fair skin and with a dash of powder on her cheeks Angela felt nearly ready to face the dinner with her beaux, if he could be called that. She added in her head. She wanted to think so.

  She sat with Amber for a bit and once Gabe took the sleeping child to his own room Amber braided and did up Angela’s hair. It was too fancy for just a weeknight dinner, Angela exclaimed but Amber hushed her and continued with her pins and fussing.

  Angela made a few cups of tea and they settled into a nice easy conversation about nothing important. Dinner was cooling on the stove. A beef roast with potatoes and the bread had been baked fresh yesterday. The women were enjoying the moment of silence.

  “What will I do when you go back home to Oregon?” Amber asked a while later after they had drifted in silence.

  “I was just thinking on that today. Somehow I know I won’t be here forever.” Angela said. Not sure how to word her thoughts, she didn’t want them to think she didn’t love them like her own family; because she did.

  “I know how you are feeling.” Amber shared. “Gabriel and I are getting more and more uncomfortable in this city full of sin. Gabriel and Clive are talking about a new store in Portland, Oregon. Now that we have Silas to think on this place is looking more and more dangerous.”

  “Knowing you might be in Oregon someday does my heart good.” Angela said, a misty tear in her eye. “I love your family.” Angela’s voice cracked a bit and she let her words drop. She didn’t need to say anymore. She could tell Amber knew everything she meant to say. Angela willed her tears to stay back and after a few minutes of staring at the fire they finally obeyed.

  * * * * *

  The steps on the stairs made Amber and Angela both jump with a start. They were both a bit warm and drowsy in their hour of leisure. Clive knocked softly then peeked in. He hadn’t wanted to wake up the baby so the new system had been adopted. Ted came in after Clive and they both removed their boots and set them by the door.

  “New dress, Red?” Clive whispered. He bent in half and kissed her cheek.

  “Yes, and your lace collar. Thank you.” She kissed his cheek back and he pretended a halfhearted swoon.

  Gabe came from the bedroom with a bright-eyed boy in his arms. Silas seemed to have recovered completely from his fussy day to having a pleasant demeanor for the evening.

  Silas went happily into his highchair and played contentedly with the few toys set on the ledge.

  “You look lovely.” Ted said quietly near Angela’s ear when everyone else had left them alone to go into the dining room.

  “Thanks, Amber got carried away with my hair though. I think she thought I was going to a ball.” Angela smiled and felt the lovely warm feeling spreading through her. Ted made her feel peaceful and safe somehow.

  “I would gladly take you to a ball, Milady.” Ted bowed and then sat down next to her in a wooden chair he dragged close to her.

  “Well, I would be honored kind sir.” Angela said softly, enjoying the silly nothings.

  Soon they were called to the table and dinner was a success, lots of laughs and sharing to be had.

  After dinner the family sat in the living room and talked of business and city rumblings. Angela was distracted and lost in Ted’s eyes for most of the conversation.

  Clive made an announcement that saved them from a slow insanity.

  “I think the rain has finally stopped. You kids get out and see fer yerselves.”

  Angela and Ted needed no more invitation and excused themselves.

  “I don’t want your dress to get muddy.” Ted said concerned when they got to the street. The mud had been worse but it was pretty wet.

  “It’s dark fabric and easy to clean. That’s why I picked it. I am no dainty flower.” Angela said and grabbed his arm. They walked to the pier overlooking the bay.

  Ted used his jacket to clear the water off a rock ledge and they sat watching the light fade into dusk.

  “You have something to say.” Angela said. She liked the feel of his arm tucked next her but his silence was interesting.

  “Yes.” Ted said nervously.

  “Take yer’ time.” Angela said, grinning and hoping he would be able to talk soon. He was making her nervous.

  Ted laughed, leaned and rested his head on her shoulder. The action melted her heart.

  “I have some things to say, some good, some bad.” Ted blurted out. Hating the way it sounded.

  “Bad news first. That way we end on the good.” Angela was trying to stay positive ignoring the jolt in her stomach.

  “My time in San Francisco is coming to an end soon.” Ted lifted his head and looked at the side of her face.

  “I knew you would be heading back to your family.” Angela said. Her voice was a little stiff.

  “I have to go and make sure my mother and sisters are okay. I want to bring them west.” Ted said simply. Hoping she understood his sense of duty.

  “What happens if your mother wants to stay there?” Angela asked the first thought that popped into her head. She was getting left behind again.

  “I have thought of that. I have saved enough to get her settled but I will be coming back. I have a very good reason to come back, ya know.” Ted’s voice had the hint of a smile.

  Angela found enough bravery to look into his eyes. She was scared to see weakness there, or even lies; promises of something and then just another person to leave her.

  “I have been working hard and planning a future. I just cannot finish the plan until I know my family is safe. My sense of honor cannot do anything else.” Ted said seriously.

  Angela finally let out a breath she’d been holding. It clicked into her brain what he was saying. It was the kind of man he was, one that takes care of his responsibilities. It made her love him more. It settled her heart and calmed her fears.

  “I trust you Ted, I know your heart is honest and you will do what’s right.” Angela kissed him after she spoke.

  Ted wiped tears from her cheek after her sweet kiss.

  “We have a few weeks to talk and spend time together before I go. I am going by land. It will be faster. No wagons, but just heading back on horseback with a group of scouts that are friends with Clive. We are meeting up in Oregon City and leaving once the mountain passes are clear.

  “I will pray you have a safe journey. The overland route is a hard one.” Angela said softly. She didn’t want her voice giving away as much emotion as she felt.

  Ted stopped talking and looked into her green eyes for a long moment. Leaving her was going to be the hardest thing he had ever chosen to do.

  “Ya know, watching my father die aboard that ship was difficult. I know I don’t talk about it much but I couldn’t understand how he had done it. How
he had left my mother and two sisters behind when my Uncle Hank had pestered and prodded him for weeks about coming here. The funny part is that my uncle hadn’t even paid his fair portion. At the last minute he had come up with some lame excuse why he was short the ship fare. My dad had taken the crop sale and sold all the cattle to pay our way. And also then pitched in some for Hank, I keep thinking over every word him and ma had before he left. How she cried and begged him not to go. Just like your eyes are doing to me now. Here you sit so brave trying to accept one more person leaving you behind. I cannot be a good man, no matter what I do. All I have wanted to tell you is how much I love you and all I can think about is my Ma stuck on our barely functioning farm back east and wondering if they will survive to the spring. Then I think about you and wondering how much a chance I will have earning your love if I leave you here.” Ted’s eyes got misty at the magnitude of the moment.

  “You love me?” Angela said, wiping a tear but her face was no longer as sad.

  “Desperately.” Ted said and grabbed her cold hands.

  “You don’t have to earn my love anymore. You already have it, Thaddeus Greaves.” Angela stated without blinking.

  “How can you, knowing I have to leave. I hate to, but I have to.” Ted said again. He couldn’t believe that she could forgive him for that.

  “My heart is growing stronger. I can thank God for that. I have said goodbye to many people. There has not been one person I have said goodbye to that I ever stopped loving.” She paused and took a deep breath. “With every part of me I will pray and wait, Ted. Just as I pray and pray for my brother, and pray and wait to see the sister of my heart, Corinne. My love for them only grows. Just as it will for you. If you never wrote a word to me, and I never heard an utterance from those lips again I would still love you. Your honor and duty to your family only increases it. You are willing to face the harsh wilderness to be certain of their safety. To me, there is no higher charge than to take care of your family. Go with my blessings. I will write to you, and if you allow it so I will write to your mother. It is the least I could do after all, she made you. I am quite thankful to her for raising such an a honorable young man.” Angela gave him a fierce hug and held on and let her tears fall over her cheeks and they spilled over his jacket.