Kinsley's Heart

by Roxanne Greening

  Table of Contents

  Prologue

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Epilogue

  1

  Kinsley’s

  Heart

  Roxanne Greening

  2

  3

  Text Copyright 2018© Roxanne Greening

  All Rights Reserved

  All rights reserved in all media. No part of this book may be used or reproduced without written permission. Except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

  The moral rights of Kinsley’s Heart as the author of this work has been asserted by her in accordance with the copyright, designs, and patients act of 1988.

  This is a work of fiction. All names, characters, locales, and incidents are the

  products of the author's imagination and any resemblance to places or events is coincidental or fictionalized.

  Published in the United States of America

  2018

  Dedicated to my husband and kids the rest of my family for all their support! To my dad and my mom for making me who I am today. And to my friend

  Jaime for giving me the courage to think outside the box.

  Prologue

  Kinsley

  Memories flashed throughout my mind. They were consuming, controlling, and devastating. He was there kissing my neck, his lips soft and gentle. His eyes piercing mine as I walked up that aisle to him.

  Tears stained my cheeks as life without all those sweet tender moments stretched before me.

  I met Daniel at a job that I hated. I was working while going to school, and he was just there. I'm not sure why our paths crossed, but he said the very moment I walked into the room it got brighter.

  Daniel said he knew he had to have me and that I needed to be his. My fingers clench harder on his hand as the thoughts ran through my head.

  His calluses fingers were rough and soothing at the same time. The day we found out I was barren was the day he said he loved me more.

  A giant sob racked from my chest as I whispered I couldn't do this without him. The endless nights of emptiness were all I could see.

  They were a cold, dark, empty space that threatened my very existence. This is what I deserved for my foolish desires.

  "Don't leave me."

  I beg him even though I know it's too late. I closed my eyes as more tears flowed freely. I remember his body was warmer than mine. He was always there to keep the cold at bay.

  "I can't do this without you."

  Again, I was begging. The silence that followed was deafening. I wanted the world to vanish and the truth to leave me.

  "Why are you doing this?"

  I asked, and only more silence was my answer.

  "You promised me forever."

  I whispered those words falling on deaf ears. No matter what I said or how much I wished, it would change nothing.

  My skin felt too tight for my own body. If I could shrink any further into myself, I would. I hoped to hear a response or to hear his voice.

  The memories sucked me in again as the silence stretched on like an open void. We were lying in bed just this morning as his eyes were bright and his fingers running up my sides.

  My yoga pants and tank top not keeping his ticklish fingers at bay.

  "Stop it!"

  I screamed through the laughter and happy tears. He just tickled me more. His leg covered mine holding them in place as his fingers continued to wreak havoc on my nerves.

  "You love it!"

  His voice was full of merit, and my eyes watered more. He was right, I did love it.

  "Please, I'm going to pee my pants!"

  His eyes turned serious as he released me.

  "You love me right Kinsley?"

  I looked at him in complete confusion.

  "Of course, I do Daniel."

  His eyes turned somber, and I could see something was off.

  "No matter what?"

  "Why are you asking me this?"

  "No matter what Kinsley?"

  "Yes."

  The morning's warmth left in a rush. Did he know what I felt? Did he know my secret shame?

  His lips pressed hard to mine as his hands pulled at my clothes. He was desperate as he slid my underwear down my legs.

  Before I could register the change in his mood again, he was thrusting inside me hard. He didn't wait like he normally did for me to adjust. He started pounding inside me.

  Biting my lip, I moaned in both pleasure and pain. I was close to falling over the edge, but before I reached it, he released deep inside me.

  My disappointment had me sagging into the bed in a ball of nerves

  "You're mine, Kinsley."

  I looked at the ceiling as dread filled me. He was never like this.

  "Remember that."

  Then he pulled away and got dressed. I laid there for another thirty minutes, long after the door closed behind him and long after he left the house.

  Not once did he ask if I was okay or why I wasn't moving. I knew why now.

  "How could you do this to me, Daniel?"

  I thought I could hate him for it. That the love I had for him would die, but it didn't. Another memory, a happier one, flashed to the forefront. We were in one of my favorite restaurants, and he was on one knee holding a blue velvet box.

  The clear stone reflected off the light showed how beautiful it really was. I was screamed yes and fell into his arms.

  "Why the secret Daniel?"

  I looked at the ring on my left hand. The weight of it was almost more than I could bear.

  "I thought you loved me."

  More silence. I knew he couldn’t answer me, but the words kept coming.

  "I can't hate you even if I wanted to."

  My fingers twisted together. I was guilty as well.

  "You should have spent this life feeling happy, not pretending to be."

  I wanted nothing but his happiness, and that's why I kept my secret for so long.

  "I am also in love another man."

  I sobbed as I admitted it out loud.

  "Ma'am? It's time."

  My hands clenched into fists. He left this morning and didn't come home. When the phone rang, my world began to spin.

  "I want to stay. Is his brother here?"

  The pity in the beautiful nurse's eyes told me he still hasn't made it.

  "We really can't wait, we already went against the law."

  They put him on life support even though Daniel had signed papers saying never to resuscitate or put him on life support.

  I watched as the doctor removed the tube from his throat. This was it. Soon, I will be alone again.

  "It shouldn't be much longer. I'm sorry for your loss Ma'am."

  I nodded my head, captivated by the man lying in bed. All the machines were removed, and his breathing became erratic. His breaths were fewer and further apart.

  His eyes half opened, and they looked at me. I felt a lump in my throat. The nurse patted my shoulder before placing the stethoscope against his chest.

  She looked at me and again that pity. His breathing became rattled. His eyes started to turn dull.

  “Is there something you could do to help him?”

  This was
my fault, I just knew it. Daniel’s once beautiful face was covered with purple colored marks his eyes puffy. Someone beat him, and he was dying because of it. I’ve been here for over an hour watching the machines breathe for him before they unplugged them.

  When I walked into the hospital and told them Daniel’s name. The look of both shame and shock crossed the male nurse’s eyes as I introduced myself as his wife. I don’t know why he would look like that.

  I found out three minutes later as I walked into his room and a woman leaning over him crying.

  ““I’m sorry Mrs. Luther, I didn’t know. She said she was his wife.”

  I looked at the woman who raised her head, and the guilt and pain in her eyes filled me with dread. I knew right then that she was his lover. My Daniel wasn’t just mine.

  For a moment I felt relief, and the guilt I’ve harbored was lifted. That was until I looked passed her and saw He was almost unrecognizable. The nurse was ushering the woman out, and she was crying begging to stay.

  “You really don’t want to be here. Daniel’s brother is coming.”

  I didn’t tell her that he would kill her, but I knew he would. Fin wouldn’t be happy to find out about her. She looked at me, and that

  fear came back. She read what I was thinking.

  Collapsing into the chair beside him I grabbed his hand. I haven’t moved since that moment. He had to be in pain, and a small evil part of me was glad he felt that pain.

  He blew my world to shit today.

  “Mrs. Luther if we give him something it would push him over.”

  “He’s going to go anyway, please just make it painless.”

  He deserved peace, no one deserved to die painfully not like this. I watched as he put a needle into the IV. A few shallow, barely there breathes later he wasn’t breathing anymore.

  Time slipped by slowly. I refused to leave the room, even as they cleaned him and pulled out the IVs. I sat there as they placed him in the bag and zipped it closed.

  That sound would haunt me until I died. I sat in that room long after he was gone. A hand gripped my shoulder causing me to jump. I looked over my shoulder, I looked into the eyes of my secret shame.

  Fin O’Patrick.

  Chapter 1

  Kinsley

  One Year Later…

  His eyes were dark, and I often appeared trapped in them. It felt like I was tumbling into an endless night sky. I loved how they looked, and how they made me feel important. He would give me his full attention even his body would be turned towards mine.

  He never made me feel insignificant for what I said or what I did. I desired this man with a need that had to be described as combustion. My heart hurts just to look at him. He could never be mine. He would only ever see me as a piece of furniture.

  I could never have him, although every so often I would catch a smoldering look. It was a trick of the heart and it was a foolish hope my soul didn’t need.

  Like a phantom in the night, he would come to me. He would take my dreams, and leave me in a heap of flushed skin and heated thoughts.

  There was this need under my skin. An itch so intense that I didn’t understand. I hated that my heart would leap, and my stomach would drop when he walked into the room.

  Our lives couldn’t be more intertwined and yet so far apart. Slowly I sank onto the couch as I watched in both excitement and dread as he walked through the door. At this very moment, my life again tilted on its axis.

  When will it cease? Nine fucking years and counting and he still had this effect on me? I married his brother, and he still me in knots. I couldn’t meet his eyes as desire coursed through me.

  I would never cross that line. I could never cheat, but that didn’t stop this need to throw his ass to the floor and ride him to oblivion. Heat rushed to my face as those thoughts came unbidden.

  I watched as his lips twitched and I know deep down, he can sense how I felt for him. I sank further into the couch begging it to swallow me and become one with it. Anything to escape. He was family, my husband’s halfbrother. What I felt was wrong on so many levels. I reprimanded myself over and over.

  Kinsley pull that foolish head out of your ass! Fin can never be yours.

  I could see the lethal killer under the surface. Under all that muscle a man was willing to put a bullet into anyone’s head. He would do anything for her. She was the only one who would catch his eyes. The one who would be his.

  I wasn’t his, how could I be? They took my chances of having more children. He would need an heir. He was the head of the family,

  and his father married Daniel’s mother.

  I met Daniel and thought I found love at first site. I had the fairytale love, and then I met Fin, and the fairytale popped. My heart stopped, and my lungs stilled. His eyes locked on mine and I was drowning in them. I was drowning and never wanted to be saved.

  It was like a piece of our souls changed places. Even after all these years I still felt that when I looked at Fin. Every night I would go to my husband and every night, Fin invaded my dreams.

  Daniel took me to the one place I needed to be. In his arms. It was my own personal heaven and hell. My nightmare and my fantasy.

  “Kinsley.”

  His voice was like rich chocolate. Not the cheap stuff, but that super expensive stuff that had you moaning just sniffing it. Yeah, that was Fin.

  “Fin.”

  My tone was happy and full of the excitement, but I wish I could pretend wasn’t there. If he were a better man, but Fin wasn’t a better man. He gave me that telltale look.

  The one told me he knew what I was thinking.

  “Your hair’s shorter.”

  My fingers glided through the short strands, which were twelve inches shorter than before. It was comfortable and different.

  I wanted to be different, and maybe then I could stop this nonsense. If I were someone else, it wouldn’t matter anymore. I was just foolish.

  Fin mimicked my movement running his fingers through his dark hair. It was a gift from his mother. His father was a classic Irishman, with red hair and freckles.

  Red hair and freckles. I needed space, and yet I wanted to be closer. I wanted to smell his delicious scent.

  I wanted to run from the house and go get wasted. Drink until the world was in triples and names were something of the past. Drinking reminded me of a moment, one that had haunted me. Pushing those thoughts aside, I stood and exited the room at a speed that I’m sure didn’t go unnoticed.

  Chapter 2

  Fin

  She was running again. It was both amusing and irritating. I fucking hated that she went to him, to his grave. I fucking hated that I cared. He had what I wanted, what I fucking needed.

  Daniel was holding my future, and I wanted nothing more than to put a well-placed bullet between his green eyes.

  I would have if he weren’t already dead. We lived under the same fucking roof. How the fuck didn’t I know he was running around behind her back?

  It was getting harder and harder not to take what I wanted. She thought I didn’t know what she was feeling? Those secret desires?

  She was fucking blinded by the past and the shame she felt. I wanted her, no I needed her.

  “Fin?”

  Turned and looked at Carter.

  “Still running?”

  I feared she would always be running.

  “What?”

  I wasn’t discussing Kinsley with anyone.

  “The O’Malley’s are here.”

  Fuck! I hated these bastards. I walked into my office, I push thoughts of Daniels fuck-ups to the back of my mind.

  It was time to deal with another fucking liar.

  “Fin.”

  Jon O’Malley held out his fat hand, and I looked at it with disgust before walking around my desk, completely ignoring it.

  He laughs as he lowers it.

  “What the fuck do you want?”

  “We’ve been talking about territory…” “And

 
I’ve been fucking generous with what I let you have Jon. We both know I can take it all away.”

  He swallowed as his face turned red from rage. That motherfucker planned my demise, but we both know he didn’t have the fucking balls to act on them.

  “Now get the fuck out of here before I give you a second smile. One that goes ear to ear.”

  He retreated without looking away. He was smarter than he looked.

  Chapter 3

  Kinsley

  I preferred the solitude that Daniel’s grave gave me. He was the reason I still lived here.

  Liar… the voice whispered in my head, calling me on my lies. It knew my secret, and it knew my shame.

  A chill caused by the strong wind had tears surfacing. It was the time I left this place. Time for me to leave them both behind.

  I climbed to my feet and looked down at the cold, dark stone with Daniel’s name printed on it.

  “Goodbye, Daniel.”

  Without another word, I swallowed my tears and made my way back to the fortress. It was really the only word I could describe it.

  The large stone wall surrounded it with bob wire at the top. If you were lucky enough to scale the fifteen-foot wall, the wire would keep you out.

  The metal gate was made of steel. If you got too close, it would electrocute you. So, I knew I needed to be discrete when I left.

  I packed small, so no one knew I wasn’t coming back.

  The doors were solid wood, and so thick it kept the sound out. If by some miracle you got passed all the guards, that would shoot you on sight.

  Jacob waved at me as I climbed the stairs to the back door. He has been a guard here for as long as I can remember.

  Actually, I’ve seen him more than the others. I had the sinking suspicion he’s been following me.

  Giving him a quick wave I retreated into the house. His eyes followed my movement not in admiration, but almost like he was concerned.

  I rushed past Carter, who was standing in the hallway. He looked ready to grab me, so I moved faster.

  “Kinsley wait.”