Beyond Shame b-1

by Kit Rocha

  Trust. She had to show it, even if her entire body ached now, hungry for harder and faster and more.

  His touch slowed. He slipped his fingers free of her body, teased them over her clit, and lightly caressed her inner thighs.

  Then he started all over again.

  Noelle whimpered, unable to control the desperate twist of her hips as she chased his retreating touch.

  Jasper pressed his lips to her cheek. “No matter what you say, what I say, this is undeniable. You, moving your body. Fucking my fingers. That’s what I pay attention to.”

  His beard scraped her skin, but she rubbed her face against his, hungry for any chance to touch him. “Do you want me to fuck your fingers?”

  “Not consciously. I don’t want you to decide to.” He trailed his lips over to her ear. “That’s why I didn’t ask. I made it happen.”

  Hot breath tickled over damp skin, sending tingles shivering through her until she squirmed again. There was something dangerously seductive in his words, a promise that he’d been watching her, learning her, that he understood all the dark twists and turns that made up her desire and wouldn’t hesitate to follow them.

  She could have anything she wanted—everything—but only if she trusted him to give it to her. Only if she waited. Not passively, because there was nothing passive in the restraint it took not to reach for him, not to dig her nails into his shoulders and beg, but that was the sweetest part of the game. Her fingers would be numb from clutching at the fixture, and she didn’t care. The discomfort was part of the pleasure, just like the anticipation. The mystery of wondering when she’d snap, and what he’d do to drive her there…

  And the reward. Oh God, the reward would be sweet.

  “Yes.” He worked a third finger into her pussy, stretching her as he watched her face. It was intense, considering the size of his hands, filling her until she hissed in a breath and inched up on her toes in an attempt to slow his advance.

  He gave her no respite. Instead, he followed, thrusting his fingers deeper.

  Yes. She couldn’t stop panting long enough to say the word, but surely he could read it in her eyes as she forced her feet back to the ground. The slick tiles and the steam and the hot water became secondary sensations, fading into the background as every squirm of her hips elicited more pleasure and discomfort, a heady mix that only made her hotter.

  “You want it to stop,” he whispered, “you tell me no. Anything else, and I’ll keep going.”

  She nodded to show her understanding, then sucked in a deep breath and begged. “Don’t stop, please don’t stop.”

  He urged her hands from the showerhead and turned her around to the opposite side of the stall. His wide shoulders blocked the spray, and he pushed her arms above her head again as water trickled out of her hair. Bending his head, he caught a drop as it gathered on her nipple. Pleasure jolted through her, bringing her up on her toes as she pressed greedily toward his mouth.

  The rasp of his tongue was so sweet it melted away what was left of the stretching pain of his fingers. She shifted her hips in tiny movements, shocked by how quickly too much had become not enough.

  Jasper surged up and kissed her, his teeth scraping her bottom lip as he rocked his hand. Away, slowly, but when the hard press of his fingers returned, the stretch was harsher, almost unbearable.

  Four fingers. It had to be. Nothing else would feel so commanding, so beautifully overwhelming, and hard on the heels of the realization came that moment, the one where surprise twisted into helpless arousal. Shame should have followed, the dizzying tangle of emotions, good and bad, that always sent her flying.

  Not this time. Oh, she was flying, but not because of some empty inhibition that would leave her drowning in guilt and regret. She was high on being filthy, on choosing sin and loving it, on being wanted for loving it.

  As long as they both wanted it, nothing Jasper did to her would ever shame her.

  Noelle pressed her open mouth to Jasper’s cheek as she shuddered. “I love your fingers.”

  “I know.” He bit her ear, sharp and rough. “What should I put inside you next?”

  The words forced a groan from her. If he stroked her clit, she’d come like this, riding too many of his fingers in the haze where pain meant pleasure. But she didn’t ask for it, didn’t beg.

  He knew.

  “Anything,” she rasped instead, trembling against the slick tiles. “Anything you want. Because I’m dirty.” And you like me that way.

  “Indecent,” he agreed. His thumb rubbed slow circles over the outer and then inner lips of her pussy, venturing closer and closer to her clit. “Vulgar. Wicked.”

  She couldn’t focus on his words, only the path of his thumb. She held her breath every time it started another upward arc, straining, praying he’d edge just a little higher, only to voice her protest with a whimpered moan when his touch receded again. Her fingernails dug into her palms as she struggled not to reach for him, not to reach for herself and seize her own release with a quick, rough touch.

  Her pussy clenched hard around his intruding fingers. So close. So damn close—

  He shifted his hand, and the teasing promise of his thumb on her clit vanished. Instead, he curled his fingers inside her and thrust his hips close to hers, and the length of his cock, steely but soft, glided over her clit. Not enough friction, not nearly enough, though that stopped mattering as soon as he ground against her with a delicious groan.

  She came without warning, without realizing the tension had snapped until she heard her own voice bouncing off the stall walls, wordless, moaning cries that crested with every violent shudder.

  Jasper didn’t stop. He pressed her against the tile, his hips still moving, his cock caught between his hand and her pussy. Her knees melted, and she clutched at his shoulders as the grinding pressure of his shaft set off another wave, little pulses of pleasure that peaked as her inner muscles gripped his fingers.

  “Oh God.” Her voice, raspy and pleading, and she thumped her head back against the tile when he kept grinding, kept fucking them both, until she was so wet and hot that even four fingers didn’t hurt anymore, and she told him so in broken, sobbing gasps, begging him to shove them deeper, to give her everything, to make her feel it, to own her.

  He bit her again, this time hard enough to bruise, his teeth sharp on the soft underside of her jaw. His groans intensified along with his thrusts, built until his fingers jerked and his body tensed, straining. He came, semen splashing hot on her hip as he pulsed against her.

  “Jas…” She shivered and let her head fall forward, burying her face against his throat. Even that tiny movement shifted her body on his fingers, and she whimpered as the friction abraded hypersensitive nerves.

  He distracted her with a kiss as he eased his fingers free of her body, his chest heaving. “Okay?”

  Her nod rubbed her cheek over his shoulder, but she realized that might not be enough. She needed to find a verbal reassurance, but her tongue tripped over even simple words. “Better’n okay. Good. So good.”

  “Mmm.” He guided her under the warm spray again and picked up the soap. In moments, she was soapy and slick, wallowing in the sensual glide of his hands over her skin.

  She closed her eyes and tilted her head back, tipping her hair under the water before smoothing the heavy, wet strands away from her face. “Was that one of the delicious ways I can be opened?”

  Jasper smiled. “One of them—though I didn’t take it as far as I could have.”

  He’d taken it as far as she’d been able to handle, and Noelle doubted it was an accident. More like a carefully calculated advance, because she’d felt his single-minded focus as he pushed her past the boundaries of her experience.

  What would it be like to follow him step by trembling step past every line she’d ever drawn and some she couldn’t imagine existing?

  Beautiful.

  Liberating.

  She returned his smile and pressed a kiss to his chest. “
Maybe next time you can take it further.”

  His low laugh echoed off the tile, warming the scant space between them. “If you’re good.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  Instead of mandating the buddy system for leaving the compound, Dallas should have brought the whole damn market to them.

  Jasper wrapped his fingers around the pile of money Rachel had handed him and peered down at her list. “Why don’t you come with us?” he asked.

  “Insert myself into your quality alone time?” Rachel shook her head. “No, thanks. If the list is a problem—”

  “It’s not,” he interjected.

  “Well…okay, then.” She grinned and pulled the dish towel off her shoulder as she backed toward the bar. “Quit complaining and pick up my shit.”

  “Smartass.”

  Noelle arrived a moment later, pushing through the employee door in jeans and a tank top that showed off her tits and her ink. She was clutching a list of her own, which she waved at him with a smile. “Nessa asked me to pick up a few things for her.”

  He held up the list in his hand. “Rachel’s.”

  She reached his side and rose on her toes to brush a lingering kiss over his lips. “Hopefully we can carry it all back.”

  Jasper caught her around the waist and held her, his mouth hovering close to hers as he drank in the sensation of her soft curves against his body. “If not, fuck ’em.”

  With a teasing wiggle of her hips, she laughed at him. “That sounds fun too.”

  “More fun than shopping, anyway,” Lex drawled from the doorway.

  Noelle glanced over her shoulder without pulling away from Jasper. “Hey, Lex. I was looking for you earlier. Everything okay?”

  “Peachy. Heard you were headed down to the market.”

  “Right now,” Jasper confirmed. Rachel might have had qualms about intruding on their walk, but Lex wouldn’t.

  She proved it with her next words. “Can I come along? Dallas has had me locked up tight.”

  “Sure, that’s fine.” Noelle met his eyes, resigned but pleading. “Right?”

  She looked so hesitant that he blew out a breath and smiled. “Orders are orders, right?”

  Smiling, she kissed him again and eased away. Her fingers trailed down his arm to twine with his. “You can help us carry all of Rachel and Nessa’s requests back.”

  Lex wrinkled her nose, but Jasper turned for the door, his hand at the small of Noelle’s back.

  It was still early, and the sun hadn’t quite had time to burn the chill off the air. He shrugged out of his jacket and draped it around Noelle’s shoulders.

  “Thanks.” She pulled the jacket tight and kicked an empty liquor bottle off the sidewalk. Her gaze jumped to Lex, then back to Jasper. “Do you know how long Dallas wants us going out in groups?”

  Damned if he’d tell her they still didn’t know who’d bankrolled Trent’s attack—or what it meant. “Until further notice, sweetheart.”

  “Just curious.” She bumped her hip against his. “I don’t mind the company, and I still get turned around in all these back streets. Though it would be fun to get a chance to test my cuffs.”

  At the moment, the O’Kane ink could be more of a bull’s-eye target than a warning. Jasper opened his mouth, but Lex cut him off.

  “Hey.” She stopped Noelle with a hand on her shoulder. “Testing your ink is a shit idea right now. Dallas is a prick, but he’s not stupid. If he’s restricting our movements, it’s about safety.”

  Noelle studied Lex’s face as she rubbed her thumb over the sleeve of Jasper’s jacket. “Should I have covered it up?”

  She shook her head. “If things were that dire, we wouldn’t even be allowed out with Jasper.”

  Relief filled Noelle’s features as the tension in her posture eased. “Okay. I don’t want to do anything dangerous, but…” She shrugged. “I like showing it off.”

  Jasper cupped a hand under her elbow. “I get it. We don’t hide our ink, Noelle. But smart is smart. Someone’s gunning for Dallas right now.”

  And hurting Lex would be a prime way to kick him in the gut. Judging from the look on her face, she knew it. She crossed her arms over her chest, her gaze darting back and forth as they walked. Watching, assessing the potential danger.

  Noelle seemed to realize it, too. Her worried gaze followed Lex as they rounded a corner, and her hand snuck out from under his jacket to find his. “I’m all for smart.”

  So was he. The few people going about their business in the alley seemed interested in their movements, but most were faces Jasper recognized. Faces that bore no hint of deception or guilt. Still, by the time they cleared the end of the alley, he was ready to call off the trip. Anything that left him feeling this uneasy wasn’t worth it.

  The problem was the marketplace. Though it was early in the day, the place would be throbbing with people, crowded and loud, and any asshole with a sharp knife would only need a second of distraction to do his job. In and out in the confusion, gone before Jasper ever realized someone was bleeding.

  He rounded on Lex. “This is a bad—”

  A loud crack. The dirty brick in front of him chipped, drawing his gaze even as tiny shards flew back to bite into his cheek. Shots. He reacted on instinct, drawing Noelle and Lex in front of him as he hustled them around the side of the building, into the alley.

  “Stay down.” Jasper whirled, already drawing his pistol. No one on the street, which meant eyes up high. He scanned the broken windows on the opposite building, looking for the telltale flash in the morning sunlight. Come on, where are you, you bastard—

  Another shot.

  A cry of pain. Noelle’s voice, shocked and cut off as she clamped her teeth together. He turned in time to see her slap a hand to her arm.

  Jasper’s gut clenched. “Lex.”

  “I got it.” She shielded Noelle’s body with her own and tugged at the jacket. “Let me see, honey.”

  “I don’t think it’s bad,” she whispered, sliding her hand away. Pain bracketed her eyes, but she held it together as Lex ripped away the hem of her faded T-shirt and wrapped it around Noelle’s arm.

  Jasper locked down his panic, shut it away behind the cold wall that would allow him to function, and kept looking for the sniper. “Get her back inside before he takes another shot. Hurry.”

  She dragged Noelle up, her uninjured arm draped over Lex’s shoulders. “Let’s go, baby girl.”

  A third sharp crack almost drowned out the last word, and Jasper felt a surge of satisfaction as he finally spotted the rifle barrel in a fourth-story window, along with the vague outline of the shooter behind it. He fired off three shots in quick succession, and the rifle slid out of the window and tumbled to the ground as the shooter vanished.

  “Jasper!” Noelle’s voice again, but not pained this time. Panicked. He whirled to find her kneeling next to Lex, both hands pressed to Lex’s side as blood welled between her fingers. “I don’t know what to do!”

  Fuck. He holstered his gun and glared at the handful of people clustered at the other end of the alley. “Go get help. Now.”

  One man rushed off, and Jasper dropped to the cracked asphalt beside Noelle. “How bad does it look? Can we move her?”

  “I don’t know.” Her hands trembled. “I’ve never dealt with anything you couldn’t fix with med-gel. Should I move my hands? What if the bullet went through—?” Her voice broke. “Lex, can you hear me?”

  She didn’t stir, so Jasper smacked her on the cheek. “Lex.” She struck out, swinging one fist, but only clipped him on the shoulder. “I’m going to pick you up, get you inside where it’s safe.”

  Boots pounded on the concrete behind him, followed by Ace’s swift, vicious curse. “Jesus Christ,” he muttered, dropping to the opposite side of Lex’s body. “Someone flagged me down and—fuck, it doesn’t matter. Should I carry or cover?”

  “Cover.” Jasper’s self-control was starting to fray around the edges, and he avoided looking at Noelle
as he gathered Lex in his arms and rose. “I think I hit the bastard, and he dropped his rifle. Might be able to trace it.”

  “I’ll send Bren.” Ace drew his gun and pulled Noelle to her feet. “Stay close, sweetheart. Between me and Jas, okay? You with me?”

  Noelle said something that was lost under the scuffle of Ace’s boots, but it must have reassured him because he lifted his voice. “Got your back, brother, and hers. Let’s roll.”

  It took an eternity to reach the door. Rachel had it open and waiting, her face peaked and worried. “I heard the shots, but I didn’t know they were so close.” She turned to Trix. “Fetch Dallas.”

  There wasn’t a good place to put Lex, so Jasper laid her out on the edge of the stage and shoved her already-torn shirt higher. “Left side. Probably missed her liver.”

  “Still plenty of things it could have hit. Spleen, for one.” Rachel helped him ease her up onto her right side to check her back. “Exit wound. We need that doc—the surgeon.”

  “I’ll get him,” Ace said from behind them. “And then I’ll find Bren and take him back to the alley.”

  The front door slammed shut behind him, and Noelle appeared at Jasper’s side with the Broken Circle’s heavy med kit in one hand. “What does she need? What can I do? Clean towels or bandages…”

  All they could do was try to staunch the flow of blood and wait, hope the wound was superficial and she wasn’t bleeding even worse on the inside. “Towels. Rachel—”

  But she was already on it. She unfolded and refolded the terrycloth, pressed it tight to the holes on either side of Lex’s body.

  Jasper was left with nothing to occupy his shaking hands, and he found himself reaching for Noelle. “Your arm.”

  “I’m all right.” But the words trembled, and she shivered uncontrollably as she stared at Lex with huge, terrified eyes.