Holding on to Someday

by K. Leah

  “She’ll be here in a minute,” he says and tips his head toward me. “Have a great day, ma’am.”

  I smile and wave at him. After waiting a little while, Dr. Gordon comes into the room. “I have good news, and I have not so good news.”

  “Okay….” I respond, wondering what could be not so great about getting my casts off.

  “So, the above the knee casts are coming off, but we are going to have to put you into removable boots for a little while.” I know she sees my face fall, so she immediately chimes back in. “However, these will be weight bearing, so you will be able to stand and begin putting some weight on your legs. I would rather be precautionary with your recovery, and since you had two breaks as opposed to just one, I want to take it slow with you getting back on your feet. It’s going to be a long process, Clara.”

  “But how in the world am I supposed to walk with two big boots?” I ask, confused.

  “It’s not so much walking as it is acclimating your legs to have weight on them again. It’s been over a month without any pressure on your legs at all. You are pretty much learning how to walk again. This way, you can have a walker and do some standing first. Then, after a few days of getting used to that, you can begin to take some steps around the house. Plus, we are going to start you in rehab right away to help with the transition.”

  Great. I’m confused, but I think I understand.

  “So, I’ll gradually get back on my feet…. Right? And how long do these other boots have to remain on?” I ask.

  “We’ll take it a week at a time and see how things progress. If it goes well, then we will look into lessening the amount of time you wear them. Depending on how easy it is for your body to bounce back. It’s really hard to tell until you get into rehab.”

  “Okay… well, I guess that’s better than nothing.” Secretly, the internal battle has begun. I’m getting these things off. Mental preparation in process now. Check.

  Dr. Gordon asks, “Would you like for your mom and Brady to be in here while we remove the casts and get you fitted for the boots?”

  “Yes, please…that would be great.”

  “Okay, I’ll send the nurse to go get them.”

  They enter the room after a few minutes, and Dr. Gordon gives the same spill again to them. The entire time she’s talking, my mom is attentive to her, but Brady’s eyes remain on me. He’s reading my reaction, and he can tell I’m disappointed. He reaches over and grabs my hand. When she finishes talking, he whispers to me, “It’s going to be fine. This is a little thing. At least you’ll be able to start being mobile again, and I can get you into the front seat of my car now.” His million-dollar smile makes everything seem better.

  After the saw grinds through my casts, my legs are free of their constrictions, washed thoroughly (which felt amazing and weird), and fitted with black, Velcro strap boots up to my knees. Wheeled out of the building, right up to Brady’s SUV, he lifts me into the front seat this time and leans in to kiss my cheek. “Right where you’re supposed to be.”

  As we pull into my apartment complex, Brady parks and then turns back to my mom. “Susan, do you mind if I steal Clara away for some alone time… for just a little while? I’d like to take her for a drive.” He looks at me and asks, “If she’s up to it?”

  “Of course, I’m up to it! Mom… you will be fine for a little while, won't you?” I turn around to look at her in the backseat, and she’s smiling.

  “Why yes… you two could use some time together outside of that apartment. But don’t overdo it. Okay, dear?”

  My mom is so sweet. I can tell she wants to be worried, but she knows I need this, so she’s fine with it. I nod to let her know I understand her concern. “I’ll just let myself in the apartment. You two go on now… I’ll be fine.”

  “Thank you, Susan,” Brady says to her.

  He waits until she’s inside before he turns to me and pulls my face to his. His lips softly brush against mine over and over. It’s like all the tension that’s been building inside of me has been set free. His forehead rests on mine and his hands envelope my face. He says, “I’ve missed my time with you.”

  “I know… we haven’t had much alone time the past month. I’m sorry.”

  “Not your fault. No need to be sorry. I just wanted to steal you away for a bit.”

  He looks at me as if I’m the most precious thing on earth.

  “I’m glad you thought of it,” I say, and then bite on my lip.

  He takes his thumb and tugs my lip free. “Don’t do that. You know what that does to me, and right now is not the time or the place.”

  I don’t have to try too hard to pull off a pouty look. Brady laughs, and gives me another kiss on the forehead, “I didn’t say we couldn’t find a better time and place. What do you say we take a drive to our favorite spot?”

  “As in the overlook?” I ask.

  “Yes,” he says, studying my reaction. “Look, Clara, I don’t want the overlook to be a place you avoid. It’s where we shared our first kiss, and I want that to be what you think about instead of any negative thoughts about an airport or seeing an airplane.”

  I bite my thumbnail nervously while I think about what he just said. He’s right, Charlotte has nothing to do with the crash, and our spot should remain “ours” and bring happy memories. Finally, I take a deep breath.

  “Let’s go. Before I change my mind.”

  We drive to the airport in silence. Before the accident, the overlook had become our favorite little place to steal away. I try to focus on the good memories we share there. When we arrive, Brady rolls down the windows, and I can feel a light breeze whisper against my skin. I take a deep breath as I watch a plane come in for a landing. I feel my shoulders start to tense up, but Brady reaches over and takes my hand into his. He kisses my knuckles before the panic has time to set in. “I love you, Clara. So much.”

  I feel my throat tighten as tears begin to form in my eyes, so I don’t say anything, I squeeze his hand and smile. I love this man so much I can barely contain it. I lay my head back against the headrest and think about how blessed I am. After a short while, I barely notice the sounds of the planes in the distance and soak up this time with Brady.

  ♦♦♦

  The next four weeks are pure torture.

  At first, I was excited to start rehab. I thought it was going to be a piece of cake, and I would bounce right back. I was gravely mistaken. Rehab is hard… mentally and physically. Who knew not standing on your legs for five weeks would make your muscles shrivel up and feel like they disappeared?

  The first day of therapy was a joke. I stood for like a minute before I had to sit down. We did that 150,000 times that day. At least that’s what it felt like to me. It was so exhausting; I took a nap when I got home.

  The next day wasn’t quite as hard but lifting weights with my lower legs did not prove easy at all. It was not graceful. It was more like a slide and shuffle while I held onto the guide bars for dear life. I think I strengthened my upper body more than anything else that first week.

  Slowly, the sessions are getting a little easier. My mom is right by my side every day, cheering me on, and Brady comes to several visits as well, so they can show him exercises to help me with at home. So of course, he is right there with me each night pushing me through them.

  After two agonizing weeks, I wear the boots less and less but keep them to help with stability for a couple more weeks. Once the lead weights come off, recovery begins to speed up. I’ve become much more independent with my walker and can do some things for myself around the house now.

  My dad is super homesick for my mom at this point, so when I feel like I can handle things on my own, I decide to send my mom home.

  “Clara, dear… what am I going to do with my days now?” My mom is hugging me and beginning to cry as we stand in the middle of my living room.

  “Oh mom, you have plenty to make up for at home. Dad misses you, and now you can go back home and take care of h
im. I will be fine.”

  She pulls back and places her hands on my cheeks. “You sure have done well the past couple weeks. I’m so proud of you for taking on this challenge full force. You are a strong woman.”

  She smiles proudly and then just as quickly, she turns it off and starts spouting off orders to Brady for what he needs to do after she leaves. I can tell she’s trying to avoid another cry. And, Brady, bless him…just smiles and says, “Yes ma'am.”

  I forgo the trip with them to the airport, since it will be hard for me to walk around for that long. Brady gathers the last of Mom’s bags and says, “I’ll be in the car when you are ready.”

  He’s giving us a little extra time because he’s thoughtful like that. Mom comes in for one more hug. “Thank you so much, Mom… I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t been here to help.”

  “I am your mother; there is no other place I would have been. Its what moms do. I love you, sweet girl. Make sure Brady takes care of you and if you need anything… and I mean anything… I’ll be back here in a heartbeat.”

  “I will, Mom. I love you too.”

  With that, she leaves. I stand at the door and wave goodbye as Brady pulls out of the parking lot.

  31

  Welcome Back to Reality

  Without my mom here to entertain me every day, my time at home becomes quite boring. I go through my daily exercise regimen and try to do small things around the house to help build up my endurance. Brady takes me out a few times; making short trips to the grocery store or a restaurant, just to get me out of the house. It’s exhausting, but as long as he is with me, I know I can handle it. My doctor said it would take a while for me to become completely independent again. She wasn’t kidding.

  After mom left, I decided I needed to start back to work or, at least, ease myself back in. I’m still homebound, so I’ve been working from home and doing a lot of conference calls. I went from traveling almost every week to not traveling at all for over two months… and I will admit, I don’t miss it. At all. I think Brady likes it too because he’s made several comments about how much he enjoys our evenings together and not having to worry about me getting on a plane.

  Angie calls daily to check in, and usually stops by a few times a week to see me after work; mainly to bring paperwork from the office, but I don’t mind. I enjoy the company. She knows I’m not ready to get back into the same routine I had before the plane crash, and she also knows how nervous I am to bring up the subject of returning to work with my boss. She keeps pushing me to call him and talk it out. Bleh. I’m not sure what I’m going to do.

  I’ve always said I eventually want to settle down and get a job that doesn’t require me to travel, and this may be my prime opportunity to do so. I give in and finally call my boss. We talk for a long time, and I’m relieved when he assures me he understands my situation and doesn’t want to lose me as an employee. I think he had an idea this was coming because he immediately offers me a new position as Regional Consultant Director. Instead of me doing all the traveling to meet new clients, now I get to assign who goes out AND even set my own work schedule. Wow! I can’t wait to call Brady… I know he’s going to be ecstatic.

  Before I pick up the phone to dial his number, he’s walking through my front door. I look at the clock; it’s not even three yet, so now I’m very curious as to why he’s here.

  “Hey, you,” I smile and stand up to greet him.

  “Hey, babe,” he says, grabbing me up in a big hug and burying his face into my neck.

  I giggle as he sits me down and leans in, giving me a really big kiss while his hands make their way down my back. As he pulls away and looks into my eyes, I can see a glimpse of something in them...something mischievous. Like he’s up to something.

  “What is this surprise? Not that I’m complaining,” I say, with a laugh.

  “It’s nice having you all to myself again,” he says, leaning in to give me another lingering kiss. My knees feel weak, and this time it’s not because of exhaustion from standing. My man is giving me shivers. I like it.

  “Plus, I needed to check on you. To make sure you’re okay.”

  “I’ve been home by myself for weeks now, and I survive every day fine.” I’m proud I am finally able to take care of myself. “Hey guess what?! I just talked to my boss!” I tell him.

  “And…?” he says.

  “Well, I told him I didn’t want to go back to what I was doing before, but I also really love my job. It’s been nice working from home for the past few weeks… and I added I appreciated him working with me. Then he said he’s been thinking about creating a new position for about six months. He’s never mentioned it before because he didn’t think I would be interested. He thought I preferred being on the road to sitting in an office all day.” I try to keep going, but Brady stops me.

  “Hang on…I know this is exciting, and I’m happy for you, but I have no idea what all this means,” he tells me, looking a little confused.

  I laugh because I realize I just spewed a bunch of words without giving many details. So, I take a few moments to explain to Brady what I will be doing in this new position, and that I won’t be traveling anymore. I can see the elation in his eyes as he digests all I’ve just told him.

  “So, I still have my job, but he’s promoted me to Regional Consultant Director!” I exclaim.

  “Really?! Clara, this is what you’ve been wanting! I am so happy for you!” he says, and he spins me around in a hug.

  “I shouldn’t have been worried about talking to him at all. He was very understanding. This is going to be perfect!”

  We laugh and hug, and then remember he’s supposed to be at work right now.

  “Hey…it’s not even 3 pm… why are you here so early?” I ask.

  “I have a surprise,” he says with a mischievous grin on his face.

  “A surprise? Brady Reese, what are you up to?”

  “You’ll see. But first I need you to go shower.”

  Ugh. That means we are going out somewhere and I’ll have to get ready. As much as I miss our dates, it’s like an all-day process for me to get ready to go somewhere now.

  “Brady… you know how long it takes me to get ready,” I whine.

  He puts his finger over my lips and stops me from saying anything further. “Clara, all you have to do is take a shower. Do you think you can do that for me?”

  “But if I take a shower, then I have to dry and fix my hair, do my makeup, get dressed… and it’s soos exhausting.” I add some dramatics to my statement.

  “No… all you have to do is take a shower. I’m taking care of the rest.”

  His smile is infectious. It makes me forget complaining. I bite my lip and try to refocus.

  “How in the world are you going to fix my hair?”

  “Not me, babe… I have someone coming to take care of all the rest. All you need to do is shower.”

  I pull back, mouth agape. “What?!”

  “Trust me. It’s going to be fine. Angie coming over to get you ready, and she will be here in 45 minutes. That should be plenty of time for you to shower and put on a robe.”

  “I don’t… I just… I… uhhh….” I’m kind of speechless, and not sure how I feel about this whole deal.

  I’m standing in front of my couch with my hands on my hips. Brady smiles and wraps his arms around me. “Like I said… I’m taking care of ALL the details. You only need to go take a shower. Now.” He leans in to kiss me again. “I’ll be back to pick you up at 5:30.”

  “And I get no details about this surprise?”

  “Nope.”

  Hmpfh…. “I bet Angie will tell me,” I tell him knowingly.

  “No, she won’t. I have instructed her on what to do and what NOT to do. Trust me.”

  “Oh we’ll see about that,” I tell him.

  He comes right back with, “Oh, yes we will. I love you, and I’ll see you in a couple of hours.”

  Kissing me quickly, he goes right b
ack out the door as quickly as he came in. Holy cow. What in the world is he up to? Rather than sit and sulk, I decide to do as I’m told, and go take a shower.

  Showers are exhausting. What used to take me 10 minutes…15, if I shaved… now takes 30 minutes for the basics, and even that leaves me panting like a dog in the middle of summer. My endurance is taking a while to build back up.

  Once I’m out of the shower, and in my robe, I hear my doorbell ring. Angie. When I open the door, she’s standing with her arms full of so much stuff.

  “Hey, Clara!” She starts jumping up and down and things start to slip out of her hands. “Oh crap!” she says as she bends over to gather her things off the doormat.

  I laugh at her. “You need some help?”

  “Just let me come in and put some of this down. I’ll get it. You go sit down.”

  I move out of the way, so she can get through the door. She deposits a load of cosmetics and hair supplies on my kitchen table and then goes back to the rest lying in my doorway.

  “Angie, what is going on? Brady came in and swept me off my feet a little while ago, demanded I take a shower, and then left as quickly.”

  Angie laughs and eyes me skeptically. She obviously knows what I am trying to do.

  “Nope. Not giving in. I’ve been given specific instructions, and one of those was NOT to cave when you demand to know what is going on. I’m telling you now, you are not getting any information out of me other than this is going to be a fantastic night.”

  “Seriously, you know I can get anything out of you eventually. Just go ahead and cave, Angie.”

  “Not this time, Clara. It’s going to be worth it for you not to know. I’m made of steel tonight. Not. One. Word. Escaping. These. Lips,” she says, pointing to her mouth.

  “Whatever,” I shrug and roll my eyes while Angie giggles.

  “Okay… sit your tooshie down in this chair and let me work my magic. Time’s ticking,” she says, as she pulls out a dining room chair into the bathroom and motions for me to sit down.