Hal Spacejock 7: Big Bang

by Simon Haynes

  There were half a dozen youngsters running around between the adults, including the two she'd seen earlier, and as she watched Amy noticed they were being rounded up and escorted into the largest hut. Meanwhile, the biggest creatures were organising themselves into a ragged line to shield the doorway.

  Obviously they were preparing a defence, but what had them so rattled?

  Then she heard it - a mechanical whirr, and the crash of something large moving through the trees. It was below her, to the right, and at first she couldn't make out the source of the noise. Then it - or rather, they - burst into the clearing, and she got her first sight of the danger.

  There were two vehicles, similar to the ones she'd seen in the underground cavern, except these were much larger and had guns mounted on the back. Each vehicle carried half a dozen soldiers in black uniforms, with shiny badges and peaked caps, but it wasn't the uniforms which made Amy shiver. No, it was the cruel little eyes, the piggish snouts, and the fearsome tusks growing out of the soldiers' jaws. She'd never seen anything so cruel and menacing, and she understood immediately why the deer-like people were panicking. In fact, she was amazed they'd stuck around at all.

  The vehicles drove into the space between two huts, and the soldiers jumped down and lined up with well-drilled precision. They had weapons in holsters, but were so supremely confident in their overwhelming might they didn't even bother to draw them.

  Then the commander alighted from one of the vehicles. He was a foot taller than the rest, and his uniform blazed with medals and silver trim. He was wearing a huge, peaked cap which sat neatly between his long hairy ears, one of which ended in ragged scar tissue.

  The soldiers stood to attention as their commander approached, and the line of deer creatures in front of the large hut seemed to shrink back. The commander ignored them, instead grunting orders at his troops in a deep, liquid voice. Amy strained to hear the words, then realised there was no point, since she wouldn't understand a single word.

  Instead, she decided to get closer. It was perfect timing, with the soldiers focussed on their commander, and the deer people's attention on the soldiers. Amy hurried down the hillside on an angle, keeping her head down as she aimed for the rear of the hut next to the vehicles.

  She was nearly there when she heard a shout, and for a horrible moment she thought the cruel-looking aliens had spotted her. She froze, risked a glance, and saw the soldiers were now approaching the line protecting the hut. The commander was inspecting a portable screen, ticking things off with his trotter, and then he snapped the device closed and eyed the defensive line. Amy darted for cover, pressing herself against the rough wooden timbers of the nearest hut before peering around the corner to watch proceedings. The wood smelt fresh and clean next to her cheek, but she could also smell the taint from the nearby combat vehicles - hot oil, rubber and paint.

  "Grandma donkey face pull thunderstorm," shouted the officer, startling Amy with the ferocity of his tone.

  "Capsicum e-elements thermometer lap b-band," replied one of the deer-faced creatures, in a quavering voice.

  That's what it sounded like to Amy, but what the commander actually said was "G'rand m'a dont key fash puel tun der sitorm." And the second alien, the deer-like male, wasn't talking about capsicums or thermometers. No, what he really said was "Kip secum lemen tis termom ita l'app bund."

  Unfortunately, neither the real version nor Amy's phonetic translation made any sense, and she had to rely on body language to work out what was going on. It was obvious the pig-faced soldiers were after something, perhaps a fugitive, and it was equally obvious the villagers either didn't have it or weren't about to give it up.

  For the sake of the villagers, Amy hoped the soldiers would go back to their vehicles and leave, but somehow she didn't think it likely.

  The officer barked a command and the troops unholstered their weapons, fanning out to encircle the line of creatures. There was a wail from those peering out of the huts, and Amy could see them wringing their hands and pleading with the soldiers.

  Not that it made any difference. The soldiers came to a halt, their stern faces completely expressionless as they stood before the defensive line of deer-like creatures. Then, at a fresh order from their commander, the soldiers raised their weapons.

  Amy suddenly felt sick as she realised what was about to happen. The evil-looking pigs were going to murder dozens of defenceless people right in front of her!

  Chapter 29

  Hal was still bracing himself inside the crate when the first wave hit, and within seconds he was face down in a litter of cold hamburgers and cardboard boxes. The 'canoe' tumbled over and over, rolling him around like an oversized teddy bear in a cement mixer full of junk food, and by the time it righted itself he was wearing most of the burgers around his person. The smell was intense in the confines of the crate, and Hal realised he'd never really liked burgers in the first place.

  He had bigger worries than the dinner menu, though. The cavern was filling fast, but his hopes for a quick escape were dashed when his crate jammed against dozens of others, all blocking the exit tunnel like oversized logs in a storm drain. Then he heard a scraping, grinding noise through the rushing water, and his crate was hurled into the air as the digger slammed into the wall next to the tunnel mouth. There was a splintering sound as it flattened the jammed crates, crushing and breaking them to pieces. Fortunately, Hal's crate emerged almost unscathed, although it did develop a crack which immediately started to leak water. Hal fixed it by jamming a burger bun into the crack, ramming the soggy bread home with the heel of his boot. When he thought of the digger's solid impact, and the pieces of crushed crates all around him, he decided the crack was a very small inconvenience compared to getting flattened against the cavern wall.

  Then he felt his crate describe a gentle pirouette, before it was sucked down the tunnel along with all the shards of broken plastic and scattered components from the ruined crates. The debris rustled and jostled his crate, which alternately plunged underwater and rose to scrape the tunnel roof, throwing Hal against the lid or dropping him into the mess of burgers and wrappers underneath.

  There was an unpleasant sideways motion too, and Hal really began to hate the smell rising from the ancient bread and meat.

  Then, without warning, the crate rammed into something. Hal was thrown bodily against the far end, almost losing consciousness as his head slammed into the plastic. He could hear water tearing past the sides, but realised the lid was clear of the flood. So, he kicked it open and sat up for a look.

  The crate had jammed against two buggies - his own, which had been swept along the tunnel, and the vehicle Clunk had left parked in the corridor. Right alongside was a teleporter alcove. The water had filled the teleporter almost to the ceiling, which would make things a little tricky, but Hal knew it was his only chance of escape. If he kept going along the tunnel, he might find another teleporter but he'd never know which address Clunk used to escape the flood.

  So, Hal clambered out of the crate and down onto the roll cage of the nearest buggy, clinging to the white-painted metal with all his strength as the water tried to tear him off again. The only way into the teleporter was under water, so Hal took a couple of deep breaths before ducking into the raging torrent. The pressure rammed him against the first buggy, but using all his strength he managed to inch sideways until he reached the second one. Then, after a couple more gasps of air, he inched along the side of the car until his fingers encountered the wall surrounding the teleporter. Here the water was relatively placid, and it was a simple matter to swim inside the mirror-finish alcove. Then he had to run his hands over the slick wall until he found the control panel, which lit up with a familiar glow. Maybe that was why they placed the things behind the walls, Hal thought to himself, before he realised he was in danger of drowning. He stuck a finger out and pressed the Go button, and after a lengthy delay … whoosh! Hal, the cube of water and several floating burgers all vanished with a gigantic fl
ash of light.

  * * *

  The soldiers raised their weapons, preparing to gun down the helpless villagers, and before Amy knew what she was doing she'd left the safety of the hut and was running full pelt towards the nearest combat vehicle.

  There was a ladder on the back, and she went up it like a circus acrobat, barely touching the rungs in her haste. Up top, the gun was a heavy-looking weapon with a couple of handles and a big, open sight on the end. Amy wasn't exactly an expert on alien weaponry, but she identified the safety switch and flipped it to active. Then she grabbed the handles and swung the muzzle round to cover the soldiers.

  They were still facing the line of defenders, and the mood was sombre. All the fight had gone out of the villagers, as though they'd accepted the inevitable. Well, Amy wasn't accepting anything. As the officer raised his hand, about to give the signal, she opened fire.

  The gun whined, bucking and shaking as it unleashed a torrent of energy bolts. The row of deer-like creatures dived for cover as they saw what was coming, and the soldiers half turned, guns at the ready. They were caught completely by surprise, and had no time to react. Energy bolts zinged all around them, tearing up the ground at their feet and kicking up dirt and stones. Other shots went over their heads, screamed between their legs, blasted several guns from grasping trotters, and plucked at the sleeves and trousers of their uniforms. It was a miracle none of the soldiers were gunned down where they stood, but that only increased their respect for Amy's shooting.

  Once she'd discouraged any resistance, Amy stopped firing. "Drop your weapons and put your hands up," she shouted, and she gestured with the gun to make her meaning absolutely clear.

  The soldiers took one look at the wide-mouthed barrel, and the wild-eyed human aiming it in their direction, then dropped their weapons in a hurry. Their hands shot up as one, the overdressed officer faster than any of them.

  Amy beckoned to one of the deer creatures, and mimed tying something up. The woman understood immediately, and within seconds dozens of villagers were swarming over the soldiers, rolling them face-down in the dirt and tying their short little arms behind their backs.

  Once the hogs were tied, Amy climbed down from the combat vehicle and went to meet her new allies. She was just in time, because when she got there a couple of the females had drawn sharp-looking knives, and were getting ready to finish the soldiers off.

  "No, no, no!" shouted Amy. "They're prisoners. Leave them alone!" She waved the two females back, then stood between them and the tied-up soldiers. Then she noticed the suspicious looks, and she realised she'd just made a bad mistake. Now the deer-like aliens thought she was on the side of the attackers!

  * * *

  Hal was still holding his breath when he materialised in the destination teleporter. He arrived inside a big cube of water that was still swirling with stray burgers, wrappers and bits of plastic crate, looking for all the world like a life-sized mannequin trapped in a fast-food snow globe.

  Then the water flowed out with a rush, and Hal was swept onto the floor, spluttering and fighting for breath. He was still recovering when a cool, firm hand hoisted him to his feet, and through his streaming eyes he saw a familiar bronze shape. "Clunk! You made it!"

  The robot looked embarrassed. "I'm sorry I left you behind, Mr Spacejock. Only —"

  "No, that's fine. You were just checking the lie of the land. Clearing the way before I got here so it was safe for me to teleport."

  "Yes, that's it," said the robot, with a look of relief. "That's exactly what I was doing."

  "Neat job parking that buggy, too. It stopped me in just the right place."

  "Naturally," said Clunk. "I, er, planned it that way."

  Hal looked around. "So, where are we?"

  "I'm not sure yet." Clunk gestured towards a curtain of matted creepers. "There's a forest just outside, but no signs of civilisation."

  "Never mind. I'm sure we'll bump into someone sooner or later." Hal took off his boots and poured the water out. "So, which planet did you send Amy to?"

  "Er … she came to this one too."

  "Really?" Hal looked surprised. "Well, it's lucky we all ended up at the same place, isn't it?"

  "Yes, it was a remarkable coincidence," said Clunk.

  "Come on, then. Let's go and find her, and then we can make our way home."

  Chapter 30

  Amy held her hands out, her fingers splayed to demonstrate she wasn't carrying any weapons. The villagers, on the other hand, were now holding plenty of weapons, from short knives to dangerous-looking scythes, and many of them were also pointing guns the soldiers had dropped. Amy hoped she didn't look too much like the hog creatures, because if she made one false move the end would be swift.

  As she got closer she spotted the youngsters peering between the adults' legs, and she couldn't help smiling warmly at their curious little faces. One of the natives noticed the look and smiled back, revealing an expanse of square teeth, and then he said something to the others and the whole group relaxed. Guns were lowered, weapons were set aside, and suddenly Amy was surrounded by curious aliens, touching her clothes, marvelling at her hair and gently brushing her bare skin with their coarse, padded fingers.

  Then one of them barked, and the crowd parted to let an elderly female into the midst. Her antlers were worn, her spine was bent, and she used a stick to help her walk. There was nothing frail about her voice though, and she addressed Amy at length while the rest of the aliens listened in silence.

  Eventually she stopped talking, and she laid a wrinkled hand on Amy's arm. The elder's eyes were bright as she looked into Amy's face, and it didn't take a body language expert to read the intent: Amy was a hero, the saviour of the village, and they were all very grateful.

  "Thank you for your kind words," said Amy, speaking slowly and clearly. They wouldn't understand, of course, but her expression and the tone of her voice would have to do. "I didn't really do that much, and I hope these creatures don't trouble you in future."

  Barely had the words left her mouth when someone blew a long blast on the warning horn. It was followed by a second effort, and a third blast had barely begun when Amy realised she was practically alone. Everyone had disappeared into the huts, except for the elder. She took Amy's arm and pushed her towards the combat vehicles, nodding and gesturing all the while.

  Her meaning was clear. You saved us once … now do it again.

  Amy frowned at this. She'd counted at least forty of the deer-like aliens, half of them now armed with the soldiers' weapons. And yet they'd all run for safety at the first sign of trouble, leaving her to fight another battle on their behalf. Clearly, courage wasn't a huge part of their character.

  After giving Amy some final words of encouragement, and a hefty shove to underscore the point, the elder hobbled towards the nearest hut, moving a lot quicker than she had before.

  Amy glanced towards the trees. She was tempted to make a run for it, especially when this new force of soldiers could be twice as big as the last one. On the other hand, once the tied-up soldiers were freed the whole lot would be after her blood, and she'd never get away from them.

  So, she climbed onto the nearest combat vehicle, readied the gun and sighted down the barrel towards the trees. She could see the bushes moving, and her finger was just curling around the trigger when two familiar figures strolled into view. Amy sighed with relief as she recognised Clunk, and she almost forgot to roll her eyes when she saw Hal Spacejock alongside him.

  Amy was still looking at the two of them through the gun sight, and she released the trigger in a hurry before waving them over.

  * * *

  As he emerged from the trees, Hal wasn't particularly surprised to see Amy pointing a huge energy cannon at him. No, he was only surprised she hadn't opened fire. After all, she'd already brained him with a rock, and the mounted gun was just a mild escalation in firepower as far as he was concerned.

  "Amy!" Clunk broke into a run, leaving Hal choking on hi
s dust. "Are you okay? Have you been injured?"

  "I'm fine." Amy gave Clunk a broad smile, then accepted his helping hand to climb down the ladder. "How about you?"

  "A little too warm and a little too damp, but that's unimportant."

  "I'm all right too," called Hal, as he approached the pair of them. The pair of them ignored him.

  "Come on," said Amy to Clunk. "Let me introduce you to the good aliens."

  "There are bad aliens?"

  "Unfortunately, yes." Amy gestured towards the line of trussed-up soldiers, who were baking in the sun. "They came here for something, but I don't speak the language so I've no idea what."

  "Tell me what happened."

  She explained quickly, and Clunk's eyebrows rose as he heard about Amy's single-handed capture of the entire squad. Hal, on the other hand, wasn't surprised at all. He figured she could have laid them all out with a bucket of rocks.

  As they approached the soldiers, Hal stopped and sniffed. "Is someone making breakfast?"

  "What do you mean?"

  Hal's stomach rumbled. "I swear I can smell bacon."

  "That's not breakfast, Hal. Look closer."

  Hal bent over the nearest soldier, and his jaw dropped as he saw the pig-like face, the tusks and the hairy snout. "I guess a fry-up is off the menu."

  The soldier's eyes narrowed, and he growled something under his breath. It sounded like 'Bacon sandwich marmalade trigger', and Hal turned to Clunk for help. "What's he saying? Can you figure it out?"

  "I'm a co-pilot, Mr Spacejock. Not a glorified translator."

  "Yeah, but you had to learn their language before. You remember, when we got trapped on that abandoned planet."

  "That was written language, not the spoken word. There's the small matter of pronunciation, regional dialects, the use of slang and —"

  "Yeah, yeah. Can't you get the gist of it?"