Coming Around Again

by Billy London

  Alec smirked. “You credit her with a bit too much savvy.”

  “Not at all. Just be aware of what happened the last time you decided to eat where you sleep. Rats.”

  Alec’s face tightened. “Look, don’t be a dick because you get what you’ve thrown away.”

  “I never said Stella was on the market. Not for you.” Niels called for the twins. “Let’s go.”

  With a tight smile to Alec, Niels led his children out of the house. No. He would not allow such a man to enjoy the sweetness of Stella. Not ever.

  ***

  Midnight. Please let me get some sleep. For the love of all that is merciful. Ooh, phone. “Yes, Niels?”

  “Why are you awake?”

  “I’m talking to you.”

  “What was wrong?”

  Stella struggled to sit up and switched on her bedside light. Through a yawn, she answered, “The fact that it’s a Saturday night and I’m trying to sleep, but you are interrupting it.”

  “I asked a question.”

  “And I don’t understand why you’re concerned. I was fine.”

  “I know you,” he reminded her gently. She breathed out slowly, thinking of what to give away. Not so long ago, she’d have draped herself over her bed and told him about Alec’s flirting; now she recognised it as flirting and not just a parent to another sharing support. She’d have struggled from keeping Niels in the bed rather than halfway to Alec’s home to batter his head in. But being able to share… Deeply missed.

  “It was just hard work.”

  “What did Alec say to you?”

  “About?”

  “Your hard work.”

  “He appreciated it.” A bit too much. “Nothing to worry about.”

  “Since I know you, I don’t need to give you any words of wisdom, but because I do care and that’s impossible to turn off… Be careful.”

  “Of who? No one can hurt me any more than you have.”

  He was silent for a while, and Stella cursed her impulse. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

  “It’s the truth, Stella, don’t apologise for being honest with me. But I wouldn’t forgive myself if I didn’t tell you. All that glitters…”

  So he had an idea. What was it with Niels? It was like he had some sort of internal alarm where she was concerned, and he knew just when to make sure no one would charter her territory. “Thanks for the concern.”

  “Since I can’t hurt myself, just be assured that if anyone else hurt you, I’d have no problem in burying them somewhere for future generations to find.”

  That made her laugh. He was very concerned about the environment. “Of course you will. Let me get some sleep, I’m knackered.”

  “All right. Goodnight, Stella.”

  She put down the phone and stared up at her ceiling for a moment. Fuck it. She picked up her mobile and sent Alec a quick text. He replied within a few minutes in affirmation.

  Let’s see about what glitters.

  Chapter Fourteen

  The retro night was complete with patrons in acid bright T-shirts, combat trousers, tank tops, skater dresses in that awful wallpaper floral print and Doc Martins. Strobe lights flashed and dry ice smoke filled the venue. With a packet of pork scratchings and pints in his hands, Alec made his way to the table Stella and her friends had commandeered. “To our misspent youth!”

  He toasted to them all to the sounds of cheers. Blur blasted through the speakers and Stella’s friends vanished. Alec waited until they were out of sight before pulling her into his arms and kissing her. She couldn’t help but feel the practice in his movements, from the way he dotted kisses over her lips, to the coaxing ease with which he parted her mouth. She didn’t want to be an actor in the play of her life, but Alec wasn’t making it difficult to feel that way. Still, it was nice to be desired. Even if it was a bit of pretence.

  “I’ve wanted to do that all night,” he breathed, resting his forehead against hers. She stepped out of his embrace and reached for her beer.

  “Opportunity and all,” she said, trying to increase her volume over the speakers. He cupped a hand to his ear and she shook her head. “Don’t worry.”

  What was she doing here? Pretending she was twenty again with people who all had a curfew—they had babysitters to get back for. So did she. Niels. It was her only reason to refuse, should Alec decide to invite himself home with her. Not that Niels deserved any sort of explanation for what she did in her own time. But for her former husband, it would be a matter of principle. The mother of his children hanging out like a teenager and bringing men home. Men said children knew. Good lord.

  Unless she went home with Alec. Stella told herself off firmly. Don’t be a silly bitch. Don’t go back to having sex for the sake of having sex. You’re not staying pure for anyone. Just have a little self-respect.

  “Penny for your thoughts?” Alec interrupted, his face uncomfortably close to hers.

  Brace yourself, she thought. “Um… Look, Alec you’re nice and everything but…”

  “Oh please don’t but,” he begged catching both her hands in his. “I know you’re still confused with Niels. But there’s something here.”

  He’s over-egging the pudding, she thought with instant mistrust. Why was he so intent on seeing her? The only thing they had in common was divorce. And his was fresher than hers. If he was so betrayed, what was the hurry?

  “It’s barely started,” she said lightly. “Nothing that neither of us can’t get over.”

  His eyes narrowed briefly. “He doesn’t want you back.”

  Stella gripped the edge of the table and looked at Alec with impassivity. “What are you talking about?”

  “Niels. He told me. He wasn’t want to get back with you. If you’re holding out for him to change his mind, you’ll be on your own forever.”

  “As if. I know that man. He doesn’t share his plans with anyone. Never with such certainty.”

  “You’re being blind, Stella,” he said, bitterness flaring in his eyes. “When you realise you’re wasting your life, you’ll see. And I hope it’s not too late.”

  “Is this about sex?” she asked bluntly. “I’m not going to crumble from the inside out if I don’t sleep with you.”

  “Or anyone else.”

  “This isn’t about Niels. This is about you being unfairly pushy.” Alec opened his mouth to argue with her, but one of Stella’s friends jogged over.

  “Phew! Hot in here!” He glanced between Stella and Alec. “So I’m going to get another drink. Do you two want anything?”

  Stella sent him a smile. “No, thank you. Sweet of you to ask.”

  He nodded and with a wary glance toward Alec, who had been nothing but overly friendly from the start of the night, Stella’s mate bounced off toward the bar. She looked away, brushing damp curls up into the bandana holding the majority of her hair from her face.

  She wished he hadn’t kissed her. Not just that her children warned her she couldn’t date one of their friends’ fathers, but she didn’t feel right about the whole situation. Something about him wasn’t ringing true.

  “You like me, don’t you?” Alec said into her ear. She moved back, but realised that the music had increased in volume. She’d have to lean in if he was to hear, if not acknowledge what she said to him.

  “I think you’re a perfectly nice man. Just not for me.”

  “What’s happened? I thought we were all right at Philip’s birthday? I thought that’s why you called me to go out?”

  Now what, she was a tease? “It was just a kiss, Alec, I haven’t promised you the world. And I…I’m being honest, I just don’t think anything will work out.”

  “Because of Niels.”

  “Because I say so.” The repetition of her ex-husband’s name on Alec’s tongue was nothing less than wearing. “Me. Not him. Me.”

  “He’s said something to you, hasn’t he?” Alec demanded, his voice full of suspicion. “What did he tell you?”

  “Contrary
to your staunch position, I can make up my own mind, without my ex-husband pulling my strings.”

  “I don’t believe that. Not for this change in you.”

  “Good grief, man! That’s it. I’m going home. I fully admit this was a mistake. I’m sorry.”

  Picking up her things, she bypassed her friends with a wave and eased her way out of the club. Alec hurried after her. “Stella, wait, wait! Don’t leave…”

  She continued until she came to the corner of the street, looking out for a black cab. No minis for her tonight, she would black-cab it comfortably back to Richmond. To her own bed. To peace and quiet.

  Honestly, she’d forgotten how delicate men’s egos were. Her age demanded she not deal with anyone’s sensitivities—anyone who wasn’t related to her by blood and under the age of eleven.

  “Alec. I said you’re a nice guy. Whatever went on with you and your wife is nothing to do with me. Just like what went on between me and Niels is nothing to do with you. It’s me. I don’t want anything…romantic or otherwise between us. Your son and my sons are good friends. Let’s not make it any more awkward.”

  “It doesn’t seem right. There’s this change in you and I know it’s because he’s warned you off me. He doesn’t want to see you happy.”

  “Why? What’s wrong with you?” Stella asked, her spider senses tingling with full awareness. “What do you think you’ve done is so bad, that you’re afraid Niels has told me?”

  “He’s lying. Whatever he’s said, it’s not true.”

  Stella looked down at her Doc Martins. “You’re not convincing me. You’re like my boys when they’re avoiding the truth, even though they know I’ll find out sooner or later.”

  “So I didn’t behave well when I was married. That shouldn’t taint everything else in my future.”

  “How bad?” she asked gently.

  Alec’s jaw worked. “I may not have been entirely faithful. But my wife was never at home. What did she expect?”

  Oh, gross. “How did you keep that quiet?”

  He snorted. “She wouldn’t want anyone knowing that she wasn’t desirable enough to keep me satisfied. Hurts her brand, you see. We agreed everything on terms if I kept that quiet.”

  How utterly disgusting. But of course, it was to his advantage as well if he stayed quiet. Why else wouldn’t the tragic, divorced, single father be of romantic interest to all those fluttering-eyed females at the school?

  Strike St. Josephs. If little Philip ended up there, then for certain, her twins would be going somewhere else. Anywhere else. Far away from their toxic father.

  “Thank you for telling me,” she said eventually. “Niels didn’t say a word about what happened in your marriage. The misgivings were all with me.”

  Alec sent her a bitter smile. “He said you were savvy.”

  She shrugged as a cab rattled to a stop next to her. “Richmond, please.” Alec opened the door for her.

  “It’s a real shame,” he said, his voice tinged with regret. “We could have had something really good together.”

  “Nothing based on lies ever works out,” Stella reminded him. The cab rolled off to the west and Stella extracted her phone. There on her screen sat a picture of Niels and the boys, each of them with a milk moustache and the caption See what you’re missing?

  She replied back to him. You’re a dick.

  He called her in less than a minute. “What have I done now?”

  “Don’t send me shit like that. As if I should be at home with you and the twins,” she hissed at him, all her still-unresolved anger bubbling over. “Don’t you dare!”

  “Stella, it was…”

  “If you say it was a joke, I can tell you, it’s not. Fucking. Funny.”

  “Why are you crying? What’s happened?”

  He sounded so desperate, it made her breakdown all the more. “Just…don’t do things like that. It’s not fair. It’s not funny. It’s not right.”

  “All right. I apologise. Has someone…other than me…hurt you?”

  “No,” she sniffed. “No one.”

  “Not even your new friend Alec?”

  “He could only give me the equivalent of a paper cut. I barely know him for him to hurt me,” she said dismissively. “Why didn’t you tell me he shagged around behind his wife’s back? Is that some guy code?”

  “If I had said a word to you, would you have believed me?”

  She would have assumed that he needed to mark his territory and ex or not, Stella was unreservedly Niels’ territory. “Probably not.”

  “Ah. You worked your Stella magic on him and he divulged his secrets. Yes, he was a man whore. And yes, I told him you are smart enough to work him out on your own. Whether I said anything or not, you wouldn’t have felt right about him.”

  True, but not that Niels needed to know. “It doesn’t matter. Like I said to him, nothing barely happened.”

  “Barely?”

  “Goodnight, Niels.”

  “What do you mean by barely?”

  “Decree Absolute, remember? You don’t need to know. Speak to you later.”

  Just as he began a full-blown, placarded protest, she ended the call and sat back in the cab.

  “You all right?” the cabbie asked eventually.

  “I will be.” She sighed. “One day.”

  The Turning Point

  Chapter Fifteen

  It had taken nothing less than a sneaky drop of alcohol to get the twins in bed. For the first Christmas in two years, they would be spending the holiday with both parents, under the roof they’d grown up. Additional family would turn up for lunch if they liked or they could see the boys on Boxing Day. It felt strange. Niels in his own bedroom and Stella in their old room.

  Christmas in the early years of their marriage had been tinged with the same excitement her sons felt now. Mostly comprised of when she could have her husband alone to thank him. Later on, it became a Mexican standoff of who had spent what and who had done the most work. The difference two years made could only be considered as astounding.

  Niels handed her a glass of chilled port he’d brought with him and raised his eyebrows for her to try it. For a moment, she wondered what Royce would think of her and Niels sharing a cheeky tipple together. But as yet, Royce was content to remain in the background. They’d only started seeing each other and it was not in his interest to rock the boat. No one could make demands when a relationship equivocated to the life span of an amoeba. He should be happy that at last, Stella and Niels were no longer arguing; pining after one another, or trying to disrupt the other’s life. They had finally found balance.

  “Ooh,” Stella praised after the first sip. “That’s good. Where’d you find it?”

  “A very generous client bought it for me as a Christmas gift.”

  “And you’re sharing your expensive gift with me?”

  He gave a slight shrug. “A thank-you for putting the good linen on my bed tonight.”

  She grinned. “Fair enough. Look. I got you a present.”

  Niels’ glass hovered halfway between his mouth and his knee where it had been resting. “That’s awkward. I got you something as well.”

  “Why would you buy me anything?”

  “Because there is such a thing as a present for your ex-wife with whom you have children and since she’s basting the turkey, one should hand over one’s credit card.” He tapped the fingers of his free hand over his knee. “Do you want it now? Avoid any falsities in front of the twins?”

  She glanced at the time. It was nearly one o’clock and therefore officially Christmas Day. “Okay. Thank you.”

  He put down the port and disappeared. She heard him rustling in the cupboard underneath the staircase and then he returned with a small bag. Penhaligon’s. Her breath caught in her throat, and with shaking fingers, she took the bag from him.

  “Merry Christmas.”

  She unwrapped the bag and reached in between scented tissue paper for a small box tied in the signature
ribbon. The man had gone to an extravagance to buy her a perfume necklace. The delicate scent of her usual Gardenia rose from the pendant. It was simple, elegant, beautiful, and far too expensive for a woman who was no longer his wife. It made her wonder what he’d bought for the woman he’d been seeing. The blonde that had shaken her hand in the restaurant matched him perfectly. Stop. She told herself. Don’t.

  “It’s beautiful. Thank you.”

  He took the box from her and looped the chain about her neck. “There. Just how I pictured it.”

  He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, and then sat down once more. “Where’s my present, then?”

  Stella reached under the sofa and handed it over to him without ceremony. He swiftly unwrapped it, stared at the box, and then demanded, “You know I can’t do this myself.”

  “Of course you can! It’s the best way to shave. Something for you to teach the boys in a few years’ time when they get bum fluff.”

  He gently shook the box on her knee. “Last time.”

  “All right, you turn the kettle on and I’ll do it. And it really is the last time,” she warned, getting to her feet. Upstairs were the quality bathing towels, and since family members would most likely stay the night during the holidays, she’d unpacked all her good towels. She removed two of the softest ones and returned downstairs. Niels had a bowl of hot water on the coffee table and sat with his jumper removed. “Where’s the rest of your clothing?” she asked.

  “Don’t want to get blood on it, in case you miss,” he retorted, eyes closed and a cheeky grin on his face. Shaking her head, Stella soaked the smaller towel in the hot water and after shaking some of the steam from the cotton, she pressed it to his jaw, to soften the bristles of his beard.

  “All right?” she asked softly.

  “Hmm,” he agreed, his voice rumbling through the towel and into her palms. She rested the hot towel on his face, to mix the shaving foam with the pure boar bristle brush. The set was vintage inspired, one that would only require the blade to be sharpened every so often. The foam was natural products, nothing that would irritate her husband’s Nordic skin. Ex, she reminded herself. Goddamn it. She lifted the towel from his face and swirled the foam over his jawline, along his neck, and under his nose.