Diesel's Choice

by Lauren Firminger

  “What other choice has she given me?”

  “You didn’t think that you were gonna be able to come back and just sweep her off her feet did you?”

  “Well no but...”

  “But what? You fucked her over and destroyed her. I’m surprised that she has been able to drag herself out of bed and function like a human being. She was just starting to smile again and I bring you back. This was in no way gonna be easy. Yes, you now have brownie points with Corey for helping to save his sister and his girlfriend and Toby if we let his vote count for anything, but before you think about things with Ruby, bro, I suggest you start trying to fix the other ones around you.”

  “Do you regret bringing me back?”

  “No, I don’t. You helped to save both of my sisters. I will never regret that choice. Just be patient okay? Everyone will come round eventually.” All I could do was nod. He was right and I just had to trust him. He wouldn’t have brought me back if he didn’t think it would be okay.

  “Okay, well I am gonna take off.” I stood up.

  “I am putting it to the table in a few days. I will let you know the outcome when I know.”

  “Thanks.” I left his office and headed down the hall back to the parking lot. Thankfully I didn’t run into anyone on my way back to my bike. I was gonna try and stay out of everyone’s way for now.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  Diesel

  It took a couple of days of driving before I finally stopped to do more than sleep. Once I started driving, I knew where I needed to go. Unlike all the boys, I hadn’t grown up in Fernando. I was seventeen hundred miles away from home and I was long overdue for a visit. Could I keep my brothers from wanting to go and kill Freddie? Probably not, but I could slow them down. Pulling up in the driveway of my childhood home where my parents still lived happily, not aware of the shit that I had gotten myself into, I got out of the car and stretched. My body would be thanking me for the long break it was about to get out of the car. The front door opened and I hear barking before this huge fur ball of a dog comes running at me. Laughing as Bear rounds the car, he almost knocks me down. “Hey buddy! Miss me did ya?” I scratch him behind the ears and grab hold of his collar so that he can’t run away. Not that he was that kind of dog but in his excitement, who knew what he was gonna do. The last thing I needed was for him to run out on to the road and get hit by a car.

  Looking up and seeing Mom up on the porch, I let him go. “Go get Mom! Go on Bear, go get her.” He barked at me and just sat down beside me. “Or don’t. That’s cool too.” I moved toward the house and up the porch steps.

  “This is a nice surprise. Why didn’t tell us you were coming home?”

  “It wouldn’t be a surprise then, would it?” I reached out and gave her a kiss on the cheek before hugging her.

  “Do the boys know you are home?”

  “Mom, that would mean they could actually keep a secret which we both know they can’t.” She just laughed and hugged me a little tighter before letting me go.

  “Come on, Dad is out the back. He was just saying the other day that he missed you.”

  “I know, it’s been a while since I have been back home. I will do better, I promise.”

  “You are a grown up, Ruby. You don’t need to come home if you don’t want to.”

  “I know, Mom, but I need to. I miss you guys.”

  “Are you sure you are okay? You would tell me if you weren’t, wouldn’t you?”

  “Of course I would. I’m okay, really. Just needed a Nashville fix for a few days.” Thankfully she didn’t press the issue anymore but something told me we would be talking about this again soon. We went out the back to where Dad and my oldest brother Dom were arguing about something. Dad turned and saw me with Mom.

  “Ruby!” He and Dom got up and moved to give me a hug. Dad’s lasting longer than Mom’s did. To be honest, I all but clung to him. I had always been a daddy’s girl growing up and preferred his hugs over anyone’s. When I wasn’t feeling well, it would be Dad who took care of me. He pulled back, his hands resting on my shoulders, brow raised. “We are gonna be having a chat later, kid.” Well fuck. I nodded and moved to sit down where they were just sitting. Looking up at the TV, I saw NASCAR’s on.

  “How’s Oscar doing?” I asked. My second oldest brother Oscar drove for one of the best racing teams and had won quite a few championships.

  “Take a look for yourself.” I watched and it didn’t take me long to see that he was in trouble.

  “What the hell?! Why is he running with that set up? It’s all wrong.”

  “Thank you! Your brother over there thinks he is fine.”

  “Not if he wants to win, he isn’t. He may just scrape through if he is lucky, but you can see that they are already starting to cover ground.”

  “Oh what would you know, Ruby!” I raised a brow before leaning over and punching him. “Ow! What was that for?”

  “You are a jerk Dom! You’re just jealous your baby sister knows more than you do about racing!” Dad just laughed.

  “Now kids, you behave yourself or I will turn it off. Ruby, don’t pick on your brother and to answer your earlier question, his crew chief made the call to run this. Oscar was furious when he did his test run today. It was too late to change it though so he had to run it.”

  “Fingers crossed he can make it work then!” For the rest of the afternoon, we watched Oscar’s race and were joined by Jack after he finished work. I tried to help Mom in the kitchen but she wasn’t having it. She kept sending me outside to sit with Dad and the boys. Oscar narrowly clutched the race victory but it wasn’t his best time so far. I pulled my phone from my pocket to text Oscar our congratulations and saw a text from Cameron checking in that I was okay. Excusing myself from everyone, with the excuse that I was going to get my bag from the car, I called Cam when I got out the front.

  “Hey.”

  “I’m just calling to let you know that I’m safe and well.”

  “Any reason you didn’t text that?”

  “I thought you would believe it if you heard my voice as I said it. Texts can come from anyone. You have always asked us to call.”

  “Ruby...”

  “Don’t Raven, I don’t want to hear it right now. I just need a few days okay?”

  “I can respect that. Take as much time as you need. As long as you are safe.”

  “I am.”

  “Not gonna tell me where?”

  “Nope.”

  “Okay, I will respect that too.”

  “Thanks, Boss.”

  “I fucked up didn’t I?”

  “Yep but lucky for you, I can forgive you easier then I can forgive others.”

  “I’m glad to hear that. Check in a few days. I will make sure everyone leaves you alone ‘til you come home.”

  “Thanks, Boss. I appreciate that.” After saying goodbye, I grabbed my suitcase from the trunk of my car and went back inside. When I hit the door, my dad was there to take it from me and take it to my room. It felt good to be home.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Freddie

  I had two choices. I could sit around the house, depressed because she had left town or I could pull on my big boy boxers and start fixing the damage I had caused. Ruby was number one in my eyes but I promised Raven that I would give her space so next on my list of epic fuckups was JD and Ellie. I mean, I did try and kidnap her after all. Pulling up out the front of their house, I shut my truck off and got out. As expected, I was met by a very pissed off looking Jason. Straightening up, I kept moving forward. I wasn’t going to back down now. If I couldn’t handle these two then I may as well just leave town because there was no way that I could front Ruby. Every time I think about the hurt I caused her, it made my chest ache. I felt like shit for what I had put Ellie through but Ruby killed me.

  “I was wondering when you would show up.”

  “Ellie home?”

  “Yep and she can hear you from right there so don’t get any ideas
about going any further than that.”

  “Really? You want to have this conversation out here in the open for all your neighbors to hear? Want to find out what Raven thinks about that?”

  “Fuck off and tell him then. He is the one who got you back here. He can deal with you. Ruby was lucky. She got to get the fuck away from you.” Awesome. This was going to much harder than I thought.

  “Can you at least come close enough so that I’m not yelling it across the front yard?”

  “You really want me in swinging distance, Freddie? Are you really that screwed in the head?” I took a deep breath. One more wise crack like that and this was going to go down like a lead balloon. Folding my arms over my chest, standing my ground, I looked up at him. I wasn’t going away but I also wasn’t about to let the whole neighborhood hear this. It was going to be a battle of who could be stubborn the longest. About ten minutes later, we heard the sound of a bike coming in this direction. JD stood straighter then rolled his eyes when Raven came into view. He looked over at me narrowing his eyes.

  “Yeah, ‘cause that is my doing! I can make him appear out of thin air. He isn’t the devil, Jason. I can’t summon him by the mention of his name.” Raven pulled up in Ellie and JD’s driveway and took his helmet off.

  “When you two are quite finished. Ellie called me. Freddie, I can’t follow you around all day while you speak to everyone.”

  “I didn’t ask you too! You know what? Fuck this! I came here to talk to Ellie and Jason like adults but clearly that is too much to ask. I did what you needed me to do, Cameron. I am gone. It is clear that no one wants me here and after the way I have acted, I don’t blame them but clearly some people are worthy of redemption and some people aren’t.”

  “What the hell does that mean?” I looked over at JD. I just shook my head and went to walk past Raven and back to my truck.

  “Okay hold the fuck up. Get your ass up on that porch. Jason, pull your damn head in and stand down. Ellie, come out from behind the door.”

  “No! You don’t get to call the shots at my house, Raven. Let him go if he wants to go! I am not putting Ellie through this again.”

  “Jason. Stand down. Unlock the fucking door so Ellie can come out and stop being an over-protective dick. He wouldn’t be here if I didn’t trust him so, again, pull your head in and take a fucking seat. My God. You are all ageing me twenty years with this.” JD glared at the pair of us before taking his keys out of his pocket and unlocking the door. As Ellie stepped out, she punched him in the arm. I snorted.

  “I can’t believe you locked her in the house.”

  “Shut it, Freddie.” Raven’s tone was laced with warning. He turned to look up at Ellie.

  “Sweetheart, can we take this inside please?” She gave a hesitant nod before turning and going back inside. JD followed her and Raven motioned for me to follow. I shook my head.

  “I’ll go last if you don’t mind.” Muttering under his breath, he moved past me, up the path and inside to the front room where and Ellie and JD were standing.

  “Jason you sit there and Freddie you there.” He pointed at the two couches on opposite sides of the room. He dragged a chair in from the kitchen and sat between us. Ellie opting for a seat next to JD. “Now, let’s try and be civil here. We are all grownups and so far, we haven’t been acting that way so we are going to be calm and talk.” Once again, JD and I just stared off with each other. Ellie spoke to break the silence.

  “Let’s hear what Freddie wanted to say.” JD turns and shoots her a look. Resting her hand against his leg, I notice the engagement ring she is sporting on her left hand.

  “I’m not here to ask for forgiveness or to apologize, expecting you to accept it. There is nothing that I can say that will take away what I did to you Ellie before I left. I have no excuses. I knew that I had a problem but instead of speaking up about it or getting help then, I pretended like it wasn’t there. I hurt you and I wish I could make that right, I do. I guess what I am really hoping for by staying around is for us to be able to co-exist peacefully. I miss my family and my place here. It is going to take a long time for me to earn all of your trust back, but hopefully that is something I can do. Not just the two of you but all of the guys.” I watched as Ellie’s face began to soften.

  “I don’t speak for JD but I have no hard feelings against you. It would be easy for me to hold a grudge but what is the point. It’s negative and no one needs that kind of toxic energy. I just need you to promise me and Raven, as two people who love and care about you, to come to us if you ever need help. We were there and you turned your back on us. Don’t let it happen again.”

  “Look, I am not going to hold this over your head but you have a long way to go to earn my trust again. We do however trust Raven not to have brought you back unless you were ready but at the same time, I have my family to protect.”

  “I respect that. I left a wake of destruction behind me and burnt a lot of bridges. I’m ready to make up for it though. As I said, if you want me to stay away, I will do that. I won’t make this any harder than it needs to be.”

  “We aren’t the relationship you need to be repairing, Freddie.” Ellie was right. I still had a long way down this road of redemption.

  CHAPTER SIX

  Diesel

  Dad stayed true to his word. Eventually he did sit me down to have a talk. I guess something in me had both him and Mom worried about me. I never turned up on their doorstep without warning. I hated that it brought running away from my problems back home to come and see them. A quick plane trip meant I could spend weekends here, but I still chose to stay away. Long weekends I spent with the boys. It wasn’t until I was back home at Mom and Dad’s that I was reminded of how much I needed them. They took away the club bullshit and I could just be with them. The memories of growing up with three older brothers and the pranks I would play on them, knowing they wouldn’t expect it to come from me. When I hit my late teens, I fucked with Dom’s car and he lost his mind. Oscar was racing by this point and asked me to be on his team and work in the garage. It would keep me out of trouble and get me some experience if I wanted to continue that path. I think everyone was a bit shocked when I upped and moved to Nevada without warning. I told Mom and Dad that I got work there and they accepted that. I was twenty-one so I didn’t need to live at home and I had earned enough money to support myself and get a decent house. Sitting down at the kitchen counter one morning though, I knew that was about to come to an end. Looking up from my iPad when Dad placed a big breakfast down, I locked it and set it to the side.

  “I have left it a few days, Princess, but I think we need to talk.” He moved away to grab the coffee pot and came back to fill my cup and his. Sliding his plate over to the empty space beside me, he rounded the corner of the counter and took a seat. “We are happy to have you home, don’t get me wrong and your mom said it was a surprise visit but I don’t buy that.” I picked up my coffee mug and took a drink, trying to swallow the ball in my throat.

  “I missed you guys so I came to see you. I realized that I don’t do it enough.”

  “Princess, I can’t recall a time where you came of your own doing. We love it, we do and we aren’t trying to make you feel bad about coming home...”

  “I feel a but coming on though.”

  “I just want to make sure that you are okay. You aren’t in any trouble, are you?” I shook my head no. Taking a big bite of pancakes, I needed to try and delay answering that question. I could brush Mom off, but there was no way I could tell Dad that I was okay when I wasn’t.

  “It’s not fair that you are having this talk and not Mom.”

  “Why’s that?” He chuckled.

  “Because you call bullshit when I try and convince you otherwise.” He laughed again and just kept eating. I took a breath.

  “I’m fine now. Had I have come home a couple of months ago then I wouldn’t have been able to say the same thing and I sure as hell wouldn’t have been able to hide it from you. Not
even the boys would have believed me if I’d have said I was okay.” His eyebrow raised and he set down his knife and fork.

  “Want to start elaborating on that Ruby before I call your brothers and we pay a trip to someone?”

  “No! It’s nothing like that! I was emotionally battered and bruised but that’s all!”

  “That’s all?! No Ruby, that is not okay. Do not play this down. Start talking.” I let out a sigh and told him everything. From the MC club to Freddie and now him being back. I had left out that he was the clubs hitman and could kill people with accuracy better than anyone. He let out a breath. “When you do something, you definitely don’t do it by halves do you?”

  “Nope! Always been an all or nothing kind of girl.” He was quiet for a few minutes.

  “Why didn’t you tell us about the club?”

  “I didn’t know how you would react. I finally found somewhere I belonged and I didn’t want that taken away.”

  “Princess, we never would have made you come home if that’s where you wanted to be. We sure as hell wouldn’t have judged you for it, but if something had of happened to you, we wouldn’t have known anything.”

  “I know, Dad, I’m sorry!” I moved and wrapped my arms around him. Laying my head against his shoulder, he pressed a kiss against my hair and wrapped me in a hug.

  “You need to go home though.”

  “What?” I pulled back, confused.

  “I’m not saying now or even today but Ruby, we have always taught you kids to face your problems head on. When Freddie first went to rehab, he didn’t have to deal with the mess that he had caused. You running away here, he still doesn’t have to. Sure he is fixing what he broke with everyone else and by the sounds of it, that boy has a lot of cleaning up to do, but you have given him a free pass. The Ruby that I know would have raised hell before leaving town.” I looked away, speechless. He was right. In one moment, I had given him back all the power I had been fighting to reclaim. I used to be so outspoken and say exactly what was on my mind. I’d told him that he was dead to me and just left.