Diesel's Choice

by Lauren Firminger

  “You can’t fix me!”

  “Oh honey, a team of the best psychiatrists couldn’t fix you.” I cursed myself as soon as the words were out of my mouth. She turned and walked away. Putting my glass in the sink, I followed after her. Finding her back in bed, I moved to crouch down beside it. “Ruby, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. In my defense, I told you I didn’t want to fight with you.”

  “Freddie, for the record, an apology should not contain blame.”

  “No matter what I say, it’s gonna piss you off.” She rolled over and turned her back to me. I stood back up and reached over her. Grabbing some pillows from the side I had just been sleeping on, I let her deal with whatever was going on with her right now. I would sleep on the couch and see if she felt like talking in the morning. At least I would have some sleep and be able to try and follow her thoughts and not just blurt out whatever comes into my head like just now. I don’t know what time it was but I felt her trying to lay down next to me. Rolling onto my back, I pulled her on top of me so she could sleep with her head on my chest and not have to worry about falling on the floor. It wasn’t a very big couch.

  “I’m sorry.” I ran my hand along her back.

  “It’s okay.”

  “No, it’s not. You don’t deserve my demons at some stupid hour in the morning.”

  “Baby, I will take on your demons at whatever time of the day you need me to. Just talk to me. If you just need to get it off your chest then I will listen. If you need me to help with something then I will do that too. The more you overthink shit though, the crazier you get.” She slapped her hand against my chest. We laid there in silence for a little bit longer. I wanted to know what was bugging her but not if it was going to start a fight.

  “I want to come back home for a little while. Leaving isn’t sitting right with me and it scares me. I know you said that you would come with me, but I don’t want you giving up everything only to end up regretting it later. I don’t know that I could go six months or however long I decided to stay without you. Flying back and forth would be too much and one of us would get tired of it quickly. I don’t know what to do!” Moving my hand, I let it rest on the back of her neck and squeezed it softly, massaging to try and get her to relax.

  “What if I want to give up everything?”

  “What?”

  “How do you know that I am going to regret it later? You say that like you aren’t it for me, like I haven’t just spent months without you waiting for you to forgive the past. I have known what I want for a long time now, Ruby and it’s you. Here, there or on the damn moon. I don’t care where we are as long as it’s together. We aren’t doing the back and forth unless you want a stalker on your hands. I want to wake up next to you and go to bed the same way. I know before all this happened, you wanted to take things slow but maybe this is all happening for a reason.”

  “Are you sure you are ready for this?”

  “I have never been more sure of anything in my life. This isn’t me trying to fix things just to make you happy. While yes, I do want you happy, this is about us. It’s all or nothing babe so you need to decide if that is something you want or not.”

  “I want it, I do.”

  “Why do I feel there is a but there.”

  “It just feels like it’s happening too fast.”

  “Baby, that’s life. It can be over in the blink of an eye. Why not enjoy the ride while we are on it.” I heard her let out a small sigh. “Why don’t you sleep on it. When we get back home, we can sit down with Raven and talk about you coming back here for a bit longer.” Her head lifted off my chest.

  “What about you?”

  “That ball is in your court baby...”

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Diesel

  I finally fell asleep around five am as the sun came up, but it wasn’t for long. Freddie’s words from earlier were going around in my head. I was starting to think that he had the patience of a saint because fuck I had to be messing with his head right now. I knew I wasn’t being fair to him. When I agreed to give him and us a chance, I knew we would eventually be having the talk about moving in together. We almost did right before all the shit went down and he went to rehab. I loved this man. I knew that to be true and nothing was going to change that. Why was I so hell bent on taking things slow then? Ultimately, the decision was mine. He had left the ball in my court. I wanted to talk to my dad about things but I knew if I did, he would try and talk me out of coming, back to Tennessee. He had made his position on that very clear but I was his daughter after all and now was not the time I would be giving in. I couldn’t talk to Mom about it because again, she would encourage me to say in Nevada. Maybe not as forcefully as Dad would but she would make her point clear. My brothers would be no help. They would rat me out to Mom and Dad. I knew who I had to talk to. He is the only one who could make everything clearer. He had the knack of knowing just what to say when I needed advice.

  Leaving Freddie asleep, I made myself a coffee and grabbed my phone. Heading outside to sit on Mom and Dad’s back porch, I found Raven’s number in my phone. He was an early riser so I didn’t have to worry about waking him up. Tapping my thumb against the screen, I waited for him to pick up.

  “Morning, Ruby, you’re up early.”

  “Up implies I have been to bed.”

  “Uh oh, is everything okay?”

  “Yes and no.”

  “Is it your Dad? I know Freddie said something had happened but you weren’t sure what.”

  “No, he seems to be fine. The doctor is keeping him in hospital to monitor his heart. He had a minor heart attack and now has to go on a strict diet, no alcohol and take it easier.”

  “Which I am sure he is loving the sound of.”

  “Oh yeah, he can’t wait. He also told me I need to go home and stop sitting around here.”

  “Okay... So where does the no come into all this?”

  “I think I need to be here, despite what he says. For my own sanity if nothing else. I plan to be here a couple of months and will rent a house or something here and a shop so I can still work. If you need me back for the club, I will be on the first flight out of here but as I am not at the table, I can just be called for anything. My presence doesn’t need to be there in person.”

  “I am hearing a lot of I’s in all of this. What about Freddie?”

  “You are a smart one, aren’t you?”

  “Yep! Now spill.”

  “He told me that he would move with me to Tennessee, but I don’t want him to do it for the wrong reason and regret it later.”

  “Have you told him this?”

  “Yes, we spoke about it.”

  “You are still worried though?”

  “I don’t know if he was telling me the truth or just what I want to hear. I know he loves me and he has proved that but this is a big step. He is right though, life is short and it could be over in the blink of an eye and I’d be left with nothing.”

  “Ruby, there is no right or wrong answer to this. Look at Hailee and I. People could have said we moved too fast or what we had wasn’t right because I saved her and was the first thing she knew apart from that hell but they look at us and see that we fit. They don’t have to question it. We don’t question it because we feel it. You need to simplify what is in your head and what your feel. Do you love him?”

  “More than I have ever loved anyone.”

  “Then there is your answer.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You love him and he loves you. If you are together then the past doesn’t mean anything and you aren’t going to hold it against him. He is sober so he is thinking clearly and despite your personal circumstances, you know deep down this is right. You are just scared of losing him again and I get that. I do. You can’t let fear rule your life though. Just take the leap, Ruby, and have faith that he will be there to catch you. Hell, he flew across America just to make sure he was there for you. I don’t think there he is much he wouldn’t
do.” I let those words sink in. It was everything that Freddie had been saying but I hadn’t listened. I had spun it into a negative and was now driving myself crazy.

  “How do you do that?”

  “Do what?” He chuckled.

  “Know exactly what I need to hear.”

  “Years of practice, Kiddo. Believe me, all of you have issues. Someone needs to make you see reason.”

  “Thanks, Boss.”

  “No problem. If it helps any, you both have my okay to move. I’m not going to put it to the table vote. If we need you, we will call you back but right now, you are needed more in Tennessee.”

  “I appreciate that, thank you. I will let Freddie know when he wakes up. He may be pissed though. We said we would wait and talk to you when we get back.”

  “So do it. No one needs to know we had this conversation. I will try and act surprised.” I couldn’t help but laugh.

  “Thanks, Raven.”

  “Anytime, Ruby.”

  I hung up the phone and sat it on the table in front of me. Picking up my coffee mug, I held it in my hands as I sat back and drank my coffee, letting the silence try and relax me. Maybe it was time to start meditating or something. Anything to try and shut my mind off. My entire life, I had always been the one to overthink everything. Freddie was right though. The more I thought about stuff, the crazier it would make me. Add next to no sleep to that and you have the psycho that appeared at some stupid hour this morning.

  Raven was right. Freddie was right. I knew what I wanted and it didn’t make sense to prolong something we both knew was going to happen eventually. Setting my now empty mug down, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before slowly letting it back out again. Just breathe. This will all be okay.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Raven - Three Years Later

  Looking around the room at our family, whether they be blood or chosen, I couldn’t help but feel proud of how far everyone had come. Ruby and Freddie had worked through their shit and were now happily living in Tennessee. There was always something missing for her and I guess it took almost losing her dad for her to see that she needed to be back with her family. I understood and didn’t hold them back from that. Her dad was doing better than ever though which I was happy about. Freddie got me to call them both back with some fake urgent club business and had talked to her parents about coming out to Vegas for the weekend. He planned to propose to her tonight and wanted us all there for it. We had all come out to Katy and Chaos’ place outside of town and we all pitched in to make this place perfect just like he wanted it. Well, I say we but it was all on the girls. We just did the heavy lifting when needed. So after everything was in place, we chilled out and had a few drinks while we waited. Ruby’s family was showing up first followed by Freddie and Ruby. When we heard tires on the gravel driveway, we knew who it would be. Well we thought we did.

  “What is he doing here?” Toby frowned as he saw the chief of Fernando Police Department coming up toward the house. Standing up and going with him, we moved over to the car. “Boss, everything okay?”

  “I’m sorry to interrupt. I had some important business to discuss with Gus and heard he would be out here.” It’s true, he was. Gus was part of the family. He had been around this club for a long time, having done all of our ink. He and his sister owned the tattoo shop in town. . Also, his now wife was best friends with Ruby. I turned and motioned for him to come over. He was now wearing the same confused look that the rest of us were.

  “I’m really sorry to ask this, I know you said it was important but we are in the middle of a surprise party and the guest of honor is due any minute.”

  “Well that is kinda fitting then because I have a surprise for Gus.” When Gus reached us, he handed him a folder. Gus raised a brow and opened it up. Looking over at it, I could see that it was a birth certificate.

  “You have got to be fucking shitting me?” Chief shook his head and pointed at the car. Gus bent down and I moved to get a look inside the car. Sitting in the back of the car was a little boy.

  “Who is that?” Gus looked at me just as Chelsea reached us.

  “My son apparently!” Holy fuck!

  The End... Or is it?

  About the Author

  Lauren Firminger grew up in the small country town of Goulburn, only a couple hours away from where she currently resides in Sydney, Australia.

  During high school, Lauren fell in love with books and reading, and like most, was a potter-head then turned Twi-Hard, Vampire Academy soon followed by the Mortal Instruments.

  However, it wasn't until she got her hands on Sylvia Day's Crossfire Series that Lauren fell in love with reading again. Soon after, her new writing journey began, bringing her to her official debut release of Learning to Fly.

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