Checking It Twice

by Jodi Redford

  Chapter Eighteen

  Separating himself from the tangle of limbs in his bed, Kevin padded toward his bathroom. He hesitated in the doorway and sent a look toward Jana and Nick’s sleeping forms. A dull ache cramped in his chest. He’d fucking known it was a mistake to allow this to happen. Jana was so open and giving with her heart. He felt like a monster for the hurt he would bring her, and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do to change that. She wanted forever. She needed a relationship that would last and fulfill her. At least she would have that with Nick. If nothing else, that had been something good that came of Kevin’s reckless handling of Jana’s heart.

  Despite the acknowledgment, his gut remained a hollow pit of tension as he stepped into the shower and cranked the water on. Without warning, Jana’s sweet declaration spun through his mind. I love you.

  The compressed ball of anxiety expanded in his stomach. He loved her too. He’d be a damned liar if he didn’t admit that to himself. But to love someone…to allow them in long enough to rip your soul out…

  “You were only a fun, diversionary fuck, Kevvy. Why would you ever assume I love you?”

  He clenched his fist on the slick shower stall, shame and guilt pitching in his stomach as the ghostly echo of Madison’s voice pummeled his brain. Shoulders hunched in protective defense, he numbed himself to the remembered pain of his youth, wishing with everything inside him that the tepid water sluicing over him possessed the ability to wash away his sins. He jumped when a hand unexpectedly stroked his back.

  “I’m sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you.” Her touch soothing and tender, Jana hugged him. “Is it okay if I join you?”

  Don’t hurt her anymore, you fucking asshole. The heaviness of his heart made it impossible to listen to his conscience. “Yeah.”

  She snuggled into him, resting her cheek in the groove of his spine. “Nick is still sleeping. I think we wore him out.” Her muffled yawn peppered against his flesh.

  “Sounds like he’s not the only one. You should go back to bed.” He laced his fingers with hers and pulled her arm tighter around his waist, contradicting his words.

  “No, once I’m up, it’s impossible for me to fall back asleep. Besides, I like this. Cuddling with you.”

  He liked it too. More than he should. He was also acutely aware of her beaded nipples poking him in the back and the enticing way her public hair tickled his butt cheek. His cock stiffened, jutting toward his navel. It didn’t matter how many times he’d had her. It would never be enough.

  “Mmm, looks like I’m not the only one who’s up.”

  He grimaced when he realized his cockhead was nudging Jana’s knuckles as if to say, Hello there, sexy lady. He cleared his throat. “Sorry about that. It tends to have a mind of its own. Especially in the morning.” Who was he kidding? Just having Jana in the room was all it took for his cock to respond.

  “No need to apologize. I happen to be very fond of your morning woody. And your afternoon pecker. And ooh mama, don’t even get me started on your midnight salami.”

  He choked on a sputtering laugh. “Midnight salami? Jana, what are we going to do with you?”

  She nibbled his shoulder blade. “There’s no hope for me. I’m corrupted beyond repair. But I know what I want to do with this.” Her wet fingers enveloped his cock.

  Displaying a total lack of timidity, she pumped his shaft in a fluid glide, causing him to jerk at the unexpectedness of her bold action. “Jana…”

  “Shh. Let me take care of you.” Her lips brushing his damp, goose-pebbled skin, she continued jacking him, alternating her hands so that there was never a shortage of her bone-melting, brain-frying twisty-corkscrew-stroking of his cock. “I love touching you. Just like this.”

  Before he could say anything, she dropped one of her hands and wiggled around to the front of him. Her soft, tempting lips grazed his stomach, making it quiver. Water cascaded through her hair, plastering the strands to her face and shoulders, but she paid no mind to her drenched state as she engulfed him inside her mouth. Cheeks hollowing, she sucked him with slow, torturous precision. Her tongue caressed the sensitive groove beneath his gland before tracing the rigid vein lining the length of his cock. Throat muscles tightening, she swallowed, taking him deep.

  His vision blurred as the intense sensation buzzed at the base of his spine and drew his testicles in. He groaned. “So good. Jana, I… Fuck.” The hoarse curse ripped from his chest as the hot wave of orgasm crashed into him. He bucked, his come spurting down her throat.

  She continued working him over until he pleaded for mercy. Once she released him, he dropped to his knees in front of her.

  “Grab the handrail next to you.” The instant her grip was secured, he hiked her left leg over his shoulder and hoisted her up until his mouth was buried in her pussy. He lapped and sucked at her clit, desperate to feel the pulse of her climax against his tongue. It didn’t make up for the hurt he was inflicting on her heart, but it was the one thing he could give her. Her free hand cupped the back of his head, holding him tight like she never wanted to let him go. A moment later she broke on a soft sob, his name a wrenching cry on her lips.

  Shaking and trembling, he held her through the aftershocks, his heart aching and heavy. Her fingers sifted through his hair. He looked up at her, the boulder of regret like an anchor in his chest. “You shouldn’t love me, Jana. I’ll only hurt you.”

  Tears dampening her cheeks, she dropped on her haunches and stroked his jaw. “Not loving you would hurt more.”

  When they exited the bathroom several minutes later, they discovered the bed empty and the rich aroma of coffee drifting down the hall. His caffeine-deprived senses giving a blissful sigh, Kevin twined fingers with Jana and walked with her to the kitchen. Nick stood at the center island, cracking eggs into a mixing bowl.

  Kevin grunted as he took in the jeans and T-shirt Nick had swiped from his dresser. “I hope to God you’re not wearing my underwear too.”

  “Nope. Commando.”

  “Aw fuck. Was it necessary to tell me that?”

  Nick chuckled as he dashed pepper into the bowl and gave everything a good whisk. “Someone’s a cranky pants this morning.” He offered Jana a mock-stern look. “Why didn’t you give him a blowjob while you were in there? Might have gone a long way in improving his mood.”

  “Oh, but I did.” Jana fluttered her eyelashes, making Nick laugh.

  He didn’t know whether to be relieved or worried that Nick wasn’t the slightest bit jealous about not being on the receiving end of Jana’s tender, loving oral care. Nick wasn’t typically the territorial type anyway, but Kevin had a sneaky suspicion that Nick was pleased something had transpired in the shower. Furthermore, it was likely the cause for Nick’s current joviality.

  He knew without question that Nick was jockeying to make this threesome permanent. It was no longer just Nick’s mission to seduce Kevin into giving in to his lust for Jana. Now the ante was upped, and Nick was pushing the idea of the three of them in a relationship together. Never mind that Kevin was moving to Vegas and fulfilling a commitment to his dad.

  You don’t owe that cold son of a bitch another pound of flesh.

  Muting the phantom of Nick’s recriminating words, Kevin tucked the towel tighter around his hips and stalked back to his bedroom to get dressed. A few minutes later he returned to the kitchen and joined Jana and Nick at the table. He remained quiet and tense through breakfast. When Nick suggested the three of them hitting a matinee, Kevin mumbled an excuse about needing to pack. Actually, it wasn’t all that much of a lame lie. He really did need to get most of the stuff boxed up before the movers arrived next week. His pronouncement provoked a black look from Nick and mistiness in Jana’s eyes. The vise around his heart gave a vicious twist.

  His eyes glinting a silent warning, Nick stabbed at his eggs. “I’ll help you with that later. Today you’re going to the damn movies with us.”

  The temptation to deck his bossy best friend high on Kevi
n’s wish list, he glared at Nick. But much as he longed to give in to the urge or argue, he also didn’t want to upset Jana any more than she already was. If she wanted to go to a movie, it was the very least he owed her. His jaw still rigid, he nodded.

  Tensions remained strained for the rest of the morning, but the three of them went out of their way not to say anything that might lead to an unpleasant snap. More than happy when the time came to drive to Jana’s so she could change, Kevin locked up the condo and climbed into the backseat of Nick’s rental. He opted to remain in the car while Nick went inside her place for a quick tour.

  Within minutes they returned, and he offered Jana a smile before she settled in the passenger seat. “You look beautiful.” Of course, he didn’t think she was capable of looking anything but. Even with nothing but a hint of lip gloss adorning her face, she possessed a natural radiance that stole his breath.

  Her pinkened cheeks hinting that she was more than happy with his compliment, she blew him a kiss and fastened her seat belt. Nick pulled out of the drive and headed in the opposite direction of the Cineplex. When Kevin pointed that fact out, Nick waved his hand in dismissal. Gritting his teeth, Kevin tapped Jana on the shoulder. “Would you tell him he’s going the wrong way? ’Cause he sure as hell isn’t listening to me.”

  “It’s okay. We’re making another stop first.”

  The frown he adopted at Jana’s announcement deepened when they pulled into the Dockside’s parking lot. “What are we doing?”

  “I lost my bracelet the other day. Bram texted me to let me know it’s in the lost-and-found.”

  “And you have to get it now?”

  “Yes, it’s my favorite bracelet.” She unhooked her belt.

  Sunday hours at the Dockside meant a locked door until four p.m. Which meant he’d have to drag his ass out of the car. Giving a resigned exhalation, he climbed from the vehicle and strode toward the front entrance with her. A quick rifle through his keys and he located the right one. A second later he swung open the door. The warning beep of the alarm didn’t go off. “Damn it, someone forgot—”

  The lights flashed on and a raucous chorus of “Surprise!” filled the room. He almost suffered a damn heart attack. Blinking and biting back a few involuntary swear words, he stared at his grinning coworkers. “Wha—?”

  Lacey rushed forward and tugged him past the entry mat. Before he had a chance to fully comprehend what was going on, his gaze fell on the handwritten banner hanging over the bar.

  We’ll miss you. Scattered around the bold red letters were individual messages from his coworkers. An unexpected lump of emotion lodged behind his sternum. A moment later a volley of hugs and claps on the back jogged him from his daze.

  The next several hours were a blur of activity. Eating, laughing, drinking, more eating, sharing of stories and favorite recipes, even more eating, and boisterous debates over who’d received the worst tips in history all contributed to make it one huge, bittersweet, happy party. But amongst all the revelry, a dark cloud hung over the festivities. These people had been a big part of his life. He was going to miss them just as much. He’d be a damn liar if he tried to convince himself otherwise.

  He glanced across the way and caught Jana’s eyes on him, the sorrow in her expression twisting the knife in his chest. Her words echoed in his mind. Not loving you would hurt more.

  He wished to God that was true, but the devastation in her eyes told a different tale.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Her heart heavy, Jana sipped at her raspberry iced tea and watched Kevin from across the room while he chatted with Ry, Lacey and Bram. These past few days she’d struggled to push his imminent move to the back of her mind. Faced with his going-away party and the dozen or so of Kevin’s coworkers bidding him a farewell made it impossible to ignore the gloomy facts.

  He was leaving her.

  She swallowed, the lump of bleakness lodged in her windpipe refusing to budge. He’d warned her countless times that they didn’t have a future. She’d jumped into this wild, exhilarating ride with him and Nick, eyes wide open. She had no one to blame for her heartache but herself.

  You can’t control who you fall in love with.

  The acknowledgment offered little solace, particularly when Ry leaned his elbow on the bar and wrapped an arm around Lacey, his hand gently rubbing her stomach while Bram stroked her arm.

  A strong pang of envy and wistfulness stabbed Jana in the diaphragm. She wanted that kind of love with Kevin and Nick. So badly, it hurt.

  Fingers brushed her waist, and she veered her attention to Nick. She’d been so wrapped up in her moroseness she hadn’t noticed he’d returned from the restroom. Cupping her cheek in his other hand, he kissed her softly before moving his lips to her ear. “I’d give anything to shoulder your hurt for you.”

  “I knew what I was getting myself into.”

  “Doesn’t make it any easier.” Nick’s thumb traced her cheekbone. “I’m here for you. Always.”

  She nibbled her lip. “I…I wasn’t sure if you’d still want to stay.”

  “Jana, I love you. Kevin leaving sure as hell doesn’t change that. I know a big part of your heart belongs to him, and I wish to God he’d come to his damn senses and see the mistake he’s making, but if he doesn’t, I’m not giving up on you and me.” Nick’s expression softened a degree. “That’s if you’ll have me.”

  “Of course I will.” She sucked in a sniffle before hugging him. “I don’t know what I’d do if you weren’t here.”

  “You won’t ever have to worry about that, baby.” Snuggling her closer, he kissed her temple.

  For the dozenth time in the span of half an hour, Kevin’s gaze sought her out. Some dark emotion mingled with the sorrow in his expression before flicking out of sight. He quickly returned to his conversation with Ry. She dragged in another shuddery breath. “He rarely lets me see what he’s feeling. Even when we’re making love.”

  Nick’s palm slid soothing circles along her spine. “He’s afraid of revealing too much of himself.”

  “Why?”

  Rather than answer, Nick massaged her nape. He remained quiet for an endless moment before squeezing her shoulder. “Do you remember when I told you how Kev has been made to feel ashamed about his voyeurism? Well, it goes a bit deeper than that. Imagine your parent constantly telling you that you’re a sick sexual deviant.”

  She turned and stared at Nick, unable to believe what he’d just revealed. The solemnness of his expression made it all too clear that it was the truth though. Her heart cramped in sympathy for Kevin. “No, I can’t imagine facing anything remotely like that. My family has always been nothing but supportive of who I am.”

  “That’s exactly why we need to prove to Kev that there’s nothing wrong with his desires. That it’s okay for him to be who he is, and that constantly shutting everyone out isn’t the answer.”

  She nodded. “I want to be there for him. Whatever it takes.”

  Nick glanced in Kevin’s direction before looking her straight in the eye. “I have an idea. It’d push his boundaries though. Hard. But I think it’s the needed shove to get him to face his demons.” Grazing her skin lightly, Nick smoothed back her hair and kissed her temple before whispering his plan to her. She took it all in, her pulse accelerating.

  “It’s a big, risky step,” Nick admitted. “I need to know that you’re ready for this.”

  She licked her lips, nervous adrenaline making her head spin. “Absolutely.”

  The remaining two hours that it took to wind up the party were a study in agonizing anticipation for Jana. When she, Nick and Kevin finally piled into the car, butterflies dive-bombed in her belly. She hoped to hell Nick knew what he was doing with this plan of his.

  Not that she wasn’t looking forward to it. A lot.

  The backseat’s leather upholstery gave a creaking protest as they flew past the exit for the Cineplex. “I take it we’re still not doing a movie,” Kevin said dryly.


  Nick hit the wipers, dispersing the dusting of flakes from the windshield. “Nope.”

  “So what are we doing?”

  “Jana and I have a going-away gift for you.”

  Weighty silence shrouded the backseat. Several seconds passed before Kevin cleared his throat. “You didn’t have to go to the trouble.”

  “Yeah. We do.” There was a tight edge to Nick’s voice.

  The tension inside the vehicle was palpable. It tripled in intensity the moment Nick pulled into Club Arabesque’s lot. Jittery and lightheaded, she waited as Nick killed the engine and strode to her door. Kevin was much slower at leaving the car. Despite the curious look he pinned her and Nick with, there was no mistaking the heat brewing in his eyes. In this respect, he wasn’t reluctant to expose his desire. Then again, he didn’t know what she and Nick had in store for him.

  She sent up another silent prayer that Nick was right about this being what Kevin needed.

  As if he’d read her uncertainty, Nick slipped his hand in hers and squeezed. Kevin fell in step beside them as their trio worked their way to the club’s front entrance. Once inside, they checked their coats and Kevin began to inquire about reserving a private room.

  The attendant reached for the occupancy ledger, and Nick shook his head. “That won’t be necessary.”

  Kevin frowned. “I thought we’re here to play.”

  “We are. But we’re doing something a little different this time.”

  Wariness settled on Kevin’s features. “What?”

  Without replying, Nick glanced at the attendant. “Can we have three towels for the steam room?”

  While the man disappeared into the closet behind him, Kevin’s agitation percolated. Clearly he was starting to form a picture of where the situation was headed, and panic was edging past his lust. She shot a worried glance at Nick. Pulling her close, he pressed his lips to her ear. “Stand united.”