Christmas for One: No Greater Love

by Amanda Prowse

  ‘I’m so grateful you raised the alarm with the superintendent, dear. Thank you.’

  Meg blushed, still embarrassed at having been so underhand about it.

  ‘And I wanted to ask you something.’ Nancy paused.

  ‘You can ask me anything.’ Megan was sincere.

  ‘When you saw him, did… did he look peaceful?’ Nancy asked hopefully between fractured breaths.

  Meg pictured the swarm of flies and the horrific, sickly-sweet smell, which, despite the bleach and industrial clean-up, still lingered in the fabric of the apartment. She smiled at Nancy, sensing she would not be able to cope with any of the detail. Her mind flew to that silent white room in St Thomas’ hospital, London four years before, when she’d held the hand of her fiancé, trying to understand that he had gone from her. Grazing his knuckles with her lips, she had squeezed Bill’s hand, hoping beyond hope for a response as her fingers lay against his cooled skin. It would have helped such a lot to have known that his last minutes had been calm and pain-free. But his cuts, bruises and bloody wounds told a very different story.

  Meg smiled at Nancy. ‘Yes he did. I thought he looked very peaceful.’ She watched as Nancy’s shoulders sagged and her sob formed.

  ‘Thank you,’ she mouthed, patting Meg’s arm. ‘Thank you so much.’

  There was a silent interval. ‘Can I ask you something?’ Meg eventually whispered.

  ‘Of course, sweetie.’ Nancy leant forward.

  ‘I was wondering, what was your dad’s name?’

  ‘It was Gabriel.’ Nancy heaved, finding it distressing to use the past tense. ‘He was a Christmas baby; it would have been his birthday next week.’ She drew a deep breath. ‘My grandma used to tell me that she thought she’d been blessed with an angel. An angel at Christmas, what else were they gonna call him?’ She smiled.

  ‘Gabriel,’ Meg repeated.

  Downstairs, Meg sat at one of the tables in the café, poring over the stock order for the Christmas period. She glanced up to see the man she had been waiting for on the pavement outside. Quickly, she set aside the paperwork and raced out into the street.

  ‘Hey, Victor.’

  ‘Hey.’ He nodded, barely acknowledging her, fiddling with the keys on his belt loop.

  Meg knotted her fingers behind her back. ‘How are you feeling today? It must have been horrible for you yesterday, finding Mr Redlitch like that. I thought you were amazing. I just wanted to say that.’

  Victor shrugged. ‘I always just try to do the right thing.’

  Meg nodded in acknowledgement. Yes, and I duped you and I am sorry, really sorry. ‘I was chatting to Nancy earlier, Mr Redlitch’s daughter. She’s busy getting things sorted upstairs, but she seems okay. Her friend is with her.’ It felt odd discussing this intimate situation with a man she didn’t know, about a woman who was a stranger.

  ‘Is that Nancy who isn’t your mother?’ he asked, looking past her towards the upstairs apartment.

  Meg felt her blush spread up her neck. ‘I’m sorry I lied to you. I really am. It seemed like a good idea at the time. I guess none of us could have imagined how it would end up.’

  Victor shrugged. ‘No matter.’ He tapped his torch against his palm and switched it on and off.

  Always good to test your battery, Meg thought wryly.

  ‘Turned out right in the end.’

  ‘Yes, poor Mr Redlitch.’ She vowed to come up with a better way of referring to him. Gabriel…

  ‘I suppose you don’t even support Chelsea?’ Victor asked, his eyes downcast.

  Meg sighed and shook her head. ‘No, West Ham. But I did mosh to “Ace of Spades” at a school disco – that was the truth and it was good fun!’

  Victor twisted his mouth into a small smile.

  Meg looked up the street, searching for a way to bring the conversation to a close, just as Edd rounded the corner and came into view. Her heart flipped and her stomach turned over at the sight of him. No words left her lips; she simply turned away from Victor with her eyes fixed on the man walking towards her.

  Oh my God…

  Meg had been thankful that Edd had had to be somewhere else first thing, knowing she could not have concentrated or hidden her grin earlier on. It would have been horribly insensitive, talking to the tearful Nancy with a coquettish giggle. She beamed at him, noting he had swapped his denim shirt for a white cotton one but was still in his regulation jeans and Timberland boots. She couldn’t help but picture the body underneath, the memory of which made her smile even more broadly. As he got closer, she noted his stern expression and her stomach turned again for an entirely different reason. Was he regretting the last twenty-four hours or having second thoughts about getting involved with a knackered single mum with the chest of a fourteen-year-old boy? She swallowed as he sped up, coming to a stop inches from her on the pavement.

  ‘When do you leave for England?’ he asked without preamble. His face earnest, voice steady.

  Meg swallowed. ‘Thursday. Tomorrow!’

  Victor ambled into the apartment block, feeling even more invisible than usual.

  Edd was breathing quickly as he shook his head. ‘I don’t know what’s happening, but… I can’t stop thinking about you. If I close my eyes I can see you in my head. People have been talking to me all morning, but I can’t concentrate, I can only think about you.’

  ‘Sames,’ she whispered.

  He grinned. ‘Is that your summary of the situation? I lay my heart and soul bare and I get “sames”?’

  Meg nodded. A bubble of happiness stoppered the words in her throat.

  Edd wasn’t done. ‘I didn’t want to leave you this morning and I couldn’t wait to get back to you now. I can’t believe we only have a day and a bit. That can’t be it. We need to make a plan. We will make a plan.’

  ‘What does our plan look like?’

  Edd exhaled. ‘Truthfully? I don’t know. Maybe you stay here or I come there or we emigrate to the Bahamas and go sit on a beach for a couple of years, living on a boat. I don’t know! I’m not thinking straight, but there will be a solution, we just have to find it.’

  Meg smiled and spoke slowly. ‘A boat in the Bahamas sounds good, especially today.’ She cupped her hands to try and ward off the chill. ‘Do they have baseball in the Bahamas? Just that I know you could never live anywhere that didn’t.’

  ‘Funny you should ask that – yes they do!’

  ‘Well I never.’ She laughed. ‘Sounds like you’ve thought this through.’ She stared at her toes. ‘I have to go back, Edd. You know that, don’t you?’ She thought of Lucas and her heart lurched. She missed him. The guilt of separation was never very far from the surface.

  He nodded. ‘I do. And you know I have to meet my deadlines here.’

  Meg looked up at him. ‘I don’t want to leave Lucas any longer than I have to, but I do feel the same. I haven’t felt this way since—’

  ‘Since your fiancé?’

  Meg shook her head. ‘No.’ She took a deep breath and considered her next words carefully. ‘Since never, actually. Bill was like something new and shiny and unbelievable in my very dull world, but I never felt like this. I never have.’ She looked at the cold, grey pavement. ‘That feels like a terrible thing to say. He’s dead and it feels disloyal and he’s Lucas’s dad, but…’ She searched her mind for the right phrase. I feel like the sun has come up! I feel like everything is going to be okay!

  ‘But what?’ Edd reached up and caught the side of her face in his palm. He ran the pad of his thumb over the outline of her jaw as if committing the shape to memory.

  Meg turned to look him straight in the eye. ‘But it’s the truth.’

  Edd bent low and kissed her mouth. Meg raised her hands and placed them on his muscular back, happy to be in such close proximity to him once again.

  ‘Ah! Oh God! Sorry! I just wondered… err…’ Juno coughed and spluttered behind them.

  Meg pulled away and, despite the scarlet blush on her pulsi
ng cheeks, tried to appear businesslike. ‘Everything okay, Juno?’

  ‘Yes! Yes! Everything is great. Wow!’ Juno smiled, broadly, waving her pen in the air. ‘I wanted to go through the display sheet with you, make sure I know how you want everything laid out on the main counter, but it can wait if you’re busy…’ She held her notepad to her chest and swayed on the spot, smiling.

  ‘Right.’ Meg didn’t know where to put herself.

  ‘Too cute!’ Juno muttered as she skipped past them into the shop, which was now bustling with activity, one big step closer to opening.

  ‘I need to go and check on the contractors, make sure everything is in place for the big installation later, but then I think we need to go off-site for a meeting,’ Edd said. ‘A very important meeting, just the two of us, and it might take some time.’ He nodded, never losing eye contact.

  ‘Right. Well, I better grab my bag and get my things together. See you back here in ten minutes?’ she asked, with a tilt to her chin and a sparkle in her eyes.

  Edd smiled his confirmation as he ran his fingers through his hair, then stepped inside.

  Meg’s phone pipped in her pocket. Fishing it out, she was delighted to see the word ‘Home’ flashing on the screen and a picture of Lucas, in his Gruffalo dressing gown, blowing a kiss. She’d taken it last year, one evening when he was fresh from his bath, his damp hair curled around his temples. Meg could almost smell his scent, a mix of talcum powder and baby shampoo. A quick glance at the clock told her it was early evening in London.

  ‘Hello, Mummy!’ he shouted.

  ‘Hey! It’s my boy! How are you, Lucas?’ Meg held the phone tightly against her chin. The sound of his little voice sent a ricochet of longing through her whole being. She missed him so very much.

  She heard Lucas take a deep breath. ‘It’s fifteen days until Christmas and Aunty Pru and Christopher took me to the winter wonderland in the park and I got a terrapin called Thomas and he is in my bathroom in a tank and I had a toffee apple and some candy floss and then I went on a ride and sicked it all back up on Christopher’s leg. Bye!’

  Meg chuckled down the receiver. ‘Lucas? Helloooo?’

  ‘Hello, love, it’s me. He’s gone, I’m afraid.’ Milly had collected the phone from the floor where Lucas had abandoned it.

  ‘Wow! That was informative and fast.’ She laughed.

  ‘My fault,’ Milly explained. ‘I’ve interrupted A Bug’s Life and told him to give you his news. Which he did. I didn’t specify that he had to make small talk, enquire about your day or tell Mummy that he loves and misses her. Which he does, incidentally – both, very much.’

  ‘I love you for saying that, Milly, but I can tell he is as happy as Larry. As long as you are on hand to play pirates and feed him I know I’m entirely redundant. Is he sleeping okay?’

  ‘Yes. I wish I could say he’s pining for you and up all hours of the night, but the horrible truth is he’s on great form, eating well, sleeping good and laughing lots.’

  ‘I miss him.’ Meg swallowed the lump in her throat that was stuck with glue made of guilt. There had been whole hours in the last day or so that she hadn’t thought about him at all.

  ‘For Gawd’s sake, girl, you are only away for a couple of days! Try and enjoy yourself a bit. He’s more than fine, laughing all day and zonked out all night. And we still have lots to do. We have been eating all our meals inside the pirate ship, which I must say is a little cramped for comfort.’

  Meg felt a fraction of her guilt slip away. If Lucas was happy… She closed her eyes, thinking about the rest of the day ahead and the man she would be spending it with. Enjoying herself was going to be easy. ‘How fab that Pru and Chris took him out. Are they okay?’

  ‘Yes, really good. We’re all looking forward to Barbados for Christmas. Bit of sunshine won’t go amiss. Is it cold there?’

  ‘Bloody freezing!’ Meg stamped her feet on the icy ground. ‘And I believe we have a new addition to the household? Thomas the terrapin?’

  ‘Ah yes, Thomas. Lucas thinks he’s a baby dinosaur. I’m sincerely hoping he isn’t – we just don’t have the room and it would break his heart to have to send his pet off to a dinosaur sanctuary because we couldn’t cope.’

  ‘That won’t happen, no matter how big he gets. We can just all budge up a bit and make space.’ Meg laughed.

  ‘It’s lovely to hear you laugh. Are you positive you don’t want me to book you and Lucas flights? You know we’d love to have him splashing around and it’d be nice for you to have a bit of sunshine.’

  ‘Oh, I know he’d love it, but I’d rather we stayed at home, Mills. We’ll be fine: days of pyjamas, pressies and the Bug’s Life movie on a loop.’ Meg let an image of Lucas and Edd flash into her mind. It was Christmas morning and they were all smiling. She shook her head. Get a grip, girl, you only met him yesterday!

  ‘How are things there?’

  ‘A lot better today than they were yesterday. Oh, Mills, you wouldn’t believe the nightmare I’ve had. I’ll tell you all about it on Friday.’ Meg felt her breath catch as she realised she was flying home tomorrow. Torn.

  ‘Blimey, sounds like a drama. Are the contractors cracking on?’

  ‘Yes, finally. I can see light at the end of the tunnel. Should be back on track for opening just before Christmas.’ Meg felt proud to report that things had gone well. Job done, or nearly.

  ‘That’s great news! I got the proofs through for the local flyers and PR – they look brilliant.’

  Meg could hear the relief in her voice. ‘It’s all good, Mills. I’ll give you a shout tomorrow. Tell Thomas I can’t wait to meet him and give the boy a big kiss from me.’

  ‘Will do, my lovely. Please take care of you. God bless and lots of love.’

  Milly sounded motherly and concerned and, as ever, it left Meg with the warm feeling of being wanted, something she would never take for granted. An image formed in her head of the four-door saloons with the stench of fear ingrained in their velour upholstery that used to come and collect her from her mother’s flat, taking her to whichever care home or foster family she was destined for. Her mum, with dark circles beneath her eyes and unwashed hair pushed behind her ears, would lean against the wall, barely able to meet her daughter’s gaze, and mumble, ‘I’ll see you then…’ between drags on her cigarette. Her cool delivery always halted the emotional outpouring that threatened to spill from Meg, forcing her to match her mum’s seeming indifference.

  ‘God bless, lots of love, Mills.’ Meg smiled as she folded the phone into her bag and looked up and down the street, feeling pulled and confused. Happy to be having this adventure in this city and yet feeling strangely like she was in someone else’s shoes, living someone else’s life. Things like this just didn’t happen to her – only this time they had and she was loving it!

  Meg turned and Edd was standing by her side.

  ‘I want to take you on an adventure,’ he announced.

  She bit her bottom lip. ‘Don’t know if I like the sound of that.’

  ‘Well, this is my city. You have to trust me.’

  I do…

  ‘Taxi!’ Edd stuck his arm out as a yellow cab swerved towards them and came to a stop. Opening the door, he ushered her in to the back seat before sliding in next to her. Juno waved goodbye from the shop window, giggling and winking as she did so. Leaning forward, Edd spoke beneath the plastic partition that separated the driver. ‘Coney Island.’

  ‘Coney Island?’ the driver repeated, then muttered something under his breath. Meg got the impression he wasn’t delighted about the fare – a bit like hailing a cab late in the evening in the West End of London and asking to go south of the river.

  The cab pulled into the traffic. ‘Is it an actual island?’ Meg asked, picturing harbours, yachts and a ring of sandy beaches.

  ‘It used to be,’ Edd said, ‘but it kind of got joined up.’

  ‘What’s there?’ Her eyes were wide.

  ‘You’ll have to w
ait and see. It’s the first part of our adventure. I told you to trust me, Mary Poppins. You do trust me, don’t you?’ He smiled at her.

  Meg nodded as the butterflies rose in her stomach and fluttered joyfully in her throat. How many times during her childhood had she got all excited about the possibility of her mum turning up and whisking her off to the seaside? She used to keep her T-shirt and second-hand flip-flops in a carrier bag all ready. And now, just like that, Edd was making her dream come true.

  ‘I love the seaside. It was the place I dreamt about when I was little. I never went, though, not properly.’ She pursed her lips, wary of giving Edd too much detail.

  ‘You never went on holiday?’

  Ha! You don’t know the half of it. ‘I did once, to Clacton on the east coast, with a family I stayed with. We were in a musty caravan for a weekend and the dad, Len, set up a Swing ball that I loved. I remember we ate all our meals on a rickety pasting table that I thought would collapse with the tiniest puff of wind. It made it hard to enjoy my sausage sandwich. I played stuck-in-the-mud with the kids in the next-door caravan, three siblings from Newcastle who spoke funny.’ She smiled at the memory.

  ‘That’s funny coming from you, Mary!’ He laughed.

  ‘It’s not me that speaks funny!’ Meg swatted his arm. He caught her hand and kept it inside his.

  Meg turned to look at the crowds of shoppers weighed down with festive-looking packages. She flexed her fingers. It felt wonderful to have her hand inside his. He tightened his grip. She hardly dared breathe; the moment was so fragile and perfect. Yes. Yes, she did trust him.

  The taxi trundled through the traffic and seemed to be heading out of town. Some thirty minutes later, Edd sat forward and reached for the wallet in his back pocket. The two had barely jumped out onto the pavement before the taxi sped away, still apparently less than happy, despite his hefty tip.