Deliciously Damaged

by Winters, KB

  “Thank you guys. You all look so handsome today, I’m glad I got tons of proof.”

  She laughed at our shocked faces, squealing when Golden Boy picked her up off the ground, smacking a kiss to her cheek. “Stop that Tate, before this baby drops right out of me.”

  With a collective groan, her words drove the men away. Mandy chose that moment to join Jana and Teddy. “Hey wifey, let’s get you off your feet for a few minutes.”

  Jana laughed, cheeks pink with embarrassment but eyes alight with gratitude for Mandy’s thoughtfulness. “Thank, Mandy. I probably would have run myself ragged.”

  “Somehow I don’t think the baby biker would have allowed it. One of my instructors got pregnant and she would get so tired during night classes she would fall asleep standing up, leaning on the wall. Once she fell asleep while making a ganache.”

  “She did not!” Jana looked horrified.

  “She did, whisk in her hand and everything.”

  “Now I don’t feel so bad,” Jana said, letting Mandy drag her off in search of a place to sit.

  “You like her.” Teddy stood beside me, arms crossed on top of her barely showing belly. “We like her too, but she’s skittish. More than I was when I met Jana. Try not to fuck it up.”

  “Thanks for the vote of confidence, but there’s nothing to fuck up. We’re friends. Nothing more.”

  “Hmph, well then.” She laid a sympathetic hand on my shoulder; at least I chose to see it that way, even after I caught a glimpse of pity in her eyes. “Too bad.” She walked away, shaking her head.

  It wasn’t too bad. It was just fine. Mandy and I were just having fun, scratching an itch, that was all. She had no hopes where I was concerned, and I was too fucked up for anyone to lay any hope on me. I came from a shit family whose shittiness went back generations. You name it and we had it. Junkies, thieves, whores, numbers runners, bootleggers, hit men, henchmen, kingpins, outlaws and murderers. It was a real impressive bloodline that left no hope of normal, no hope of permanent happiness with white picket fences and babies. I couldn’t do that to another person, and I certainly wouldn’t send more of us out into this fucking world.

  Nope. No, thank you. Not gonna fucking happen.

  By the time the reception officially started, the sun had begun to set and we were all ready to party. I had a drink in my hand, half watching as Max spun his pregnant wife on the makeshift dance floor on the beach, while the rest of me scanned the beach for Mandy.

  “Looking for someone?”

  I smiled as Mandy circled my body, stopping right in front of me.

  “Yeah, a hot little blonde in a pink low-cut dress. You seen her?”

  The way her mouth curled, all slow and sultry like it was a mini seduction, made my pants grow tighter. “First of all, it’s cerise not pink. Secondly, I thought I saw her pigging out by the crab cakes.”

  “There are crab cakes?”

  She laughed. “Yeah. You know, you clean up nice, Savior.”

  “Yeah, well, don’t get used to it.”

  She shrugged and moved beside me, looking out at the lapping waves. “I’m not invested in your wardrobe either way.”

  Well, damn. “How’d you like your first wedding?”

  “It was . . . nice. I mean I know Jana some, and Max seems like a decent guy, so I’m happy for them, but I just don’t get it.” Her nose wrinkled adorably. “Jana loved it though and that’s what matters.”

  “Now, we party.”

  She grinned mischievously, tapping her chin. “In that case, I think I’ll go get myself a drink.” She turned but I grabbed her hand.

  “I’ll come with you.”

  “You usually do,” she said with a husky laugh. I stood behind her as she pressed up against the bar. “I’ll have a dirty martini, chilled,” she smiled at the young bartender, arching her back so it brushed up against my cock.

  “And a whiskey, neat.” I practically growled the words, grabbing Mandy’s hips to keep her still. “You’re playing with fire.”

  She looked up at me over her shoulder, biting on that lush bottom lip. “What?”

  I pressed my hips into her, drawing a gasp from her. “That.”

  “Savior, there you are!” Fuck. Teddy’s voice cut through the thick haze of desire that surrounded us. “Come on and dance with Jana so we can cut the photographer loose.”

  I took a step back, smiling softly at the little disappointed moan Mandy let out.

  “Not to be a smartass, but isn’t it kind of hard to take photos of people when they’re moving?”

  Teddy laughed and pulled me away from the bar toward the dance floor.

  “You would think, but Aris said it could be done and Jana wants him to try. The good news is that while you and Mandy were dry humping at the bar, everyone else has already had their turn.”

  I glared at her. “We weren’t dry humping.”

  “Right. Because you’re friends and nothing more?”

  I nodded.

  “Good luck with that. While you dance with the bride, I’m going to go find my former friend and nothing more, who I will be marrying as soon as we decide on a date.”

  “You’re a real pain. It’s a good thing you’re pretty.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Tough, too, buster. I’m only letting you get away with that because Mandy might need your other parts later.”

  I barked out a laugh. “You are nothing but trouble, Red.”

  “And, baby,” she said with a groan as she rubbed her belly.

  “All right, I’m going.” I didn’t get all the little wedding traditions but dancing with a pretty lady, even one that belonged to a fellow brother, was never a hardship.

  Even if what I really wanted was to wrap my arms around another pretty lady, one with a short little pixie cut that made my hands itch to run through her soft, silky hair.

  Chapter 13

  Mandy

  “I hope you don’t think this means a goddamn thing, little girl. You may be hot shit now but come talk to me in twenty years.”

  Landry was on a roll, anger spitting from his pores over the less than stellar review he’d gotten while I was away.

  “I’ve seen plenty of chefs like you come and go, then poof, obscurity.”

  Spit flew out of his mouth and, unlike the other kitchen workers, I dodged that shit. The man had a compulsion about eating raw onions. No, thanks.

  The wedding was a few weeks ago, and I had my head down since I returned to work. But my stoicism this morning only stoked his anger.

  “You are the only one competing, Landry. I’m just working, nothing more.” Working him was exhausting and I didn’t feel like I’d gained much more than a headache. In fact, I was starting to think that leaving wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.

  “Just shut up and get back to work!” Arms crossed, he leaned forward with a scowl on his face but my gaze just focused on the one drop of sweat sliding down his forehead and around one of the red bulbous nostrils of his nose.

  “There’s a cheesecake order for the Casino Owner’s Association luncheon being held here tomorrow and it sure as shit won’t bake itself! Got it?”

  I nodded, not bothering to tell him that the cake was already done. That while he was blustering about the crepes he’d butchered this morning and the cookies that had crumbled during plating, I’d already baked it and had it cooling on a rack.

  Because unlike him, I was a fucking professional. I planned to come in early tomorrow to finish the glaze and decorating, but again, not anything he needed to know. Luckily with his tirade over, I could get back to work and pretend I was somewhere else. Like the amazing chefs I’d worked with pretty much everywhere else, men and women who loved to teach, who got off on making sure they sent out well-trained chefs who might end up outshining them.

  I spent the last few hours of my shift rolling out dough, piping, glazing and creaming. All the shit work Landry heaped my way that was usually left up to interns and preppers. All day. All
week, really. I did it all, without complaint. Oh, I told him off in my mind. Imagined the worst things in the world happening to him, like my personal favorite, him getting caught in the industrial mixer as the paddle sliced through him. But I said nothing, just to piss him off.

  I was so close to freedom when Landry stopped me again as I was heading out for the day. “I’m watching you, girl. I won’t let you come in here and steal my job. Better chefs, hell better men and women than you have tried, failed and lived to fucking regret it.”

  I stared at him, spittle gathered on the rim of his bottom lip, the corner of his mouth and it struck me as funny. Hilarious, in fact. And I laughed. I knew I should have controlled it, and I would have if I could, but sometimes I couldn’t do shit about a laugh but let it happen. “I’m sorry,” I said but it was undercut by another fit of laughter.

  “Laugh it up, Mandy.”

  My eyes rolled so hard I’d thought I’d go blind for a minute. “Do what you have to do Landry. I’m not trying to steal your job, and that’s the truth. I came here thinking I could learn from you and then move on. But maybe I should just skip to the part where I move on.”

  I wasn’t ready to quit just yet, but then again, fate had never left many decisions up to me anyway.

  Landry just glared down at me. I shrugged and pushed the door open, waiting for him to speak.

  He said nothing, so I left him with, “Let me know.”

  I walked out feeling a little better, well, also kind of numb, but mostly better, because, fuck him.

  When I got home, two pregnant women waited for me.

  The tall redhead announced, “We’re going out to eat.”

  Teddy leaned against the front hood, looking like a leggy preggo fantasy centerfold. Jana was smarter, getting out of the blistering heat and relaxing inside the car with the air blowing on her.

  I blinked. “Okay. Congratulations?”

  “Everybody’s a comedian,” Teddy groaned and pushed off the car. “We’re pregnant, we’re hungry and you probably haven’t eaten all day. Get in.”

  “Sorry but I just spent all day sweating balls in a hot kitchen. If you want me to go anywhere, I need a shower.”

  I glared until she rolled her eyes. “We’ll wait here. Jana’s too pregnant for stairs.”

  I laughed, shaking my head. I envied the friendship they had. They’d known each other for longer than I knew anyone other than my family. I’d worked so I wouldn’t have to have roommates, but New York prices made that nothing but a pipe dream. I lived with people that I never knew, never made an effort to get to know beyond basic hanging out if our days off happened to coincide.

  It took me no time to shower and change into jeans and a tank top, then get out there before the neighbors thought I was keeping pregnant women locked in a car. “Okay, want me to drive?”

  Teddy glared. “You sayin’ I’m too fat to drive, pixie? Are ya?”

  “Seriously? No, I’m saying I’m worried you might fall asleep at the wheel.”

  “Oh. Don’t worry about that, I just woke up from a nap.” She flashed a devilish grin as she backed out of the parking space and drove too fast to an upscale burger joint I hadn’t eaten at yet.

  “How are you a chef and you haven’t tried this place yet,” Teddy asked in disbelief as soon as we were seated.

  I shrugged. “I haven’t had the time. Or the energy.”

  “That’s a shame, these burgers are the bomb.”

  Jana laughed, smacking the table, her eyes wide with shock. “Did you just say ‘da bomb’?”

  “I did.”

  “The nineties called, they want their slang back.”

  Teddy rolled her eyes. “It’s called retro, bitch. I’m about to be a mom, I’m embracing old school.”

  I laughed at their banter. It was sharp and sarcastic, but it was filled with a deep affection that resonated with every word. I listened for a long time as Jana talked about their honeymoon, they talked about pregnancy symptoms, too much in my opinion, but the salad starters were delicious.

  “And what about you and Savior?” Jana asked. “What’s going on there?”

  “Not a damn thing,” I told them honestly. “I haven’t seen him since he dropped me off after the wedding.”

  That didn’t disappoint me, but it also didn’t surprise me either.

  “How can that be?” Teddy sat up, full of outrage on my behalf. “I saw you two sneak off, probably to the same supply closet I dragged Tate to later. Much later.”

  “You did. We did. And it was hot, really fucking hot.”

  But it had also been incredibly intense, so hot and intense, so something I couldn’t name but I felt it down to my soul. It was too much, and it shook Savior even more. He’d pretty much shut down after that. Except when he reached for me in the night. Twice.

  “But?” Jana was impatient, stabbing at her salad with more force than the arugula required.

  “But what?”

  I didn’t know what to say. That wasn’t true. I wasn’t sure how to say it to them. I kept my own secrets. I was my own advisor. But looking around the table, I knew if I wanted this friendship, I had to start somewhere.

  “It’s easier if we don’t have to guess,” Teddy offered with no sympathy.

  “Teddy,” Jana admonished her with a frown, still stabbing hungrily at her salad.

  Teddy raised her shoulders as if she shouldn’t have to explain. “I’m just saying. This is what we do, talk. So, open up.”

  She was right. So, painful as it was, I dipped my toe into this river called friendship and began. “It was intense, too intense. For both of us. Afterwards things got weird.” A small sigh escaped, as though I was breathless from sharing. The wading had turned into a deep dive into my emotions.

  Two heads shook in unison. “Men,” Jana said, that one word dripping with disgust.

  “Idiots,” Teddy added, equally upset. On my behalf.

  “Thanks girls, but really, it’s not a big deal. I wasn’t expecting anything.”

  “Yeah, well maybe you should.” Teddy stared at me, her gaze serious.

  “Oh please!” Jana doubled over the table with laughter, pushing aside her now empty salad bowl. “Teddy likes to forget that she was all fuck ’em and dump ’em before Tate. Hell, even he was just some quick, convenient booty. Before they fell in loo-oove,” she sang, ending the note with a gag.

  “How am I friends with such a bitch?” Teddy pondered out loud.

  I laughed again. “You’re both nuts, that’s what I’ve learned today.”

  “And that men — our men — would rather face bullets than emotions,” Jana added with authority.

  “Your men,” I corrected. “I don’t have a man.” The server arrived with our burgers, cleared the salad plates and we all dug in, eating quietly for a few minutes. Well, I kept plowing through my slider sampler while they paused politely. To grill me.

  “You know, Mandy, just because neither of you realize it, doesn’t mean he isn’t yours.” Jana gave words of wisdom around a bite of chili cheeseburger.

  Her words nearly ruined my three bites of blue cheese and bacon slider. Nearly. “Or maybe it was just a few hot romps? That’s okay with me. I don’t do connections.”

  Teddy snorted. “We’ve noticed.”

  I rolled my eyes and Jana jumped in. “It’s not a criticism, we were the same way. Are the same way. We met at a support group for survivors, not college like most people. We were both too fucked up for that. Well, I was anyway.”

  Teddy wiped the corners of her mouth with her napkin and then gave a piece of her story. “I wasn’t, but being a model meant I could fake it with the best of them,” she said with a teasing wink. “But we learned to do it because handling shit on your own is the worst.”

  I shrugged, as if they were speaking a foreign language. “It’s what I know.”

  Jana smiled. “Then we’ll teach you,” she said gently. “And don’t think you can get out of it,” she added with an
attempt at a mean scowl.

  “You don’t scare me, little girl.” I pointed at her face, shocking her.

  “Little? You have what, half an inch on me?”

  Teddy snorted. “Ask a man, they’ll tell you half an inch can make a big difference.” And just like that, the tension at the table burst as we all laughed. And ate. And laughed some more.

  It was a good day.

  A damn good day.

  ***

  “Mandy, wait up!”

  I recognized Krissy’s voice instantly and I didn’t wait. I sped up. Fuck her. I didn’t have time for her bullshit. Not today. Not when I hadn’t decided what I would do about my Krissy problem.

  “Mandy!”

  Her heeled boots sounded on the concrete, her heavy breaths coming closer.

  “What the fuck?” she demanded.

  “Take a hint,” I tossed back at her as I kept walking.

  She grabbed my shoulder and I jerked away, pulling my arm back.

  “Jeez, someone’s jumpy.”

  “Don’t you fucking touch me girl,” I warned, facing her now so she could see the fire in my eyes.

  “Fine, just slow down or stop for fuck’s sake!”

  I stopped and glared at her while she explained.

  “Look, I borrowed some money from Roadkill MC a while back and then shit went bad and I couldn’t pay.”

  She dragged a shaky hand through her hair, proof it wasn’t just gambling getting her into trouble these days.

  “You made counting look easy, but it’s not. The more decks they added, the worse I did.”

  She pulled out a cigarette and lit it to stop her shaky hands. The hole she’d dug was impossible to pay back without a little luck. A hell of a lot of luck.

  “I’m sure you could work it off somehow.”

  Her brittle, bitter laugh almost made me cave, but I knew I hadn’t heard the punch line. I just kept listening.

  “They’d have me whoring myself out or shoving drugs up my cunt, no thanks. Two hundred grand is a lot of cocks to suck.”

  And there it was. That mercenary, selfish behavior that I hadn’t been able to recognize as a needy teenager, but now I saw that shit clear as day.