Deliciously Damaged

by Winters, KB

  “I told you I’d take care of it, Allison. Why can’t you just trust me on this?”

  “What did you do?”

  Cooper stood and paced the three steps away from my desk, headed for the door. “You know, I came down here to take you out to a nice dinner. Things have been so fucked up lately—I really wanted to just unplug from all of that tonight.”

  He had a point. We’d spent the past few weeks so consumed with gathering evidence and having meetings with lawyers and investigators. Any free time not spent working on the case, was used up with the overhauling of Plush and transforming it into a new, all-natural company, which was a deeply satisfying project, but also exhausting. By the end of the day, we were both too wiped out on every possible level to focus on our new relationship and the next steps we wanted to take.

  On top of the physical and mental exhaustion, my spare moments turned into combating the dark thoughts related to the trial, which then depleted my emotional capacity, leaving no room for even daydreaming about Cooper and the merging of our lives.

  It was all a big, tangled clusterfuck.

  “Cooper, wait!” I pleaded, right as his hand hit the lever on the door. He turned around and I got up from my desk and went to join him by the door. The office outside was nearly abandoned as it was well past seven o’clock, and I let myself melt against his chest. “I’m sorry,” I breathed. The faint scent of his cologne reassured me as he wrapped his arms around me and held me tight, as though he’d been waiting all day to hold me.

  “You don’t have to be sorry, baby.”

  “I am though. I know you’re only trying to cheer me up and take my mind off the stress, but it’s hard for me to set everything aside. It’s not the flick of a switch, you know?” I looked up, resting my chin against his firm chest, and he nodded.

  “Tell you what,” he started. He ran his hands down my sides and grabbed a hand in each of his. “I promise to tell you all about it tomorrow. But tonight, it’s just you and me. Okay?”

  A glimmer of seduction sparked in his eyes and I knew, without words, exactly what he was thinking. A slow smile spread across my face and I licked my lips to let him know his message had been received. Loud and clear. “Sounds pretty perfect. You and me.”

  We froze in a beat of silence, savoring the words, before Cooper tugged me back into his arms. “Good. Now, let’s get out of here,” he growled into my ear.

  * * * *

  The night with Cooper unlocked the pent-up stress and worry in my heart, and although I never pressed him for details, the next day the emails and phone calls relating to the trial all stopped pouring in, and as I archived the old emails and messages, I ordered myself to let it all go. As the rest of the week went on, the pressure that had built up inside of me over endless thinking and stressing about the trial finally erased and I felt more myself than I had in over a month. By the middle of the week, my mood improved enough to attend the in-office birthday party for Sammy, one of the newest team members in the IT department. Since my office was still located in the IT department, I’d built relationships with all my co-workers in that department during my frequent coffee and snack breaks, and had gotten to know the new girl well enough to organize a miniature party for her twenty-fifth birthday.

  By half past three, I’d gathered the entire floor into the break room and had people on either side of me as I presented the cake lit with sparklers. The group was three bars into a very pitchy rendition of the birthday song, when my phone buzzed in my pocket. I ignored it and sang along, but the buzzing wouldn’t stop, so I pulled it out of my pocket to see who was blowing up my phone. I was surprised to see my mom’s name flashing at the top of the screen. She’d called three times already, and was beginning her fourth call, by the time I was able to break free of the pack and answer the phone.

  “Mom?”

  “Allie! Thank God!” Her voice was high and hysterical.

  My body tensed as I took a few more steps out of the kitchen where the singing was on a crescendo towards the end of the song. “Mom? What’s going on? Is everything okay?”

  “—I didn’t know what else to…the accident…”

  “Mom, hold up,” I raced down the hall, plugging my opposite ear to muffle the singing and cheering from the break room. “What did you say?”

  “Your father has had a heart attack.”

  All the air left my lungs like a popped balloon. I crashed into the nearest wall, the words ringing in my ears. “What?” I gasped, gripping the phone so tight I didn’t miss a word.

  “He—he was…” My mom’s voice broke and there was a pause that stretched out forever as I waited for her to be able to continue.

  “Mom?”

  There was a flurry of rustling sounds and then a new voice answered, “Allie? It’s Ben.”

  “Ben!” My older brother’s face popped into my head and a warm relief surrounded the bubble of panic in my chest. Ben was there. Everything was going to be okay.

  “Listen, Al, Dad was going out for lunch and while he was driving, he had a heart attack. He lost control of the car and crashed into a telephone pole. We’re at the hospital with him now. He’s having emergency surgery to remove a blockage in his heart and then they‘ll work to fix the damage from the accident.”

  I slid down the wall inch by inch as Ben explained the situation. I hit the floor and nodded my head against the wall, hearing, but barely processing the words. Mental images of horrific wrecks and my dad’s face twisted with pain and fear assaulted my senses and I lost track of my surroundings. So, when I was suddenly swarmed by co-workers, it took me a second to remember where I was.

  “I’ll be there as soon as I can,” I told Ben, fighting back the tears that were pooled along my lashes.

  “Do you need a plane ticket?”

  I shook my head, forgetting that Ben couldn’t see me.

  “Allie? I can book something right now.”

  “No!” I found my voice and it burst out a lot stronger than I’d intended, startling the people gathered around me. All I could think about was getting on Cherry Bomb and hauling ass to Kansas. “I don’t want to fly. Ben, I’ll be there soon, just tell Daddy—tell Daddy I’m coming.”

  I clicked off the call and let my co-workers scoop me off the floor. “I have to go. It’s my dad.”

  I didn’t wait for a reply before turning and racing towards the elevators, only stopping to swing by my office to grab my purse.

  * * * *

  By the time I got back to my apartment, Cooper had called half a dozen times. I called him back, propping the phone against my shoulder as I laid out extra food for Sam and then went to my bedroom to start packing a small bag of clothes.

  “Where are you?” Cooper asked in lieu of a ‘hello’ when he answered my call.

  My mind was busy calculating routes and a plan of action and couldn’t formulate an answer to his question.

  “Allie! Where are you? What’s going on?”

  At the jolt of his voice, my thoughts shifted, rearranging as I began to piece together a route and a plan. If I stuck to the highways and avoided major cities, I could be home in a day and a half. “I’m at home, Cooper. But just for the next five minutes. My dad had a heart attack and got in a car wreck. I’m leaving to go see him.”

  “Oh my God, Allie, I’m so sorry. Did you book your flight? I know people at the airlines—they can get you on the next flight out. I’ll hire a charter, whatever you need.” There was an edge of panic to Cooper’s normal cool, controlled tone that I appreciated.

  “Uhm…no, thank you, but…I don’t fly, remember?” I clicked the speaker button and laid the phone on my bedside table to begin packing. I grabbed my duffel bag from the closet and jammed handfuls of clothes into it without really stopping to consider what I was putting together.

  “Allie, that’s ridiculous. It’s an emergency. You have to take a plane,” Cooper countered, his authoritative tone back.

  I glared at the phone. “No, I don’t.
On Cherry Bomb I can be there in less than two days.”

  “You can’t take your bike there! Let me arrange a flight, for God’s sake, Allie, think about this,” Cooper gritted out each word and without even seeing him, I knew the expression he was wearing.

  I slammed another stack of shirts into my bag and then turned back to the phone. “I can, I will, and unless you have something helpful to add, I have a lot of things to do.”

  “Allie,” his voice was pinched. “I know you’re freaked out, but slow down and think about this. A plane will get you there in what, two hours? It’s safer, faster—”

  “I don’t fly.” Just the idea of being on a plane churned my stomach and gave me the shakes. I’d only been on a plane once in my entire life, and it had been one of the worst experiences I’d ever experienced. I’d spent the entire trip clinging to the arm rests so hard I’d broken off two fingernails. I knew it would take longer to ride to Kansas on my bike, but at least I’d have fresh air and an open road. Something about continually moving was soothing, even though I knew it would be less than charming a few hours in.

  My mind was made up and Cooper would just have to deal with it.

  He seemed to realize this around the same time and after a growl of pure frustration, asked, “How can I help?”

  As I was about to answer that I had it all under control, a brush of fur tickled my ankles. I looked down into the big blue eyes of Sam, my cat, and already missed him. I’d never been away from him for more than a night, and knew he wouldn’t understand my sudden absence. “Take care of Sam. I set out extra food, but he’ll need someone to check in on him while I’m gone. There’s an extra key wedged in the liner of the welcome mat.”

  I could practically hear him rolling his eyes, but after a tense beat of silence, he sighed, “All right. But call me, every time you stop. Don’t go to truck stops after dusk, stick to the main roads, and make sure you have the credit card I gave you.”

  I rolled my own eyes in response to his list of instructions, but couldn’t help but smile. “I love you.”

  “I love you too, Allie. Please be safe.”

  I ended the call, the smile fading from my face as I grabbed my bag from the floor and hauled ass down to Cherry Bomb and set out, desperate to log as many miles as possible before the sun set.

  Chapter Five — Cooper

  “She just took off? On her motorcycle? Alone?” Angela asked once I’d recounted the story to her. I’d been going stir crazy in the office, unable to settle my nerves since a couple of staff members from the IT department had burst in to my office to tell me that Allie had received an upsetting phone call and bolted from the office. I called Angela to talk myself off the ledge. After Allie hung up, I’d actually considered going to her apartment, giving her a sedative, and flying her to Kansas that way.

  “Yeah.” I rubbed a hand down my face. The visual image of Allie on Cherry Bomb, racing down the highway was haunting me. All I could think of was a long list of things that could go wrong. What if she ran out of gas? Got a flat? Stopped at a rest stop and her bike got stolen? Tangled with a group of bikers? Why didn’t I stop her?

  There were a million reasons why I hated the idea of her alone on the thousand plus mile journey. And then, there was another batch of thoughts, even worse than that…what if she didn’t make it in time?

  I hadn’t been able to get many details, but a serious heart attack compiled with a car wreck didn’t leave room for much hope. All I could do was hope it was better than it sounded.

  “What are you going to do?” Angela asked softly.

  I looked out my office window, watching as the city below started to transition from day to night. It was nearing five o’clock and at this time of the year, the sunlight wouldn’t hold out much longer. “I have no idea. Take care of her cat and try not to lose my mind while I wait for a call.”

  “I’m sorry, Coop. Do you want some company?”

  I shook my head. “Nah, that’s all right. Thanks though.”

  “All right. Call me if you change your mind. All I got on the books is a bottle of wine and plowing through some scripts.”

  I pinched my eyes closed at her mention of scripts. It was something I’d been meaning to bring up in conversation, but somehow the timing seemed all wrong. Angela had finished her treatment a month prior and had made a remarkable comeback but the thought of her falling back or relapsing was enough to bring me to my knees. Acting had been her whole life for the past several years, and I knew I couldn’t hold her back forever, I just hoped she was being realistic and taking small steps. “Thanks sis.”

  After hanging up with Angela, I forced myself into my chair and focused on tackling the ever growing list of emails that were waiting for responses. Each time I clicked send, I lost myself in wondering where Allie was at that exact moment, and by the time I’d replied to a few dozen messages, it was nearing nine o’clock and I knew I was the last one at the office. I closed up my office and was halfway home, before pulling a u-turn and heading over to Allie’s apartment on the opposite end of the city.

  “Hey Sam,” I said, as I stepped inside—pocketing the spare key. Seconds later, a little ball of fluff came running up to meet me. I’d been to Allie’s apartment a few times and had secretly plied his affection with kitty treats under the table when Allie wasn’t looking. She had him on some all natural, hippy cat food and my handful of fish flavored treats had been happily accepted.

  I squat down and scratched the cat under his chin. “Sorry buddy, no treats this time. I’ll bring some tomorrow.”

  Sam trotted off back to the couch where he’d apparently been camped out before my arrival, and I took the two short steps into the kitchen, suddenly realizing the gnawing pit in my stomach had morphed from anxiety to hunger pangs. Allie’s apartment was an organized disaster—per usual.

  There were stacks of unopened mail on her kitchen counter, at least a couple day’s worth of dishes in the sink, and a smattering of crumbs on the counter tops. I smiled as I assessed the room. It was so Allie. She was always in hurricane mode, rushing from place to place, never quite on time, but she was so gregarious and full of life that no one could fault her for it. I cracked open the fridge and sighed at the pathetic assortment on the shelves. Allie was a strict vegan and none of the dishes in her fridge looked like they contained real food. Both crisper drawers were stuffed full of greens and the shelves were lined with some green juice concoction. She’d been rambling on about a juice diet and as I surveyed the contents—I realized she must have been serious.

  I chuckled and shut the fridge, wishing she was there so I could tease her. Allie was always complaining about her weight. I’d taken her shopping once, at a high end department store, and after three outfits, she gave up and dragged me out of the store, claiming there was no way her thighs would ever fit into anything in the entire shop. I honestly had no idea what she was talking about. Her petite frame was curvy to be sure, but in all the right places. But my compliments and assurances often fell on deaf ears. I usually resorted to showing her just how sexy and intoxicating I found her to be…

  “Fuck.”

  I shook off the thoughts, knowing that longing for her body was only going to make the entire situation worse. I crossed to the living room to find Sam rolled into a ball. “Hey, little man, since your mama insists on rabbit food, I’m gonna have to go grab us men some real food. I’ll be back.”

  He blinked his understanding—or, at least what I took as understanding—and I ran down to the corner market to grab a couple cans of normal cat food, a frozen pizza, and a six pack of amber ale. It was pure comfort food and I spent the rest of the night on the couch with Sam, half heartedly watching some crime scene show, and eyeballing my phone, willing it to ring every commercial break.

  Eventually I fell asleep on the couch, with the purring fur ball vibrating on my chest.

  * * * *

  Allie still hadn’t called to check in by the next morning and a cold, creepin
g panic was taking hold of me. Before I even rolled off the couch, I booked a flight to Wichita, remembering that Allie had once mentioned that was the closest big city to her parents’ country home. She never talked about her parents, any information I had about them was all gathered through strategic questions I’d asked over the past few months. How was it possible that I’d spent nearly every waking minute with the woman for the past several months, and yet, still didn’t know the basics, like where her parents lived?

  Light was flooding in through the windows and I knew I still needed to go home to shower and change before I could go into the office. I pushed off the couch, careful not to disturb the sleeping Sam.

  Minutes later, my phone chirped to notify me of an email, and I knew it would be the flight confirmation. I made a deal with myself to get through the day, arrange for the managers to hold down the fort, and then I’d head to the airport. But then what? I didn’t have her parents address and if Allie wasn’t answering her phone, there was no way to get the information. I couldn’t drive around to every hospital asking for her father. I leaned against the counter and pinched the bridge of my nose. “It’s such bullshit,” I groaned to myself.

  I set out a fresh can of food for Sam and left the apartment, making a mental note to hire a pet sitter before boarding the afternoon flight.

  Chapter Six — Allie

  Less than two hours outside of the city limits, the rain started pouring down. It was as though I’d officially left the bubble that surrounded LA and dove straight into the desert thunderstorms. Before leaving my apartment, I’d thrown on my full leathers, which included long pants and a thick jacket, but even with the extra protection, I was freezing cold from the whipping of the cold desert wind. I pushed through, letting the images of my dad lying in a hospital bed propel me forward, but nearing midnight, I decided to stop. Unfortunately, by that point, I was five or so hours outside of the city and on a patch of highway that was sprinkled with small towns and not much else as I crossed the border into Arizona. I raced down the highway as fast as I dared, knowing that while I was an experienced rider, it still wasn’t smart to go full out on a slick road.