Dreams Don't Wait (Contemporary romance)

by EC Sheedy

  "Is something wrong?" Linc asked.

  "No. Nothing."

  "Good." Linc's tone lowered, turned intimate. "I'd like your answer, Evan. You are thinking about it, aren't you—about us?"

  Words crowded into her mind, but they lacked substance and were inadequate. "Yes." At least that was true. She hadn't thought of anything else since yesterday.

  "And you're sure everything's okay?"

  "Everything's fine." She didn't want to say any more, not now, not on the telephone. "We'll talk later—after dinner."

  There was a strained moment before he spoke again. His words were clipped. "I think I'll let you talk while I listen. See you at six."

  Evan replaced the receiver and, for a time, stared vacantly at the hand still resting on the phone, every cell, nerve, and muscle in her body at war.

  When she finally turned, it was to see Cal's eyes fixed on her, his expression a mixture of anger, confusion, and... grief.

  "Why are you doing this, Mom? I don't get it."

  "Cal, I'm not sure I can make you understand." When I don't understand myself. Linc was every woman's dream. But she had another dream, a dream that had sustained her and carried her through her darkest days. A dream not easily vanquished. A dream that held its ground.

  "So try."

  "Okay." Evan walked to the window. "I want... time—for me. You would call it space. There's things I want to do. Just for me. School. Travel. Can you understand that?"

  His expression didn't change, but his brow furrowed. Evan's heart sank. For over half her life she'd loved him to the exclusion of all else, and while she wouldn't trade a day of it, she'd dreamed of a time when she'd be someone other than a mother and provider. How could she expect him to understand her selfish yearning to reclaim a part of the life she'd forfeited so many years ago?

  His expression confirmed his confusion, but she plunged on. "I want the freedom to do what I want. I don't want... responsibility to anyone other than myself."

  "We have to move because you think Linc's a responsibility?" He looked more confused than ever.

  "Not Linc exactly," she said. Oh God, this was hopeless. He'd never understand. At his age everything was black or white, no grays, no such thing as mixed emotions. "Let's just forget it."

  He eyed her intensely, then cut to the bone. "Jenny. You don't want Jenny. That's it, isn't it?" He looked at her in much the same way she'd looked at the raw oysters. "So what's the matter with her? Not up to your standard or something?"

  "Cal! How can you say such a thing?"

  "So what then?" His face was stony. "She's too much trouble? What?" His voice rose an octave.

  Evan's temper flared. She fought it down. "It has nothing to do with anything like that. I love Jenny. I just don't want to..."

  "Be her mother. Is that what you're trying to say?"

  Hearing Linc's voice, she spun around, felt the blood drain from her face. He was leaning in the open doorway, and while his stance was casual, his body was rigid with hurt and anger. She had no idea how long he'd been there. His gaze raked over her in cold appraisal as if he were seeing her for the first time.

  "That is what you meant, isn't it?"

  "It's not what you think. I—" She hesitated.

  He lifted a hand, cut her off. "Forget it. I don't need an explanation. I've had lots of experience with non-maternal women." Almost to himself, he added, "By now I should recognize the type."

  He straightened, moving away from the door, his blue eyes cold with contempt. "Maud's sister called, right after we hung up. Dinner's off," he said. "Their mother has taken a bad turn. I'm driving Maud there now. I came down because I thought you might like to go with Jenny and me." He gave her a frozen stare. "Some jackass idea, right?" Without another word, he walked out of the cabin.

  Evan glanced at a stricken Cal, then followed Linc out the door. He was halfway up the path to the house before she caught up with him.

  She touched his arm, and he shook her off, but he did stop. Pinning her with a cold, impatient stare, he said, "What do you want? Maud's waiting."

  "I want you to understand. It's not what you think. I love Jenny. You know I do. It's because I—"

  "I don't want to hear this," he said wearily. "Look, you don't want Jenny, and you don't want me. I get the picture."

  God, please help me make him understand. "I love you, Linc..."

  He snorted.

  "And I love Jenny."

  This time he rolled his eyes.

  Evan went on, ignoring her own rising temper. "But I want to love myself, too. This relationship with you... it, uh, caught me off guard." She took a deep breath and met his steely gaze. "I had plans of my own and—"

  "And you aren't about to change them for me—especially not for Jenny. Right?" His eyes narrowed, turned speculative. "It was yesterday, wasn't it. Jenny going missing."

  "This has nothing to do with yesterday," she lied.

  "I don't believe you."

  Maybe yesterday had been the catalyst—making her come to her senses. All she knew was that if she couldn't do right by Jenny—become the mother she deserved—it was best she leave. She squared her shoulders. "I told you when I came here I wasn't looking for a husband... a child..."

  "So you did. I guess all the time we spent together addled my brain. I thought you'd changed your mind, and here all you were out for was some good sex. My mistake."

  Evan recoiled.

  He leaned toward her, took her chin in his hand, and laid final claim to her mouth with a hard, dispassionate kiss. Still holding her face to his, he gave her a cold smile. "Of course, we could go back to my original tasteless proposition. You know, the one where you warm my bed but stay the hell out of my life." He pulled his hand back. "You're good in bed. I'll give you that. One of the best I've ever had."

  Evan's eyes filled with tears, and she bit her lip. He was hurt, he wanted to hurt back. Fair enough. Blinking hard, she said, "We'll be gone as soon as I can find a place."

  His eyes darkened with pain, but he quickly dispelled it. "Good." Without another word, he strode up the path.

  Evan wrapped her arms around herself and watched him go through a fog of tears.

  It was done.

  * * *

  It wasn't easy finding a place near the university, especially during the first week of classes. But Evan lucked out. The tiny basement apartment was available in two weeks. Two weeks, she sighed. Forever.

  Dropping her sweater and bag on the chair nearest the door, she headed for the beach. The cabin was far too empty.

  She thought of Linc—still. She'd thought of no one else in the four days since she'd seen him. She hadn't seen Jenny, either. No doubt Linc was keeping her away. Four long, lonely days. She wished Maud were here, but she was still at her sister's. What would Maud think? Evan tossed a stone into the incoming tide.

  Cal.

  She'd scarcely seen Cal since he'd started his classes. When he was home, he spent most of his time at the main house with Linc and Jenny. Tonight he'd stayed at school. She tried to ignore the hurt, telling herself he would come around when they moved into their new place.

  All in all it was the most miserable four days of her life. She wished she'd been able to work late, as she had every other night this week, but the office wasn't busy. It was odd to be home at six o'clock, tossing endless pebbles into an endless ocean.

  She brushed the sand from her hands and started back to the house. She'd make something to eat, then read. How terribly exciting, Evan. Perhaps someone should alert the press.

  She was no sooner in the cabin door than the phone rang. It was Linc.

  He was curt and to the point. "Is Cal there?"

  Every organ in her body seemed to be ricocheting, but she managed to steady her voice. "No. He's at the university."

  "Damn!"

  She waited.

  "Will he be back sometime soon?"

  "I don't think so. He said he'd be late."

  "Damn!" he s
aid again, then let out a long, irritated breath. "Evan..." He stopped.

  "Yes?" She was holding her breath but had no idea why.

  There was a pause before he continued, each word hard edged and reluctant. "Look, I'd rather cut out my tongue than ask, but I don't have any choice. I even called Caressa, but she's out of town. I was hoping Cal would—" He broke off to swear again. "Would you look after Jenny for a couple of hours?" The question came out with the grace of a root-bound molar. "The owner of the hotel site is flying in unexpectedly. He's leaving first thing tomorrow, and I need to go over a design change. Believe me, if I had any alternative, I wouldn't ask. You must have a million things you'd rather do than look after my daughter."

  Evan ignored the barb. She was listening too hard for the whisper of a song playing somewhere near her heart. "When do you want me?" she said.

  There was another pause. "Twenty minutes?"

  "I'll be there."

  He hung up.

  Evan replaced the receiver. She was going to see Linc. She was excited, scared, happy, and overwhelmingly sad. She told herself she was foolish, irrational, and a little bit crazy, but it didn't help. She wanted to see him, ached to see him, while at the same time dreading the sight of his cold, unfeeling eyes. Cursing her confusion, she headed for the bedroom to change.

  He hates you, she reminded herself; nothing's changed in the last four days. Better for him and better for me, she thought stoically, but couldn't bring herself to believe it.

  Chapter 12

  Twenty minutes later, Evan stood in front of Linc's back door. She was nervous and ill at ease, much like a servant approaching the manor house for the first time. He responded to her first knock, and when he looked down at her, his face was a tight mask. Her lower lip trembled as she forced a smile to her tensed lips. He made no effort to return it, choosing instead to glance away.

  "Jenny," he called over his shoulder. "Evan's here."

  Jenny bounced up from the bowl of ice cream she was eating in front of the TV and ran toward her, Copper at her side. When she wrapped her arms around Evan, the hug was warm and mutual. Evan buried her face in Jen's soft hair, half to avoid Linc's scornful gaze, and half to revel in the clean, innocent scent of a freshly scrubbed little girl.

  "Are you better now, Evan? Daddy said you caught a bug. He said if I saw you, I'd get it, too." Jenny gave her a serious stare.

  Evan's eyes shot to Linc's, then back to Jenny. "I'm better, Jen. The bug's gone. You can come—"

  Linc broke in. "She's eaten and had her bath. I didn't want you to have too many responsibilities."

  She looked up at him, her expression rigidly controlled. "What time will you be back?" As she spoke, she brushed Jenny's bangs back from her forehead. It was warm.

  "Don't worry, I won't take up too much of your time. I don't plan to be more than a couple of hours."

  Evan straightened to her full height and gave him a direct gaze. "You can drop the sarcasm, Linc. I wasn't trying to hurry you. I'm looking forward to some time with Jenny. As for you... you can be gone as long as you like."

  Evan saw the tightening in his jaw before she turned her attention back to Jenny. She ran a hand across her forehead. It was warm.

  "You feeling okay, honey?"

  Jenny brushed away her hand. "Wanna see Copper's trick, Evan? She can sit up. Watch."

  Jenny patted her chest. Copper stood on her hind legs, balanced her front legs on Jenny's shoulders, and licked Jenny's face with more enthusiasm than discipline. While child and dog pretended to be involved in the serious business of puppy training, Evan's eyes strayed to Linc's. She caught a pained, hungry look before he closed the shutters on it. Without a word, he strode from the room, coming back seconds later wearing a light tan sport jacket.

  "I'll be at the Empress Hotel." With that, he was gone. Evan watched him go, indulging in a pained, hungry look of her own. This was hard, very hard.

  * * *

  When he heard the page, he was in the lobby saying his goodbyes. It was nearly ten o'clock.

  "I'm Lincoln Stewart," he said to the desk clerk.

  "Mr. Stewart, I have a message from a Miss North. You're to go directly to Victoria General Hospital. She says not to worry, but she's taken your daughter there. She said she tried your cell—"

  The desk clerk smiled in sympathy, but Linc didn't see it. He was striding to the door.

  * * *

  He found Evan in the emergency waiting room, her face drawn into tight, worried lines.

  "I'm so glad you're here," she said. "I called your cell—"

  "I know. I had it off during my meeting." Never again. "What is it? What's wrong with her?"

  "Don't know for sure yet. After you left, her fever kept getting worse. She said her head hurt. When she started to vomit, I brought her in right away."

  "Where is she, and where's the doctor?"

  "He's with her now. He said it might be... meningitis." Evan looked at him as if trying to gauge his reaction. "He says there've been a couple of cases reported lately."

  His jaw tensed. "What do you think?"

  "I'm not sure, but she didn't complain about a stiff neck. That's a good sign." Evan said the words but didn't look convinced by them. "And if it is meningitis, it's in the early stage." She touched his arm. "She'll be fine, Linc." Her words reassured, but her green eyes were dark with worry.

  He nodded tried to swallow the clot of fear in his throat.

  Evan looked past him. "The doctor's here."

  She gave Linc a quick glance and squeezed his arm before letting go. As consolation went, it wasn't enough. He wanted his arms around her—and his daughter.

  The middle-aged doctor smiled at them both. "You can relax. Your daughter has nothing more than cold coupled with a badly upset stomach. Her fever is already coming down. But we'll keep her overnight—just to be sure."

  Without thinking, Linc put his arm around Evan's shoulders. She sagged against him, and his grip tightened like a vise before easing.

  "Can I see her?" he asked.

  "Through there." The doctor pointed to a door a few feet away.

  Linc started down the hall, paused, and turned back. He gave Evan a questioning look. "Coming?" He waited a moment, then held out his hand. "Evan?"

  * * *

  Evan saw the invitation in his eyes, the hopeful expectancy and took a step toward him—then stopped. "No. You go ahead. I'll wait for you here."

  Linc's expression chilled, and his hand fell to his side. "Of course."

  Oh, Linc, if you only knew how much I wanted to go to Jenny. Don't hate me. Please don't hate me.

  Evan walked back to the main waiting area and sagged into a chair. She hurt, inside and out. It was as though every tissue, fiber, and nerve ending in her body were exposed. Linc. Instead of diminishing, her need for him was growing every day. And Jenny. She let her head fall back against the wall. My God, even the thought that the child might be seriously ill was terrifying.

  She was more confused than she'd ever been in her life. Everything had been so simple before Linc and Jen—her path clear, her horizon unclouded. Time for herself for the first time in her adult life. She was going to put her goals first instead of last.

  Why did that suddenly not seem so important?

  Her answer came striding down the hospital corridor.

  "Let's go. They're going to take Jen upstairs now. I'll drive you home. If I hurry, I can get back by the time they get her to her room." Linc spoke and walked briskly.

  "You're staying the night?"

  "Of course."

  Evan glanced down the hall to where Jenny was. She longed to at least say good night. What was between Linc and her shouldn't hurt Jenny. Damn it! Harden your heart, woman. Jenny was Linc's daughter, his responsibility. She allowed him to take her elbow and guide her toward the door. She was nearly there. Nearly free.

  She stopped so abruptly, Linc collided with her shoulder. The hospital's automatic doors opened and Evan took a b
reath of cool night air.

  "I'm staying, too," she said.

  Linc looked down at her. She couldn't read his eyes. Angry? Confused? She didn't know and didn't care. She was staying. Jenny needed her—and so did Linc.

  "According to the doctor, she's fine. It's not necessary that you stay, or put yourself out anymore than you already have."

  "I didn't say it was."

  "I don't think—"

  "I said I'm staying." She met his gaze

  He glared at her, but seemed at war with himself. She couldn't tell if he was going to walk away from her, shove her off the hospital curb, or explode and tell her to get the hell out of his life—and Jenny's. He was silent a long moment, before he said—without a trace of emotion in his voice, "Fine. Jenny will like that."

  With that, he went back through the hospital doors, Evan on his heels.

  * * *

  They brought Jenny home early the following morning. Maud and Copper were waiting at the door. Displaying the miraculous recuperative powers of childhood, Jenny sprang from the car and rushed to join them. Maud embraced Jenny while Copper licked chin, cheek, nose, and any other exposed skin her tongue could reach.

  Evan started to get out of the car. Linc gripped her arm.

  "Wait," he said. He rolled down the window.

  "Maud, we'll be an hour or so. Okay?"

  Maud smiled, nodded, then waved once before hustling Jenny and Copper inside. It was early, and the sky was spitting rain.

  "Where are we going?" Evan turned to better see Linc's face. He hadn't said a word since leaving the house. As a matter of fact, he hadn't said much all night.

  "Nowhere. Just driving." He turned the radio off and the windshield wipers on.

  Evan studied his face. It was unreadable. "I'd like to go home, if it's all the same to you." The fixed set of his jaw was making her the tiniest bit nervous.

  "No, you wouldn't."

  "I wouldn't?"

  He shook his head and shot her a sideways glance.

  "So what do I want?"

  Without a word, he made a left turn, drove a few yards into a park, and turned off the ignition. They were now surrounded by tall cedars, the dim morning light unable to penetrate their heavy boughs. With the car turned off, the soft swish of the wipers was replaced by the rhythm of the rain, heavier by the moment.