Love Disorder

by Yuriko Hime

  I gripped my jeans. Okay here comes the first lie. "This is for a biography that my subordinate and I are making for Blaze," I said. "See the thing is, I'm a manager and I know how talents tick." Second lie, I thought. I had no idea how to be a proper manager, much less understand how people in Hollywood think."For a lot of stars, it's not enough to be in the limelight. They want to be a legend. They want to leave something that people will recognize them for over the years."

  I saw Carter nod in the corner of my eyes. He straightened on his seat. He didn't want to look like someone I just dragged here. "That's why I'm making this biography," I continued. "So she'd have something to satisfy the fans with for decades to come." I shrugged. "Who knows? Maybe she'll be happy enough with it and feel that she can stop acting. It's a win-win for both of us." I stared hopefully at Gerald and Simone.

  Simone leaned to her husband and whispered something in his ear. He nodded and said, "Can you give us a few minutes to discuss this?"

  "By all means, take your time," I said. Where was this confidence coming from, I wondered. It sounded like I knew what I was doing when the reality was I was starting to freak out. I was a minor for gosh sakes. This was adult stuff. It was like I was doing a role play, all for the name of love. Gerald was about to get up from his seat when I said, "No, please stay. We'll wait for your decision outside."

  I didn't wait for him to say yes. I stood and smiled quickly before dragging Carter with me to the door. "What was that all about?" he whispered as soon as the door closed behind us. "You didn't say anything about a biography."

  "I told you not to ask so many questions," I scolded. Damn, I was sounding more and more like Uno and Blaze. It has come to this, me lying to other people to save her.

  He rubbed his temple. "Yep, you're crazy." He looked away when I smirked at him. "What do you think is behind those doors Ri?"

  "Something you shouldn't concern yourself with."

  "Oh come on," he said, looking back at me with a smile. "Aren't you curious? It's the first time we've seen this sort of place. Mrs. Chance didn't take you to big houses like this when she attended parties."

  "I'm not curious at all. Sometimes knowing more than you should can be regretful."

  "For you maybe," he said. "This is going to be quick." Carter ran away from me before I could grab his shirt. The guy was quick enough to go to a random door in the hallway. I groaned as I followed him. By the time I walked this his side, he managed to open the door with his skills. "Ta-da!" he boasted.

  "I hate that you're doing this," I complained. "Close the door Carter. I don't want to get in trouble."

  "We're not stealing anything," he said with a roll of his eyes. "We're taking an innocent peek." He stepped into the room. "Please? I haven't felt this alive since college started."

  I gulped. "Make it quick." I checked for any signs of people or the attendant from earlier. The hallway was empty. With a sigh, I went inside the room and closed the door behind me.

  It was an office, I thought as soon as I saw the layout. Big oak desk. Stuffy feeling. Files on the shelf. It was just like mom's office, only bigger. I was about to check what Carter was up to when a picture on the wall caught my attention. I went closer to it.

  Uno and Blaze were about fifteen or sixteen on this one. I didn't know which it was. I scrutinized the photo. Here, her eyes were piercing, as if she wanted to bore a hole on whoever would dare look at her. But it wasn't scary. There was still gentleness hiding behind those blue eyes. I touched the picture. It was Uno I was looking at. My strong and stubborn girl.

  "Yes!" Carter said from across the room. I turned to him and frowned. He was standing behind the desk, smiling widely as if he won something.

  "What are you doing?" I asked.

  He opened the drawer with a smirk. "It was locked, so I opened it." My eyes widened. "And look. There's a folder with a name written on it." He took the yellow folder and examined it carefully. "Blaze," he read.

  "Put it back," I said. I glanced at the door nervously. "Do you know that we can get imprisoned for this?"

  Carter didn't listen and opened the folder. "I think this is Uno on the picture, but I'm not sure since she looks too young."

  Footsteps sounded on the hallway. "Someone's coming," I whispered urgently. "Put that back now!"

  He began stuffing the folder back in the drawer. He barely made it to my side when the door opened. It felt like a watermelon has become clogged on my windpipe. "What are you doing here?" Gerald asked, a hint of anger behind his voice. Simone was beside him, looking from me to Carter suspiciously.

  I swallowed. No sound came out of my mouth. "We were searching for the washroom," Carter said smoothly, coming to my rescue. "Turned out it was an office."

  Gerald quickly went to the drawer. His shoulders relaxed when he found it locked. "There's nothing to see here," he said. "Let's go back to the parlor."

  Back in the parlor, the two didn't give us enough time to rest. Simone immediately said her piece. "My husband and I have agreed that we cannot take this interview. We've said it before and we'll make ourselves clear again. We're not interested in this Hollywood stuff that our daughter is involved in. We'd rather she stop with this nonsense and go home here."

  "Your daughter is an adult," I said.

  "She's still our daughter," Gerald said. "We have nothing against you Riri, but we don't think an interview is appropriate." He stood. "I think we're done talking now. I'll personally show you out."

  It was later in the car when we were making our way home when Carter voiced out exactly what I was thinking. "Don't you feel like they're hiding something?" he said. "I know it's wrong, and I know it's none of my business, but you should have seen the folder Ri. They kept a file of their daughter on that drawer. Now if that isn't weird, then I don't know what is."

  Chapter 21. Blossom

  Curiosity was like a pesky scab. The longer it stayed on the skin, the more it itches. I was eager to know what Blaze and Uno's parents were keeping. Was it the cruelty they did to their daughter, leading to DID? Was it something so shocking that they refused to have an interview? The pesky scab that was curiosity made me itch to know the truth. But how? I doubted that I could get a second chance in entering their home.

  I gave off a low squeak when the oven's timer sounded. I've been too consumed with my thoughts to notice that I was hovering in front of it for the last twenty minutes, waiting for the chicken to cook. With a shake of my head to get rid of the jitters, I stooped low and opened the oven door. The smell of onion, garlic, mushroom, and butter wafted on my nose. It was soothing and made my stomach growl.

  "Finally," Uno murmured from the kitchen island. Though I wasn't looking at her, I knew the expression she was making, slightly annoyed with a dash of sexiness as she pursed her lips. I quickly wore the oven mitts and brought the chicken carefully to the counter. Uno inhaled deeply, making me smile. She was irritated this morning when she found me still asleep on my bed at nine.

  "I told you that breakfast should be at seven," she said, standing by my door with a scowl earlier. "Where's my coffee? Where's my pancake? You know what, forget it. Let's have brunch instead."

  "What do you want to eat?" I said as I rubbed my eyes.

  "Anything. Make sure it's good." She turned around. "Make up for my missed breakfast."

  So there I was, cooking the chicken for her that mom used to make. Surely it would compensate for making her starve for hours. I transferred the dish on a smaller, more presentable plate before bringing it in front of the drooling Uno. Well drooling was too strong a word for someone like her. It was more like smiling creepily. She didn't smile often, and the ones she'd usually make made me second guess if she was really happy or she was planning to torture someone.

  "Bon appétit," I said.

  "Mmmm."

  The two of us ate in silence. I didn't look at her, and I knew she wasn't looking at me too. We've been like this since the day that she reappeared and told me to stay away
from her because she was a safety hazard. Uno wrote me a letter the next morning which I found stuck on the fridge that said, 'You owe me a favor remember? When I went to your friend's shop instead of Blaze. I'm collecting the favor now. I want you to avoid me as much as you can except for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.' Seeing the letter that day made me sad, but the last bit about the breakfast, lunch, and dinner was admittedly funny.

  Since then, I was careful to stay out of her way when we weren't eating. When she'd stay on the living room to read a book, I'd go to the kitchen. When she'd be at the kitchen with her laptop, I'd go to the living room. Sometimes I'd see her at the gym or the library. I'd be careful to stay away from those places too.

  What she didn't know was how I'd linger on the doorway, staring at her before I went on my way. I missed her. She was being cruel to me by refusing to have a decent conversation, but there was a reason behind her shunning me away. She wanted to protect herself. At the same time, she wanted to protect me from her. I didn't need any of that. I just wanted her. Sometimes I'd wonder if I was an emotional masochist when it came to her.

  Uno was the first one to get up when we finished eating. It was a routine that I was used to by now. Like clockwork, she left me there to clean the table and wash the dishes. I didn't mind. The chore was a good exercise, and sometimes doing something mindless like that could free the mind from incessant thinking, which I have been guilty of since meeting her.

  After doing the dishes, I dried my hands on a paper towel and went on my way. My next routine involved going to my "workshop." The one that Blaze made for me before she disappeared. I've been using it more than any other room in the house.

  I entered the workshop and closed the door quietly behind me. It has been transformed to suit my taste. Over the days, I have successfully made a wall on one side that was full of pictures of clothes. The blank shelves have been filled with cloths that came from the stacked boxes. My laptop and sketchpad were on the desk. Both had tons of ideas saved on them.

  I went to the mannequin torso in the corner of the room. It was still nude as a baby. Though I've been making some designs, I have yet found a satisfying dress that I'd let it wear. Until then, it would remain to be naked. Walking quickly to my laptop, I checked the emails and found that a new client wanted to inquire about me and my website. I constructed a quick reply and hit send. It wasn't every day that someone would take interest on a no-name like me. Hopefully, it would change someday.

  The next set of activities filled my attention. To any other person who would look at my situation, they'd think that because I was staying at home, I didn't do anything but lounge around. In reality, my schedule was swamped. I had to mentally split myself, no pun intended, into Blaze's manager, Uno's assistant, Doctor Sanders' confidante, and my own person since I've been here.

  The door to my workshop opened with a creak. I glanced up in surprise and almost hurt myself with the sewing machine. Uno pushed the door wider and stepped in. "Can I?" she said.

  "I, uhh, sure." I made a quick note of my surroundings. Things were pretty clean considering that I've been laying out the cloth on the floor earlier. "Do you need something?" I asked warily. She has never visited here before. Never.

  She stared around and didn't answer me. Her eyes went to the picture-filled wall. Uno walked briskly to it. "What are these?" she said curiously, pointing to a drawing I attached there yesterday. "It looks. . ." She frowned. I didn't breathe while waiting for her to answer. "Pretty." She thought my work was pretty! I downplayed my happiness by getting up and walking to her.

  "That's my design," I said.

  She turned to me with a stunned expression. I haven't told her my passion before. It was Blaze who always knew. "You made it? That's nice," she said in approval.

  "Thanks." Noticing that I've been staring long enough, I lowered my head and said, "So what brought you to my workshop?"

  Her finger twitched. "I was doing some back reading," she started. "I came across a guideline that said that it would be better to promote a suitable environment that didn't involve hostility."

  I looked quizzically at her. "I'm not being hostile am I?"

  "You're not angry because I forced you to avoid me?"

  "No, of course not."

  "I thought you were." Uno closed her eyes and took a deep breath, looking deeply relaxed for once. I enjoyed everything I was seeing. Rarely would she give me glimpses of her like this. "So tell me about this room," she said upon looking back at me. She wanted to know something about me. That was a first.

  "When Blaze found out about my passion for design, she provided me this workspace," I said. "As you can see, it's my version of an office. I call it the workshop." She walked to the sewing machine and stared at it like it was a foreign object that landed from outer space. "It doesn't bite," I said with a smile.

  "If Blaze has given you this, then you must be close to her," Uno observed. I followed her there. She was still focused on the machine. "I'm not Blaze," she murmured.

  "I didn't say you were, but that doesn't mean I'm not happy with who you are." Her hands curled on her side. I was afraid that she'd be mad with what I said. It was time to lighten the conversation again. "Want to try the sewing machine?" I asked.

  "No thank you. I plan on keeping all my fingers."

  "Oh come on." I touched her arm. She flinched but didn't move away. Uno, I've discovered, didn't like human contact much. This information revealed itself while I was watching the films that she and Blaze have made in the past. Because I've learned to distinguish who was who, it was easy to identify who was currently playing the role for the movie, or who was currently in control with their body. Uno was uncomfortable with scenes that needed her to touch someone, while Blaze was the opposite. Blaze craved the touch.

  "Sit here," I said, guiding her in front of the sewing machine. I was thrilled when for the first time, she didn't complain.

  "Now what?"

  I leaned to her. Her cheek was close enough for me to kiss. I inhaled and tried to focus on the machine. "I'm not going to tell you the parts of the sewing machine because it will bore you to death." She nodded. "Basically, you should line the fabric under the needle." I pointed to it. "Choose a setting that involves the kind of stitch you want, and then you hold the fabric like this for guidance." I positioned her hand gently on the side. "By the way, you have to step on the foot pedal. It's your speed. Try it."

  There was a flash of uncertainty on her face. "You won't get hurt," I said. "I'm here to guide you."

  Uno placed her foot on the pedal. It took a few seconds before she pressed slowly. The sewing machine whirred to life. She glanced at me. "I'm doing it," she said. I smiled happily at her. It was great to see her doing something different for a change. She became more confident with her pressing and continued with the sewing. As with all beginners, the overconfidence made her lose focus on the thread. It clumped together and made a strange sound. I stopped the machine before the damage became irreversible.

  Uno wasn't thrilled with the results. She stood from the chair too quickly that it toppled on the floor. "Screw that!" she said. "I hate that stupid machine!"

  I flinched. "I'm sorry," I said in a small voice. "I should have guided you better."

  She took a few gulps of air before turning to me. I saw from her eyes that she was trying to calm herself before she spoke. Finally, she exhaled and moved closer to me. "I don't think being around a sewing machine is healthy for me. Would you like to go outside?"

  "With you?" She wasn't the type who would ask me that.

  "Who else would you go with?" she snapped. "For Christ sakes Strawberries, just come with me."

  Every time I came out of the house was like walking straight into a park because of the surrounding trees. I used to ignore the sights around me back when mom was alive. Since being in this property, I've learned to appreciate everything- from the chirping of the birds to how the sunlight shone through the trees. Uno and Blaze have successfully creat
ed a beautiful place.

  "Do we have a destination in mind or we're just walking aimlessly?" I asked Uno.

  "Don't you ever stay quiet?"

  "It's you who wanted a non-hostile environment," I accused. "That means friendly talks. You've never done this before have you?"

  "I have. It's called acting." We continued along the grass. I've always loved the weather in this state. It was cool enough to walk like this in the afternoon, but not so cold that it would be physically impossible to enjoy without wearing a coat.

  "Tell me something that I don't know about you," I said. "Doctor Sanders shouldn't know about it either."

  "You don't know anything about me," she said, emphasizing the word. It was always like this with her. I sighed. It was up to me to make the conversation better.

  "Non-hostile remember?" I said. "Okay, let's play a game instead. The game is called have you ever. I'll ask you a question, you say yes or no, and then explain. I'll start first." I thought of a question as we walked deeper in the property. "Got it. Have you ever kissed anyone?"

  "No." I looked expectantly at her, waiting for her explanation. "I won't tell you why," she said. "Be satisfied that I answered. My turn. Have you ever hurt yourself for anyone?"

  I frowned. "Not intentionally. You?"

  "I don't know. I don't remember. This is why we can't play this game, Strawberries. I don't remember a lot of things. The things I didn't do. The things that happened when Blaze takes over." She marched ahead of me.

  I lost track of time as we walked. It was only when she stopped that I did. Uno pointed up a tree. I squinted and grinned widely. "Is that what I think it is?" I said. My heart leaped at the sight. "Who made that tree house?"

  "I did, but it's not completed yet. We can't go up. It's not safe."

  I glanced at the tree again. There were panels of wood stacked on top of the other to form not only a passable tree house, but a beautiful one at that. It even had windows on it. So cool! "I didn't know that you're capable of making this. No offense or anything but it seems like all you do is study."