“I can understand that. Can we still hang out at least?” he offers, taking it better than I thought he would.
“Yeah, I’d like that.” Wrapping my arms around him, I hug him and thank him for putting up with my craziness.
Chuckling, he lets me go. “We’re all a little bit crazy, Jess.” With a parting wink, he gives me a small wave and walks away.
Today, I am going to do something drastic. Something I’ve never done before.
Taking a deep breath, I open the door to the salon Faith recommended me and head in with my mind made up. I need some sort of change in my life. A change no one would expect. So much has happened lately that I’m becoming lost. I need to find my way, wherever that maybe. It sure as hell isn’t in Brilliant or Miami.
Since the semester has ended and I have decided not to enroll in classes the next semester. Neither Faith or Ryan know yet, but I plan on leaving Miami. Where I am going or when I haven’t figured out yet, but I’m not worried about it.
Drowning myself in school work isn’t diluting the pain or keeping my mind off of things. When the lady asks how I want it cut, I tell her I want a bob and the color a medium brown. She frowns and gazes down at my long hair, but begins cutting without a word. She doesn’t ask why and I don’t offer her a reason.
Faith is going to flip when she sees me, Cassie too.
It takes about an hour before she turns me around for me to see the result. It’s definitely different, that’s for sure. Thanking her, I pay and leave with a smile plastered on my face.
Next stop: A tattoo parlor.
The tattoo I am getting is a loving memory tattoo for my parents. I’m getting their names surrounded by a heart inked on the inside of my wrist. I always said I was never getting a tattoo, but I’ve felt the need to do something out of the normal.
The guy has me sign a paper before he takes me back. As he gets set up, the nerves kick in, but I don’t chicken out.
It only takes about thirty minutes before he is finished with the design and wraps it, giving me aftercare instructions.
As I head back to the dorm, my spirits have been lifted a little. I know my little act of rebellion won’t make any sense to anyone at all, and that’s okay. People have their ways of coping, and I have mine.
The thought of calling Ryan crosses my mind. It’s been a couple of days since we talked things out. Maybe I’ll text him later.
Turning my car off, I snap a quick selfie and send it to Cassie. She’s going to freak out, as Faith probably will, and call me demanding to know why I chopped off all my hair. Powering my phone off as I know she will call me non-stop until I answer, I decide to deal with Faith’s freak out first.
It’s my hair so I can do what I want to it, but that’s not going to stop them from scolding me.
Opening the door to the dorm we share, I wonder how many seconds it will take for her to notice?
Faith’s back is to me as she puts something away. “Hey, Jess,” she says, automatically knowing it’s me. When she turns around, her smile fades and her jaw hits the floor. “Oh, my God! What did you do?!” she shrieks.
“I changed my hair. Big deal.” People dye their hair all the time.
She gives me a pointed look. “Your hair was perfect the way it was, Jess. This new look is going to be hard to get used to.”
You won’t have to look at it for long, I think to myself. “I wanted a change,” I reply, giving her a simple explanation.
Her eyes dart to my covered wrist. “Did you get a tattoo?”
“Yep, sure did,” I reply, my attitude showing. I’m not going to let her make me feel bad for my choices today.
“Jess, are you okay? You aren’t acting like yourself.” She seems genuinely concerned.
“Just because I changed my hairstyle and got a tattoo doesn’t mean something is wrong with me!” I shout, angry at her for the way she is acting toward me.
Her hands move to her hips. “That’s not what I’m upset about, Jess. I’m upset by how you’re acting.”
“I wanted a change. Is that so hard to accept?” I don’t get why I need to explain what I do to her.
Her eyes soften like she feels guilty. “Are you sure you’re okay? I’m always here if you need to talk.”
Nodding, I tell her the lie everyone is going to hear. “I’m fine.” Such a simple, yet powerful statement to many people, and now me.
Grabbing some clothes from my closet, I head to the bathroom to change. When I emerge, Faith eyes me curiously.
“I’m going to see Ryan. Don’t wait up,” I tell her before she asks.
“You need to be careful with Ryan,” she warns.
“Stop acting like a mother hen,” I huff, rolling my eyes. I turn and leave before she can scold me anymore for my choices.
Once I am in my car, I power on my phone and text Ryan, ignoring the numerous texts from Cassie.
Are you up for company tonight?
He responds instantly.
For you, I’m available anytime.
That’s what I like to hear. See you shortly.
Cranking my car, I put it in reverse and back out of the space. My phone rings as I put it in drive. It’s who I expected it to be. Cassie.
“Hi, friend! Do you love my hair?”
Cassie sounds stunned. “I can’t believe you dyed your hair. It’s going to take a while to get used to for sure.”
“Well, I love it. I wanted a change, so I went for it,” I explain so she doesn’t ask and freak out on me like Faith did. Cassie is handling it better than I thought.
“I’ll say it’s a change.”
“Okay, well I’ve got to go. I just got to Ryan’s and he’s waiting on me.”
Cassie is quiet for a moment, then she says, “You are back with him? I don’t understand.”
Here we go. “Yeah, I am. Talk soon!” I hang up and toss my phone in my purse.
I’m in need of a good time tonight and once again, Ryan is here to rescue me. No one will understand why I am back with Ryan, but that’s okay. Until I figure out if I want more, friends with benefits sounds good to me.
16
Bo
I’m about to head to bed when I get a call from someone unexpected. Faith and I talk more than I figured we would. We generally have an hour-long conversation about once a month.
A smile lights up my face. “Hey, pretty girl. How’ve you been?”
“I’ve been better,” she answers, sounding down. “I’m sorry for calling you so late, but I needed someone to talk to.”
“You can call me anytime, Faith. What’s going on?” Hearing her down and out has me concerned.
“It’s my friend. Something is off with her and I don’t know what to do. She drastically changed her hair and got a tattoo today and she got all upset when I said something to her about it. I know it doesn’t sound terrible, but this isn’t her.”
“This is a tough one. Is she doing anything else out of the ordinary?” I ask, trying to get some more information.
“I’m not totally sure, but I don’t think she registered for classes next semester and she’s hanging out with this guy who I have a bad feeling about,” she explains.
“I don’t know, Faith. Did something happen recently for her to act out?”
“All she says is that she’s fine and that she wanted something different.”
Not knowing what else to tell her, I say, “Just keep an eye on her and if you need me you know how to reach me.”
“Thanks, Bo. I appreciate you listening to me.”
I can spend hours talking to this girl. “Anytime, darlin’.”
I can hear her smile through the phone. “So, what has been up with you?”
My mind drifts to Jess, wondering how she is doing. I regret the last words I said to her, only yelling at her out of anger. “Never been better. What are you doing this weekend?” Seeing Faith may be just what I need to get out of this funk I’ve been in since Jess left.
“Coming to
see your sexy ass.”
Chuckling, I reply, “You bet your ass you are.”
Faith and I talk for the next couple of hours about all of our plans for the weekend. She has a bucket list and she wants me to help her cross some off her list. Hell, she even talked about coming up and staying with me for the summer. She isn’t close to her parents and since she isn’t taking any summer classes, she has nothing keeping her in Miami. I’m down with it. Summer needs to hurry and get here.
“I’ll see you soon, Faith,” I murmur, excited I get to spend the weekend with her instead of these four walls.
“See you soon, cowboy,” she replies, flirtatiously.
The smile is still on my face as I fall asleep.
I’m in the middle of bailing hay when I spot J making his way to me. The weather has been nice today and I’ve been enjoying it. Stopping the tractor, I kill the engine to see what my brother has to say. I haven’t seen him since I flipped out on Jess. It’s nothing to do with him, I just wanted to drown in self-pity for a bit.
“Hey, bro. How have you been?” he asks, stopping by the tractor tire. “Haven’t seen or heard from you in a week.”
I feel guilty for not talking to my family when I know they would be there for me. “I wanted to be alone for a bit. I’m sorry for shutting you out.”
He smiles warmly. “We understand, Bo. You needed space to deal with it in your own way.”
I can’t tell you how many times I replayed mine and Jess’ conversation in my head and I still don’t understand. Even though I said all the right words, she turned me down. After she wanted me so badly, she all of a sudden decided I wasn’t right for her. None of it makes any sense. “I’m good now,” I assure him.
“I can tell. You had a silly grin on your face when I first saw you,” J points out with a laugh.
Yeah, that would be because I was thinking about Faith. “The girl I met in Panama is coming up this weekend,” I explain.
J chuckles, shaking his head. “That explains it. I guess I won’t be seeing much of you this weekend? I was gonna see if you wanted to have a bonfire.”
“Naw, I planned on showing her around.”
“All right then, get things together and I look forward to meeting this girl. She must be special if she’s coming up to stay with you.”
“She is,” I confirm.
“Well, I look forward to meeting her. You seem happy so I like her already.”
I’m surprised J isn’t wanting me to go after Jess. Normally, that’s what he’d be doing. Oh well, I’m enjoying not being scolded for once.
This weekend needs to get here fast. I know when Faith leaves to go back home, I’ll be sad, but for now, I will enjoy our time together.
Jess
Faith comes running into the room ecstatic, clapping her hands, hollering around. I am beginning to think she’s lost her mind.
“What is wrong with you?” I ask her, already in an ill mood this morning. Cassie called and said that Bo was having a girl stay with him over the weekend. I know I don’t have any right to be upset, but I can’t help it.
Faith sighs happily with the dreamy look in her eyes. “Remember that guy I met in Panama? Well, I’m staying with him this weekend!”
And there goes another punch to the gut. “How well do you even know this guy, Faith?”
Faith sits up, with the dreamy look in her eyes, and looks at me. “He’s so sweet, Jess. No, I don’t know him that well personally, but I can find out this weekend. We are hanging with his family and he’s going to show me around his little town. Isn’t it sweet?” she gushes, making me want to gag.
“I guess,” I mumble, bitter about the fact that they still talk and spend time with each other. I thought it would have only been a one-time thing. I guess not. “Be careful, okay?”
“I will,” she assures me. “He seems really sweet. I’m surprised no one has snatched him up yet,” she adds, grinning like a fool.
I could have, my subconscious reminds me.
Faith continues to talk non-stop about Bo and this upcoming weekend. Little does she know that my heart is crumbling inside. It’s my fault for not telling her when I had the chance and for listening to my head rather than my heart.
While I regret the choice I made, I still need to find my own way. Since losing my parents, I have been feeling lost. There is a gaping hole in my chest that only time can fill.
17
Bo
Even though she broke my heart, I still follow Jess on Instagram. Not sure why I’m torturing myself like that. For a while, she didn’t post a lot, but now she posts almost daily. I can’t believe what she did to her hair. She doesn’t look like the same person anymore. There are several pictures of her and Ryan, so I can only assume they are back together. I have no idea what she sees in him, but I hope she is happy.
I picked Faith up at the airport a little while ago and now we are on our way back to my parent’s house so she can meet them. J, Cassie, and Ella will be there, too.
They are all surprised that I have met someone new, except J since he knew. I just know that my parents are going to love Faith.
Faith and I have lots of things planned for this weekend so I am excited to share my small town with her and get to know her better. I think she will enjoy it.
Pulling in my parent’s driveway, I can tell Faith is starting to get nervous. “Relax, they will love you,” I assure her.
“I hope so,” she murmurs, sounding more nervous than she lets on.
Being a gentleman, I jog around the truck and open the passenger door for her. She smiles sweetly at me as I help her down. I have no idea where this thing with Faith is going, but I am keeping an open mind.
J and Cassie are the first to greet us. A look crosses Cassie’s face when I say Faith’s name, but it quickly disappears. The girls hug, and then J shakes Faith’s hand.
We talk for a second before heading inside so she can meet my parents. Of course, Mom is hogging Ella while Dad is next to Mom making faces at her.
Clearing my throat, I gain their attention. “Mom, Dad, this is Faith,” I tell them as I snatch my niece from them.
“Nice to meet you, honey,” Mom says, hugging her like Cassie did.
While Mom is getting to know Faith, I notice how Cassie is staring at her. Grabbing her arm, I pull her aside, wanting to find out why she is staring at Faith the way she is. It’s probably because she wants Jess and me to be together. Well, tough shit. It is what it is.
“What’s on your mind, Cassie?” I ask, eager to know.
She averts her eyes, letting out a soft sigh. Cassie either knows something or she doesn’t want to tell me something for fear of ruining my day.
“Do you not like Faith?”
She runs her hand up and down her arm like she’s afraid to tell me. “It’s not that. Bo, can we talk about this later?”
No, because it will bother me the rest of the day wondering what’s on her mind. “Why not now?”
“I don’t want to ruin anything, okay?” she murmurs, looking up at me with sad eyes. “I promise I will tell you later.”
Letting out a soft sigh, I relent. “I’ll hold you to that promise, Cass.” My arm drifts over her shoulders, pulling her to my side. “Whatever it is, I can handle it, Cass. I’m a big boy,” I say, in an attempt to get her to laugh, which she does.
Cass and I head back to join everyone else who has moved outside on the patio. A campfire and smores with the family sounds like a perfect night to me.
Throughout the night, I watch Cassie as she interacts with Faith. Whatever had been bothering her seems to have vanished. It still bugs me as I am curious to know what was on her mind. Cassie doesn’t normally get upset unless she has a reason to. That’s why she’s the best sister in law, she doesn’t get on your ass unless it’s necessary. It might annoy you at the time, but when it is all said and done, you realize she was right.
Faith has easily stolen the hearts of my family members tonight like
I knew she would. The more and more I see her interact with my family the more I see a future with her. I don’t know where Faith stands with relationships, but I’m open to the possibility of dating her on a regular basis. Only, if she didn’t live so far away, we could try to make it work.
Something has changed in me since Jess. It’s a good change, I think. Whatever it is, I hope it lasts for a long time. I don’t want to go back to feeling lonely like I was after Jess.
I pull Faith in my lap and she lays against me. “Did you have a good time tonight?”
“Your family is wonderful, Bo,” she murmurs in awe.
Twirling a strand of her hair, I lean up and kiss her cheek. “I’m so happy you’re here, Faith,” I whisper in her ear.
“Get a room!” I hear J holler from the other side of the fire.
I flip him the bird which prompts mom to scold me, causing J to laugh. Yeah, I have to agree with Faith. My family is wonderful and I’m so blessed to have them.
I pull Cassie aside one last time before Faith and I leave to see if she is ready to talk. If she’s not then I can’t make her, but I really want to know what she has to say.
“Talk to me, Cass. I want to know,” I urge her. While Faith’s beauty distracted me every now and then helping me keep my mind off of it, my mind would occasionally drift back.
Sighing, she gives in. “Bo, I don’t want to bring back the hurt you felt after Jess turned you down.”
Why does everything revert back to the girl who ripped my heart into shreds? “Go on, I can take it.”
“Faith is Jess’ roommate, Bo.”
I didn’t expect her to drop a bomb like that. “How do you know this?”
“Because the day you met Faith in Panama, she texted Jess saying she met this hot guy. Jess called me freaking out because she wasn’t sure if she needed to tell her or not, which she didn’t end up telling her. On one hand, she didn’t want to hurt her friend’s feelings and on the other hand, she was afraid of losing you.”
Holding on for you (Saved #2) Page 7
