Afraid of losing me? Huh, she didn’t want me a few weeks ago. “That’s her fucking fault, Cass. I know you two are best friends and I’m sorry we didn’t work out like you wished we would, but Jess and I are done. Over.”
“I know you are and I hate that. It caught me off guard when you said her name, but so far, I like her. I’m happy you are happy, Bo. I mean that.”
It’s a small fucking world around here. Who’d of thought that I would be crushing on Jess’ freaking roommate from college? It’s obvious Faith has no idea and I’m not going to ruin things between us by saying something to her about it. Do I feel bad about it? Not one bit. Jess had her chance and like I did the first time, she missed it.
“I really like her, Cass. Thank you for being supportive. It’s nice not to have you griping at me all the time,” I joke, shoving her playfully.
She shoves me back, harder than I pushed her, only she isn’t as strong as I am.
Finding Faith talking to my mom, I kiss Mom’s cheek, saying my goodbye. I’m ready to have some alone time with Faith, whatever that entails.
After a round of goodbyes, I take Faith’s hand, leading her to my truck. “I had so much fun tonight, Bo. I’m so glad I came!”
Placing my hands on her hips, I bring her close to me. “I can’t wait to have you alone,” I murmur, my lips brushing hers, getting a small taste of her sweetness.
“Hmmm…then why are we not in your truck on the way to your house?” she quips.
“Good question,” I mutter, drawing back and opening the door. With my hands on her hips, I lift her into my truck and close the door. Faith is a fun-loving, free-spirited girl and I’m loving every minute with her.
The whole ride home Faith whispers sweet nothings in my ear. It’s clear what we both want tonight.
I just wish for one night, I could push Jess out of my mind and focus on moving forward.
18
Jess
While Faith is off for a weekend with Bo, I mope around the dorm with nothing to do. Okay, there are things I could do, but I don’t want to. Why I am lying around having my own pity party I don’t know. I need to get up and pull myself together.
While cleaning our dorm might not be what I want to do, it might help me keep my mind off of them.
As I am in the middle of picking up the dorm, my phone rings. It’s Faith.
“Hey,” I murmur, cursing myself for answering. Faith would have kept calling until I picked up anyway.
“Hey, friend! Oh my gosh, I’m having the best time! This little town is so cute and his family is amazing!” she gushes, ecstatic.
I’m jealous that she is having a good time in the place I used to call home. “I’m glad you’re having a good time, Faith.” I try to not sound sad or let my jealousy weave through the words.
“Anyway, I was calling to check on you. What have you been up to since I’ve been gone?” I wish I could be as upbeat as her.
“Nothing really. I’ve been lying around and cleaning.”
She’s quiet for a second. “Oh, I figured you’d be hanging out with Ryan this weekend,” she mutters, probably wishing she hadn’t mentioned him.
I wish I was. “I’m sure I will. I was about to text him to see if he has any plans for tonight.”
Ryan is one person Faith can’t stand. She seemed to like him at first but suddenly she switched gears and can’t stand him. “Jess, I wish you’d leave him alone. He’s not good for you. I worry when you are with him.”
“What is it about Ryan that you can’t stand?” I’ve been meaning to ask her this. I’m curious to know her reasoning for hating him.
A soft sigh filters through the phone. “Can we talk about this when I get back? I’d rather tell you in person.”
Obviously, it isn’t important enough if she doesn’t want to tell me now. “Why can’t you tell me now? You know what, forget it. I’m going to go,” I say, frustrated with her being on my case about Ryan.
“Jess,” she calls as I hang up on her.
Finding Ryan’s message thread, I send him a text to come get me. He and I are friends with benefits I guess you could say. When one texts the other to come get them it means, “I need a distraction.”
I wonder if Bo knew she was on the phone with me? Does he know she’s my roommate?
Shoving those thoughts aside, I change my clothes and pack an extra outfit in case I need it later. Who knows, I may not come home tonight or tomorrow.
A few minutes later, Ryan knocks on the door. Grabbing my backpack, I toss it over my shoulder and open the door.
“Hey, pretty girl,” he croons, flashing me a smile.
Giving him a small smile, I close the door behind me and take his hand.
“I’m glad you messaged me, Jess. I’ve been missing you something fierce.”
Ryan is a guy who knows exactly what you want to hear and when you need to hear it. It’s one of my favorite things about him. “I’ll make it up to you soon,” I say, planting a kiss on his cheek.
“I can’t wait,” he replies, his voice low and gravely.
The stares I’m getting from other girls only makes me smile. It doesn’t happen a lot, but every now and then when Ryan and I walk across campus together, we get looks. Maybe it’s because he’s holding my hand or maybe it’s because they saw him kiss my neck.
Either way, let them be jealous. Ryan and I are nothing special. We are just two people who use each other for sex. Yeah, we talk about everyday things, which is where the friends part comes in. We can easily fall into a conversation with each other and talk for hours.
Unable to deny the pull between us, Ryan attacks my mouth, pushing me up against the wall. There are no feelings or strings attached, just sex.
Lifting my legs, I lock them around his waist as he pushes off the wall and heads down the hall to his dorm. As my fingers tug on his hair, his hands dig into the flesh of my thighs. Having been hooking up for a couple of months, Ryan and I know what each other likes and he loves it when I run my fingers through his hair. Just like he knows I like it when he smacks my ass.
His mouth never leaves mine as he unlocks his door and opens it with ease. Setting me down, he draws back, grabbing the hem of my shirt and lifting it over my head.
It only takes a minute for us to discard the rest of our clothes and for me to be on the bed beneath him.
Ryan doesn’t make love to me, as it’s not what this is. I wouldn’t want him to make love to me as it would mean there is something deeper between us. I only want him to help me forget about the pain that consumes me daily. That may sound cold, but we have a mutual agreement.
I will be spent by the time we are done and wondering what the heck I am doing when the fog clears. Then, I will chasten myself for a moment before the ache in my chest returns and I wish I could forget again. It’s a never ending, exhausting cycle.
I seem to have more emotionally bad days instead of good. I’m losing myself, something I didn’t want to happen. Where do I go from here? When you’re lost how do you get back to the way you were before it all changed?
No one could possibly understand how lost and broken I feel. It’s sad to think my own friends wouldn’t believe me if I told them. They don’t know what it’s like to lose someone so close to them.
So, I will keep traveling this road alone and pray I find a glimpse of happiness again.
19
Bo
Faith seemed upset after the call she made, yet she assured me she was fine. It hit me that her friend she has been telling me about is Jess. While I care about her, she chose to go back to Ryan. If she is unhappy then it’s her fault and she shouldn’t make others feel sorry for her.
Faith is sleeping soundly next to me, her naked torso resting against my side. Sleep has been non-existent for me tonight and I’m cursing myself for thinking about her. Since I connected the dots, Jess has been on my mind and I can’t seem to stop thinking about her.
Grabbing my phone off the nightstand,
I open the Facebook app on my phone and search her name. She hasn’t blocked me or unfriended me yet, which is a surprise. Every now and then I scroll through her page to see pictures of her. No, I shouldn’t be keeping tabs on her or stalking her page, but I can’t help it. I’m obsessed with knowing what she is doing. It’s unhealthy for me to continue to check her page when I am trying to move on.
She mostly posts pictures of her and Ryan. Her drastically changing her hair bothers me. I loved her long blonde hair. It’s not like Jess at all to do something out of the normal like that. Is she letting Ryan change her? It angers me that she would let that scumbag do that.
However, her most recent picture she posted, which is from earlier tonight, it’s provocative. Yeah, I still think she is sexy as hell, but I wouldn’t want her to share it with the world. Someone, probably Ryan, took this photo. She is lying on her stomach with only a tank top and panties on. She has her left hand up by her face as she stares directly at the camera, a relaxed expression on her features. How could she post this?
Too angry to look at the picture anymore, I close out of the app and power off my phone, putting it back on the nightstand. What are you doing to yourself, Jess?
I don’t like this new version of her. Where is the girl I used to know?
I’m worried about her and the person she’s becoming. Maybe Cassie can talk some sense into her because I know I’m the last person she would want to hear from.
“Good morning, sleepy head,” I murmur, kissing Faith’s cheek. This weekend has flown by and it’s already time for Faith to go back.
With a sleepy smile, she slowly opens her eyes, raising up on her elbows. “Morning,” she replies, moving closer to me.
I managed to get a little bit of sleep last night, even with having a lot on my mind. “I hate that you have to leave, Faith,” I murmur, sadly, wishing like hell there was a way she could stay.
Cuddling as close as she can to me, she nuzzles my neck. “I wish I could stay longer too, but I have to finish the semester. Don’t forget I will be back this summer.”
Summer seems far away, but it isn’t really. I silently wonder if Jess is thinking of returning to Brilliant this summer. It would be an interesting couple of months that’s for sure.
“I’m looking forward to it. Your parents won’t be mad that you ditched them for a hot guy?” I laugh until I realize Faith doesn’t. “Did I say something wrong?” She is too quiet and I swear I feel something wet hit my shoulder.
“My parents disowned me a few years ago, Bo. You see, I had leukemia and since they have a social status to uphold, it couldn’t get out that I was sick. The guy they wanted me to marry agreed with them, as he was only marrying me for money, so when I was finally in remission, I applied to colleges as far away from New York as possible. When I told them I was going away for college, they told me that if I left they wouldn’t have anything to do with me. They wouldn’t fund for my schooling, nothing.”
I couldn’t imagine not speaking to my parents. “I’m sorry, Faith.”
“I applied for as many scholarships as I could to help fund my schooling and housing as I wasn’t allowed to have a job for obvious reasons. Florida is where I ended up and I haven’t talked to them since and not once have I regretted my decision to be cut off from them.”
Kissing her forehead, I murmur, “You’re perfect the way you are. Don’t let anyone change that.”
“You are sweet, Bo Michaels.”
“It’s a gift,” I joke, finally getting her to laugh. “I love your laugh, Faith. I could listen to you all day.”
She’s quiet again, but before I can utter another word, she replies. “I’ve been thinking, Bo, about us, and I know what I want, but I’m not sure if you want the same.”
Running my hand up and down her arm, I take a moment to ponder her words. Do I want to try to have a relationship with Faith? Yes, I want to give it a shot. “I’ve been thinking, too, and yes, I want what you want, so much.”
Faith leans up, her face lighting up like a child on Christmas morning. Sitting so my back is resting against the headboard, I pick her up and sit her in my lap, her knees on either side of me. “Faith, will you be my girlfriend?”
Her lips curl into a smile that I’ve come to enjoy. “Yeah, I hope you can handle me, cowboy,” she says with a laugh, leaning forward to capture my lips, which taste sweeter than honey.
Unexpected things happen in life in which you never thought would happen. Change is hard, but we learn to accept it and roll with it. Faith makes me happy and I can’t wait to see what this summer has in store for us.
20
Faith
I’m literally on cloud nine right now. Leaving him is going to be hard and I have already started counting down the days until I get to spend a whole summer with him. His family is amazing and have welcomed me with open arms. It’s a fleeting feeling knowing I could possibly have a family now. I still think about my parents from time to time and while it was painful to talk to Bo about it, I felt comfortable telling him.
As Bo drives me to the airport, I sit in the seat next to him with my head on his chest and his arm draped over my shoulders. I don’t ever want this feeling to end.
I’m still worried about Jess and her recent behavior. It makes me scared to leave her the whole summer. Maybe I can talk to Bo about bringing her with me? If I can get Ryan out of the picture then maybe, just maybe, she will be the old Jess again. Ryan has the whole good guy image perfectly painted for everyone to see. I need to get Jess to see the real Ryan and pray she leaves him alone before it’s too late.
Bo presses a chaste kiss to my temple, bringing me out of my thoughts. “You’re thinking too much, Faith. I’m going to miss the hell out of you, too, but the end of the semester isn’t that far away.”
He’s right, six weeks isn’t that far away, even though it feels like it is. My life is at a pivotal point it seems. I have two different paths laid out before me and I’m uncertain of which one to take. What if, I transfer to a university closer to Bo? Then we could really make this relationship work and I wouldn’t have to miss him so much. I’ll talk to him about it this summer and get his opinion. I don’t want to rush things any more than we already have.
“Besides,” he continues when I haven’t answered him. “I’ll get to hear your angelic voice every day, and who knows, I might surprise you one weekend,” he says with a wink, causing me to laugh.
I can’t help the wide grin that spreads across my face. “I’m holding you to that, cowboy,” I reply, kissing the corner of his mouth. Bo is a very laid back guy, who is also easy on the eyes and fun to be around. I believe I hit the jackpot with this one.
I can’t wait to get home and tell Jess about my wonderful weekend with my boyfriend.
“Jess, I’m back!” I holler as I step inside our dorm. I halt in my tracks when I notice the mess, letting out a small gasp. Our dorm looks like a tornado has been through it. Twice. “Jess?” I call again.
A loud groan comes from my right, causing me to whip my head over toward the beds. Not one, but two heads pop out from underneath the covers. Ugh, Ryan!
“You’re back early,” Jess groans, snuggling back with the guy I can’t stand.
“No, I’m not,” I huff, folding my arms across my chest. “Ryan, it’s time for you to go.” I’ve had enough of him to last a lifetime.
Jess shoots up in the bed, bringing the sheet with her, covering herself. “You can’t make him leave! I live in this dorm, too!” she protests. I wish she would just kick him to the curb instead of sticking up for him.
“What’s your problem, Faith?” Ryan sneers.
“My problem is that this room is trashed and I don’t like you!” I snap.
“Faith!” Jess chastens, once again taking his side.
“I don’t like him, Jess! He’s changed you!”
“No, I changed on my own!” she fires back.
Huffing, I begin to clean up some of the mess, even though I
should make them do it. Ryan wouldn’t lift a finger to help, I know. I should’ve just stayed with Bo. Speaking of him, I was supposed to call when I got to my dorm so he knows I made it safe.
After tossing some trash in the garbage can and some clothes in the hamper, I turn back to them. “Look, I have to make a phone call. Ryan, you better be gone when I get back.”
I hear him mutter “Bitch” under his breath, but I ignore it.
Stepping out into the hall, I sag against the wall and pull out my phone. Bo answers on the second ring. “Hey, pretty girl. How was your flight?”
“Fine,” I mutter.
Bo picks up on my mood. “What’s the matter, Faith?”
I breathe in slowly and exhale before I unleash it on him. “I’m so mad right now, Bo! When I got back I expected to have some girl time and it all was ruined the second I walk through the door because I found her and the guy I can’t stand in bed asleep and the dorm room is a mess! I mean it’s terrible! I’m trying to get him to leave and he won’t and she’s taking his side.” I take another deep breath after getting all of that out. “I wish I could have just stayed with you,” I murmur softly.
“I’m sorry, Faith, I wish I was there to help you.” There is a hint of sadness in his voice, making me wish I hadn’t told him.
“I can handle it, I just needed to vent,” I assure him.
“Are you sure? I can come down there and kick his ass if I need to,” he offers, and I almost take him up on it so I can get rid of Ryan and spend some more time with Bo. It would be a win-win for me.
“As tempting as it sounds, I’m going to have to pass on the offer. Thank you though.”
“Just let me know if you need me, Faith.”
Smiling, I reply, “I will, Bo. Call you later?”
Holding on for you (Saved #2) Page 8
