Holding on for you (Saved #2)

by Shelby Reeves

  I didn’t mean for us to have this conversation tonight, but she brought it up and I gave her an honest answer.

  Jess lifts her head off my shoulder and stares into my eyes. Before she can say anything, I kiss her, hard. “Don’t tell me your answer yet. Wait until the morning.”

  That probably sounds stupid, but my gut is telling me she will bolt first thing in the morning and if that’s the case, I don’t want to know yet. Tonight isn’t over.

  I roll her on her back, slipping inside her for another round. If she leaves in the morning, she’s damn well going to remember tonight. I know this memory will be engraved in my mind until I die.

  I want my touch to be the only thing she feels.

  I want my lips to be the only one to light up her body.

  The memory of me inside her? Well, I want her to dream about it. If she does leave, maybe, just maybe, she will realize she made a mistake and will come back.

  I don’t want another guy to live up to tonight.

  She’s mine, and she may not realize it now, but one day, she will.

  34

  Bo

  I woke up to what I figured would happen. The spot next to me is empty. Even though it hurts like hell, I know I did all I could. Her scent lingers on the sheets and it only makes me miss her more.

  The door to my room opens as Faith walks in. She looks from me to the spot Jess occupied for a few hours. “Where is she?” I can see the flicker of hope in her eyes.

  “She’s gone.” The words leave a bitter taste in my mouth.

  “What do you mean she is gone?” Faith screeches in disbelief.

  “Gone as in she isn’t coming back,” I reiterate, pronouncing the words slower, adding more bitterness.

  “You let her go?” Faith yells, not happy with me, but what could I have done? I knew she was going to leave regardless of what promises I whispered. Jess’ mind had already been made up before she uttered, “Yes.” While I hoped I could sway her decision, I knew it was a long shot.

  “Nothing would have made her stay, Faith. Her mind was too made up.” Maybe our night together will be in her heart and on her mind. I hope she remembers every kiss, every touch, and every word from last night and that it brings her back to me.

  “She’ll come back. I know she will,” she promises, but the doubt in the pit of my stomach outweighs the hope that Jess will return.

  “I hope so.”

  After a moment of silence, Faith sits down next to me. “Let’s go do something fun. You need cheering up and I need help.”

  “What do you have in mind?”

  “Get dressed and then I’ll explain.” She leaves the room, allowing me my privacy.

  Dragging myself out of bed, I grab the first articles of clothing I can find and put them on. They probably don’t match, but I don’t care at this point.

  I find Faith in the kitchen pulling out ingredients from my cabinet. “I figured we could have steaks, mashed potatoes, and some corn for lunch. You don’t have any rolls, but you do have enough ingredients to make a salad.”

  Is it really lunch time already? “Anything sounds good to eat right now. I’m going to fire up the grill on the deck and then I will be back in to help.”

  Faith and I fall into an easy conversation as we prepare our lunch. It’s nice to have someone over at my place for a change who is my age. With J and Cassie busy being parents and in college, I don’t have anyone I can chill with anymore.

  “Finally,” I grumble when the food is finished. Once we pile our plates with food, I pull a chair out for her at the bar and take a seat next to her. “Shit, I forgot the drinks.” Getting back up, I pour us some sweet tea. I set her glass next to her plate just as she takes a bite of the steak.

  Her eyes flutter closed and her head tilts back as the sweetest moan leaves her. Opening her eyes, she brings her head forward going back for another bite.

  “I can honestly say I have not had that reaction before,” I say with a laugh.

  “Bo, this is too good for words! What is the secret recipe?”

  “It’s a secret, hence, I’m not supposed to tell.”

  Pointing her fork at me, she replies, “I’m sure I will get it out of you one day.”

  Her words stop me. “I’m happy you are here with me for the summer, Faith.”

  Her eyes flash with something I didn’t catch. “Me too,” she murmurs softly. “Besides, I need your help.”

  “Oh really?” I ask, intrigued.

  Pulling a piece of paper out of her pocket, she unfolds it and lays it on the counter between us.

  Things to do before I die

  Go skinny dipping

  Get a tattoo

  Watch a football game live

  Go see a concert

  Sleep underneath the stars

  Kiss a man with a southern drawl

  Get drunk

  Ride a horse

  Meet a celebrity

  Fall in love…for real

  My eyes scan the paper in amusement. “I can help you with all of them except for the last one.” I think I remember her saying something about this a while back.

  “Figured you’d say that,” she muses and goes back to her list. “I can go ahead and mark off number six thanks to you.”

  Getting off the stool, I walk around the bar to the fridge, grabbing two beers and setting one in front of her. We can start on number seven tonight.”

  Without thought, she takes the bottle and pops the top, chugging some of it. Girls who can handle beer are my kind of women.

  “So what made you create this list?” I ask out of curiosity. Faith is still a mystery to me, that’s for sure.

  She sips on her beer and shrugs. “A lot of people have a list of things they want to do before they leave this earth.”

  Chuckling, I reply, “I guess I am not one of those people.”

  “Clearly. This list is really important to me.” A sad look fills her eyes, but it quickly vanishes. Finishing off her first beer, she sets the empty one on the counter in front of her. “Another one, please.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” I tell her with a wink.

  Three hours and six beers later, I succeed in getting Faith drunk.

  “Kiss me,” she demands, making me laugh. “I’m serious. It’s number five on my list.” Faith holds up her hand displaying the number four instead of five.

  “Number six. Besides, we’ve already kissed before, remember?”

  She pokes her bottom lip out. “Oh, well, kiss me again.”

  It was easy to kiss Faith when we were together. Now? I feel like I am cheating on Jess, even though I know we aren’t together. Faith is still hard to resist though and it’s cute how she is sticking her bottom lip out. “Okay,” I concede. Framing her face in my hands, I dip my head low, capturing her lips. I don’t know why, but when I kiss Faith, all I see is Jess.

  A smile crosses her face. “Still as good as the first kiss.”

  Shit, this is becoming more intimate then I had planned. “I would hope so,” I reply, chuckling lightly, trying to shake the nerves away. There is something about Faith that I am still attracted to. Yes, I love Jess, but Faith is so carefree and outgoing. Her happiness and confidence are what attracts me to her, I think, other than her beauty of course.

  Man, I am in a difficult situation.

  After cleaning up our mess, I decide to call it a night. Faith drifts off to sleep as I lay her down in the spare bedroom.

  Crawling into bed, I wish for a good night’s sleep, but instead, my mind is invaded by memories of Jess.

  35

  Bo

  “What number on the list are we marking off today?”

  I look over my shoulder at Faith who leans against the doorframe, still in her pajamas. Faith is a beautiful girl who seems to have no worries in her life. “We can go horseback riding. J and Cassie are going to be there and I’d like to see them.” It’s been a week since Jess left without a word. Faith has been trying to keep my mind o
ff of her leaving, but it’s not something I can easily forget.

  “Okay, I’m going to get ready!” Faith disappears back into the bedroom, leaving me shaking my head. That girl is something else. Helping her with this list has turned out to be pretty fun.

  It isn’t long before Faith is ready and we are off to my parent’s house.

  “You’re thinking about her again.”

  Keeping my eyes forward, I reply, “Is it that obvious?” I wish she would come back home to Brilliant. I cling to the hope that our night together makes her miss me.

  “Your family and I know that you miss her dearly, Bo. Question is, are you going to do something about it?”

  “Faith, drop it, please,” I murmur, sounding pained. Every night, I dream that she comes back to me and when I wake, I’m always disappointed.

  She holds her hands up innocently. “Okay, I’m done mentioning her for now.”

  I don’t know why everyone insists on talking about her to me. It’s not like I don’t think about her enough as it is. Many times I have thought about texting or calling her and I always chicken out.

  Pulling in the driveway to my parents’ house, I wonder if I can get through today without one of them asking me about Jess or if Faith and I are back together. Sighing, I climb out and walk around the truck to open the door for Faith.

  Mom meets me at the steps and hugs me tight before shifting her attention to Faith. “I’m so happy you are able to visit again!” Mom gushes at Faith.

  Faith smiles. “I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. This place feels like home to me.”

  A little while later, J and I head out to the pasture on the Gator. “How’s Cassie and my niece?” J and I are riding the fence making sure it’s still standing after the storm we had last night.

  He smiles as if he is thinking of them. “Both are good. I can tell Cassie is missing her parents though.”

  “What’s it like being a father?” I know I’m going to get a look from him because I asked. He knows how I am.

  As I figured, J arches his brow questioningly but doesn’t ask. “It’s amazing. Ella is so beautiful and she is a good baby. Cassie and I are lucky.”

  “I’m happy for you, J. Honestly, I didn’t think I’d see the day that one of us fell in love.” J and I always agreed it would be us against the world. Eventually, things had to change, I knew it would in time. It all seemed to happen so fast that now I feel alone. If it weren’t for Faith keeping me company, I’d be going crazy.

  “Thanks, Bo. From the moment I saw Cass, I knew in my heart she was it for me.” He pauses, then brings up the girl who has flipped my world on its axis. “Have you talked to Jess any since she’s been gone?”

  “No, and I doubt I will.” I tried to fight for her. Even put my heart out there for her and she didn’t want to hear any of it.

  “Don’t give up yet, Bo. Jess needs time.”

  Grunting, I turn the Gator in the direction of the barn. “Can we talk about something else, please?”

  “You can’t avoid talking about her forever.”

  “No, but I can for now.”

  “Whatever you say, brother.”

  36

  Faith

  Being friends with Bo is much easier than I thought it would be. I knew I could handle it, but I wasn’t sure he could. I guess it’s easier for him since he is so in love with Jess.

  There is something I have been keeping from him and it makes me sick that I haven’t told him. How can you tell a person something you know will hurt them? Eventually, he will find out, it’s just a matter of time. When I received the news before I left Miami, it about broke me. Now, I have made my peace with it. I knew there was a chance of this happening so I lived my life and made sure I didn’t let the little stuff weigh me down.

  I notice the changes in my appetite and my fatigue already. I’ve been wondering if I should go ahead and tell him tonight. I’d hate to ruin such a perfect day, but I think he is starting to notice something is wrong too. He stares at me and asks if I feel okay or he gives me a look when don’t eat but a few bites or nothing at all. Even when I tell him I’m going to take a nap or I fall asleep on him in the middle of the day, he looks at me strangely and asks if I feel okay.

  I am a woman on a mission. There are certain things that need to be done and I need to get the ball rolling on them tonight. It leaves me no choice but to tell Bo. He will be crushed and maybe even angry, but I will take every harsh word and every tear because I deserve it.

  As we are driving home, I begin to wonder if I should have broken the news to him while we were surrounded by his family. They could have comforted him in case he is too upset with me.

  I’m exhausted and a little shaky right now. My stomach twists in tight knots the closer we get to his house.

  “Faith, look at me,” he commands with concern. I know how I must look to him and I’m afraid to face him.

  I slowly turn my head and pray I don’t look as bad as I feel.

  He reaches over and touches the back of his hand to my forehead. “Damn, you’re burning up. Why didn’t you tell me you didn’t feel good?”

  Crap, a fever is not good. I definitely have to tell him tonight. I thought my face was hot because my blood pressure might be up. “I didn’t want you to lose time with your family.”

  “Shit, Faith, you know they would have understood.”

  I cringe at his anger, knowing this is nothing compared to how bad it will be when I break the news to him.

  He curses under his breath as he puts the truck in park. “I’m sorry for yelling at you. It’s just, you know they would have understood. Come on, let’s get you inside so you can get some rest.”

  Bo climbs out of the truck and I wait for him to come around to help me down as I don’t feel strong enough to do it on my own. My door opens and he is there with his arms up. I turn in the seat and he grabs my waist, helping me out of the truck. Instead of setting me on the ground he whispers, “Wrap your legs around me.” Once my legs are locked around his waist and my arms are around his neck, he tightens his arm around me and shuts the door with the other.

  He effortlessly carries me inside and sets me on my feet. I sway a little, feeling dizzy. Bo steadies me and makes me sit down on the couch, crouching down next to me.

  “You’re scaring me, Faith.” His concern for me makes my heart flutter and it’s the reason why I have waited so long to tell him.

  “Bo, I have to tell you something and you’re going to be upset with me, but know that I didn’t tell you because I knew you’d treat me differently.” Reaching out, I take hold of his hand as he waits impatiently for me to tell him. “My Leukemia is back and it’s too strong for me to fight it this time.”

  Bo lowers his gaze to the ground, cradling my hand against his chin, “No, there has to be something you can do. There has to be some kind of treatment to cure you.”

  “There isn’t. Not this time. It’s spread too much. Sure, I can do chemo, but why go through all of that if I am going to die anyway? I’ll be more miserable.”

  Bo falls to his knees and leans forward, laying his head on my stomach. “I can’t accept this, Faith.” My fingers toy with his hair as I try to find the words to ease his hurt. “How long have you known?” He lifts his head, shifting so he can reach up to caress my face.

  “A week after you stayed a few days with me.”

  “And you didn’t think I should’ve known?” His anger is back and I can’t blame him for being upset.

  “I hated not telling you, Bo, trust me, it was killing me. You would have treated me like I was glass and that’s not what I wanted. What I want is to live my life until the end. I want to finish my list and more importantly, I want you and Jess together before I die.”

  His hand falls away from my face as he rises to his feet. He begins pacing again, his hands scrubbing his face. “I can’t accept this, Faith. How are you even okay with it?”

  It takes almost all of the energy I have t
o stand, but I am determined to be strong. Bo quickly moves to help me, placing his hands on my waist to steady me. “You’re going to have to accept it, Bo. Please know that I have made my peace with it.” Closing the distance between us, I wrap my arms around his middle and rest my head on his shoulder. I know this is hard for him, but I need him to accept the fact that I am dying.

  He kisses the top of my head and murmurs, “I don’t know what I will do without you, Faith. You’ve become such a major part of my life.”

  Drawing back, I frame his face with my hands. “I need you to promise me something.”

  “Anything, you know that.”

  I thumb away the tear that slips down his cheek. “You have to promise me that you and Jess will be together. You both will need each other to lean on.”

  “Faith, I-” he starts, but seems a loss for words.

  Gazing up at him, I cup his cheek. “Jess loves you, Bo. She’s scared you’ll only see the dark in her and not the Jess she used to be. She wants to be that girl again and she needs your help whether she admits it or not.” He can’t give up on her. I need him to try again to make her see that she needs him.

  “Don’t get me wrong, I love her and I wish I could run to her right now, but I’m tired of getting my heart broke. What if I keep pushing her and I end up losing her for good?” I’d rather her to come to me.

  “That’s a risk you’ll have to take.” I pause for a moment, letting my words sink in. “I don’t have much time left, Bo, and I want my best friend here, too.”

  “Let me guess, you want me to go get her?” he asks with a knowing smile.

  A smile forms on my face. “You got it, cowboy.”

  “For you, Faith. I’ll do it for you.”

  Shaking my head, I rest my cheek on his shoulder. “No, you’re doing it for you.”