Purity

by Claire Farrell

  He followed me into the house, livid with anger. “Were you with him? Were you at that house when I specifically said—”

  “Oh, Dad. Not now, please. He’s gone. He left, okay? Why isn’t that enough to satisfy you? I wasn’t anywhere near his house.”

  “A likely story. Where were you, then?”

  “At Erin’s! Trying to fix your mess!”

  He spluttered for a couple of seconds. I could see in his eyes that my visiting Erin was way worse than the idea of me hanging around at Nathan’s house. I hadn’t realised there was a higher bar of failure, and I gulped down a sudden regret.

  “How dare you? How dare you cross that line? Are you kidding me, Perdy? You know better than that. You’re never to go there again. Do you hear me? Never!”

  The regret quickly turned to irritation. “Enough! I won’t be going back because you’ve messed up for good. You’re an idiot! It’s bad enough you’re trying to ruin my life without spoiling the best thing that’s happened to you as well.”

  He shouted my name, but I ran up the stairs, getting a sadistic pleasure from the fact he would struggle to follow me. We couldn’t be in each other’s presence anymore without an argument breaking out. What was happening to us?

  When I finally stopped hiding in my room, Dad refused to look at me, and Gran kept glancing at me pointedly in an attempt to figure out what had happened.

  Dad ignored both of us, and Gran followed me upstairs to catch up on the gossip, but she seemed as horrified as Dad about what I did.

  “Oh, Perdy. You didn’t.”

  “Not helping, Gran.”

  “I’m sorry, but didn’t you think he might explode when he heard? Oh, you’re definitely my granddaughter.” She covered her smile with her hands.

  I giggled. “It wasn’t my smartest idea of all time. I’ll give you that.”

  “So how are you getting on at the library? Been tempted to kill that nagging old crank yet?”

  “Wait. You know her?”

  She sniffed primly. “Of course I do. I can’t stand the woman. I swear she sits at home desperately trying to figure out something new and ridiculous to complain about. Did you know she’s the one who tried to ban orange flowers in the park?”

  “Shut. Up.”

  She grinned. “Well, maybe that rumour isn’t the complete truth. But if she picks on you, tell me, and I’ll deal with her.”

  The reason Mrs. Reed didn’t seem to like me became clear. “Um, no, that’s okay. I’m doing fine there. No need to go granny commando on her.”

  She winked at me. “Good to see you in better form. Any other news?”

  I lowered my voice. “Amelia came to see me at the library. Think Dad will freak?”

  “Maybe today’s not the best time to let that one slip,” she advised.

  “I know. She’s different, Gran. She has a boyfriend, she cut her hair, and she seems… happier.”

  Gran cupped my cheek. “She must miss you if she visited you at that awful library.”

  I smiled. “Maybe.”

  ***

  The next morning, Dad was still ignoring me, and I was more than happy to get to work. The day dragged. I thought about Dad and Erin, about Amelia and how much she had changed, and I did my best not to think about other things.

  Amelia’s story about her ancestors played on my mind the most. Nathan had grown up believing his werewolf side was a curse, and I wondered how he was coping with the fact it would never go away, that it would always be a part of him, no matter what he did. Then I realised I was standing in the middle of the library, gripping a pile of books as if my life depended on it, while Mrs. Reed watched me suspiciously.

  “Sorry,” I said. “Spaced out for a minute.” I scurried away, feeling like a servant avoiding the eye of royalty.

  As long as I kept out of Mrs. Reed’s way, I did fine, but if she thought I wasn’t working, she began one of her lectures. I didn’t understand most of it, probably because I kept zoning out, but on that day, I kept remembering what Gran had said and spent most of the afternoon imagining a senior citizen war.

  Amelia hadn’t turned up again, and I began to think she had forgotten about me. I was strolling home, my head in another world, when I heard a whimper behind me. I turned and almost fell over when I saw Cú bounding toward me, his lead trailing behind him.

  “Cú,” I practically squealed, running my hands through his coarse hair as he pressed his entire body against me, whimpering. “Oh, Cú, stop.” My eyes watered at his reaction to me, and that might have been why it took me a while to realise he was unlikely to be running around alone.

  “Cú!”

  I glanced up from the dog just as Nathan turned the corner. My heart skittered, threatening to stop.

  He was supposed to be gone. He’d said goodbye. I wasn’t ready to see him, not with Cú whining at my feet. I shook my head a little and took a step back.

  His hands were stuffed into his pockets, his brow wrinkled in deep thought. I saw his skin, darker than before, his hair, longer than before, and his eyes, just as beautiful. He looked right at me, meeting my gaze, seeming as surprised as I felt.

  He bit his lip and stepped toward us. I panicked, took the coward’s way out, and ran home.

  I couldn’t understand my reaction. I had steeled myself for that meeting, made a serious effort to move on, but all it had taken was one look at him, one glance at his eyes, to make it all fall away.

  I burst into the house and slammed the door, tears blurring my eyes.

  “Perdy?” Dad called. “What’s wrong? Wait,” he added as he approached the kitchen door and caught sight of my face.

  “I can’t,” I half-sobbed and ran up the stairs, more embarrassed than anything. How could I be so immature and pathetic to completely fall apart because I had seen Nathan? I tried to tell myself I was unsettled by Cú’s behaviour, but my reaction to Nathan was the real problem. I had wanted to run into his arms and forget everything else, but that wasn’t possible. I had to get away from him before I let Dad down again.

  About ten minutes later, there was a knock at my bedroom door. “Perdy, let me in,” Dad said.

  “No. Not now, Dad. Please.”

  “I’ve come up the stairs and everything. It’s taken me ages. The least you can do is open the door.”

  I groaned and jumped up to let him in. He stood there with a sheepish look on his face.

  “That wasn’t fair,” I said.

  “I know. Worked though.” He tried to smile, but he caught sight of my tears, and his face fell. “Perdy, what’s wrong?”

  “Now you care?”

  He looked away, momentarily shamed. “I’m not… of course I care. You’re… I love you. No matter what, I love you, and I care if you’re upset.”

  “It’s nothing, anyway.” I sat on my bed. “I’m fine now.”

  “You’re obviously not fine. You’ve been crying.”

  I made a scornful noise. “I do not cry.”

  “I know. That’s why I’m worried. You can talk to me.”

  “You’ll get mad. I can’t tell you anything because you’ll hate me.” I wasn’t talking about Nathan anymore. I was talking about not being able to tell him the things I had done.

  He inhaled sharply. “I promise not to get mad or hate you.” But his grip tightened on his walking stick, his knuckles whitening.

  “You will. Look at the way you’ve acted about me seeing Nathan and Amelia. If you knew the truth, if you knew what I had really done…” I shook my head. “I can’t tell you anything anymore because I already know how you’ll react.”

  “You don’t trust me. What can I do to…? Wait, are we… are we talking about sex? Did you have sex with him? Is that what this is all about?” His face paled. He looked as if he were about to throw up.

  I laughed through my tears. “No, Dad. I wish that was all it was.” At least then I could talk about it to somebody. Preferably not Dad. I made a face. “Let’s not have this conversation, t
hough.”

  “Hey, I’m not keen on the idea either.” He watched me for a couple of seconds and swallowed hard. “Please tell me why you’re crying. I’ll go insane imagining things.”

  I rubbed my eyes, deciding to go for it. “I was on my way home from the library, and I saw him. I got a fright. I mean, I didn’t know what to do, and I wasn’t expecting to see him.”

  “What? Who?”

  “Nathan!” I hiccupped a sob. “He’s back, and I actually ran away. Oh, my God.” I pressed my palms against my eyes in despair.

  Dad made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a laugh.

  I slid my hands down a little to eye him between stretched fingers. “Don’t you dare.”

  He held up his hand. “I did nothing. So what happened then? Did he follow you? Beg you to get back together?”

  “No! I ran off, and he didn’t do anything.” That might have been the worst part.

  “What a toad.”

  “Dad!”

  “What? Well, he must be if he just let you go and didn’t do… ah.”

  “Yeah, look who’s talking.”

  “That’s different. It just is,” he added hurriedly. “So you’re crying because you saw him? Or because you ran away? Or because he let you? I’m a little confused.”

  “I don’t know! I didn’t expect to see him right there, and Cú was whimpering like he missed me. I got a little overwhelmed, and I cried, okay? Can we get over that detail, please?”

  His lips twitched. “We’re over it. But you’re still upset.”

  “Of course I’m upset. I saw him.”

  He actually looked pained. “You really like him this much?”

  “Well, duh. I really, really liked him, but I’m trying not to. I swear, Dad, I’m trying my best to forget about him, but it’s so hard, and all I can draw is him. I can’t stop.”

  “Show me.”

  I stared at him.

  “Show me some of your drawings. Come on. I don’t have all day.”

  Frowning, I took a picture out of the bin.

  “You throw them away?”

  “I told you, I’m trying to forget about him. You demand things and then you act all confused when I follow orders.”

  He squirmed. “You don’t have to call them orders.” He flattened the picture out and whistled. “This is, I mean, wow.”

  “Shut up.”

  “I’m serious. I can’t believe my baby drew this. I’d prefer if it wasn’t of the boy who’s going to steal her from me, but I can’t win every battle.”

  I laughed and wiped my eyes. “Nobody’s stealing me. Like you said, he’s a toad.”

  He grinned and glanced at the picture again. “No wonder you want to go to that art college.”

  “Not anymore.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “You were right.” I shrugged. “It’s not something I can rely on. Besides, a portfolio full of Nathan Evans pictures isn’t going to nab me a place on any course.”

  He stared at me carefully. “Are you being serious or overly dramatic?”

  I glared at him.

  He backed off. “Fine, you’re serious. You know I want you to be happy, right?”

  “No, actually. Right now, I think you want everyone to be as miserable as you.”

  “Ah, Perdy, that’s not fair.”

  “The way you’ve been acting hasn’t been fair.”

  He smoothed the picture again. “Maybe. Okay, definitely. I’m sorry I got mad at you about Erin. But you can’t get involved in my relationships like that. Although I’m sorry you felt as though you had to go to her on my behalf.”

  “But I did have to. You treated her like crap, and she hasn’t been back. I mean, really, what’s wrong with you?”

  “It’s not like that. Erin and I want different things right now.”

  “What could be so different that you can’t compromise, or you know, be nice to one another?”

  He gave a small smile. “She wants a family of her own, Perdy. Maybe not now, but some day, and I’m not exactly in the best position for that. I mean, look at my track record.”

  “What?” I stared at him in disgust, completely offended. “I’m such a terrible daughter that it’s put you off kids for life? Thanks a lot.”

  He held up his hands again. “Wow. That’s not what I’m saying. Not at all. I’m talking about me, Perdy. I’m the crap parent here.”

  I gave him a blank look.

  “Look at you. When was the last time you were happy? When your toad of a boyfriend was around doing who knows what to you?”

  “He never did anything wrong to me, Dad. When are you going to start believing me?”

  He shook his head. “See? Always saying the wrong thing. Always doing the wrong thing. I couldn’t even raise you alone. Maybe your mother would have stuck around if I had been different somehow.”

  “Dad, don’t say that.”

  “What if it’s true? Look at me. What kind of a role model am I? No stable relationships, I’ve never owned my own home, I’ve lived with my ex’s mother to help raise my child, and now I can’t even work. It’s pathetic. What kind of provider would I be to another child? What kind of father? I messed up everything with you, and now things are even worse.”

  “Erin obviously didn’t mind.”

  “I mind. You don’t understand what it’s like to depend on another person so heavily. It’s hard to free yourself, hard to see a time when you can go it alone. I can’t do this again. I hope you never know what that’s like.”

  “I think I have a fair idea,” I admitted, thinking of how the curse made Nathan and I depend on each other in an unhealthy way.

  “Everything has fallen apart, and I can’t see a way out.”

  “I wish I could explain it to you,” I whispered, tears springing to my eyes again.

  “I know. You always want to fix everything, and I’ve been taking that out on you. I was so afraid for you when I thought Nathan had to be hurting you. Between that and the attack and your mother turning up, it’s been too much for me to handle. I feel like I can’t protect you.”

  “But, Dad, you don’t have to do everything. I’ll be finished with school in a year, and chances are I’ll be taking care of myself. So what will you be left with?”

  He stared at his hands. “I may never get better. How can I inflict this on another person? It’s bad enough that you have to live with me.”

  “And what if you get better tomorrow? Or next week? What then? You’ll be alone out of stubbornness.”

  He shook his head. “Maybe you’re right. But I’m not a good person to be around right now. I feel angry all of the time, and I don’t even know why.”

  I had a fair idea. The same reason the werewolves got angry easily. Except Dad couldn’t hunt and burn off the excess energy. Dad was stuck.

  “It’ll be okay,” I said. “I promise you I’ll figure something out.”

  He smiled. “I love that about you. That you don’t give up.”

  I stared at the page in his hands. “I give up.”

  “Will you ever tell me the truth about him?”

  “His secrets aren’t mine to tell,” I whispered. “But he’s never hurt me. He’s gone out of his way to make sure I’m safe. If you can believe anything, believe that. I miss him, but I’ve kept my promise to you, Dad. If you don’t want me near him, I’ll stay away.”

  He wrapped an arm around me. “You’re stronger than me. That’s hard for a father to say, trust me. But you are. I know you’ll get through everything that’s upsetting you. Why don’t you do something fun for your birthday?”

  “You remembered?”

  “I could never forget the day you were born,” he scoffed. “Arrange something with Joey and Tammie. Maybe even Amelia. But not at her house. The police are still investigating, and I don’t want you getting wrapped up in whatever’s going on.”

  “Maybe. And maybe you should call Erin.”

  “I need time to think.” He go
t to his feet. “I appreciate the effort you’ve made. I might not always show it, but I’ve noticed. I’m glad you’re able to be mature enough to realise that sometimes what we love isn’t necessarily the best thing for us.”

  “Are you talking about Nathan or art college?”

  He groaned. “Why did he have to spring to mind when I said love? We’re talking about art college, okay? Before you give me a stroke.” But he winked at me as he left, and the weight on my shoulders grew a little easier to bear.

  Chapter Eight

  Nathan

  She ran away from me. Did she actually think I could ever hurt her? Maybe when the curse broke, she saw what we were—monsters—and decided to keep as far away from us as she could manage. I couldn’t blame her.

  I had been spending as much time in the abandoned house Perdita and I had hung out in as possible. Byron, Ryan, and Amelia kept acting as though nothing was wrong, leaving me uncomfortable. Besides, I sometimes imagined I caught her scent in our hiding place.

  I had gone straight home, dragging Cú with me. The poor dog had been so delighted to see her that he tried to follow her. I didn’t want to get her in trouble with her Dad by being seen around her house, so I let her go and watched her walk away… again.

  As I stepped through the front door of my house, I heard Byron’s laughter echoing in the hallway. Curious, I kept going.

  “Maybe tomorrow, then,” he said in the phone when he noticed me. “We’ll talk soon.” He hung up.

  “Opa?” I asked hopefully.

  “No.” He paused. “A friend.”

  Since when did Byron have friends?

  “Well, let’s get you fed,” he said. “Don’t want you going on the same starvation diet as Amelia.”

  Amelia was already in the kitchen, laughing at something Ryan had said. When she saw me, her smile faltered.

  “Not too much milk,” Byron said to Amelia. “Don’t really relish the idea of seeing that again.”

  The three of them chuckled, highlighting how I no longer fit in with them. I grabbed some stuff to make a sandwich, listening to the three chatting and joking.

  After another lame joke by Byron had Amelia in stitches, I interrupted. “What the hell is wrong with you? Willow’s missing. Opa and Jeremy are in danger searching for her. Vin’s pack could come after us at any time. What on earth is so funny?”