“Anyway, my ex-wife, Jenna, heard about you from one of the girls, and is demanding to meet you.”
Jenna. I remembered that name from the night I invited him and Fitz over for dinner. It made sense now why Fitz said Colt answered whenever Jenna called. She was the mother of his children.
No wonder he’d had his property patch ready for me so quickly. It’d been his ex’s. You didn’t have one made up unless you were dead serious about the woman you wanted to give it to—someone you wanted to commit your life to, forever. And I had a feeling Colt wouldn’t settle for just anyone. He had to have truly loved her. The gravity of knowing that was humbling. I still didn’t know much about Colt, or about how things ended with Jenna, but I was starting to understand some things about him.
“Um, why? We’re not actually together, couldn’t you explain that to her?” Surely, if he told her about our situation, she wouldn’t feel it necessary to concern herself with me.
“I don’t trust her. It’s a shitty thing to say, but it’s the truth. If she thought she could use it against me, she would. Finding out what Torch is up to and who’s behind Fitz’s murder is too important. We have to keep up with the illusion we are in a relationship.”
Just the mention of Fitz’s name was enough for my eyes to fill with tears again. Unable to speak without losing it, I nodded my head, letting Colt know I understood.
He paused with an expression on his face I’d never seen: Uncertainty. It hit me that I had the upper hand in this conversation, and he knew it and didn’t like it.
And it looked like he wanted to say something else, so I waited. “Ember, I’ve never brought a woman around my kids before,” he said, carefully choosing his words. “I never thought I would be in a situation where it was necessary.”
“You never planned on getting involved with someone again?” I didn’t understand that. Colt was a good-looking guy, and I saw the way women flocked to him during parties. Did he expect to be single for the rest of his life?
“Pretty much,” he said brusquely. “Look, we both know I’m not celibate. I enjoy fucking women. In fact, the more, the merrier.”
I scrunched up my nose, the mental image of that was not something I wanted in my head. He could be such a dick sometimes.
“Sorry,” he said with a laugh, but he didn’t look sorry at all. “But the truth is, I’ve sworn off relationships. I don’t want an old lady. I don’t need one.”
“That seems a bit extreme.”
I didn’t have the best track record with relationships either, but I couldn’t imagine closing myself off to the possibility of one in the future. His ex must have burned him bad.
“Well, finding out my wife was screwing someone else while I was off at work doesn’t make me eager to jump back into dating.”
“I’m sorry that happened to you.” As soon as the words left my lips, I knew it was the wrong thing to say.
His spine stiffened, and he narrowed his eyes at me. “I don’t want or need your pity. I just want to know if you’ll meet her. There’s some other shit going on with our divorce and custody agreement. I’m worried she might make shit difficult if she doesn’t get her way with this. I can’t have anything mess up my time with my kids.” He was back to the distant Colt I was used to, but he seemed earnest.
I wanted to refuse his request, but I wouldn’t hurt his kids to spite him. I had no choice but to agree. It didn’t matter if the two of us had our own issues. I would never do anything that could mess up a father’s relationship with his children.
“Fine, I’ll do it—for your kids.” His body relaxed a bit when I agreed. “When does she want to meet up?”
“I’m not sure. I’ll work something out with her and let you know.”
“Okay.” I stood up to leave since we were done. As I walked past Colt, he reached out and grabbed my hand.
“Thank you. I appreciate you doing this.”
That may have been the first time I ever saw genuine emotion other than anger from him. His words echoed my own not too long ago. I guess we were even since I was the one doing him a favor this time. I slid my hand out of his, which he hadn’t let go of.
“We should exchange numbers, too,” he said, getting his phone out. “Since we’re together now.”
“Right,” I said, his wording and the way he said it making me pause.
After adding my number to his phone and vice versa, I made my way back to my room, completely drained.
As I got ready for bed, I thought about what I’d just learned. The most shocking part being that Colt was a father. I’d also gained a little insight into the one thing that matters most to him outside the club—his kids. A man dedicated to his children and who would do anything to keep them, spoke volumes to me. I knew it had to have taken a lot for someone like Colt—too prideful for his own good—to ask for help, and I respected him more for it.
Then it dawned on me why he reacted the way he had when he saw me with Torch. He despised cheaters, and it all made sense to me now. I wasn’t going to condone his behavior, but I could understand it. Maybe he pushed people away, kept them at a distance, so he wouldn’t get hurt again. Underneath everything else, I saw something in Colt that intrigued me. He was capable of caring deeply for others, but he was also scared. I felt myself being drawn to that hidden part of him, and that was dangerous.
He was right that there was a lot to him I didn’t know, but did I need to know more than absolutely necessary? He didn’t want that sort of relationship, and I wasn’t going to let him hurt me anymore than he had already. No matter what I learned about him, I needed to remember everything between us was only for show.
20
Colt
I was becoming restless. Ember had filled us in on her plan to give fake information to Torch to keep her family safe and to throw him off track in case he suspected we were on to him. I could admit it was a genius idea. Viking and I came up with things she could tell him. We had to do it just right. He knew I wouldn’t share things with Ember, but she needed to feed him something he would believe was useful and so far, he was believing it all.
It sucked to be in this position with someone we considered a brother, but we were all confident he was up to something. This would, hopefully, buy us some time to figure it out. We were keeping an eye on the Phantoms on our own, not just relying on other chapters and tapping our police contacts as well.
Things between Ember and I were still a bit tense, but I’d driven her to and from work each day for the last couple of weeks. We didn’t talk much when we were together, but I was starting to like having her on the back of my bike.
With it being the first week of December, the temperatures had cooled considerably, so taking long rides was something all of us looked forward to. Knowing she loved to ride as much as I did had me taking the long way to and from work just so we could enjoy it.
Viking and I wanted her to quit her job so we could better protect her, but she put her foot down when we suggested it. The thing we wouldn’t budge on was her staying at the clubhouse. She didn’t fight us on that. I don’t think she wanted to return to her old place after everything that happened there.
At club events, we played our roles. A little too well. We hadn’t had sex since Fitz’s funeral, but we had to stay in each other’s rooms more often than not to keep the gig up and it was awkward as fuck. Sleeping with her had only messed with my head more, but I refused to fuck other women until this was over. It didn’t matter if this wasn’t real because appearances mattered to her—and to me.
Ember wasn’t much of a talker, and neither was I. When we were alone, we tended to enjoy the silence together or talk about anything besides ourselves or our situation. She went with the flow, which I was starting to appreciate about her. She expected nothing from me, and I owed her my respect for everything she’d gone through and what she was still willing to go through for this club.
Now that the barriers that allowed me to keep my distance from her we
re gone, I found myself enjoying being with her. She wasn’t the girl I knew seven years ago—she was better. That spark she’d had, it was there but with age, it’d tempered to strength and courage. She stood her ground but knew when to give in because it made sense, not because she was browbeaten into it. Being with Torch and terrified of what he could do to her and her family, I realized, had taken a huge piece of her, but now that the asshole was hundreds of miles away, she was coming out of her shell. But, my life was too complicated to get too comfortable with her, and I couldn’t drag her into my shit. Knowledge that it would be a complete disaster didn’t make it any easier to stay away.
Once again, I was thinking about Ember when I should be concentrating on work. Finishing up at The Den, I started to lock up my office when I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. Digging it out of my jeans, I groaned when I saw it was a text from Jenna.
Jenna: I’ve waited long enough. It’s time for me to meet Ember. Bring her by on Thursday at 10am.
I laughed at her audacity to demand the date and time of the meeting instead of asking, but it was probably better to get it over with. At least it gave me two days to prepare Ember for what was likely to be an unpleasant encounter.
I pulled up to the clubhouse and went in search of Ember. Her room was empty, and I didn’t see her anywhere else. After searching outside, I tried her cell phone but there was no answer. Finally, I decided to call Kate. The two of them hung out often so there was a good chance they were together.
After a couple of rings, someone finally answered. “There better be a good reason you’re calling my girl and not me.” Of course, Mac saw my name on the caller ID.
“Calm down, asshole. I’m looking for Ember, is she over there?”
“Nah, man. Haven’t seen her all day. Is everything okay?”
“I hope so. Let me know if Kate hears from her?”
“Will do. If you need anything, call me.”
With a grunt of agreement, I hung up the phone. I’d picked up Ember earlier from work and dropped her off here. She didn’t mention any plans to go somewhere, and I began to worry. It wasn’t like her to disappear like this. I hopped on my bike, unsure where I should start looking.
I drove around town, wracking my brain for any clues as to where she could be. An idea came to me, and I knew where I might find her since she didn’t really go anywhere but work, the clubhouse, or hang out with Kate or Evelyn.
Pulling up in front of the small house, I was hit with a rush of emotions. This home was the place one of my best friends spent his final moments. At the time, I wanted to blame Ember for Fitz’s death. And while I would give anything to have him back, I was also extremely grateful to him for saving her that morning.
The light from a small lamp led me to believe I guessed right in assuming she was here. Quietly, I walked up to the front door, and what I heard and saw through the open window broke my heart.
Ember was curled up in the fetal position, lying on the hardwood floor while huge sobs overtook her body.
I turned the handle, grateful yet pissed to find it unlocked. Wordlessly, I walked over to Ember, sat down, and pulled her into my lap. She didn’t say anything, but she buried her head in my chest and continued to cry.
“Baby, let me help you. Tell me what’s wrong.” It took her a couple of minutes to calm down enough to speak.
“I wanted to grab a few of my things, so I came over here. But, the minute I walked in, all I could see was Fitz lying on the ground.” She started to sob again, so I rubbed her back to try to soothe her. “I miss him so much, and I feel like it’s all my fault that he isn’t here anymore.”
I hated that she was blaming herself, and that I’d done that to her as well. She needed to let go of that guilt. “You’re not responsible for what happened.” She started to argue, but I cut her off. “None of it. We will find out what happened and we’ll take care of it.”
I wanted my words to comfort her and judging by the way she snuggled deeper into my chest, I suppose it was working.
“You really cared about him, didn’t you?” My question wasn’t accusatory although the thought had crossed my mind that they shared something more than friendship. It was another reason my feelings were conflicted when it came to Ember.
“I did. He was a wonderful friend. And he was there for me when I needed him.”
Ember had been honest with me about everything up to this point, so if she referred to him as a friend, I had to believe that’s all they were. I did feel guilty about him being the one there for her. It should have been me.
I continued to hold her in my arms, not wanting to disrupt our peaceful moment, but I had another question for her. “Why didn’t you tell anyone where you were going or have one of us drive you?”
“It sounds stupid now, but I wanted to surprise you all and make dinner tonight, as a thank you for everything you guys have done for me. All of my cookbooks are still here, so I called an Uber to come pick me up. I didn’t think I’d be gone that long. Are you mad?”
“No, I’m not mad, but I was worried about you,” I said. “There are too many unknowns right now. I can’t have you disappearing like that. At least text me if you’re going somewhere. Actually, where’s your phone? I’ve been trying to call you.”
She looked around. “I think it’s in the kitchen.”
I moved her off of my lap so I could get up and retrieve it for her. When I picked it up, I noticed she’d switched it to silent. No wonder she didn’t answer when I called. I handed her the phone, and she startled a bit when she saw the time.
“I didn’t realize it was so late. Guess I won’t be making dinner tonight.”
I could see the tears start to form in her eyes again. “Don’t worry, babe,” I said, grinning. “I’ll let you make me dinner anytime.”
She rolled her eyes at me, which is exactly what I’d intended by my comment, and pushed herself up from the floor.
“You ready to head out?” I asked.
“Yeah. While looking for the cookbooks, I found a few things I want to keep at the clubhouse. I know I can’t store everything there, but do you think we could bring the truck over soon to grab some of my stuff?”
“That’s not a problem. We can do it tomorrow after I pick you up from work.”
Before I knew what she was doing, she stood on her tiptoes and pressed a kiss to my cheek.
“Thank you. Who knew you could be so sweet?”
I surely didn’t.
21
Ember
After my emotional breakdown a couple days ago, Colt told me Jenna wanted to meet up today. To say I was nervous would be a huge understatement. Not because I was intimidated by Jenna. I knew how to handle myself when it came to other women. My concern was doing something that could adversely affect Colt and his ability to spend time with his kids. Things had shifted between us the night at my old place and I felt invested in helping him any way I could.
Screwing the top back on my mascara bottle, I looked up as Colt walked into my room, uninvited… again. We had an agreement on when we entered each other’s space, in that, we let each other know beforehand or pre-planned it, say, after a party so it looked natural when we went up together. Or, even simpler, freaking knock and wait to be allowed in. Lately, Colt was just barging in whenever he felt like it.
“Are you ever going to learn to knock?” I asked while rolling my eyes at the man standing in front of me.
“Nah. If I knock, I’ll never get the chance to see you wrapped in a towel again.”
I tilted my head and studied the wolfish grin that accompanied his words. Was he flirting with me? It didn’t escape my attention he called me ‘baby’ the other night, but I chalked that up to him trying to comfort me. The past couple of weeks had gone smoothly between us, but we were both keenly aware of our roles and why we were playing out this charade. With everything going on with Torch and still dealing with Fitz’s death, his kids and his personal feelings, I knew he was trying. But on
occasion, I couldn’t read him. Like now, when he was playful or whatever.
Deciding to ignore his odd behavior for now, I walked to the closet and pulled out a pair of boots. “So you never told me where we were meeting up today. Is my outfit okay?”
He looked me up and down, taking in every inch of me. I was wearing a pair of dark blue skinny jeans and a loose, white long sleeve top. There was nothing sexy about my outfit, but my skin burned under his gaze as he perused my entire body.
“You look good, but don’t forget this,” he said when he handed me the patch I was supposed to wear.
“Isn’t this going to piss Jenna off?” I asked, slipping my arms into the garment that I could reluctantly admit to myself I liked wearing.
“Probably.” I heard him laugh as he turned around to walk out.
We reached his bike, and I couldn’t wait to get on. Riding was one of my favorite things, and the rides to and from work just weren’t enough. Sitting behind Colt was a bonus. It was during those rides I let my mind drift off and wonder how it would feel if we were really together.
As we pulled up to the park where Jenna was waiting, I could feel Colt tense under my arms. I turned my head to look in the same direction he was and knew right away why he was upset. He’d asked Jenna to keep the meeting between the three of us, but there she was with two little ones who looked very much like the man in front of me.
Colt was worried about Jett and Jasmine getting to know me, seeing as our situation was only temporary. It made sense to me, and I agreed with his need to set boundaries when it came to his children. It was clear Jenna didn’t give a shit about his wishes.
Colt hadn’t told me much about his kids other than their names, ages, and a story or two that slipped out before he stopped himself. On the rare occasion he mentioned them, he got all soft and warm. It was clear he loved his son and daughter and their relationship was sacred.
Colt (Desert Sinners MC Book 2) Page 13
