Mary's Home

by Jerry S. Eicher

  “This is the Lord’s day again,” Minister Peachey declared. “A day in which to give thanks and rejoice for the Lord’s goodness and mercy. We are but frail creatures formed from the ground of the earth. Clay is what we are, and we should never forget that we live and breathe alone by the Lord’s mercy.”

  Which was true. Mary shifted on the bench and caught Willard’s glance. His smile was warm, and shivers ran all the way through her. She felt fragile. If only her heart would come to its senses…but what hope was there of that? Even if Willard planned to join the community, she couldn’t ask him to leave his work in Kenya. In the meantime, he was here. What would happen now? Would he speak with her today? What if she gave in to temptation? Perspiration misted on Mary’s forehead, but she didn’t dare wipe it away. She was strong when it came to other people’s trouble, but weak when she had to find her own way. She was clearly in love with Willard, in the kind of love she used to share with Josiah. What a fool her heart was to lead her down this broken road twice. Had she learned nothing from the first experience? At least Josiah had been Amish.

  Mary forced herself to focus on Minister Peachey, who was wrapping up his thoughts. He spread his hands out over the congregation. “And now may the Lord bless us all, and be with us as we face another week of temptations and trials in this weary world of sorrow. Amen.”

  Bishop Miller echoed the “amen.”

  Once Minister Peachy sat down, Deacon Stoltzfus stood and began to read from the Scriptures: “‘Now it came to pass on a certain day, that he went into a ship with his disciples: and he said unto them, Let us go over unto the other side of the lake.’”

  The story went on, of a great storm, and the disciples’ fears until Jesus calmed the wild winds. Mary closed her eyes. She was in the middle of the storm, and the Lord was speaking. She would have to believe and trust. Nothing made sense, but waves on the waters caused those emotions. They cast confusion and doubt around them.

  “Help me, dear Lord,” Mary prayed. “Calm my wild winds and the horrible waves.”

  Peace came over her as Deacon Stoltzfus took his seat and Bishop Miller began his sermon. “The Lord be praised this morning. I can freely say that what King David wrote in the holy Scriptures, ‘I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread’ is true and of the Lord.”

  Mary didn’t look in Willard’s direction until the sermon concluded an hour later. When her glance did stray, Willard had his head bowed. Maybe the Lord had already heard? What would she do if Willard sent another of his sweet smiles her way? Pass out, perhaps?

  The service concluded. Mary scurried into the kitchen as the murmur of conversation filled the house. The girl seated beside her stayed on the bench, sending frequent glances toward Willard. Obviously, Englisha man or not, he had plenty of admirers.

  Mary bumped into Deacon Stoltzfus’s frau with a gasp. “I’m so sorry, Rachel! I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.”

  Rachel took her by the arm and leaned close. “I was looking for you anyway.” She propelled Mary into the mudroom. A few small girls struggled with their coats, and Rachel helped them. They hurried away as Mary remained frozen in place. Had Rachel noticed her reaction to Willard’s presence in the service today?

  “There!” Rachel declared. “Now we can talk.”

  Mary tried to smile. “I really should get back and help with the first table.”

  “There are plenty of women to help,” Rachel assured her. “Now, two things. I wanted to tell you how pleased Mose is with Willard Gabert and the work you introduced from Kenya. He’s also pleased about Stephen Overholt. He left for Lancaster last week, after he stopped by and told Mose what you had told him. None of us had any idea what happened those long years ago. Those were awful things to say to a young man. Mose told Stephen he had our full blessing in trying to restore his relationship with Millie Zook. Hopefully, Millie’s daett has come to the same realization by now. Wisdom does grow with the years sometimes.”

  Mary’s mouth worked. “I…I…”

  “Yah, I know you do things a little differently, Mary, but I want to encourage you. Not everyone would have the strength to bless the community the way you have after what Josiah put you through. Willard came by on Saturday to thank us personally for the blankets and to see if we would consider helping in the future. He even offered to attend the service to show his goot intentions, and Mose accepted. Not every day does the community have an opportunity to support such a cause run by honest people. You are to thank for this, Mary. You are such a blessing.” Rachel gave Mary a quick hug. “I know that you will take this praise the right way and not let it go to your head.”

  “I…I’ll try to.”

  “I know.” Rachel gave a little laugh. “There is pain in this life, but there is also joy. The Lord will lead the right man to you when the time comes.”

  Mary tried to nod, but Rachel had already grasped her arm and led the way back into the kitchen.

  “Why don’t you help out with the unmarried men’s table, as usual?” Rachel whispered on the way. “Willard is here because of you, and you should help us make him feel welcome.”

  Mary’s mind ran in circles, but she managed to stay on her feet when Rachel let go of her arm. Willard was here to thank the community for their support and to secure their future aid. Had she so misread the situation?

  Mary picked up several bowls of peanut butter spread and headed toward the unmarried men’s table set up in the basement. Several girls passed her on the way and smiled but said nothing. Apparently, Rachel’s news about why Willard was here had been passed around. She would have to believe the Lord would help her through this situation even if her knees knocked together. Her heart was an untrustworthy member of her body. Once again she had been totally wrong about a man’s intentions.

  The long table full of unmarried men came into focus, and Mary slipped up behind the broad backs and whispered, “Excuse me,” before trading the full bowls of peanut butter on the table for empty ones. She had turned to leave when she caught Willard’s warm smile. Mary’s heart pounded furiously as she bolted up the stairs, two steps at a time. Her heart had obviously not received the message yet about his intentions.

  TWENTY-SEVEN

  Several hours later Mary clutched Danny Boy’s reins. The steady beat of his hooves filled the silence around her and Betsy, who was seated beside her. Betsy hadn’t spoken since they left the Sunday morning church service.

  “Say something,” Mary finally muttered. “Anything!”

  Betsy smiled from ear to ear. “I am so happy. For once I am at a loss for words.”

  “You couldn’t have had a second letter from Ronald today since it’s Sunday.” Mary gave her sister a quick sideways glance.

  “Silly! I don’t need a fresh letter. He is in love with me, and now Willard was at the Sunday services. Just think on that possibility! Is he coming back tonight for the hymn singing?”

  “I didn’t ask him,” Mary told her. “Rachel said Willard was over to speak with Deacon Stoltzfus about the community’s future support for his Kenyan mission, and he attended the church service to show his gratitude.”

  Betsy continued undeterred. “Did you know Willard was coming?”

  “Of course not!”

  “You know you are in love with him.”

  “I know I am!” Mary’s voice rose to a wail. “But don’t say it. Willard doesn’t care about me, and what if he did? We aren’t made for each other.”

  “You two have been in love practically from the moment you met each other,” Betsy said. “Apparently, I’m the only one who can face the truth of what that means around here.”

  Mary bit back a denial. It would not help, and she had no plans to leave the community.

  “You should give in to where the Lord is leading you, Mary. Look at me.” Betsy bounced up and down on the buggy seat. “I’m planning to stay Amish. Who would have thought it?”


  Mary took a deep breath. “That’s where you are wrong, Betsy. The Lord was not leading you to leave the community when you thought He was. Why would the Lord now lead me to jump the fence?”

  Betsy’s smile didn’t dim. “If you’d pay attention, you’d know. You two love each other.”

  “Betsy!” Mary exclaimed. “Stop saying that.”

  “You don’t understand in the least, do you? And I don’t blame you, I guess. Not that long ago I wouldn’t have believed that Ronald would remember me, so why should you believe that Willard loves you?”

  Mary pressed her lips together. “Even if he does, my loving an Englisha man is very wrong.”

  The smile on Betsy’s face didn’t dim as she pulled the letter from her dress pocket. “If you won’t accept what the Lord gives, that’s no reason for me to drag my feet. I’ve read Ronald’s letter at least a dozen times already. Remember when you used to get letters from Josiah? My heart would ache.”

  “I know, and I’m sorry for my attitude,” Mary managed. “I should be more sensitive. I am too wrapped up in my own world.”

  “You don’t have to apologize to me.” Betsy unfolded the page to read silently for a moment with a blissful look on her face. She finally looked up to say, “The joy of the morning makes up for the sorrow of the night. You should remember that about Willard, Mary. And don’t turn him down if he asks you to wed him and join him in Kenya.”

  “I’m…” Mary searched for words as Danny Boy dashed into their driveway.

  Betsy’s smile faded, and she glared toward the barn. “There’s Stephen’s buggy. You had better make up your mind quickly and send that man packing. You don’t want to marry a man you don’t love, Mary, regardless of how much he proclaims his affections for you. Not when you love someone else. Get that through your head.” Betsy returned the letter to her dress pocket with a flourish.

  “Whoa!” Mary called out to Danny Boy as they came to a stop beside Stephen’s buggy.

  Stephen peered at them from his buggy seat with a big smile on his face.

  Betsy spoke out of the corner of her mouth. “Remember what I was willing to give up for love. You should do the same, Mary. I know I’m right.”

  Mary’s head spun as she climbed down. Stephen came over to help her.

  “Remember!” Betsy hissed under her breath. “Dump the man!”

  “You are way behind the times, Betsy,” Mary whispered. She greeted Stephen with a smile.

  Behind her Betsy scurried off without a backward glance.

  His smile didn’t fade. “Goot to see you, Mary, really goot to see you. I had to stop by and share the news with you first.”

  “When did you get back?” Mary asked. “And do you have goot news?”

  He unfastened a tug before he answered. “It was a quick trip, but I wasn’t sure of Millie’s answer, as you can imagine, and I had to find someone who could, you know, take care of the farm while I was gone. I just came back on the Greyhound into Little Falls this morning.”

  “So Millie said yah?” Mary couldn’t keep the joy out of her voice.

  “She did.” His face glowed. “Millie’s daett still has objections, but the years have softened his heart, and I did, once I found the courage, tell him what you said about the farm and my life in the valley.”

  “Oh, Stephen!” Mary gushed. “This is wunderbah. I am so glad for you.”

  “Thank you.” He ducked his head. “Can I tell you something? I want to, if you don’t object, return at least a little of the blessing you have given me.”

  “Yah, okay.” Mary waited with her hand on Danny Boy’s bridle.

  Stephen’s smile was gone. “Can we sit in my buggy? I can, if you would let me, take your horse into the barn.”

  “What do you want to say? I am happy for you, and we aren’t dating anymore.”

  “I know. But there is a great load on my mind, and I would, if we could, speak right now, before my heart is burdened longer with it.”

  Mary gave in and handed Danny Boy’s reins to him. Stephen disappeared into the barn while Mary climbed into Stephen’s buggy to settle on the seat.

  He returned after a few minutes and joined her. He cleared his throat. “It is, it really is, or it will be okay, I think. I don’t mean to sound harsh, or say things which are not true, but it’s just that this Englisha man, this Willard—”

  “Please, Stephen. Don’t speak of him. I—”

  Stephen held up his hand. “Let me say, if you would, what I have to say. You have done so much, so very much for me, this is the least I can do, difficult though this is to say. This Willard, whom I saw the other day at the co-op…”

  Mary held her breath. Someone had seen them together. But what had she expected?

  Stephen rushed on. “I came back twice. I’m sorry, but I did, and I peeked in the front door. He was there both times, and you were really talking, as though you like each other. From what I can see, Willard has eyes in his head, and he’s taken plainly enough, Mary, with the woman that you are. He sees your heart for his mission in Kenya. The man has hopes in his heart that…it’s hard to say this, Mary, but why would an Englisha man, a handsome one to boot, not think, at least consider that you might wed him?”

  “I’m trying to do what’s right, Stephen,” Mary managed to say. “I know I make mistakes, but I’m trying.”

  “This time you are not understanding what I am saying. Would you, perhaps at least consider, that the Lord is leading you this way? I do know, at least it seems, something about the Lord’s leading.”

  Mary steadied herself on the buggy seat. “We shouldn’t be talking about this. It can’t be, and talking about the Lord’s will does not help.”

  He ignored her protest. “I know what love can do for a person, Mary. I know what my love for Millie has done, which the Lord has, in His great and marvelous mercy, given me. I never thought this would… Not in all my days of waiting did I think that again I would have what was taken from me. Now, here in my heart is love again, and you, by the Lord’s will, opened the door. I wish to also bless your life. You do love the man, do you not?”

  Mary’s lips moved, but no sound came out.

  Stephen nodded. “Is that not a sign enough, if you think about it, Mary? What greater sign could there be? Can you not, at least a little, see that the Lord has already sent, by His grace, help to you before you even knew it was needed? The Lord has opened up the way. He really has, Mary. By your own words, you bear witness to this.”

  “Are you saying…?” But she already knew what he was saying. “You would have me accept Willard’s love if he gives me that love? You are from the community, yet you are encouraging…” The words stuck in her mouth.

  Stephen smiled. “Those from the community were wrong about Millie and me. The Lord’s ways, all of them, even the ones that are called unusual, are shining lights upon one’s path. A beacon of hope for the future. You have followed that path with me, which I can bear testimony to, right into the Lord’s will. There is no reason, not even one, that your love for Willard is wrong.”

  “You would have me jump the fence?” Mary whispered. “Right into the evil world?”

  Stephen seemed not to hear. “The Lord would bless you—I know this in my heart, Mary—with great blessings that you cannot even begin, not in your wildest imaginations, to comprehend. If you chose the path the Lord has opened before you… Look where I have been taken, after I thought the whole world had come to an end, when love was ripped from my heart by Millie’s daett. I had so many hopes and dreams, one could say high expectations, of what life would be like with Millie. You and Willard are all, and so much more, than Millie and I ever were. If you make the right choice…the same path, at least it seems to me, would open up for you. A path full of greater blessing than you could ever, in many, many years, find here in the community with a man you do not love.”

  “I can’t do this,” Mary told him. “I appreciate your advice, Stephen, but I can’t. I just can’t.”


  He peered down at her. “You cannot follow the Lord’s will, then, Mary? It’s so plain to see.”

  “I can’t wed Willard,” Mary tried again.

  “But you do love this Englisha man, Willard?”

  Mary didn’t answer. She hopped down from the buggy to bolt up the walk toward the front door.

  Betsy opened it wide. “What happened out there? Did you agree to marry the man?”

  “He’s encouraging me to marry Willard!” Mary kept going and took the stairs two at a time. She threw herself on her bed and pulled the quilt tight over her kapp. She was running away, but from what? The will of the Lord? From Willard?

  From the impossible thing her heart desired?

  TWENTY-EIGHT

  The snow eddied around the buggy wheels as Mary brought Danny Boy to a stop on Friday morning in front of the co-op. She hopped down and unharnessed the horse to lead him into the small shelter behind the building. Several bales of hay and a bag of oats stood against the far wall. Danny Boy bobbed his head and neighed.

  “I’ll get you some,” Mary said. She patted Danny Boy’s neck. “You’ll be comfy in here, and if the storm gets too bad, we’ll leave early.”

  Danny Boy neighed again, but his attention was clearly focused on food and not on any fear of the storm that threatened from over the Adirondacks. Mary secured him to a ring in the wall and moved a bale of hay within reach. While Danny Boy munched away, she filled a bucket with oats. He plunged his nose into it the moment she set the offering down.

  Mary stroked his neck and then headed toward the store. Early morning clouds scurried across the sky as she unlocked the co-op door. She paused for a moment to follow their swift passing. They were not unlike her own troubled soul at the moment. The whole week she had sought peace after Willard’s visit to the church service and Stephen’s surprising words afterward, but she had found none. Thankfully, Betsy hadn’t pushed her point, mostly because her profound happiness dominated her every waking moment.