Defining Destiny

by Deanna Chase

  He’s saying everything I’ve ever wanted to hear. Hope blossoms in my chest, but I’m not convinced. I probably never will be. “And what if I say no? What if I never come back? You risked your career for me.”

  He closes his eyes, and when he opens them, they’re filled with pain. “It’s a chance I had to take. I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t make this right.”

  I can tell this is tearing him apart. He’s made big mistakes, and he seems sincere no matter what his initial motivations were. But I’ve left that lifestyle and found I’m happier staying out of the spotlight. Yes, I enjoyed performing the night before, but that was just to the local crowd. It was fun, void of any pressure from the labels and the bean counters. I’d been singing for me, not everyone else.

  I nod, accepting his explanation, even if I am still skeptical. “I don’t know what to say.”

  “Say yes. Say you’ll come back with me and record your dad’s song. After that, we’ll figure it out.”

  I hesitate, wanting to say yes. Wanting to ease his suffering. It’s our soul mate connection. I can’t help it. This is the reason I’ve refused to even talk to him. Being around him makes me weak. I shake my head. “I need time to think about it.”

  The breath he’d been holding comes out in a whoosh as he stands and crushes me into a hug. “That’s better than no.”

  “Yeah,” I agree, and hug him back, tears stinging my eyes. This will never work.

  He tightens his hold on me until our bodies are pressed together. I let him, knowing full well it’ll only make saying no harder. He’s strong and familiar and everything I’d always wanted.

  Until last night happened.

  Chapter 18

  Seth

  Jax pulls me through the rain into Raven’s Tavern. The first thing I notice is Mike sitting by himself at the bar. I gesture to him. “That’s strange. Mike never comes here unless he’s playing.” I scan the room for the rest of the band, but come up empty.

  That is, until I notice Lucy wrapped in the arms of that douchebag Kinx. “Fuck me.”

  “Is that an invitation?” Jax asks, laughing. “I thought we already covered that topic.”

  I all but growl and turn her shoulders until Lucy is in her sight line.

  “Aww, shit,” she whispers. “Why can’t he leave her alone?”

  “Because he’s trying to get her back,” I say, resentment burning a hole in my gut. And by the looks of it, he’s off to a better than decent start. “Let’s go.”

  “Go? Where?” Jax turns around, her eyes crinkled in confusion. “We’re not leaving her here with him.”

  “Really? Looks like she’s doing fine to me. Besides, weren’t you the one not even answering her phone calls a few hours ago?” Suddenly, I’m pissed at Jax. If she’d been there for her friend, Lucy would’ve likely been tucked into Jax’s apartment instead of standing over there plastered to the devil incarnate.

  “Hey.” Jax punches me in the arm. “Don’t get snippy with me just because you’ve fallen for her after one night of whatever you two got up to.”

  I narrow my eyes. “I have not fallen for her.”

  “Right. That’s why you spent the day in your artist’s loft instead of at the tattoo shop.” She gives me a saccharine-sweet smile and then heads off toward Lucy.

  I immediately make my way to the bar and slump down next to Mike. “How long have you been here?”

  “Since I left the shop.” He picks up a shot glass full of whiskey and downs it.

  I raise a curious eyebrow. “How many of those have you had?”

  “A few.”

  “I better catch up then.” I wave the bartender down and order a shot of my own. “Were you playing or something?”

  “Nope. Trying to convince that gorgeous brunette to become a permanent member of the band.”

  The bartender slaps the shot glass in front of me. I lift it and study the liquid sloshing against the rim. “You asked Lucy to be a member?”

  “Yep.”

  I can’t help but glance back at her. Jax has an arm around her shoulders and is dragging her away from Kinx. Good. I’ll have to send her a giant thank-you bouquet in the morning. “What did she say?” I ask Mike, nervous energy making it hard to breathe. Why do I care so much? I barely know this girl.

  It’s the art.

  That’s what I tell myself. Something about her opened up a part of me that I thought had died the night I lost E. That’s all it is. And I don’t want to lose that.

  “Nothing. Her ex showed up and lured her away before we could work anything out.”

  The bartender asks if we need anything else. We both order another round of shots.

  “So why are you drinking?” I’ve only seen Mike drunk once before. That was the night his girlfriend dumped him for his best friend. Make that ex best friend.

  “Fuck, dude.” He shakes his head. “I was just sitting there with Lucy, and we were talking about the band playing one of her songs. So she starts singing it, right?”

  “And?” I stare into the whiskey, contemplating if I really want to drink it.

  “Next thing I know, Kinx is there. And he sings the last few bars of the song with her.”

  “Okay.” Yep, I’m definitely going to need this shot.

  I pick it up, but then Mike says, “You’ve never heard anything like it, man. Or more accurate, felt anything like it. Their voices, they do shit to a person. Make you feel shit you don’t want to feel.”

  Slowly, I lower the drink to the bar. “What do you mean? I’ve heard it’s more like a shot of joy right in the arm.”

  He lets out a huff of laughter. “That’s one way of putting it. I swear they were only singing together for a few seconds, but in that time more memories than I can count came flooding back. Memories I’ve worked hard to let go of. The ones that remind you of what it’s like to give a shit.”

  His words filter through my haze and a cold dread slides down my spine. “Jesus.”

  “Yeah.” He raises his glass, salutes me, and downs the whiskey. The shot glass slams against the bar and he stands. “Do yourself a favor. Run if those two ever team up again.”

  “Headed somewhere?” I ask, trying to ignore his last remark. The thought of Lucy going back to Kinx makes me physically ill. I grit my teeth. I’m way too invested in this girl.

  “I have to get out of here.”

  “Hey,” Jax says from behind us.

  Mike grunts at her and heads toward the door.

  “Where’s he going?” Lucy asks.

  I shrug. “Home?”

  “I’ll be right back,” she tells Jax and runs after him. Kinx watches her from his place across the room. He’s scowling, glancing back and forth between me and Mike. It takes a shit ton of effort not to head over to him and slam my fist into his nose.

  “Stop,” Jax says and waves the bartender off when he tries to pour me another drink.

  “Why? You can drive my truck.”

  “Not the alcohol, you idiot. Though you clearly don’t need any more of that tonight. I meant stop glaring at Cadan.” She turns and rests her elbows on the bar. “He’s Lucy’s mate, and she’ll decide what’s best for herself without any input from you.”

  I know she has a point. But the primal need to protect Lucy is overpowering my rational mind. “He’s a douche.”

  “I know.”

  “Does Lucy?”

  “Yes.” Jax pats my arm the way a patient mother would pat her child. “Why do you think she left his ass in the first place?”

  Lucy and Mike are standing near the door, their heads bowed as they talk. He’s a foot taller than her with jet-black hair. Even Mike would be better for her than Kinx. At least Mike respects women. He’s a serial monogamist. But his last girlfriend did a number on him when she left him for a chick.

  It’s that soul-mate connection. No one can compete with that shit.

  Lucy tugs Mike back over to where we stand at the bar. “Mike can’t drive. I�
��ve confiscated his keys.” She holds them up, letting them dangle in front of Jax. “Can you take him home?”

  Jax grabs them. “Sure.” Turning, she gives me a sidelong glance. “You can’t drive either, can you?”

  “Nope. But I’m walking distance.” One of the perks of living right in town. My gaze lands on Lucy, and my mind flashes back to the night before when I’d had her in the shower and the agonizing way she’d trailed kisses down—

  “All right,” Jax says. “Come on, Luce. I’ll give you a ride, too.”

  The three of them head for the door with Mike swaying between them. I guess he’d had more than a few. An invisible force sends me trailing after them. The last thing I want to do is go home to an empty house, but if I stay in the bar, I know I’m going to lose my shit on Kinx.

  Jax reaches for the door, but before she can grab the handle, it bursts open on a gust of wind. “Holy shit,” she says and shoves it closed. “Is there a high-wind advisory in effect?”

  The bouncer nods. “Probably why there aren’t very many people out tonight.”

  “Crap,” she says and looks at Lucy. “Do you want to stay over? The ride to your house might be a little hairy.”

  Before Lucy can answer, I step in front of all of them, my shoulders tense. “No. I have more space. Everyone can come back to my house. You can stay there.”

  Jax gives me an odd look and then shrugs. “Okay.”

  “Dude,” Mike says, rubbing his eyes. “All I want is my own bed.”

  I scowl at him. “Forget it. Jax isn’t going to drive in this just because you’re being a pussy.”

  Mike mumbles, “Whatever, man. As long as you have food. I’m starved.”

  Lucy opens her mouth, closes it, and after a pointed look from Jax, she nods.

  “Good.” I pull the door open, and the four of us huddle under the protection of the balcony. Sheets of water pour from the skies. Dammit. Just getting the block and a half to my house is going to be bad enough. “Jax? Will you be able to drive my truck? Visibility looks nonexistent.”

  “Yeah,” she says in that soft voice I hate. It’s the one full of pity. The one that says she knows why I’m being so adamant about this.

  “All right, then. Mike, where’d you park? Do we need to move your car?” There are meters, and if he’s parked on the street, he’ll get a ticket in the morning.

  “It’s at the shop,” he slurs.

  “Great,” Jax says and rolls her eyes. “He’s totally sloshed.”

  “What? I’m not drivin’.” Mike squares his shoulders and takes off into the night.

  “Oh, man.” Jax presses her lips together in annoyance. “Is he heading to your house?”

  “I hope so,” I say and hand her my keys. “You and Lucy take my truck. We’ll meet you there.”

  She wraps her arms around herself and shivers. “You sure?”

  “Yeah. He’s a mess. I can’t let him wander around by himself.” Those last shots must’ve hit him hard.

  “Okay, see you in a few.” She waves me off with a worried expression.

  I turn my back and ignore her. It’s not the rain she’s concerned about. Not with us walking, though it’s fucking cold and I want to kill Mike. No, she’s concerned about my state of mind. I can’t say I blame her. Storms usually set me off. Tonight I’m a little calmer, but I’m not at all sure I want to analyze why.

  Pulling the collar up on my jacket, I jog out into the punishing rain and am instantly drenched. “Fucking Mike,” I mutter as my teeth chatter. At least some of the buildings have second-story balconies for a short reprieve. But that doesn’t last long, and soon enough I’m back in the storm, blinded by the rain. He couldn’t have gone far. Car lights flash over the street as a vehicle moves slowly in my direction. I recognize the familiar hum of my truck and wave Jax on, but I doubt she can even see me. The truck is inching along the road, spraying water from the wheels.

  My gut seizes, and all the shadows morph into another time, on another road where the rain batters the redwoods.

  Elsa’s shoulders are tense and her knuckles have gone white from gripping the steering wheel.

  “You look like my ninety-year-old grandmother,” I say, laughing.

  She’s pressed forward, peering out the window, going all of twenty miles an hour. “Shut up, Seth,” she snaps. “It’s your fault we’re on this damn road.”

  I just grin, thinking of all the ways I’m going to coax her out of her bad mood when we get home.

  “Why did you have to go out tonight? God. I told you it was going to storm.” She slows as she heads into one of the hairpin turns of Highway 128.

  I don’t say anything, hoping she’ll let it go. No such luck.

  “This is like the third night this week. It’s bad enough that you go out, but you guys don’t even think to set a designated driver. And then I have to pick your ass up.”

  “Babe.” I lean my head against the cool door, trying to stop a minor bout of nausea. I’d definitely had one beer too many. “I already told you, I had to go. It was Marty’s going-away party.”

  “Seth!” she yells, her dark eyes flashing with anger. “There were strippers there. And you’re drunk. Again. You don’t even like Marty.”

  “He’s Jax’s brother. I had to go.” But inside, I’m wondering why. She’s right. I don’t like him. He’s a dick. Jax hadn’t even been there. My other friends were, though. And since I work from home, I rarely see them. I’d gone for them, not Marty.

  “Don’t lie.” Her tone is low and full of ice now. “This was my night to stay in with the girls. Not drive all the way down to Boonville to pick your ass up. And in this weather, too.”

  “Calm down, will you?” The rain starts to pick up the closer we get to Highway 1. “You can rip my head off when we get home.”

  “Don’t tell me to calm down.” Elsa speeds up, knowing the road is about to straighten out, and then glares at me. “I’m tired of this shit. I have a life too.”

  “Oh come on. Give me a break will you? I don’t give you a hard time when you go out.”

  “Ha! Really? Wasn’t it just last week you were having a fit because I went up to Fort Bragg for a spa day with the girls?”

  Now I’m pissed. “Not this again. Can you drop it already?”

  “No, I won’t drop it,” she says, mimicking my inflection, and then huffs. “It’s okay for you to get drunk with the guys, but it’s not okay for me to get a manicure with my girlfriends?”

  “It’s not the manicure. It’s the facial, the massage, and the two hundred dollars’ worth of shit you buy when you do that.”

  “It’s my goddamned money!” She gets really quiet, then says, “At least I’m not spending it on strippers.”

  I close my eyes, exasperated, and clutch my pounding head. “How many times do I have to tell you, I didn’t spend money on the strippers? They weren’t my idea.”

  “But you knew they would be there and you decided to go anyway.” All the accusation is gone, replaced by hurt.

  Shit, now I feel like a total ass. She wasn’t mad I was out with the guys. She was mad because of the entertainment. “Babe, I—watch out!”

  Elsa gasps and swerves to miss the pickup that’s coming head-on into our lane, but she’s too late. The truck clips her small Honda on the driver’s side and then everything is just a memory of her screams combined with metal crunching and then the horrific sensation of the car hydroplaning. We hit the guardrail, and metal scrapes against metal until it gives way and the car freefalls into the ravine.

  I don’t remember anything after that except the blood. And guilt.

  “Seth?” a husky female voice is calling my name.

  I blink. My body is ice-cold. “It’s too late,” I say, still seeing E’s bloody body in my mind.

  “Are you all right?” Small hands wrap around my arm.

  I wipe the wetness, a mix of rain and salt, from my eyes. Lucy.

  She tucks herself against my side and w
raps her arm around me.

  “You shouldn’t be out here,” I say as I let her tug me along.

  “Neither should you.”

  Her teeth are chattering by the time we burst into the kitchen of my house. The place is quiet except for the creak of footsteps overhead. Someone’s upstairs. I stand there, still dazed by the flashback, seeing nothing.

  Then Lucy steps in front of me and stares up at me with those brilliant blue eyes. She’s drenched, her hair flattened to her head, but she doesn’t seem to care at all. My world spins with the images of E, the blood, and the terror I never seem to be able to let go of. But when Lucy places a light hand on my cheek, everything fades and all I see is her. After a moment, she silently takes my hand again and leads me up the stairs.

  Chapter 19

  Lucy

  The gusts of wind drive against Seth’s truck, and even going ten miles an hour, the vehicle seems unstable at best. I have no idea how Jax can see anything out the windshield. The rain is coming down too hard for the windshield wipers to keep up. But it’s only a few blocks, and after narrowly missing a black sports car, she comes to a stop in front of Seth’s house.

  We sit in the truck with the heater running, waiting for Seth and Mike to show up.

  “Jax?” I ask.

  “Hmm?” She peers out the windshield.

  “Why did Seth lie about this being his sister’s house?”

  She freezes and then turns, grimacing.

  I raise an eyebrow, waiting for her to answer. When she doesn’t, I say, “Well? What’s that about? Is he afraid his one-nighters will turn into stalkers?” I’m curious. If that’s the case, why had he brought me here? Because I’m Jax’s friend?

  “That could be part of it. He definitely doesn’t like attachments, but it’s not the main reason.” Her expression turns sad. “And really, that’s his story to tell. Not mine.”

  “It has to do with the accident, doesn’t it?” Deep in my gut, I just know he lived here with his soul mate. The place has too many feminine touches to be a twenty-three-year-old’s bachelor pad.