Defining Destiny

by Deanna Chase

  “I’m sorry,” she says.

  “For what?”

  “For having to deal with this crap. For walking in and finding him here.” She steps back, her voice stronger now. “I think I need to take a break from whatever this is while I deal with Cadan and figure out what I’m going to do about my contract.”

  My heart clenches so tight actual pain ripples through my chest. “This is how it’s always going to be, isn’t it?”

  “What do you mean how it’s always going to be?” Her eyes meet mine, and I can tell by the resignation I find there that she knows exactly what I’m talking about. But she wants me to put it into words. To make the break for her so she doesn’t have to.

  But I refuse to let go so easily. I should. It’s the best thing for me. If I stay in this relationship, my heart is going to be shredded. But I can’t. Not yet. I reach out once more and brush her matted hair from her face. “Nothing. Call me when you need a friend.”

  She frowns and her lower lip trembles as her eyes well up again. “I could use a friend right now.”

  My resolve melts and I pull her close. This time instead of hugging her, I lean down and brush a soft kiss over her lips. It’s all I can do to not stuff her in my truck and take her home. Forcing myself to let her go, I take a step back. “I’m your friend, Lucy. Truly. No matter what you decide to do about Kinx.” The words send a bolt of jealousy through me. That ass has this gorgeous, sweet, sexy woman and yet all he can manage to do is hurt her. She deserves better. I’m acutely aware I want to be the one to give it to her. I shake myself.

  Stop it, Keenan. She’s not yours.

  “If there’s anything I can do or if you need to talk, I’m around.” I grin, trying to shake the mood. “Or if you just need someone to take your mind off of everything, I can think of a few ways…”

  That gets a smile out of her. “Yeah, I’m intimately aware of your distraction techniques.”

  We both chuckle. Silence stretches between us for a few moments. I should get in my truck and drive away. She needs to deal with her ex one way or another. Hanging around isn’t helping. Too bad all my instincts are screaming for me to stay.

  “I better go in,” she says.

  “That’s my cue.” Reluctantly I climb into my truck and stuff the key into the ignition. The engine roars to life, and before I can talk myself out of it, I back out of her driveway, swearing at myself for getting emotionally involved with the most unavailable single girl I know.

  She’s still standing in the rain watching me leave when I crank the wheel and head back toward town. Emptiness creeps into my gut and spreads. I can’t help but feel that by leaving her with him that I’ve lost her before I ever really had her.

  I tighten my grip on the wheel and lay into the gas, needing to get as far away from the pair of them as possible. Otherwise, I’ll turn around and go back. And I’m not that guy. For the first time, I start to really understand what Jax has been going through since the big breakup. I touch the Call button on my media center and hit Jax’s name.

  “Merry Christmas!” she says by way of greeting.

  “Hey,” I say.

  “What’s up?” Her bubbly tone shifts to one of concern.

  Feeling foolish for calling, I press harder on the pedal and take a corner a little too fast. The truck fishtails. “Oh shit!”

  “Seth!”

  I get the truck under control and slow to the speed limit. “Sorry. Took a corner too fast.”

  “Pull over right this minute.”

  “Jax.” I sigh. “I’m on Bluetooth.”

  “Still. It’s awful out. You shouldn’t be talking while driving.”

  Ignoring her admonishment, I ask, “Are you busy with family?”

  “No. We’ve already done dinner, and I’m holed up in my apartment pretending I don’t have to get up at the ass crack of dawn to open presents no one wants.”

  I snort. Jax’s mom still thinks her kids are eight. They get pajamas and board games just as they had every year since she was five. “What time is the wakeup call?”

  “Seven-fucking-thirty. You’re so lucky your family does Christmas Eve and skips the morning torture ritual.”

  “Yeah.” We used to do Christmas morning. That is until I’d just stopped going the year E died. That Christmas I’d stayed in bed and pretended the day didn’t exist. For some reason, after that, Mom stopped making a big deal about holidays. She said as long as we were together on a regular basis that’s all she cared about. The cold chill of loss hit me again. “Do you mind company?”

  “Not if the company is you.”

  “I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”

  Jax is waiting for me in her doorway when I pull up in front of her house. “What’s going on?” she asks when I reach her side.

  Still soaked from standing in the rain with Lucy, I shiver.

  “Jesus,” she whispers. “Come on. Get inside.”

  She pushes me into the bathroom and hands me a dry towel. “I don’t have any clothes that will fit you. Just strip and I’ll throw yours in Mom’s dryer. You can wrap yourself in a blanket or whatever while they dry.”

  Too cold and wet to care, I do as I’m told and wrap the bath sheet around my hips. I emerge with my wet clothes and hand them to her.

  She runs them downstairs to the dryer she shares with her parents, and when she returns, she rakes her gaze down my body. “Damn. No wonder Lucy keeps going back for more.”

  “Not tonight,” I say almost to myself.

  “Well sure. Isn’t she at her mom’s?”

  “No.” I run a hand through my damp hair. “She’s home… with Cadan.”

  Jax straightens. “What? No. She can’t be. I thought he finally left.” Her eyes narrow. “Are you sure?”

  I nod and sit on her couch, wrapping a blanket around me. “Yep. Positive. I just came from there.”

  “Oh, damn.” Jax sits next to me, staring straight ahead, curling a lock of her blond hair with her fingers. Then she turns her sympathetic eyes on me. “You’ve fallen for her, haven’t you?”

  I close my eyes, not wanting to answer. Of course I have. But I don’t want to admit it even to myself, much less Lucy’s best friend. “Does it matter? Her mate is back. Nothing I can do.”

  She doesn’t deny it. After a minute, she leans over and hugs me. The way a sister would hug a little brother, even though I’m about a foot taller than she is. “What can I do to help?”

  “Don’t worry about it. I mostly came over so I didn’t have to explain to Lillian why I was home.”

  She straightens. “You’ve moved back to your house?”

  I nod. “It would appear so.”

  “It’s about time.” She jumps to her feet. “Since you’re staying over, I think it’s time to drink. A lot.” In three steps she’s in her kitchen with her liquor cabinet open. “What’s your poison?”

  “Whiskey?” I say hopefully.

  “Of course.” She fills two lowball glasses half-full and returns to the couch, the bottle dangling from her fingers. “I don’t know about you, but I won’t be happy until I can’t feel my lips.”

  I raise an eyebrow in her direction. “Rough day?”

  “Not as bad as yours, but bad enough. Remind me to fill you in later.” She raises her glass to mine. I follow suit, clinking my crystal against hers.

  “To friends who stock plenty of whiskey,” I say.

  She laughs and scans her gaze over my body once more. The blanket has fallen, and I’m once again only wearing the towel. “To hot half-naked friends who drink said whiskey.”

  I nod, appreciating the ego boost more than I care to admit, and then throw the drink back with one gulp.

  “More?” She holds the bottle out.

  “Yes. And keep ’em coming.”

  Chapter 28

  Lucy

  Seth’s red taillights glow in the distance. I stand in the rain, ignoring the water streaming down my face as I focus on his truck until he eases
around a bend and the taillights disappear. A sense of loss hits me, and I start to shake. It’s evident who I want to be with, and it isn’t the guy waiting for me inside the house.

  I drag my feet across the gravel walkway, wishing I could get in my car and follow Seth home. But I have to deal with my problems. Running away isn’t going to help. Once inside, I grab a towel from the downstairs bathroom and then head straight for my room to change. At the top of the stairs, I pause. There’s a light glowing from my bedroom.

  Oh my God. Cadan’s in there. I yank the door open and storm in. “What do you think—” I stop mid-sentence, silenced by his pained expression. He’s holding the picture Seth drew of me this morning. Sadness haunts his eyes as he glances up at me.

  “He drew this, didn’t he?”

  I nod.

  Running his fingers gently over the paper, he crumples the edge with his other hand as he appears to fight with his emotions. It’s all I can do not to rip it out of his grip to smooth the best gift anyone has ever given me. “Please be careful with it.”

  His fingers uncurl, and with effort he puts it on my nightstand.

  “You don’t have any reason to be angry, you know,” I say. “You and me? We’re not together.”

  He stands and walks over to me. “I know, Lucy. The last thing I need is a reminder.”

  I take a step back, and even though I’m fully clothed, I press the towel to my body. The way he’s gazing at me makes me feel as if I’m completely naked. As if he’s seeing more than he should.

  “That picture?” He waves a hand toward it. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you look that content. That peaceful.”

  “I was asleep.”

  “I saw that.” He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “Do you love this guy?”

  I stand frozen, unable to move, unable to answer his question.

  “You do.” Cadan hangs his head, defeated.

  “I… I don’t know. I mean, that’s not a fair question,” I stammer out.

  He brushes past me and then pauses in the doorway facing the hallway. He doesn’t look back when he says, “You should get into dry clothes. We can talk downstairs.”

  Once he’s gone, I shut the door with a soft click. I can’t recall ever seeing Cadan appear so sad. The guy who just left was a stranger to me. Usually cocky and full of more confidence than should be legal, he’s subdued, maybe even apologetic, as if he really is remorseful. I don’t know what to make of this new development.

  I head to my bathroom and turn the shower on. Memories of this morning flash through my mind. Seth’s hands ghost over my body, making me tingle with remembered desire. It’s hard not to compare Seth to Cadan since Cadan is the only other person I’ve been with. I can’t stop myself though. When Cadan and I were together, we had plenty of fire and intensity fueled by our connection. But with Seth there is something else. When we’re together, there’s a tenderness combined with heat and raw emotion that doesn’t have anything to do with mates or magic. We’re two people desperate to know one another. By choice, not fate. And it seems more real.

  After a hot shower, I emerge and dress in jeans and a sweatshirt. Wearing thick wool socks, I pad downstairs, dreading the coming conversation. Cadan is sitting stiffly on the couch in front of the fireplace.

  “Hey,” I say.

  He turns and gives me a slight smile. “You look warmer.”

  “Definitely.”

  “Have a seat.” He gets up and disappears into the kitchen while I settle in and wait. When he comes back, he hands me one of the two mugs he’s carrying. “It’s mocha.”

  I tuck my feet under me, grateful I have something to concentrate on.

  Cadan sits at the opposite end of the couch. After a few moments, he clears his throat. “I’m going to tell Cassie we’re not recording the new songs.”

  I snap my head up and stare at him. “But what about the publishing contract?”

  He shrugs. “We can write new songs for it. I’m sure we can work something out. I bet we can even get a shortened tour if you want. We’ll have to do a few television appearances, but not much more. Jeff’s been digging through the contract, and it’s pretty flexible on the promotional stuff.”

  “Really?” I turn to face him, my brows pinched in confusion. “Last time I talked to him he said the contract was ironclad.”

  “He was mistaken.” Cadan puts his mug down and gazes into my eyes. “I want you to be happy, Luce. Like that picture. I want you to sleep soundly and not look like you’re in a perpetual state of frustration or anger. After I saw the picture, I realized just how unhappy I’ve made you.”

  “You didn’t make me unhappy per se…” I don’t really know what else to say.

  He snorts out a sardonic laugh. “Right. Well, I disagree. When we first met you smiled a heck of a lot more than you do now. I’m pretty sure I’m a large part of that.”

  “Cadan.” I sigh. “I just lost my dad. Mom and I have been fighting. Our relationship has been unsettled at best, but you’re not the reason I’m struggling. I’m just going through a rough patch right now.”

  He scoots forward and places his hand on my thigh. “I know, babe. And that’s why I want you to have whatever it is you need. As much as it kills me to say it, this tattoo guy seems to be better for you than I am.”

  I straighten. “Are you really trying to hand me off to someone else?”

  “No.” He says it with finality. “Definitely not. I want you with me. Always. But not if it’s not the best thing for you. One day we’ll be together. But not now I don’t think.”

  “One day, huh?” The pressure in my chest loosens a bit. It makes it easier to think we might have a chance to find our way together someday, even if I don’t feel it now. And I don’t. My heart lies elsewhere.

  “Yeah.” His arms come around me and he holds me against him, stroking my hair. I let him, comforted by the fact that he finally seems to be thinking of me for once in his life. He lets go and stands. “I think I’ll go to bed. Merry Christmas Eve, Luce. I’ll see you in the morning.”

  A moment later, the stairs creak under his footsteps and then the guest room door shuts with a soft click. Sitting on the couch with my legs tucked under me, I contemplate calling Seth. But I want to talk to Jax first about Cadan and this new turn of events. Pulling out my phone, I hit Jax’s name and wait. It goes straight to voice mail. Damn.

  An hour and three more tries later, I give up and go to bed. As warm and cozy as I am, sleep eludes me. Not even the soft strum of the rain on the windows can lull me into oblivion. After staring at the ceiling and watching the clock tick until well past three a.m., I finally fall into a fitful sleep where I dream of Seth. He’s with me, but not really. We’re standing together, but he doesn’t seem to know I’m there, as if one of us is a ghost, but I don’t know which one. Frustrated, I do everything I can think of to get him to notice me. I yell, wave my arms, and even go so far as to wrap my arms around him and kiss him, but he stands there, impassive and unaware.

  Finally he turns his head in my direction, but he doesn’t see me. No. He sees someone else walking out of the coastal fog. She’s tall and slender, her long hair blowing in the breeze.

  Seth’s eyes light up with wonder, and he lets out a surprised gasp as he strides toward her. She grins and holds out her hand. Almost running now, he reaches for her, but just as his arms wrap around her, she disappears once again.

  A guttural cry of loss tears from Seth, and it’s so heart wrenching it feels as if someone has stabbed me in the chest. I run to his side, wanting to comfort him, to ease his suffering, but still he doesn’t hear or see me. He sinks to his knees, anguish-ridden with grief.

  I wake with a start. “Elsa.” Her name slips from my lips in a whisper, and I sit straight up in bed, wide awake, my heart racing. My eyes adjust quickly in the predawn light as I take in the familiar surroundings of my bedroom. The dream seemed so real I still feel the moisture on my skin.

  Leaning
back against my mountains of pillows, I rub my eyes and start when the sound of the front door opening catches my attention. Low voices reverberate from downstairs. I glance at the clock. Six a.m. Jumping out of bed, I stuff my feet into my slippers, wrap myself in my robe, and descend to the first floor to investigate.

  Cadan and Will, our blue-haired bass player, are sitting at my bar drinking coffee. “Hey.” I rub my eyes. “What’s going on?”

  “Will came to pick me up,” Cadan says into his coffee. “We’ll be on our way in a few minutes.”

  “What?” I sink down onto a barstool. “But it’s Christmas and it’s so early.”

  Cadan gives me a sad look. “I don’t mean to leave you alone today, but really, I think it’s for the best.” He gets up and nods to Will. “If you’re ready, I think now’s a good time.”

  Will tosses him a set of keys. “Whatever, man. You’re driving. I haven’t even gone to bed yet.”

  I grab Will’s arm. “You drove here from Sac?” It’s where the band is hanging out while waiting to see what Cadan and I decide.

  He yawns and nods. “Don’t worry. I didn’t get up until four.” He gives me a quick hug and whispers, “I’m sorry about what went down. You didn’t deserve that.”

  I squeeze him in acknowledgement. It feels good to have someone admit I’m not totally crazy. “It’s good to see you, even if only for a few minutes.”

  “You, too, Luce.” He releases me and disappears out the front door. Cadan gazes at me, taking me in as if he’s trying to memorize this moment. Then without a word, he follows Will outside.

  I sit back down, trying to reconcile the sadness of watching him go with the desire to dance around my kitchen in sheer elation. Without another thought, I run upstairs, throw on some clothes, and race to my car.

  Twenty minutes later, I pull up to Jax’s house and stop behind a familiar red truck. I frown and glance at the clock. Six forty-nine. What is Seth doing at her house so early on Christmas morning?

  More curious than anything else, I grab Jax’s present and jog up the stairs to her front door. I knock and hop back and forth, trying to stave off the cold. After a few moments, I knock again and blow on my now-frozen fingers while I wait.