Fortunate Son

by Jay Crownover

  I would never forget the way my chest felt like it was going to cave in when he told me the next morning that he didn’t think we were a good fit. I was too young, too hard-headed, too sensitive where he was concerned to have a conversation beyond those painful words. No one wanted to hear that they just gave their first time away to someone who wasn’t going to value it. That it didn’t mean the same thing to them that it meant to you. Ry and I spent our entire childhood circling each other like hungry predators. We were bound to end up biting one another and leaving scars. I’d been so focused on my own scars, it never occurred to me that he had his own to deal with.

  He moved on so fast, and even if that relationship didn’t last, it still seemed like the spot I’d always occupied in his life had been easily replaced.

  “Does that mean I just lost a bowl game?” I tried to inject some humor into my tone, but I could hear I fell short.

  Ry snorted and turned his head to quickly glance at me. Even in the dark interior of the truck cab, his pale eyes seemed iridescent. “No. This was like a scrimmage against a pro team. You can evaluate your strengths and weaknesses. You can determine what you need to do to perform better next game.”

  “I think maybe I was playing with the entirely wrong team.” I loved Joey as a person and appreciated Driver’s talent and enthusiasm when he played, but as musicians, they were not on the same level as I was. Nyle was a solid musician, but recently it became apparent he was more interested in getting me into bed than he was in making amazing music. When Ry said they needed me more than I needed them, he wasn’t wrong. I’d been afraid to stand out there in front of the world on my own; I allowed myself to hide behind a band I didn’t really want to be part of and didn’t push to be any better than they already were. I believed it would be good enough to stand on stage and play my songs, no matter how good or bad they sounded.

  I was wrong.

  It was killing me to know the first time I got to perform them for real and not during a practice run, they sounded all wrong.

  Ry snorted and jerked his gaze back to the road so he didn’t miss the turnoff for my neighborhood.

  “Sometimes winning and losing isn’t about the team, but about an individual player. There are plenty of instances where a single, standout player carried an entire game.”

  I grumbled in irritation under my breath as he pulled to a stop in front of my house. I hated how good he was at seeing the situation, and how he broke it down in terms that were relatable to his own experience. All I ever focused on was our numerous differences. It was safer for me to believe we shared no common ground. However, listening to him try and relate to me tonight, instead of having him gloat that he was right and had already pointed out I had a serious problem, made me realize we operated on a very similar wavelength.

  He understood me better than most. He might be the only person who would get why I was so let down after the set we played tonight.

  “I really have no idea what I’m doing.” But whatever move I made, I was pretty sure it was going to let a lot of people down.

  My mom was going to be upset that I quit school to form a band, only to realize being in a band wasn’t what I wanted. It was like I’d dropped out twice.

  My dad was going to be upset that I wasn’t more honest with myself from the start and had been so busy trying to be like him, I forgot to be myself.

  The members of the band were going to be rightfully pissed that I pulled the plug, right on the cusp of us having a big break. It wasn’t only an opportunity for myself I was about to abandon, but theirs as well.

  Ry’s arm reached out across the space between us, and I felt his fingers slide through my hair. A moment later, they curled around my ear, tucking away the long, brightly colored strands so he could clearly see my face. A shiver danced down the side of my neck at the light caress, and my breath caught in my throat.

  “That makes two of us. I didn’t know what I was doing when I got in my truck and drove down here to see you. I didn’t know what I was doing when I decided to stay. I have no clue why I agreed to sleep with you again when the last time nearly destroyed us. We may seem like we’re opposites in every way possible, but all the things we don’t know for certain, and all the things we know to be absolutely true, are exactly the same. They always have been.”

  His thumb skimmed across my cheek then dropped to rub across my bottom lip. My lips parted in surprise, and I had to fight the urge to stick my tongue out to chase the gentle touch.

  “What do we both know that is absolutely true?” It didn’t seem like there would be that many things, so I was honestly curious.

  He grinned at me, shifting his hand so his fingers were holding my chin and I couldn’t turn my head to break the intensity of his gaze burning into mine.

  “We know that no matter how rough one day might be, another sunny day will show up. We know that you can’t get anything you want without hard work and dedication, and even if you get it, it might not be all you expected it to be.” I wondered if he was talking about his relationship with Aston, but he kept going and didn’t give me an opening to ask. “We both know what it’s like to disappoint our parents and to have expectations put on us that are hard to live up to.” That was all true, but wasn’t it the same for most people our age? That tenuous time when you were stepping out on your own and trying to figure out who you were going to be without the influence of those who raised you was challenging for everyone who reached adulthood. Learning from experiences was a whole different ball game than following the example set by your parents and loved ones.

  Ry applied a little bit of pressure and lifted my face upward. I put a hand around his wrist and gasped lightly when I felt the way his pulse was thundering under his skin. He sounded so cool and composed, I had no clue his heart was racing as fast, or even faster, than mine.

  “We both know being alone together is never going to be easy. And that the way we feel about each other is far more complicated than anyone else would ever guess. We both know we started something years ago that never got the ending it deserved, because I fucked it up. We moved too fast, and I hurt you. I don’t think I understood just how bad until recently.” Suddenly he shifted and was a lot closer than I was ready for. I felt like I couldn’t escape the heat in his eyes, or the warmth that was seeping into my skin from where he touched me. “We both know you’re really important to me.”

  Just as his lips were about to touch mine, I breathed out an automatic denial. “I don’t know that.”

  If I was so damn important to him, how did he manage to replace me so fast?

  Ry smiled, his teeth flashing white in the darkness. The slight, sinister edge to his expression should’ve scared the hell out of me. Instead, it turned me on. I liked it a little bit too much when he let that little monster he had inside peek out from inside of its cage.

  “Now you really are lying to me, Bowe. Don’t pretend like you don’t know just how special you are.” It was on the tip of my tongue to ask him how he could say that with a straight face. He had to know it didn’t feel great to hear that he had moved on with Aston almost as soon as I made way for her. But tonight wasn’t about clearing up old grievances and setting the record straight.

  No. Tonight I just needed him to make me feel like I was as special as he said I was. I craved the distraction and the blissful moments of oblivion I knew I would only experience once I lost myself in the boy sitting beside me. He was the only one who offered me an escape and the only one I’d ever wanted to escape from. Ry Archer had me all twisted up, both coming and going, which is why I believed it was best to cut him out of my life almost completely. I didn’t want him to be the first thing I thought about when I got up in the morning, and I definitely didn’t need him following me into my dreams. I was pretty sure I was to the point where Ry was mostly a memory…until he showed up and shook my world down to its core.

  I was fooling myself to think I would be able to forget him. Guys like Ry were unforgetta
ble.

  Since he was already close enough to kiss, I lifted my hand and curled it around the back of his neck. His skin was warm under my fingertips, and I felt like those icy eyes of his were looking all the way through me as I leaned forward to barely touch my lips to his.

  “Another thing we both know is that this is a mistake. It was a disaster back then. It’ll be a bigger one tonight. But even though we both know that, it’s a mistake we’re going to make over and over again until it doesn’t feel like it’s something we shouldn’t be doing.” Ry’s words drifted over my mouth as I tried to kiss him into silence. I didn’t want his logic or his patience and understanding. I wanted his body and blinding passion to block out everything else I didn’t want to deal with at the moment. “I think we also know that you promised not to forget me if we do this, but that’s not a promise you plan to keep. You can hate me, Bowe. But you aren’t allowed to forget about me.”

  I frowned at him, ready to offer a rebuttal. It sounded like he was looking for an excuse to back out of our deal now that he had me home and I was safe from prowling for a one-night stand. I was going to chew him out and tell him I didn’t appreciate his slick maneuvering when he shocked me by suddenly shifting so his mouth was pressed firmly over mine.

  He took advantage of my parted lips, immediately slinking his tongue inside the damp opening and flicking it across mine in an almost playful manner. However, nothing about the way he kissed me felt lighthearted or careless. He kissed the breath out of me with intent, with single-minded focus and deliberation. He kissed me to the point I couldn’t think straight, and I forgot we were once again on the cusp of an argument. He kissed me so deeply and thoroughly, I never even got the chance to refute that we were making a mistake, or that I would still hold a grudge against him once we were done.

  I couldn’t silence a moan when his lips moved from devouring my mouth to drifting lightly down the side of my neck. I felt the nip of his teeth against my pulse-point as his fingers coasted up the outside of my thigh. Tiny prickles of pleasure followed wherever his fingers touched, and my blood started to feel like it was bubbling under my skin. There was a buzzing in my ears and tingles racing up and down my spine that very much distracted me from all the bad feelings I’d been choking on earlier.

  So did the obvious bulge behind Ry’s zipper when he moved even closer to me. It was one thing to throw the prospect of sex out there in the heat of the moment. It was another to come face to face, or rather cock to pussy, with the reality of jumping back into bed with the only boy who came close to breaking my heart.

  “Let’s go inside.” It was a struggle for me to get the words out.

  Ry didn’t disagree. Instead, his wide palm cupped the back of my head, protecting it from slamming against the window as he leaned into me, pressing me into the door. I had to swallow a moan back when his broad chest rubbed tantalizingly against mine. There were many noticeable ways Ry had changed over the years, and the tangible strength and hardness of his body was one of them. Another was his new uncertainty about who he was as a man beyond the assigned roles he’d always played. It was that tiny dent in his armor that I found so appealing and it was that very thing that had kept me from chasing him away when he came crashing back into my life, all vulnerable and heartbroken.

  It was always his weaknesses that I found so attractive. They were so much harder to find than his strengths, and I felt like he only showed them to a select few.

  I had always been one of the lucky ones.

  Ry

  IT WAS WEIRD to be back in this situation with Bowe.

  I didn’t want to rush her inside or let all the blood and heat rushing to my cock overtake my common sense. The first time we did this, it was all about chasing the heady sensations and the rush of desire that was so new to a couple of inexperienced teenagers who may or may not have snuck a couple of drinks and let their emotions run wild.

  Now, I knew there was so much more involved. As good as it felt to be with her, as much as she got to me in a way no one else had ever managed to, the emotions entangled with Bowe Keller were tricky and could lead to another heartbreak. I realized how different it felt when Bowe left back then versus how I felt when Aston told me I didn’t make her happy. I thought I was devastated and destroyed. I was so confused about how it all went wrong when I envisioned being together for far longer than we were. Holding Bowe in my arms, thinking about how empty it felt when she would no longer talk to me, and when she made it clear I would never get close enough to touch her again, I understood real loss and disappointment.

  I’d rushed into a boring, predictable relationship where I wouldn’t have to work for anything or be challenged every step of the way because I was so terrified and disappointed by the void left by Bowe. It’d never been about being with Aston and building a future with her. It’d been about trying to distract myself, so I didn’t have the time or space to think about how I’d royally screwed up the one relationship I couldn’t control. I was playing it safe so I didn’t get hurt, and in the end, I managed to cause so much collateral damage it was unbelievable. I owed Aston a huge apology.

  I owed one to Bowe as well.

  Which meant I was going to go home sooner than I originally planned.

  But first, I was going to take her mind off what had her so wound up and hopefully put her in a better mood.

  I didn’t have a magical dick by any stretch of the imagination, but even the first time we fooled around, my instincts had been on point, and things had ended up far better than expected. Bowe and I worked well together sexually without much effort. It seemed like that hadn’t changed.

  She took the choice to linger in the darkness and the confines of my truck out of my hands by opening her door and nearly sending us both to the ground when it swung outward. It was a good thing I had a hand on her headrest for balance, or we would have landed in a very undignified heap on her driveway.

  She blinked up at me and darted her tongue out to lick across her lower lip. She used her hold on the back of my neck to keep herself upright and inclined her head in the direction of her front door.

  “Inside.”

  I liked her bossy side. I always had. I was used to calling the shots and guiding the way things should go, but she wasn’t seeking out direction. She was going to go her own way, even if she ended up having to change course when she realized her destination wasn’t the right one.

  “All right. Let’s go inside.” I lifted my weight off of her and watched as she scrambled out of my truck and dashed toward the front door.

  My ego wanted to believe she was excited to be with me, but my heart couldn’t deny the reality that she was using me in the same way I’d used my ex-girlfriend for years. It wasn’t the best feeling in the world, and the more I thought about it, the more I wondered exactly what I’d put Aston through for the last couple of years. I always believed I was a good guy. That was the role I played day in and day out.

  I wasn’t so sure anymore. It wasn’t like I was bad or anything, but I was starting to think I might have a bit more of my father in me than I originally believed. He’d told me endlessly when I was growing up that he made a lot of bad decisions and hurt a lot of people when he was my age. He didn’t do it on purpose. It was a defense mechanism and a way to protect himself from the overwhelming guilt and grief he battled after losing his twin brother. He was used to putting his own interests first… until he fell in love with my mom. She forced him to see a bigger picture and made him realize how lonely he was by pushing those who tried to get close to him away over and over again. I had never understood why he felt the need to pass the stories along in the form of a warning, but now I did.

  No matter what, I was my father’s son. I just did my best to downplay the similarities because they didn’t fit with the image I’d been trying to live up to for so long.

  Shaking my head to get my focus back where it needed to be, I followed Bowe into her cute little house. The lights were off except for the f
aint glow coming from her bedroom. I followed the light and stopped in the doorway so I could catch my breath. She’d stripped out of the tank top and short-shorts. She was left in all black satin and fishnet tights. If I had to pick how she would look in some of my dirtiest, raunchiest dreams about her, this would be it. I almost needed to pinch myself to make sure this was real and not a hallucination. I let out a deep breath, drawing her attention to me. Her honey-colored eyes widened when she saw the way I was standing there staring at her. She gave me a crooked smile and stepped closer. She was shorter without her boots on, but I still liked that she fit against me like she was made to do exactly that.

  She put one of her hands on my waist and grabbed the hem of my shirt. She used her other index finger to lightly tap my chin. I didn’t realize my mouth was hanging slightly open.

  “I grew up almost as well as you did, Archer.” She smirked at me while dragging me by the hem of my shirt toward the bed.

  I gave my head a little shake and followed her obediently. “I think you grew up even better.”

  We weren’t exactly children the last time we landed in bed together, but we had been young. We still were, but in some ways, we were both much closer to adulthood than we’d been when we initially tried to figure sex out. And everything that it changed after it was introduced into our friendship. She was curvier, taller, and had piercings, tattoos on both her shoulder blades, and one high on her hip that hadn’t been there before. She was also more confident and bolder about standing in front of me mostly naked. Bowe knew she looked good, and seemed to know exactly what she wanted from me. I found both of those things unbelievably sexy.

  She worked on getting my shirt over my head as I kicked my sneakers off. I sucked in an audible breath when I felt her fingers trace over the lines that etched out my abs. Her eyes drifted over the intricate tattoo that scrolled down my arm, and her lips lifted in a soft smile.