Thick & Thin (Chubby Girl Chronicles Book 3)

by Tabatha Vargo

  My heart dropped.

  Jenny.

  “What do you mean? What’s happening with Jenny?”

  She turned the water off, and I could hear her shuffling around the kitchen for a dish towel to dry her hands.

  “You mean you don’t know?” she asked. “Are you and Jenny still not speaking?”

  I didn’t have time for this. Already, every bad thing that could happen to her was flitting through my sick mind.

  “Mom, just tell me!”

  “Okay. Okay. Well, it seems she’s gone and gotten herself pregnant.”

  Relief filled me.

  Jenny was okay.

  Mom was obviously talking about someone else.

  “Who?” I asked, feeling better about our conversation.

  “Jenny.” She sighed. “Are you even listening to me?”

  My heart paused, and I felt so dizzy I had to take a seat on my couch.

  “Excuse me?” The question shredded my throat.

  “I would have called you sooner, but I figured you guys were talking again.”

  “We’re not.”

  And whose fault was that?

  Mine, that’s whose.

  “Yeah, well, the entire town’s talking about it. Apparently, she went to Texas and got herself pregnant. Can you believe it?”

  I couldn’t.

  I didn’t want to.

  Suddenly, I remembered the last time I saw her. The baggy sweats and T-shirt. The fullness of her face and the way she was glowing and smiling at the guy next to her. She looked happy.

  No.

  She had looked pregnant, and I hadn’t even noticed.

  I had pushed her away.

  I wanted her to stay away for her safety, but it had only been a month.

  How could she move on so quickly?

  Did she ever love me?

  “Is she back in South Carolina?” I asked, the question coming out broken and raspy.

  “Yeah. She’s staying at her daddy’s place. I think she quit school, too. She was so smart. I can’t believe she’s ruined her future this way.”

  I covered my mouth to keep the cry of anguish from sounding in the phone. Jenny had moved on. She was having a baby. She was starting a family. The one thing I wouldn’t be able to give her, and she had gone and collected it without a second thought about me. Sure, she was young, and I was sure it was throwing a wrench in her plans, but at least it was possible for her.

  “I’m sorry, honey. I know she was your best friend. She practically lived here. She was such a sweet girl. I really do hate seeing her go downhill like this.”

  I could no longer keep the tears and hurt at bay. I didn’t want my mother to hear me break.

  “Hey, Mom, can I call you back in a bit?”

  “Oh. Yeah, hon, that’s fine. Just call me back. I love you.”

  “I love you, too, Mom,” I said, before hanging up and setting my cell on the table beside me.

  Nausea threatened, and my chest ached so badly. I rubbed at the spot, feeling as though my insides were falling apart.

  She had done this to me.

  She had ripped my heart out.

  After everything I had done for her.

  Leaving home.

  Staying in Texas just to be near her. Even if it was two hours away.

  She had forgotten about me like I was nothing, ran off to Texas, and jumped into bed with someone else. Hell, it was probably even before I had gotten hurt.

  What kind of woman had she become?

  Fuck Jenny Michaels and everything she ever stood for.

  She wasn’t worth the heart shattering inside my chest or the broken, unbalanced brain in my head. I never wanted to see her again. I would do everything in my power to make sure we never crossed paths. Even if that meant never going home to South Carolina again.

  19

  Jenny

  3 Years Later

  “His dick looks like a little man trapped in a turtleneck,” I said, pulling back from the unsolicited uncircumcised dick pic on Amy’s cell. “Seriously, put that shit away. I feel like it wants my soul.”

  Amy laughed as I swatted at her iPhone before she cleared the screen and stuffed her phone in her back pocket. “He keeps sending them. I don’t know how to tell him his penis is the last thing I want to see. We broke up three weeks ago, and he’s just not getting it.”

  “I can’t believe you even dated him.”

  “Yeah, well, we all make mistakes. Plus, he’s hot.” She leaned over my desk and shuffled through my papers before looking around the garage. “Speaking of hot, where’s Devin?”

  “Can we please not talk about my brother or his so-called level of hotness?”

  She sighed and fell back into the chair across from my desk. “Oh God, Lilly’s the luckiest bitch in the world. She gets to have sex with him whenever she wants.”

  Pausing from stacking the papers in my hands, I looked at her in disgust. “And we’re done here.”

  I stuffed the papers in the month’s folder and filed them in Dad’s old black filing cabinet. I had been working the garage with Dad and Devin since I came home from Texas, and you could tell. For one, the office space was organized and clean. I couldn’t do anything about where we worked on the cars, but the office was basically my domain since I started working at the garage full time, which meant it was clean.

  That was just one more thing about me that had changed. I had never been a clean and organized girl, but since I had my son, Caleb, it was the only way things would work. Being a single mom was hard work. Sure, my family and Mr. and Mrs. Black helped a ton, but being organized and clean made my days run smoother.

  Living at home with Dad made the money situation easier. Not that I couldn’t ask Lilly and Devin for money if I needed to, but I never wanted to do that. Instead, I woke up early every morning, fed and dressed my son, dropped him off with Lilly since she was staying home with their kids, and I went to work with my dad and brother every day.

  Whether I was under a car changing oil or filing paperwork and dealing with the garage’s taxes, I stayed busy making money. I kept my head down since the town had done nothing but gossip about me since I came running home with my tail between my legs and a baby in my belly, and I worked, knowing I was doing what was best for me and my baby boy.

  “Let’s go,” I said, snatching my keys from the desk.

  The garage had been closed for almost two hours, but I usually stayed behind and worked late. Lilly didn’t mind. The boys loved playing together, and it was nice because she always made sure he ate a healthy dinner with them.

  Sitting around a table with a husband and wife wasn’t something Caleb was going to get from me anytime soon. I hadn’t so much as looked at another man since Josh, and I wasn’t sure I ever would.

  Since Amy and her newest fling had broken up, she would come by most nights with hopes of getting a peek at Devin. Even though Devin was married with two kids, Amy couldn’t seem to let go of her crush.

  Amy and I had never been friends in high school. I didn’t have any problem with her, but she was just another chick who was too girlie and boring for me. It wasn’t until I came home and started at the local tech school that we started to hang out. She was going to school for medical coding, and I settled for a degree in business, which honestly, wasn’t very useful since I was doing the same thing I would have done had I not gone to college at all.

  The tech school wasn’t Texas A&M, but I couldn’t raise a baby alone in Texas and go to school. I went home with a lie about a one-night stand and antibiotics that messed up my birth control pill. People believed it, I was labeled a whore, which drove my dad and big brother nuts, and life went on.

  She played on her phone, texting I was sure, while I locked up and set the new alarm system on the building. Once I was done, I texted Devin that I was all closed, and we started toward our cars.

  “Texting Devin?” she asked, her eyes wide and her smile secretive.

  “Let it g
o, Amy. This isn’t high school. Devin’s married and so fucking in love with Lilly he can’t see straight.”

  She laughed. “I know. I know. Oh!” she exclaimed, reaching out and grabbing my arm. “Speaking of high school. I can’t believe I almost forgot to tell you. I saw Josh Black in town today.”

  I sucked in a breath at the mention of his name.

  He was back.

  He wasn’t in the military anymore. He had gotten out right after he was injured, but still, he stayed away from Walterboro working a farm out west instead of being at home and helping his family with their farm. It was unlike Josh, but then again, the Josh I knew had obviously died in Afghanistan.

  I rubbed at my chest, feeling the ache that formed whenever I thought of what we used to be. I tried not to think about Josh much, which was super hard since every time I looked at our son, I saw his face. It wasn’t that Caleb looked like him. He didn’t. Caleb was my little twin in every way possible, but Josh was still there. In Caleb’s mannerisms—his facial expressions—the way he laughed.

  No one else seemed to notice it, not even Josh’s parents, who treated Caleb like their own grandson without knowing he was really their flesh and blood. I assumed it was because I knew Josh better than anyone else and had known him best since he was a young boy, but if the Blacks noticed anything, they never mentioned it. And even though I felt terrible for lying about who Caleb’s dad was, I felt better knowing he had good relationship with Josh’s side of the family.

  It was scary, thinking about Josh coming home and people seeing him and Caleb side by side, but I hadn’t had to worry about it much since I was sure he wasn’t coming home anytime soon. Then Mr. Black had a massive heart attack, leaving Mrs. Black alone at the farm since Genie, Josh’s sister, and her husband, Jimmy, had long moved out.

  We would go to the funeral to pay our respects, but we had to make sure to stay away from Josh. He would be there for sure. He might have stayed away from Walterboro and his family for whatever reason, but the old Josh had to be in there somewhere. The old Josh would never miss his father’s funeral. It gave me hope, knowing he had returned for the funeral, but at the same time, it made my nerves kick into overdrive.

  Would he stay in Walterboro, or would he go back to wherever he came from?

  The chance of running into him in town was high. I would never go anywhere ever again. Not that I went many places anyway. Either I stayed home, or I went to work at the garage. Occasionally, I would go to Walmart to pick up some groceries or things we needed around the house, but that was only when I absolutely had to.

  There was no contact between Josh and me, and there hadn’t been since right after he was hurt in Afghanistan. I hadn’t made any effort to contact him, but then again, he hadn’t tried to contact me either. I guess a near-death experience really made you figure out the things you wanted in life, and apparently, I was no longer one of those things.

  My stomach sank with hurt every time I remembered how he had refused to see me. I had never felt so burned in all my life. The thought that the very people I had considered family and the man I had spent almost all my life loving had pushed me out of their house stung. I was embarrassed and bruised, and I was never more grateful that no one knew we had talked about maybe being more than friends one day. At least now, I could pretend none of that had been real.

  Still, I had done my part. I had tried to tell them about Caleb, I really had. It wasn’t my fault they refused to see me. They refused to listen. So, I lied, and that followed me around every day.

  I was Jennifer Michaels, the town slut who went off to college, got drunk, and got pregnant from a one-night stand. Even though none of that was true. Even though I had only been with Josh and only once, I let everyone believe it because it was what was best.

  Josh would never know what he was missing out on. He had already missed so much. Our boy was beautiful and smart. He was rambunctious and happy. He was perfect. Just like his daddy used to be before he changed.

  God, I missed Josh so much. Some days it was so much that my body literally ached, but I was too proud. Not to mention, I wasn’t the Jenny he remembered. Something told me he would look at me and be disgusted with what he saw. The weight I had gained over the years, the way I wasn’t as concerned as other women about my hair and makeup. It just wasn’t who I was, and I wasn’t about to change those ways now.

  “Did you hear me?” Amy asked, poking at my arm. “I said, I saw Josh. He’s in town.”

  “That’s nice,” I said, trying to sound unfazed as I unlocked my car and tossed in my bag. “I hope he’s doing well … considering.”

  “You mean you guys haven’t talked at all?” Surprise filled her expression.

  Everyone in town knew Josh and I were best friends, but no one in town except his family and mine knew that he had pushed me out of his life.

  “Nope,” I said, popping the P. “Josh and I aren’t really friends anymore.”

  “That sucks. Y’all used to be so close. What happened?”

  I wasn’t about to tell her about the day he left for the Army. I wasn’t about to tell her about the few phone calls we had while he was in basic training or our one wonderful night. Only we knew about the plans we made before his convoy was attacked. I would never tell anyone about the promises we made or how I had rushed to his house to see him when he had been injured just to be turned away by the people I had once considered my own family.

  No.

  Josh had changed his mind, and instead of manning up and telling me to my face that I wasn’t what he wanted anymore, he had hidden behind his injury and pushed me away.

  “We grew apart. He went to the Army; I went to college. It happens.” I tried to blow it off as though it was no big deal, but the truth was, it was a massive deal. It had shaped me emotionally into someone I no longer knew. I didn’t laugh as much. I didn’t play. I worked, and I took care of Caleb. There was no fun anymore unless it was kid-friendly fun with Lilly and the kids.

  After saying goodbye to Amy, I picked Caleb up from Lilly and Devin and drove the long way home. I could remember a time when Dad’s garage was in our yard, but these days, we had moved up in the world, thanks in part to Lilly’s money and Devin’s work ethic. She had put the money in to get a new building, and Devin and Dad had worked hard to bring in new business in a different part of town. Devin refused to take his wife’s money even though she had told him it was their money, and he had doubled the money within the first two years.

  It took me thirty minutes to get home, after driving backroads and getting lost in the music, but when I pulled up into our driveway, Dad’s old trusty Ford was sitting under the carport. I sat, listening to the rumble of my engine, before I cut it off and climbed from my car. The door creaked when I pushed it closed. I loved the sound of old cars. The grind of their gears and a heaviness of their frame.

  Caleb was asleep, so once I got inside, I took him straight to his bedroom, Devin’s old bedroom, and put him to bed. I went to my room, tossed my bag and keys on the dresser, and went for a shower. I heard Dad fumbling around in the kitchen through the bathroom wall until I turned on the shower. I tugged my T-shirt over my head and unbuttoned my jeans as I kicked off my flip-flops. Then I turned around and faced myself in the standup mirror on the bathroom wall.

  Once upon a time, I had a waist. My boobs used to be smaller and were so perky I rarely wore a bra. My stomach used to be toned and flat, and the only time it ever rolled was when I sat down. And my hips used to be slim enough to wear men’s jeans comfortably.

  My body had changed so much in the past two years. I gained fifty pounds during my pregnancy. The pre-eclampsia had been hell. Instead of having the natural childbirth I had hoped for, I had laid in a cold room, numb from my shoulders down, with Lilly by my side as they sliced me open and pulled Caleb from my body.

  Unfortunately, I was left with fifty pounds that seemed to never go away no matter what I did and a gnarly cesarean scar. Caleb was worth it,
but looking in the mirror, I couldn’t help but miss my old shape. My tanned skin and hard body. My beautiful breasts that I hadn’t cared about, which now sagged after feeding my son for the first year of his life. My body was disgusting, and I wasn’t sure I would ever get naked around another human being again.

  Josh had been my one and only.

  The only man to ever touch me. To see me naked. To taste me.

  There were nights I still touched myself thinking about my night with him. I hated him, but I loved him. I never wanted to see his face again, but I missed him. It was hell.

  Reaching down, I ran my palms over my stomach and the two large fat rolls that I couldn’t seem to get rid of. I hated what I saw. I was disgusted with the dimples in my thighs and my muffin top stomach. My legs weren’t lean and long the way they used to be. Instead, they looked shorter and were round with thickness.

  Looking away, I took off my bra and shed my underwear before I pulled back the shower curtain and climbed inside the shower. The hot water felt amazing against my skin, and I closed my eyes, breathing out the stress and pressure of the day. It wasn’t that people put a lot on me; it was that I put a lot on myself.

  Heartbreak and being a single mother would do that to you, I supposed.

  After a long, hot shower, I went to bed that night feeling strange. Knowing that Josh was just down the road at his parents' house made my body and soul feel itchy. I wasn’t stupid. Walterboro wasn’t a large town, and I couldn’t stay locked in the house all the time. I was bound to run into him at some point, especially since I knew Mrs. Black would be calling to see Caleb, and that was the last thing I wanted. I didn’t want him to see me. I was embarrassed by the way I looked.

  When I saw him again, I wanted to be attractive. Maybe wearing something that I would have never worn back when we used to hang out. Maybe with a touch of makeup and my hair down. I didn’t know. Anything that would make Josh regret his decision to cut me from his life with no explanation whatsoever.

  But there was no hiding what I had become.

  I would have to face him at some point.