Thick & Thin (Chubby Girl Chronicles Book 3)

by Tabatha Vargo

  I was confused. My emotions bounced around me, making me feel as though I was being pushed and pulled in all directions.

  Hatred.

  Hurt.

  Betrayal.

  Longing.

  Jealousy.

  Need.

  All of it pummeled me, pushing at my shoulder like a man ready for a fight. Egging me on to throw the first punch, so that was exactly what I did the moment I stepped up beside Jenny fucking Michaels.

  I threw a verbal punch. I opened my mouth, and things I would have never said to another person came from my lips.

  21

  Jenny

  “Guess what they say is true,” he said, sliding up to the bar next to me.

  He rested his elbows on top of the bar and leaned into it. I didn’t look his way, but I knew he was talking to me.

  “And what’s that?” I asked, curiosity getting the best of me.

  One minute, he was sitting across the bar and staring back at me with a look in his eyes I couldn’t name, and the next, he was at my side, the heat from his body burning me even though we weren’t touching.

  I felt as though my chest was caving in. Part of me had wanted to see his face so badly it burned, but the other part of me, the new self-conscious part, didn’t want him to see me. I was fat. I had gained so much weight since we had last seen each other. My body and its hormones had lost their ever-loving minds and decided I would be much better suited for a size eighteen over my old size two.

  “Sprints is basically full of trash these days.”

  His hurtful words struck their intended target … my heart, and I sucked in an injured breath before turning his way. My eyes collided with his, and all the warmth that had once lived in his dark gaze was gone. Instead, there was only cold anger staring back at me.

  His face was harder, his eyes stern, and his lips tight. He wasn’t thrilled to see me, and honestly, I felt the same. The urge to leave was strong, but I was too prideful for that. Instead, I remained seated and lifted my beer for a casual drink. It was too late to turn and leave. My spine stiffened, and I sat up straighter, hoping to smooth my fat rolls. Sweat dotted my upper lip, and I quickly swiped at it. I was nervous, although, I would have eaten nails before I admitted it.

  He wanted to play the asshole.

  Fine.

  But I was too adult for that shit. I wasn’t about to respond to his bullshit.

  Instead, I turned away as if his words had meant nothing.

  “Did you hear me?” he pressed.

  “Yep,” I said, popping the P.

  What had I ever done to him?

  He was the one who had pushed me away.

  The one who had ended our friendship or whatever the hell it was.

  He was different inside and out.

  Cold and callous.

  His body was leaner, and he was taller.

  He moved closer, his familiar scent invading my space, and that, combined with the width of his shoulders, took my breath away. Josh was no longer a nineteen-year-old boy.

  No.

  He was a man.

  All grown up and looking so delicious, I wanted to lean in closer and taste him.

  He grinned as if he knew what I was thinking before his face disappeared from my view so he could speak directly in my ear.

  “You’ve really let yourself go, huh? I guess all those gummy bears finally caught up with you.”

  Pain shot through my stomach so intense I felt the need to gag.

  My weight. He was talking about my weight. Josh had never been so cruel to anyone. He never teased or bullied.

  Who was this man?

  “And you’re really an asshole, huh?” I countered.

  His remarks were harsher than mine, but I was so shocked by his insult that I couldn’t think of anything good enough to match his devastating words.

  He pulled back, and his grin didn’t reach his eyes. “The biggest.”

  I let my eyes drift low until I was looking at the seat of his loose jeans. “Not really,” I said, referring to the size of his cock.

  Men hated that shit, and if he was going straight for my weak spot, my weight, then I would do the same.

  His grinned slowly disappeared, and his eyes lowered, turning into angry slits. “Just because you’ve had an obscene amount of cock in your face doesn’t mean you’re an expert. And I seem to remember you enjoying it just fine.”

  Ouch.

  Apparently, my reputation had preceded.

  Jenny Michaels. The town slut who went off to college, slept around, and got knocked up.

  A rebuttal burned my tongue, but I didn’t spill. Let him think what he wanted. It was none of his business. He had given up that right when he pushed me away and left me to deal single and alone with a child.

  “I was a nineteen-year-old virgin. What did I know? Anyway, I faked it.”

  I hadn’t.

  It had been beautiful, and it killed me to tarnish the moment that had gotten me through so many dark nights.

  Again, he leaned closer, his hot breath rushing along the side of my cheek.

  “Liar. You came so hard your eyes rolled back in your head. It dripped down my cock like a fucking waterfall.”

  I opened my mouth to tell him to go fuck himself, but before I could, a woman I had never seen before came up beside him and poked him in the side.

  “Hey, are you ready to go? This place is giving me a headache.”

  She was tall and slender, her beautiful Spanish skin and dark eyes glowing under the bar lights. Her lashes were long, her lips pouty and perfect, with hair that reached down her back in waves of dark lusciousness. She was gorgeous, and they were a beautiful couple. Instantly, I hated everything about her.

  My eyes trailed over her perky breasts and down her hair until I reached her left hand. As Amy had said, there was a large rock on her ring finger. The burger I had eaten for lunch threatened, and my throat tightened against the rush of bile.

  He was engaged to a beautiful woman.

  He had grown more handsome than he had ever been, living his life and looking happy.

  Meanwhile, I was just a fat sack of lonely, sitting at a bar and drinking my sadness away.

  Still, I had one thing he didn’t, and I let that keep me from putting my head down in defeat.

  I had our son.

  Caleb would keep me floating. I couldn’t sink when he needed me in his life.

  “Yeah.” He leaned back, pulled out his wallet, and tossed a bill onto the counter to tip the bartender. “See you around, Michaels.”

  His use of my last name was impersonal and cold. I hated it.

  “Yeah. Hopefully not, Black.”

  And then he was gone, leaving me breathless and emotionally exhausted.

  I hated him, but I hated myself even more because even though he had struck me in my weak spot and said some of the most hateful things a person had ever said to me, there was a soft spot in my broken heart that still loved Joshua Black.

  22

  Josh

  Jenny was no longer a small girl. She had blossomed and filled in, in all the right places. Her body was thicker, her breasts larger, and she had curves that begged me to trail them with my tongue.

  Even though words ripe with cruelty spewed from my lips and targeted her, hurting her the way she had hurt me three years ago, my body was screaming an entirely different set of words. Words like ache.

  Hard.

  Wet.

  Soft.

  Fuck.

  Commenting on her weight gain was an asshole move. The second the words left my lips, I wanted to snatch them out of the air around us and melt them away. They were lies to hurt her, but the truth was, her body was even more beautiful. She wasn’t naked, but I didn’t need to see what was beneath her clothes to know I wanted to feel it against my naked body. Her flesh on mine. My lips on hers.

  My eyes had dipped down her back, taking in the curve of her ass and the width of her hips, and my fingers a
ched to grip onto her, dig into her plump flesh, and lose myself in her. There was so much I could do with a body like hers, but fuck that.

  My body could have all the cravings it wanted. It could desire the impossible until there wasn’t breath left in my body. It didn’t matter because there was no way I would fall prey to that heartless bitch again. And even though her eyes had screamed innocence, reminding me of the heart she used to be possess and the honest soul she kept tucked away in her being, that was exactly what she was now.

  Heartless.

  Careless.

  And as much as I hated to think it … a bitch.

  Only a bitch would have burned me so badly before.

  I wanted to say more to her. Break her down and squish her in my fist and hear her cry out when I pulled her to my body, but thankfully, Ashley had come to my rescue. She had stopped me from saying things that swam through my mind, and I was able to walk away before I did something I would regret even more than mentioning her newly gained curves. Something like reach out and touch her cheek or spew more hateful words I didn’t really mean.

  I walked away from Jenny the way I had all those many years ago knowing I needed to stay away, but even though I hated her with a passion that burned like a thousand Hells, I missed her. I missed our friendship. Her smile. Her touch. I needed the security of my best friend, but my friend was long gone, and in her stead was a beautiful woman with a cold dead heart.

  It didn’t matter that she was flushed with heat in her cheeks. It didn’t matter that I could feel the warmth from her body brushing against me with how close I was to her. She was cold inside. The outside was a mirage—a treat for a thirsty, starving man—and I wasn’t about to fall for that trick.

  Jenny had once owned my heart and soul. I had once wanted her more than anything, but life was a cruel, heartless bitch, and even if Jenny hadn’t destroyed my metaphorical heart, mentally and physically, I was no longer whole. I wouldn’t wish myself on my worst enemy, which these days just so happened to be the woman I was once madly in love with.

  By the time I dropped Ashley at her hotel, which she was adamant about staying in, and made it back, the house was quiet. Everyone was asleep. Genie had stayed over; I could tell by the dolls and plastic tea sets scattered on the floor. Her girls, my nieces, were a joy. I hated that I had stayed away for so long. I missed their birth and the first couple of years of their lives. They were identical twins, who strangely looked a lot like me, and they were full of enough energy to run a large powerplant.

  I picked up their mess so my mom wouldn’t have to the next morning, and then I went into the kitchen to get myself a bottle of water. I hadn’t drunk a lot at Sprints. I wasn’t much for drinking anymore, but I needed something to numb me. As it turned out, no amount of beer could have prepared me for the day I had or the moment I ran into Jenny fucking Michaels.

  23

  Jenny

  I didn’t stay long after Josh left. Even through my hard exterior, I was having a hard time keeping the tears from falling after his comments about my weight. If it had been anyone else, I wouldn’t have cared. I would have replied with sarcasm followed by a kiss my ass remark. But not with Josh. He was my weakness and had been since we were younger.

  Amy had come back just as Josh was walking away from me, and even though she didn’t mention it, I was sure she knew I was minutes away from breaking down.

  “I’m beat,” I said, pretending I was tired instead of heartbroken.

  Amy attempted to smile at me in an understanding manner, but I wasn’t stupid enough to believe she didn’t know something was up. She didn’t question me when I stood from my stool.

  “I’m going to get home and get some rest.”

  Keeping the tears out of my voice was an accomplishment. I had never been prouder of myself.

  “Do you want me to go with you?” she asked.

  “Thank you, but no. I want to get home and catch up on sleep. I had fun, though. We should do it again sometime.”

  That was a lie.

  I never wanted to go to Sprints again. I needed to stick with what I had been doing.

  Work.

  Caleb.

  And nothing else.

  It was easier that way.

  We hugged, and I said goodbye to the group who had come with us. It was all people I didn’t really know, and I hadn’t said much to them and kept to myself at the bar. Amy didn’t seem to mind, so it worked out.

  Once I was in my car, I tossed my things on the passenger’s seat and took a deep breath. It was as if I was breathing for the first time since seeing Josh’s face again. I replayed our interaction through my mind, thinking of all the things I wish I had said to him. If only had been able to think that clearly when I was face to face with him.

  My car rumbled when I cranked it, drawing the attention of a few stragglers hanging out in the parking lot, and when I pulled away, I did so with my foot heavy on the gas pedal and leaving a bit of my tires behind.

  Driving home, I went the long way, listening to the radio and feeling sorry for myself. Without Caleb in the car with me, I had no reason to hold it together, and I found myself sobbing behind the wheel at the last red light before my house.

  Pathetic.

  That was what I was.

  A woman who had allowed a man to define her. I swore I would never be that woman, yet there I was, crying over careless words of the man I had spent most of my life loving.

  “Fuck.” I sniffled and swiped at the tears rolling down my cheeks. “Get your shit together, Jenny.”

  A car behind me honked their horn, letting me know the light was green, and I wasn’t moving. I pressed on the gas and sped away from the light, ready to get home and sleep the night off. Tomorrow would be a better day. Hopefully, I could forget Josh’s brutal words and move on.

  Going home without Caleb was hard, but I knew he was in good hands with Lilly and Devin. When I pulled up to the house, the lights were out. I hadn’t stayed out late. The truth was, the second Josh walked away from me and left Sprints, I wanted to run. Going out had been a bad idea, and instead of getting out and having a nice time, I was coming home angry and hurt.

  Once I was in my bedroom, I undressed, keeping my eyes away from the full-length mirror in the corner of my room. I didn’t want to see myself—to see that everything Josh had said earlier in the night was true.

  I had let myself go.

  It was what moms did.

  I didn’t have time for healthy eating when my little man had days where he would only eat chicken nuggets. How was I supposed to find time to work eight to ten hours a day and go to the gym without missing out on time with my son? People had told me when I was pregnant how quickly time passed. One second, they’re wrinkled and tiny, snuggling in your arms like little balls of warmth, and the next, they’re running around outside and chasing the yard cats. They come inside dirty and smelling like a puppy with no signs of your tiny baby anywhere in sight.

  I didn’t want to waste time in a gym when I could be snuggling on the couch with my boy watching cartoons. There were more important things. And since I had a feeling Caleb was going to be my only child, I meant to make time for the moments I would never get to experience again.

  And while I knew my weight gain had more to do with my pregnancy, and the hell I had gone through to bring Caleb into the world, and less to do with gummy bears, it wasn’t like I would have told Josh that. Everyone in town knew I had a kid. I was sure he knew it too. And based on his too many cocks comment back at Sprints, I was sure he had been told the same things I heard whispered around town. I was the town whore with a kid and no clue who the father was, which was hilarious since I had only been with one person one time, and I knew exactly who Caleb’s father was.

  Still, I let them think what they wanted because it was my life, and I could handle it. Too much time had passed. It was too late to tell the truth. Mr. Black had passed without ever knowing Caleb was his blood, and the guilt over that
alone would keep my lips sealed.

  It didn’t hurt that Josh had become a total dick.

  No.

  I would keep things the way they were. It was hard, yet it was easier for everyone. When you were a single mom with a rambunctious little boy, easy was always the best way to go.

  I slept like shit that night, waking every hour and tossing and turning. When I finally did go into a deep sleep, it was almost morning. I got in close to two hours before I woke to Caleb jumping on the bed, and the morning sun tearing through my curtains.

  “Wake up, Mommy! I here. I here!”

  He fell on top of me, and his elbow landed in the center of my stomach.

  “Arg!” I called out, growling playfully at the pain. “You got me right in the tummy.”

  He laughed and rolled onto his side beside me and wrapped his arm around me.

  “I missed you,” he said, snuggling into me.

  I pulled him closer, his little frame reminding me of all the reasons I had to be strong.

  “I missed you more. Did you have fun with Uncle Devin and Aunt Lilly?”

  He nodded, his soft brown hair bouncing with the movement. “We made cookies.”

  “Yum. That sounds fun.”

  The sounds of Devin, Lilly, and their two echoed into my room around the same time the smell of bacon wafted over me. I breathed it in, and my stomach growled in appreciation.

  “Is Pop cooking breakfast?”

  Caleb nodded again; his eyes wide in excitement. My boy loved bacon. Then again, who didn’t?

  “Go get yourself some. I’m going to get dressed, and I’ll be right out.”

  He jumped from the bed, landing hard on his feet, before he ran from the room screaming down the hallway for his pop to give him bacon.

  I put on a bra and a pair of socks. The linoleum in the kitchen was sometimes cold against the bottoms of my feet. By the time I turned the corner into the kitchen, everyone was eating and laughing at something Emmy Bear was saying.

  I walked by her, shuffled her dark curls, and leaned over to kiss her cheek.