by Julia Goda
Jason watched as Chris’s body went solid. Not with rage this time, but with surprise and shock.
“I would never cheat on Loreley, Chris, you know that,” Jason repeated his earlier words, a little calmer now that he saw that what he was saying was sinking in.
“That girl at your door was with Murphy?” Chris asked.
Jason nodded. “Yeah.”
“You weren’t even home?”
Jason shook his head. “Not until early the next morning. I took a shower and then crashed.”
“You didn’t cheat on her?”
“No, man.” Jason shook his head.
Chris closed his eyes and hung his head as if defeated. “Fuck! Fucking shit!” He swore under his breath. “Are you telling me she went through all that pain and heartbreak because of some fucking misunderstanding?”
“It would seem so,” Jason nodded again. Chris went quiet as he watched him with thoughtful eyes for a few tense moments. Then he started talking again, and in doing so, confused the shit out of Jason.
“What about a few months later when she tried to get a hold of you?” Now it was Jason’s body that locked. “What do you mean, she tried to get a hold of me?”
“A few months later when she… She tried to get in touch with you, left you messages, wrote you emails, even went to one of your gigs to talk to you.”
Silence, as Jason shook his head, confused as to what Chris was talking about.
“I didn’t see her,” he murmured as if talking to himself.
“No, you didn’t. But she sure as hell saw you.” Jason’s head snapped up at those words. “What do you mean?” He asked with dread in his voice. When he had realized that he wouldn’t hear from Loreley, that he had lost her, he had fallen off the wagon and head resumed to his old ways of screwing around, of having meaningless sex with meaningless women in order to try and forget about the woman he loved with all his heart.
“Yeah,” was all Chris said. He didn’t need to say any more.
“She saw me with another woman,” Jason whispered in horror. Chris nodded.
Jason ran his hands through his hair in desperation and anguish. “Shit! I…I was…I missed her so much…I wanted to…I tried…” He tried to explain, but failed to formulate a full sentence.
“Yeah, I’m a guy, so I get it. But seeing you with her own eyes, drunk and all over some other woman, was the last straw for her, man. It pushed her over the edge from being heartbroken to hating you, and she swore to never talk to you again.”
Jason’s eyes were wide with despair. Then his brain kicked in and went over what Chris had said. “You said she tried to get a hold of me, that she left messages. I never got those.” He kept thinking. “You didn’t tell me why she tried to get in touch me. What was so important that she wanted to talk to me even though she thought I cheated on her?”
Jason saw it when Chris locked his jaw. “You gotta tell me, Chris. I’ve got nothing to go on if you don’t.”
Chris sighed and hung his head once more. Then he gave Jason his eyes. Jason froze solid at what he saw.
Pain. Soul destroying pain and misery.
“Chris,” Jason growled through clenched teeth, knowing that he was about to hear something that had the potential to crush him.
“She…Fuck, Sanders. She has endured so much…I can’t…”
“Chris, fucking tell me!”
Chris shook his head. “I can’t, man. I can’t tell you. We thought you knew and…I can’t tell you. It’s her secret to share. But shit, man. She has been in so much pain. You have no idea…” He took a deep breath, then let it out and said in a low voice, his eyes serious on Jason, “We almost lost her.”
Jason’s body again went rock solid. Almost lost her? What the fuck was that supposed to mean?
“What does that mean, you almost lost her?” He whispered brokenly.
Chris took another deep breath. Then he gave it to him. Not all of it, not nearly enough, but he gave him something.
“I can’t tell you why, Sanders. But I can tell you this: when she thought you cheated on her, her whole world fell apart. She went to L.A. the next day, but she wasn’t herself. She was heartbroken, devastated. Then, when she tried to contact you, and she thought you turned your back on her when she needed you most, when she saw you with that other woman.... She got back on her feet, but then…a year ago… Fuck! Something happened a year ago that made her lose it. She lost herself, drowned in her sorrow and pain and despair. It almost killed her, Sanders. That’s what I meant when I said we almost lost her. She almost killed herself. I don’t think it was intentional, but it was a fucking close call. I think if she had had you to help her through it… Fuck, it doesn’t matter now. But you need to know that too much has happened for her to listen to you. She has closed that part of herself off, has closed you off, and she won’t give you the slightest chance to talk to her.”
There was a lot there, but not nearly enough to give Jason any idea of what was going on. His heart hurt. His mind was racing. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing, that Loreley had almost died, had almost killed herself. What in the hell had happened? His beautiful and energetic, always happy and eager for life Loreley would never consider suicide. Not even as a last resort. Not ever. Not for anything.
“I don’t believe you. Loreley would never do anything like that.”
“Believe it, man. It was bad, still is and always will be, but she’s much better now. What I’m saying is, she won’t let you in. No fucking way. She won’t listen to a single word you have to say.”
“I’ll make her listen.”
“No,” Chris said, shaking his head, “No, we need to somehow finesse this. I have no idea how, but I’ll figure something out. I’ll talk to her. You need to back off and give me a few days—”
“Just fucking tell me what happened, Chris!” Jason exploded, only to see Chris shake his head again.
“I can’t, Sanders. I can’t betray her like that. And that’s what she would see it as if she found out I talked to you. As a betrayal. As me choosing your side. I can’t do that to her.” Jason clenched his teeth, frustrated that he didn’t know what was going on, that after everything Chris had said, he still had nothing to go on.
“Fine. But I can’t wait that long, Chris. Especially not now. And I’m not gonna back off. I can’t. From what I gather from the little you have actually told me, everything that happened could have been avoided if I had fought harder, if I hadn’t let her walk away, if I hadn’t let her shut me out six years ago. I’m not gonna do that again. I came here to fight for her and now that I know that me losing her was based on a fucking misunderstanding, I’m gonna fight even harder for her. And I’m gonna win her back.”
“Sanders—”
“No, Chris. No. I get you think you can’t tell me what happened. But I’m not backing off. I can’t.”
They stared at each other for a few minutes. Then Chris sighed and gave in. “Shit! How long you think you can give me?”
“Tonight. It takes everything I have in me not to walk in there right now, throw her over my shoulder, and make her listen to me.” Jason meant it. If Chris didn’t agree, that’s exactly what he would do.
Chris gave him a chin lift, agreeing, though Jason could tell that it wasn’t easy for him. “One more thing, Sanders. When you find out, it’s gonna be a blow. It’s gonna hurt like fuck and you’re gonna be furious with her for not telling you sooner. Promise me you won’t take it out on Lore. She’s dealt with everything the best way she could.”
Jason locked his jaw, then gave Chris a chin lift, giving him his word. He couldn’t imagine he would blame Loreley, no matter what happened.
“There a way you can get Murphy or Nathan here? It would help if they both corroborated your story.”
Jason nodded. That was a good idea. He had tried to call Murphy earlier today after what Loreley had said, but the call had gone to voice mail. “I’ll try. I’ll give them a call, see how soon they
can get here.” Thinking they were done, he turned to leave to get on that shit when Chris spoke again, making him stop.
“And something else. Expect Cal to show up at the house.”
“What house?” Fuck. Cal, Loreley’s quasi brother. He didn’t know if he had it in him tonight to deal with another one of Loreley’s protectors, who thought he was a cheating asshole. Chris was a hard man when he needed to be, but Cal was a badass and would beat the shit out of him. No doubt.
“The house you’re renting. It’s Cal’s house.”
“What?”
“Yeah, Cal hooked up with a woman, got married last Christmas. They’re living in her house, renting out his. You’re the renter.”
Jason sighed and hung his head. There was no way Cal wouldn’t show up at his doorstep. “Fuck!”
“Yeah,” Chris agreed, his lips twitching. “I’ll give him a call, try to talk to him. He trusts me to take care of his sister, but I suspect he’s still gonna show up.”
“No doubt,” Jason muttered. “You still got the same number?”
“Yeah.”
“Good. I’ll text you mine.” Chris jerked up his chin, then muttered, “Later,” and headed back into the bar. Jason stayed where he was, thinking.
He was furious.
Six years.
Six fucking years he and Loreley had lost because of him being a total jackass. They would be married by now, have children. Live a happy life somewhere at a beach, or even here in the Rocky Mountains, away from all the drama that was L.A. No matter where they would have settled, the point was that they would have settled by now and made a family or were about to.
Fuck!
He should have kept his shit together when Loreley told him about the internship instead of starting a fight that night. He should have gone after her right then and there instead of playing the gig. He should have tried harder to get to her before she left for L.A. He shouldn’t have let her shut him out.
If he had done any of those things, they would have never been apart. Neither of them would have been heartbroken, Loreley would not have fallen apart and almost killed herself.
“Fuck!” Jason exploded.
Six years of heartbreak and pain for both of them because of him and his wounded ego. That misunderstanding he could do nothing about now. It happened and he would show Loreley the proof that he wasn’t lying, that it really had been a misunderstanding. Murphy and Nathan would help him. They were his brothers. And they had reamed his ass more than once in the last few years whenever he was brooding or wrote another song about losing Loreley. So that was the easy part. But he also wanted to know what had happened to the messages and emails Chris said Loreley had left for him. Someone had to have gotten them. Jason doubted it would be easy to get to the bottom of that, but still, he would try. And if someone was responsible for it, that someone was going to pay.
Jason looked back at the bar’s back door as he ran his hands through his hair in frustration. Every cell in his body urged him to go inside and go to her. But he had given Chris his word that he would give him tonight. Then tomorrow, he would go to her and talk to her.
And then they would work it out, be together, and finally fucking be happy.
Chapter 7
LORELEY
I was showered and in my pajamas as I came out of the bathroom, ready to fall into bed and go to sleep. It had been a long day. I heard Chris’ voice speaking low as I closed the bathroom door behind me. He was in the living room, what sounded like talking on his phone.
He hadn’t said much after he came back into the bar after the Brad incident other than telling me to take a load off and keep the ice on my wrist, after he’d inspected it with anger clear on his face. But there had been something else on his face, too, something I couldn’t quite pinpoint. He was deep in thought, as if contemplating something important, something he needed to figure out, but didn’t know how. And then there was shock and consternation on his face, confusion, as if he was dumbfounded, shell-shocked even. Mixed in with all that were sadness and melancholy and dread and worry. Normally, I would have asked him what was wrong, but the day as a whole had been rough and, honestly, I couldn’t take any more drama. I was too exhausted. And somehow I knew that it had something to do with why it had taken Chris so long to come back inside after Larry told me that Brad had left, that Chris had been talking to Jason. There weren’t any bruises on his face and his knuckles weren’t swollen from punching someone, all evidence that he hadn’t beat Jason up and vice versa. That was a relief. I had seen and touched enough blood for one night.
I was proven right about Chris being lost in thoughts and the general reason for it on our way home.
“I talked to Jason tonight,” Chris had said, his voice careful.
“Chris—” I tried to tell him that I didn’t want to talk anymore about Jason tonight.
“Hear me out, Lore,” he was almost begging me. I didn’t reply and went quiet as I waited for him to go on. I knew that once he had made up his mind about something, I wouldn’t be able to stop him from telling me what that was anyways. It was easier to just let him get it off his chest. And I was too tired to fight with him.
“I believe him.” My body locked and my tiredness disappeared instantly at his words.
“What?” I hissed, stunned and shocked.
“Don’t get upset. Just listen.” His voice was firmer now, and unyielding, telling me exactly what I had thought: that he would tell me what was on his mind, whether I wanted him to or not. Since we were in the car and the car was moving, I had no way to escape, so I heaved a big sigh and remained silent.
“I believe he didn’t cheat on you.”
“This is unbelievable,” I muttered under my breath as I shook my head with incredulity.
“It isn’t, Lore. I talked to him about it in length, explained everything to him—”
I whipped my head around. “You explained everything to him?” I almost screeched.
“No, Lore, not that. I meant about that morning after you fought, what you saw, what made you think he had cheated.” Chris swallowed. Then, “And I told him about how later you tried to get in touch with him, about how you saw him drunk and with another woman.” I hung my head. I hadn’t wanted Jason to know about that. Chris wasn’t done. “And I told him about how we almost lost you.” That was definitely something I hadn’t wanted Jason to know. It was none of his business.
“You did what?” I shouted at him. Chris flinched.
“I didn’t tell him why. I told him that was your secret to share—”
“I can’t believe you did that, Chris. Why? Why did you talk to him at all?” I interrupted him. I felt betrayed.
“I didn’t want to at first, was ready to beat the shit out of him when I saw him sitting at a table, watching you. But then he got in my face about the cheating, said he could have never hurt you like that, that you owned him, that no other woman existed for him and he would have never thrown that away, I couldn’t not talk to him. He was sincerely shocked and appalled by the whole idea.”
“You forget that I saw the skank he cheated on me with, Chris. Saw her standing on his doorstep in nothing but a towel, still wet from the shower she had taken with him.”
“He says he wasn’t with her. That Murphy was. That they crashed at his place that night while he stayed at the bar and got drunk.”
Pfft. I almost laughed. “How convenient,” I said sarcastically.
Chris smiled a small smile. “I said the same thing. How very convenient to blame the guy who won’t remember who he fucked that night and will back him up simply because they’re like brothers and that’s what brothers do.”
I didn’t say anything, just harrumphed in agreement.
“He also said Nathan stayed with him until he went home. He told me to ask him.” I shook my head in annoyance. So what? Nathan would corroborate his story just like any other of his band members would. That didn’t prove anything. And anyways, cheating on me wasn
’t the worst Jason had done.
“I’m done talking about this, Chris.” I said as I stared out the passenger side window.
“Lore—”
“No, Chris. I’ve listened and now I’m done. Please. I’m too tired to fight.”
We pulled into my driveway and I got out of the car and walked to the front door. I was half-way through the door when Chris said from behind me, “We need to talk about this, Lore. If he didn’t cheat on you then—”
“It doesn’t matter, Chris. I said I’m done talking about it.” I threw my purse on the couch and went straight to the bathroom. “I’m going to take a shower and then go to bed.”
Chris sighed in frustration, but I ignored it. “Fine. I’ll leave you be for tonight.” That was all I heard before I closed the bathroom door behind me. I turned around and stared at myself in the mirror. I looked as exhausted as I felt, maybe even more so. I longed to take a nice hot bath and try to relax and get my thoughts organized, but I desperately needed this day to be over.
I heard Chris’ voice speaking low as I closed the bathroom door behind me.
“Yeah, man, she’s okay. Jason and Rick dealt with Brad. She’s in the shower.” Pause then, “Yeah, he did, showed up at the bar tonight. But listen, Cal, before you lose your shit on him we need to talk. He doesn’t—” Another pause while Chris listened to Cal on the other end. “No, Cal, don’t go up there before we talk. He didn’t cheat on her and he doesn’t know, man.”
Chris was getting agitated. I could hear him pace in the living room. I couldn’t listen to this. I couldn’t listen to Chris trying to justify Jason’s behaviour. He was supposed to be on my side, not defend the person who shattered my heart into a million pieces.
I turned around to go to my bedroom. I needed to sleep and not think about anything. I didn’t have the strength for anything else tonight. I could still hear Chris talking, but didn’t listen to it, didn’t let it penetrate.
“That’s not what I mean. I mean he doesn’t know about—” I closed the door firmly but quietly behind me, shutting out his words. I leaned against the door, where I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in an effort to clear my head. But there were too many thoughts fighting for attention in my head. Frustrated, I shoved them all aside and walked over to my bed, turned off the bedside lamp and crawled under the covers.
