Be Here Now: A Cedar Creek Novel

by Julia Goda

  Then he played and sang the most beautiful song I had ever heard. He sang about love, about pain, about strength, and about forgiveness. He sang about the agony of losing the one person that makes you feel whole, about the ache in your chest when you know you lost the other half of your soul. And he sang about not giving up, about doing whatever it took, giving everything to deserve that love again.

  And during the whole length of the song, not once did Jason’s eyes move from mine.

  He was talking to me through his music, was opening up his heart and soul to let me see the love and devotion he felt for me, let me see the promise, the vow that he would never let me go again, that he would never give up on us again, because I was the other half of his soul, and he couldn’t live a day longer without feeling whole again.

  His words were so beautiful they tore at my heart and filled it up with warmth, filled that emptiness inside me with the happiness and joy I had given up on ever feeling again. For the first time in a very long time, the tears that were running down my cheeks were happy tears.

  Chris’ hands, which had been holding me in place, had become arms that were wrapped around me from behind, supporting my weight as I was leaning back against him. My left hand was clasped in Cal’s in a tight grip, my right hand was covering my mouth in an attempt to stop myself from sobbing.

  The song ended.

  Everything around me was quiet. Not a single person clapped or cheered or shouted. It was as if everyone could feel that something profound had happened, that as if they moved or talked or even breathed, the magic of the moment would break and it would be as if it never happened. I couldn’t blame them. I felt exactly the same way. I was too scared to move, scared that if I did, I’d wake up from this dream only to feel alone and empty once more.

  So I stayed frozen and kept staring as Jason slid off the stool, jumped down the stage, and came slowly towards me, his eyes burning while they still held mine captive. In that moment, nothing existed but him and me, nothing mattered but him walking towards me. I saw nothing but him.

  Seconds later, he reached me and laid a hand against my cheek, his thumb sliding through the wetness there. I closed my eyes at the relief his touch brought me and leaned into his hand.

  And then I was in his arms and he was kissing me.

  He was kissing me with an abandon I had never experienced.

  His arms were locked around me so tightly it felt like he wanted to pull me inside him.

  His tongue was exploring my mouth, reacquainting itself with the feel of me just as mine was rediscovering the feel of him.

  It was wild, it was deep, it was completely out of control.

  And I didn’t want it to end.

  I could hear the cheers and hollers and clapping that had erupted as soon as our mouths touched, but I didn’t heed them any attention. I was too absorbed in Jason and the feel of his arms around me, in the feel of his body pressed against mine, the feel of his mouth exploring to let anything else penetrate.

  Then I was lifted and I wrapped my legs around Jason’s waist as he carried me through the crowd and out the front door. The next things I knew, my back was pressed against what I assumed to be a car and we were making out heavily.

  What could have been minutes or hours later, Jason wrenched his mouth from mine and leaned his forehead against my shoulder where I could hear him take a few deep breaths. He was trying to get control of himself.

  His head came up and he cupped my face with his hands, his eyes boring into mine. “I need you, baby. But not here against the car in the parking lot of your bar. I need you in a bed where I can take my time with you, where I can touch and kiss and lick and rediscover every inch of your body.”

  I nodded. I wanted that, too, but I was too lost in the haze of lust to say anything.

  Jason groaned and kissed me again.

  Then he stepped back, so I could slide down his body, grabbed my hand, opened the passenger side door of his Challenger, and guided me into the seat before he closed the door and got in on the other side.

  I didn’t know if it was the loss of his touch or the car door being slammed that made me snap out of the haze and start to think again. But as Jason pulled out of the parking lot and started driving down the street, I came back into myself. Jason must have felt it, because he took my hand and pulled it towards his face to kiss it gently. “You okay, baby?”

  I bit my lip, not wanting to remind him of how mean I had been, but needing to get this out before we went any further.

  “Baby? What’s wrong?” He prompted when I didn’t say anything.

  “I…I am so sorry, Jason,” I whispered. “I don’t know how you can ever forgive me.”

  He pulled my hand to his mouth again to kiss it softly. “There’s nothing to forgive, baby. You did what you thought you had to do and I don’t blame you. How could I? The evidence against me was condemning.”

  “You were so mad when you found out about Jesse. The look in your eyes…I thought you hated me.” I was still whispering.

  “No, Loreley, I could never hate you. I admit I was mad as hell at you for not telling me at first, but I couldn’t hold on to it for long. I love you. I’ve never stopped loving you.”

  “But Jason, we—”

  “No, baby, not now. I know we have to talk and we will. I promise you we’ll talk later and figure all this out. But right now, all that matters is that I love you and won’t ever let you go again. Okay?”

  “Okay,” I whispered.

  We hardly made it through the front door before his mouth was hot on mine again and his hands started to roam all over my body as he started to undress me. My shirt went first, then his hands went to the button of my jeans and down they went until they were pooled around my feet. Jason lifted me out of them, and I clung to his body, needing to get as much contact as I could. The feel of my naked legs wrapped around his jeans clad hips made me groan. Jason gripped my ass with both hands in the back of my panties and ground his erection against me.

  Oh yes, that was even better.

  We both groaned with pleasure at the contact as we devoured each other’s mouths.

  “Bedroom,” he said between kisses.

  “Down the hall, last room on the left.”

  He started walking and two seconds later, I was thrown onto the bed. I watched, panting, as he lifted his shirt over his head and tossed it on the floor and I could see his glorious chest. It was covered in tattoos, as was his whole right arm and half of his left arm. He’d had tattoos back then, but this was something else. Then I kept watching as his hands went to his jeans and he started unbuttoning them. He pushed them down his long legs, taking his boxer briefs with them until he stood before me completely naked.

  I couldn’t help but lick my lips as I took in his hard cock, remembering what it felt like to have him inside me.

  Jason’s low groan brought my attention back to his face, and I shuddered in anticipation at what I saw there: pure and carnal lust mixed with love and longing.

  “I’ve missed you,” I whispered.

  Jason closed his eyes for a second in what seemed to be relief. “Thank fuck.” Then he lowered himself to his knees and, wrapping his hands around my ankles, he pulled my body towards the edge of the bed.

  I shuddered, knowing what was about to come. Jason had always been good with his mouth between my legs, had always seemed to enjoy it, which made him that much better at it. Knowing I would get that from him again after not having had it for so long made my body shake with anticipation and arousal.

  He ran his nose over my panties and groaned. “You smell so good, baby. So fucking good.” Then he kissed me lightly while his fingers were softly running up and down the insides of my thighs.

  I threw my head back and moaned.

  “Look at me, baby. I know you like to watch. I want you to keep your eyes on me while I make you come with my mouth and fingers.”

  Then, in one smooth movement, he ripped my panties off and dove in.


  JASON

  Jason groaned at the taste of her. Nothing had ever tasted this sweet, this good. Nothing and nobody even came close. He couldn’t get enough, would never be able to get enough of her.

  He used his thumbs to open her up to him as he licked along and in between her folds until his tongue found her clit. She started to groan and squirm as he flicked it over and over again, then increased the pressure and circled until he could hear her panting. He withdrew his tongue and blew onto her clit. His dick grew at the sight of her pussy. He was rock hard and ready to reclaim what was his. But Jason wanted to play a little longer, wanted to make his girl writhe and moan while he feasted on her juices, wanted to make her come against his mouth.

  He added a finger and plunged it inside her, groaning against her at the feeling of her wet heat. He dove in again, teasing her, eating her, licking up all her juices and revelling in her reactions. He loved how damn responsive she was, had missed how he could make her body writhe and dance in ecstasy, in total and complete bliss. Everything about her was real. There was no over the top fake moaning and screaming, no exaggeration, no calculation. No, his Loreley had always given herself and her body over to him, had always let him play the way he wanted, trusting that he would take care of her and give her what she needed. He had always loved that about her and now that he had it back, he realized just how much he had missed it.

  He couldn’t wait much longer.

  He had to sink into that wet heat. And he had to do it soon.

  He added a second finger while he took her clit in his mouth and sucked gently, then released her nub to blow on it again before he went back to swirling and flicking and sucking, all while his fingers explored her from the inside. She moaned a deep moan and arched her back off the bed, pressing her pussy harder against his mouth. He could feel her moan in his dick. He had thought he couldn’t get any harder than he already was, but the sound of her moans and the feel of her tightness around his fingers made him so hard he thought he was going to lose it before he even got inside her.

  He let go of her clit with a pop and started flicking it again, over and over and over until he knew she couldn’t take much more. Open the way he held her she would feel every sensation this much more intensely.

  This was it. He needed her to come. He needed her to come, so he could plunge his cock inside her before he came at just the sight of her. No other woman had ever had this much power over him; no other woman had ever made him lose control like this, overwhelmed by the need to be inside her.

  Without taking his tongue away, he looked up her body to see her watching him with lust-crazed eyes. “I need to be inside you so bad, baby. I need you to come, so I can slide into that wet heat of yours. Come for me, baby. Now!”

  He kept plunging his fingers in and out as he again locked onto her clit and sucked until he could feel her tense up and then explode against his mouth. He didn’t stop while she came, licking up all her juices, sucking every last shiver out of her.

  When she relaxed into the mattress, he removed his fingers and kissed her pussy one last time before he moved her body up on the mattress and climbed on top of her. His hands were roaming the skin on her stomach, moving up towards her breasts, which were still covered by her bra.

  That wouldn’t do.

  He quickly relieved her of the bra and then latched on to her nipple, sucking and licking and nipping just like he had done her clit, alternating between both breasts while his hands kept touching her skin everywhere.

  Then he lowered his body onto her and spread her legs even further with his knees, lining up his cock with her entrance. A delicious heat ran through his cock when he first connected with her pussy. It almost felt like an electrical shock running through him. He had to clench his teeth so the sensation wouldn’t overwhelm him.

  God, he wouldn’t last long.

  “I’m coming inside now, baby. I can’t wait any longer.”

  “Please,” she whispered hoarsely, almost making him come undone.

  In one swift move, he plunged his rock hard cock inside her and they both cried out.

  It was like coming home.

  He felt her all around him with his naked skin to hers, her arms around him, their eyes locked, and his cock inside her.

  The feeling was so overwhelming and all-consuming it almost brought him to tears. And judging by the look of absolute bliss and relief in Loreley’s tear-rimmed eyes, she felt the same way.

  He leaned down to rest his lips against hers. “This is it, baby. You and me. I’ll never let you go again. I can’t,” he whispered hoarsely but firmly before he took her mouth in a searing and fierce kiss. Loreley opened for him and kissed him back just as fiercely.

  God, she was tight. So tight and hot as she clamped down on him.

  He tore his lips away and rested his forehead against hers for second in an effort to regain control.

  But he was too far gone. The feeling of her hot and wet pussy constricting around him with little aftershocks threatened to shatter his control.

  “I gotta move, baby. You’re so hot and tight around me it’s killing me. This one’s gonna be fast and hard. You ready?”

  At her instant nod and her whispered, “Yes, baby,” he pulled out until only the head of his cock was inside her and rammed it back in, making them both scream again. A shiver ran through his body and he groaned. Over and over he drove into her, taking her fast and hard, the feeling so explicit his eyes rolled to the back of his head in bliss.

  He couldn’t hold out any longer. His spine started to tingle and his balls drew up. He was going to come. And it was going to be enormous.

  Needing her to come with him, he pressed his thumb against her clit once more and started flicking and rolling. She lifted her hips in search for more friction as he kept pounding into her with everything he had until he felt the inside walls of her pussy clenching around him.

  “That’s it, baby. Come! Come with me!”

  One, two, three more strokes and she exploded around him.

  “Fuuuuuck!” With one last plunge, he planted himself inside her and stayed deep as the most intense orgasm he had ever experienced ran through his body, making him explode inside her, spilling himself deep inside her pussy as she kept clenching and pulsing, sucking him dry.

  Chapter 11

  LORELEY

  I took his weight when Jason collapsed on top of me. We were both breathing hard, completely spent. The feel of him still inside me after so long was overwhelming, at the same time it was beautiful and perfect.

  I had missed him.

  So much.

  I still couldn’t believe that he was here with me, in my bed, and that he had promised me he would never leave me again. That he loved me. I had desperately needed those words from him, had needed the assurance that this was real.

  Still, there was so much we had to figure out. He had promised me we would talk, but I was worried that once I told him about Jesse, once I showed him pictures and videos of his son, that he would resent me and eventually hate me.

  And that was something I wouldn’t be able to live with.

  I glided my hands up and down his back, trying to ease my anxiety with the contact as those thoughts ran through my head.

  “Mmm. That feels good.” Jason murmured as he nuzzled and kissed my neck. He kissed a line across my cheek to my mouth where he captured my lips in a slow and sensual kiss.

  “Was it too rough?” he asked when he ended the kiss and looked down at me.

  I shook my head. “No. Why would you think that?” Sex between us had always been passionate and could get rough sometimes, especially if we’d had an argument or hadn’t seen each other for a while.

  “I told myself I’d go easy and enjoy every single inch of you all night long, but being inside you again…I couldn’t hold back.”

  I smiled at him, liking the fact that I made him lose control.

  “If it wasn’t too rough then what is it?”

&nb
sp; “What do you mean?”

  He studied me for a second as he ran his fingers softly along my cheekbone. “It might have been a while, Loreley, but you’re still an open book for me. You’re worried about something.”

  Uncomfortable, I tried to avert my eyes, but he caught my chin between his thumb and finger and turned my head back to him so I had no other choice but to look at him. His eyes were alert and assessing.

  “Hey, what’s wrong?”

  I shrugged.

  I didn’t want to ruin the moment of our reunion even though I couldn’t quite shake the anxiety. But Jason didn’t let it go.

  “Talk to me.”

  I shrugged again before I said, “I’m just a little worried.”

  “About what?”

  “I’m worried that…when I tell you about…Jesse…I’m worried that you’ll…” He stopped me with a kiss. Then he slid off me and out of me and pulled me into his arms so that we were both on our sides, facing each other.

  “Listen to me, Loreley. I know there’s a lot we need to talk about. A lot we need to figure out. And yes, most of that talking will be about our son. I want to know everything about him, look at every single picture of him you have. I want to know what food he liked, what his favourite color was, if he looked more like me or more like you, if he had your passion and loyalty, if he shared your fun for life, if it was easy for him to make friends, if he was funny, if he was happy, if he was as perfect as I imagine him.”

  “He was,” I said in a broken whisper. “He was all of that and more.”

  Jason gave me a sad but proud smile and touched his lips softly to mine. “He was ours so there’s no way he couldn’t have been perfect.” He kissed me again.

  “What I’m saying is, yes, I’m unbelievably sad and angry that I never got to be a part of his life, but I’m not mad at you, Loreley. How could I be? I’ll admit I was furious with you when I first found out, furious and hurt that you thought so little of me. But then I realized that you didn’t have any other choice but to hate me. You thought I had cheated on you. You had no way of knowing the girl in my house was with Murphy and not me. Yes, you could have answered my calls, but I get why you didn’t. And Loreley, I should have tried harder to get you to talk to me before you left for L.A. But I was too proud. I couldn’t get past my male ego, couldn’t get over the fact that you would leave me like that without looking back, over a stupid fight we both knew only happened because I was an insecure jerk. And baby, I didn’t know you thought I was cheating on you or I would have moved heaven and earth to talk to you right then. I thought you’d left me because of the things I’d said that night. I was too proud to question it and look deeper, too proud to run after you. I called you all day after that and the day after that. I called Chris about ten times, but neither of you answered. It was clear you didn’t want to talk to me. So I stupidly left you be and hoped that you would come around and call me back. Only you didn’t. And knowing what I know now I can’t blame you for that.”