“Fair?” I tripped over the word. All I wanted to do was kiss him, taste his flavor once more. Why, oh why, couldn’t I ever learn?
“Fair. Because I’m going to chase you, capture you, Sophia. I’m giving you fair warning so that you can run…but regardless, I’m telling you I’ll catch you,” he murmured, his gaze trailing from my eyes to my lips.
The intensity of his expression was as fiery as a touch.
“You want me to run?” The words came out in a husky whisper I barely recognized as my own.
“No, I want you to make it easy on me, but you were right earlier. Nothing of worth, nothing worth having is easy to attain. That especially includes you. And I’m going to do whatever it takes to make sure you know it. And that in the end… you’re mine.” He said the last words softly, against the corner of my mouth. Then brushed his lips across my own, just a feather of a kiss, as if sealing his vow.
Everything within me ached for more. Though I knew I should push him away, run into the safety of the hall and my common sense, I didn’t. Rather I savored the moment, remembering his flavor and the way his breath tickled my skin. In that moment I surrendered. Only Greyson existed, blocking out everything else like a solar eclipse.
The heat from his lips, however fleeting, was electrifying and I trembled with hunger, but he took a step back, his eyes dancing with barely restrained fire. “Goodnight, Sophia.” He nodded and backed away slowly, as if forcing himself to keep away from me, when it was the last thing he wanted.
“Goodnight, Greyson,” I whispered, still lost in all that had taken place. In a daze I left, clutching my iPad tightly as I walked down the hall to clock out.
On the way home I replayed our conversation, our hint of a kiss over and over, reliving each moment and shifting between wondering if I was doing the right thing, to being tempted to toss all caution to the wind and just allowing myself to be caught in the whirlwind that was Greyson Bentley. The tug-of-war between my head and heart raged unchecked.
Tempted was the perfect word. Because in the end, my mind won out, reminding me that should be the last kiss. Unless Greyson gave his brokenness to God, I could never let it go further. Not because God wouldn’t let me, but because in His love, He was protecting me from disaster. Because Greyson himself had spoken the truth; he had no idea what that type of love looked like… and I could never accept, never live with anything less.
If only I could remember my convictions when I was around Greyson, then I’d maybe have a chance at surviving without a broken heart.
Chapter Nine
“How did it go?” Bekah was sitting cross-legged on the couch, looking ready to pounce. She’d obviously been waiting for me.
“How long have you been there?” I asked as I tossed my purse in the closet.
“Long enough to be impatient.” She shot back with a small smile.
“It went… well.”
“That’s it, that’s all you’ll give me. Seriously? I will so—”
“No, okay, sit down. Simmer! Sheesh! It was awkward at first. Especially since I met a woman coming from his room.” I gave Bekah a sideways glance.
“Woman, as in little old grandmother, or hoochie mama?”
“Hoochie.” I leaned back on the couch.
“Crap.”
“Yeah… Greyson later told me that nothing had happened, that he hadn’t even touched her, let alone kiss or sleep with her but…”
“Wait… Greyson? No… Okay. Hold on here. Please tell me that we’re not talking about Greyson Bentley, the billionaire bad boy that’s been ‘on holiday’ for the past few weeks from his Fortune 500 company… the one I haven’t seen in a supermarket tabloid for weeks… the one that usually is on the front page of all of them…” Bekah’s voice continued to get high pitched as she shifted to spear me with a warning gaze. “Wait… Is that why you asked me a while ago if I had ever heard of him? Holy crap.” She sunk back into the couch, a dazed expression on her face.
“I can’t really say…” I hedged, cursing myself for the slip-up.
“No wonder you’re in knots.” Bekah exhaled deeply.
“Well…” I tried to steer the conversation back.
“Well?” She turned to me and blew her bangs from her forehead.
“Well, I did what you said. What I already knew I needed to do but was really too chicken to do. I told him about me, what I believe.”
“Woo hoo! I knew you could do it. How did he respond?” She sat up and tucked a leg under her rump.
“Well. He asked a lot of questions but isn’t sure he’s ready for that step.”
“Understandable. It’s difficult for most people. The idea of not being in control of your own life is scary. Lots of people don’t see it as a blessing but as if they will immediately spiral out of control like a plane without a pilot… rather than realize the truth. That’s exactly what is going on. There’s no pilot ‘til God takes over.”
“Yeah. I know. He… Gr-Greyson also said that he was going to chase me… that he wanted me.”
“Whoa… okay. Back up. How did that all come about?”
I explained to Bekah all Greyson had said. Her eyes grew wider by the second.
“That’s possibly one of the most romantic things I’ve ever heard.” She sighed and leaned back.
“I know… but—”
“But it isn’t enough to be romantic.”
“Nope… as much as I really want it to be right now,” I lamented, covering my face with a pillow.
“It would never work, you know that right? It’s not that he’s not good enough, it’s nothing to do with his past or even where he is now… it’s that he’d never be able to love you the way you need, Soph. Not unless he learns about love from God, the one who made it.”
“I know… it sucks though.”
“I’m sure it does… But Greyson…” She lifted an eyebrow. “He knows where you stand. If he loves you, he’ll not push you to where you can’t go. And that’s the first step in realizing real love… putting someone else before yourself.”
“You’re right.” I pulled the pillow away and glanced at her. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome. It’s what roommates are for… keeping their buddies away from celebrity bad boys intent on stealing their virtue.” She teased and stood, just barely missing the pillow I launched at her.
“He’s not trying to steal my virtue.” I rolled my eyes.
“Oh, he is… one kiss at a time,” she teased and walked to the kitchen. “Hungry?”
“As long as we’re not having salad,” I called back.
“You need your rabbit food,” Bekah sing-songed from the kitchen.
“I need protein,” I called back, standing.
“You need both,” Bekah corrected and pulled out some stuff from the fridge.
“Fine.” I laughed and flopped back in my seat.
Later that night as I lay in bed I tried to think of anything but Greyson’s words, his soft kiss… but that was the last thing I thought of before sleep captured me. It was also the first thing I was thinking of when I woke up.
Today was going to be interesting.
****
On my way to Greyson’s room, I started the process of logging into my iPad while I walked. As I turned the corner I slammed into a hard chest, knocking me backward.
“Oh!” I gasped and fumbled the iPad until I caught it. Two warm hands grasped my shoulders and steadied me.
“Easy, killer. Trying to take out the unsuspecting patients?” Greyson’s voice flowed over me like warm spring water, comforting and enticing all at the same time.
“Sorry, I wasn’t — I mean, I didn’t see you.”
“I figured that out.” He chuckled, but didn’t move his hands from their gentle grip on my shoulders. The heat from his palms seemed to increase, his touch making me more aware of his presence.
Unsteady, I glanced up into his sparkling gaze. As always, it was as if he saw deeper than what I wanted, readi
ng my heart. I swallowed and glanced down, trying to remember why I needed to keep him at arm’s length. But of course, my fuzzy brain couldn’t remember any reason.
“How — how are you? I was on my way to your room—”
“Yeah, Doc Solomon already came in so I figured I’d try to catch up with you in the hall. My plan worked a little too well.” He raised an eyebrow and gave me a lop-sided grin. His hands slowly moved down my arms, searing blazing trails that turned to gooseflesh until he reached my hands. He grasped the one that wasn’t clutching the iPad and began to swirl his thumb over my wrist.
Instantly, my mouth went dry. “I should have been paying more attention—”
“Hey, don’t ruin it. I was already convincing myself that you were just in a hurry to see me.” He winked then released my hand.
It still burned from his touch.
“Take a walk with me? Or do you have someone you need to check on?” He leaned back and studied me but with a polite curiosity.
“I don’t have anyone that needs my attention right now. I’m scheduled to check up on you, actually.”
“Perfect. You can check up on me while we get outta here. I swear the walls are closing in on me, Sophia.” He shook his head and started toward the door, pausing for me to catch up.
“You’ll be finished soon, then you can get back to your life.” The words left a hollow feeling in my chest and put a vise grip on my heart.
Greyson, gone.
I hadn’t really thought of it. In about a week he would leave, go back to his billion-dollar company and lifestyle. It sobered me while causing my heart to shudder in pain as I realized I might only have a week before he left, most likely for good. Sure, he’d have to keep up on outpatient counseling, maybe attend group meetings and the like. But those activities had nothing to do with me. My thoughts sounded selfish and I berated myself for them, though my heart still ached knowing he’d soon be gone.
“Sophia?” Greyson paused as we reached the wide glass doors that opened onto the patio and lead to the garden trails.
“Hmm? Yes?” I glanced up.
His eyebrows were drawn together as he studied my face intently.
I held my breath, not sure of what he saw but slowly his expression changed and he pushed open the door.
“Come with me.” He waited till we were down one of the garden paths before he reached out and grasped my hand within his warm grip. The simple touch was almost a sensory overload.
“You just realized that I’ll be leaving in a week,” he said quietly as he ducked under a low willow branch.
I nodded, struggling to keep my expression open and unreadable. “Yes, but that’s a success for you. Something to be celebrated.” I turned my head to face him, using my other hand to punctuate my words.
“Hell, yeah.” Greyson grinned. “But it’s… Sophia, I’m not going to forget about you just because I’m gone from here.” Greyson paused and released my hand so that he could grip my shoulders tenderly. His gaze was deep, soulful, and willing. “I meant what I said… Even if I have to chase you for a while, I’ll still catch you because I’m not going to stop pursuing you. So, get used to that idea.” He shrugged a shoulder and leaned forward, kissing my forehead tenderly, sweetly.
I was so confused. Hadn’t I already made the decision to stop this? The kissing, the temptation… yet here I was melting into his every touch. My heart raced as I glanced around, making sure we were alone. The last thing I wanted was to be fired. Kissing Greyson? Even a tender kiss placed to my forehead… I’d be packing my bags before I could say ‘sorry’. Yet in the powerful presence of him, all those other concerns tended to fade to grey.
“I believe you, Greyson, I believe that you honestly feel that way but, practically? It’s just not feasible.” I shrugged a shoulder and offered him a weak smile as I realized I had just used the same words he had the day before.
“Then I’ll have to just prove you wrong.” His words held a powerful determination. He released my shoulders and grasped my hand once more, tugging on it until I followed him farther down the path. I let him.
“Tell me about your family,” Greyson asked after a moment.
“My mom and dad are in the Philippines. They specialize in teaching literacy programs to adults and helping drug addicts recover. They also plant churches.” I watched his expression.
“That explains a lot about you. Did you always want to follow in their footsteps?” He asked while casting me a curious glance.
“No, well, not really. But as I grew, I realized how much their work benefited others and I wanted to do the same. I needed to do the same. If you don’t give, then all you do is take and I don’t want to be that type of person. My dad was always telling me that. ‘There are two types of people, Sophia. Those who give, and those who take. Be the one that gives, because the more you give, the more you’ll be refilled to give more, God’s grace does that and satisfies you. But if you only take, then you’ll never be satisfied.’”
“Your father’s wise. I never heard it put that way before, but it makes sense.” Greyson turned his face toward the path. His expression clouded over slightly and I waited for him to explain why.
When we had walked in silence for a few minutes I asked, “What’s on your mind?”
“Oh…” He glanced to me quickly, as if I had interrupted an internal conversation. “It’s just that, well. I think I’m a taker, Sophia. And I don’t want to be. Your dad’s right. You’re never satisfied. It’s like… there’s this hunger, and the more you eat, the more you consume, the emptier you feel. And even if you do, by some miracle, find satisfaction in something or another, it’s gone—” He snapped his fingers. “—like that and you’re immediately searching for something else to get you to that feeling once more.” He exhaled heavily. “It sucks.”
As I watched him my heart broke a little, his brow furrowed before it lifted in a sarcastic expression.
“And what’s worse, is that in the end, you use people. Damn. For once I’d love to be around you and not see everything wrong with myself.” He released my hand and took a few steps away. His hand shook as he ran his hand through his dark chestnut hair, mussing it. “Shit, Sophia, I’m a mess. I didn’t even see it ‘til recently, and I keep telling myself, lying to myself that it’s not that bad but… damn, it is. It is. And here I am, promising you that I’ll chase you, catch you, and I can’t even get my own shit together.” He shook his head and leaned back inhaling deeply.
I watched his shoulders bunch under his gray t-shirt as his body tensed. Greyson was just beginning to realize how broken he was, how much further he had to go. But didn’t we all? None of us were born perfect and my heart ached to tell him, remind him of that truth but he began to speak again. So I listened.
“Damn it, I need to get it together. But…” He hung his head for a moment then turned toward me, his hands slightly outstretched. “But I think that’s why you’re different, Sophia. And as much as I hate that I’m not in control, that I’m a wreck, you don’t look at me like I am.” He dropped his hands and shrugged a shoulder. “You give it to me straight, damn the consequences, and haven’t once put up with my bullshit. You get up on your soapbox and preach to me, but you live it. You don’t just say it. You are it.” He took a step forward.
My heart started to kick up its cadence as I watched his expression transition from tormented to resolute.
“And that’s why I won’t let you get away, Sophia. You see me, my mess, and you’re able to still… like me. And that’s enough for me. Because one day, that like just might turn to love and I’ll be there waiting.” He closed the distance and sealed his words with a fierce kiss that immediately set my blood into frenzy. All rational thoughts left my mind as I lost myself in his kiss. His hand reached around my shoulders and drew me in close, pulling me into his hard chest until I could feel his deep breathing and pounding heartbeat. His tongue teased my lips, caressing them with a hunger that left me breathless. As he gently
tugged on my lower lip with his teeth I gasped and gave him the opening he was waiting for. His tongue darted into my mouth, overwhelming me with his intense flavor that reminded me of exotic spices all bound up in passion. I ached for more, so I began to kiss him back, more than I had ever before as my senses closed out everything but him. His hands caressed my back as his lips broke from mine. “Sophia…” He spoke my name with reverence as he began to taste the sensitive part of my neck and place lingering kisses along my jaw line. His touch softened, his caress less intense and more of a tender exploration. I relaxed as his lips found mine in an achingly soft kiss. Once, twice, a third time he kissed me softly before turning his head simply embracing me. In the otherwise quiet garden, my heartbeat pounded in my ears from the passionate exchange.
He held me for a moment before releasing me. His lips tilted into an alluring smile that melted my insides like ice cream on a warm brownie. Reaching down he grasped my hand and tugged me gently until I started to walk with him once again. Belatedly, I glanced around, thankful we had walked to one of the outskirts of the gardens and were not easily seen.
I took a moment to collect myself then asked him the same question he had asked me. “So, tell me about your parents.” I glanced up at him, curious.
He cleared his throat. “My mom is currently married to a CEO from ARBS, and I must say, I’m impressed because she’s made it a whole two years without a divorce. A record, unless you count my dad.” He offered me a weak grin. “Speaking of which, my dad died about three years ago. Massive heart attack. Everyone was surprised that he left me the majority of the stock to the company. We hadn’t ever been that close, but it didn’t surprise me. Not because I wanted it. Hell, no. Just thinking about the company’s board members gives me a headache. But I knew he’d give it to me because his legacy was important to him. ‘We don’t live forever’ my dad used to always say to me. ‘You need to have a legacy, a legend to follow you, to survive even when you’re not around anymore. If you don’t leave a legacy, it’s like you never even existed.’” Greyson shook his head, and a harsh chuckle slipped from his downturned lips. “He didn’t want the company out of the family, more specifically, out of his family name. I’m the only one left with that name. He figured if they hear the name, then at least they’ll remember him. That was his legacy.” He twisted his lips and pierced me with a steady gaze.
Beyond Broken Page 10
