The ice in his tone scared her. She wanted the man dead, but she didn’t want it at the expense of Tyler’s self-control. Many times she had watched him grapple with his temper, trying to keep it at a reasonable level for her. If he let his control go, who knew what he could do to the man that had hurt her?
“It’s not about trusting you, it’s about being able to talk about it. If you can’t already tell that I trust you with my life, then you need to take a good hard look at what we’re doing here. I’ll share it when I’m ready to and not before,” she whispered.
He realized that he had gone completely alpha male on her, and it looked like it had scared her. Forcing himself to release the tension from his body, he smiled as easily as possible at her. “I know, I’m sorry. I just want to take care of this for you. I’ll be patient.”
She knew he would be, and since this was the first time he’d lost his cool out loud, she would overlook it. “I know you will,” she reached out her hand as a gesture of goodwill and placed it in his.
When she flipped her palm over, he ran his long fingers over the sensitive skin there and her breathing quickened. At this moment, for once, she wished her body and her mind would be on the same page.
Chapter Seven
This had been a bad idea, Meredith realized as soon as she made her way out to the packed main room of the clubhouse. It hadn’t been hard to get up the hallway that led to the dorm rooms where most of the other members slept. Some of them had homes. Those who didn’t made their homes here. It was important that their private space be respected, so not a lot of people congregated in that tight spot. The main room, however, was a completely different story. Everything had been pushed to the side – except for couches, where she could see a lot more people congregating than she was comfortable with.
The party was in full swing, and there were a ton of bodies packed into a very small space. She couldn’t even bring herself to wear a costume, but a part of her had wanted to be amongst the action. She wanted to see what she was missing out on. Her eyes scanned the sea of bodies and locked with William’s, who smiled warmly at her and saluted her with his beer. She smiled back, thankful that he had seen her in distress and offered her a friendly gesture.
“Meredith,” Denise yelled from the edge of the crowd.
Making her way over to her friend, Meredith tried not to let people she didn’t know touch her. “Hey, you look great,” she complimented.
Denise wore a wizard outfit that included fake glasses and a wand.
“Thanks. Liam said something about me being a very naughty schoolgirl later on,” she giggled, her eyes glassy with the alcohol she’d already consumed.
That hit Meredith in the stomach like a ton of bricks. What she wouldn’t give for the carefree way Denise talked about and displayed her sexuality. “Well, you have a good time,” she muttered.
“I’m gonna tell you somethin’ and I don’t want you to get mad at me.” The drinks she had made her accent thicker, Meredith had to concentrate on listening to her.
“Okay.”
“You need to stake your claim.”
“What?” Meredith didn’t understand her drunken ramblings.
“Women. They are all over Tyler tonight. You need to stake your damn claim.”
Dread rolled in her stomach. “How? I can’t even let the man touch me.”
Denise sobered almost completely in that moment. “Have you tried?”
Sometimes her friend pissed her off with her honest questions. Meredith wasn’t sure how it’d happened, but the two of them knew each other so well. She’d never had a friend like Denise who challenged her and wasn’t afraid to call her on her bullshit.
“Where is he?” she asked through clenched teeth. This pissed her off. He was hers, even if she couldn’t show him that yet.
“Follow the trail of scantily clad women, and he’s at the end.”
That was exactly what she hadn’t wanted to hear. “Seriously. Can you just tell me where he is?”
Denise grabbed her hand, maneuvering them through the crowd. Up ahead, she could see a group of women, Tyler in the middle. He had a small smile on his face, obviously enjoying the attention. Meredith looked down at the loose jeans and huge shirt she wore.
“I look like a fucking soccer mom,” she hissed at Denise. Her voice was thick with unshed tears and embarrassment. How had she let herself go? “I can’t go up there like this. They’ll laugh me out of the room.”
“Then do something about it. I know you have it in you. I’m not telling you to have sex with him tonight, but you have got to stop stringing him along.”
Meredith knew that she was right. He deserved so much more than she was able to give him. “You’re right, but what am I going to wear?”
“Come with me.”
It had taken them forever to get through the crowd and back to the dorm room that Liam used on occasion. Denise stumbled through the door after she’d fought to open it with her key.
“You need to take a break from the booze friend of mine. You won’t be able to be a naughty school girl later on if you can’t keep from puking.”
“That’s good advice, now I’m going to give you some. Wear this out there. Forget your insecurities, inhibitions, and fear for a little while. Take it minute by minute, and I think you’ll be fine. I picked this up for you, hoping that jealously would make you lay claim on that man.”
Denise threw a bag on the bed along with some makeup products and shoes.
“How sexy is it?” Meredith asked, her breath already starting to become more rapid in her chest.
“Just calm down. You aren’t showing anything except your legs and chest. I promise you, it’s not too risqué at all.”
When she was dressed, Meredith turned around in the mirror, checking herself from all sides. She had to admit that Denise had been right. A fairy costume hadn’t been what she was expecting, so she forewent the wings that were supposed to go on her back. While it was sexy, it was also modest. A white corset inlaid in a dress pushed her breasts up, but not indecently so. White tights covered her legs and a white mask over her eyes showed only the eye makeup she wore. The skirt came down right to her knees, and the white heels she wore made her legs look exceptionally long. The contrast of the white clothes she wore against her dark hair that she’d curled and pulled back was striking.
“Wow,” she breathed, getting another glimpse at herself.
“Do you feel comfortable?” Denise asked. “Because if you don’t, I won’t make you do this.” She wanted to make her do it, but she wouldn’t.
Meredith could see the excitement in Denise’s eyes. Her friend wanted her to take back a part of herself. “Ya know what? I do.”
“Then go out there and get your man. Here, take a shot before you go, you might need it.”
Meredith coughed as the vanilla flavored vodka burned on its way down, but it steadied her shaking hands. Before going out the door, she hugged Denise fiercely. “Thank you.”
“You don’t have to thank me at all. You’re doin’ this all on your own. I just gave you the tools.”
As she rejoined the party, Meredith noticed that it had gotten a little louder, a little wilder, and a little raunchier. With new determination she made her way through the crowd, not even shrinking away when someone pressed against her that she didn’t know. Out of nowhere, William came up behind her and put an arm out, keeping others away.
“You’re my knight in shining armor tonight,” she grinned.
“Just trying to be of service to my brother,” he winked at her. It was unusual for him to be in such a jovial mood, but she wrote it off as the alcohol he’d probably consumed.
She was on a mission this time. The group of women around Tyler had grown bigger, and one woman stood too close for Meredith’s comfort. Squaring her shoulders, she marched right up to them and stood where the women couldn’t help but see her.
He hadn’t been paying attention, talking to Liam who stood off to t
he side, conveniently ignoring every woman who walked up to him. She cleared her throat loudly, causing him to look at her. When he did, her inner self smiled brightly at the surprise in his eyes. His pupils darkened almost immediately.
“Meredith?” he stammered, giving her a once over.
“Yeah, I thought I’d come out here and give you a break, looks like you have a little bit too much company.”
Holy shit, she’s jealous, he thought. What an interesting turn of events this was. “They aren’t wanted.”
“I know. You’re just too nice to tell them that.”
She saddled up to his side and pushed the girl who had been too close for comfort out of the way. He immediately turned into her, blocking her body from everyone else’s view.
“This is nice,” he indicated the outfit that she wore, running a finger down her cheek and along the side of her body.
She closed her eyes, relishing the feel of his touch.
“It’s sexy,” he told her, bringing his lips close to her ear so that she could hear him over the magnitude of the crowd.
She shivered, bringing her hands up to his biceps to keep herself from swaying on her heels. His voice, so deep and smooth, swept over her.
“It was Denise’s idea.”
He chuckled low in his throat. “Remind me to thank her. Then remind me to thank these women who’ve been on my nerves all night. They obviously made you jealous.”
“I couldn’t help it,” she admitted, glancing up into his eyes.
They stood that way for a long moment, his face tilted towards hers, staring into each other’s eyes. His big hands spanned her waist, and he brought them up to rest on her back.
“I’d like to kiss you,” he warned her.
“I think I would like that,” she answered back, breathless.
The spell broke between them as he glanced around and noticed the group of women glaring at her. “Not here, follow me.”
He grabbed her hand and dragged her along the outskirts of the party, opening a door to the garage where bikes that were being worked on were kept. They were alone, and she could hear her breath echoing off the emptiness of the room.
“Is this okay?” he asked her softly, not knowing how she felt about being alone with him while the atmosphere between them was so sexually charged.
“More than,” she told him and realized it was the truth.
Slowly, he brought his hands up to her cheeks and framed them. His big thumbs stroked the skin there, feeling how hot they were.
“Embarrassed or aroused?” he asked, indicating the blush that had formed there.
“A little bit of both,” she admitted shakily.
“I’m not gonna force you to do something you don’t want to do. So if you want this, you’ve gotta come to me.”
She realized that in his own way he was making her tell him what she wanted, and while a part of her hated it, another part of her rejoiced. Placing her hands on his waist under his cut, she fisted his shirt in them and pulled their bodies closer together. He groaned as she tilted her head opposite his and fused their lips together. His hands remained on her cheeks, not exerting any pressure, letting her control the kiss. She pulled back, then went forward, peppering little kisses on his lips, getting used to the feel of him.
“Thank you,” she whispered, as she leaned into his body, hugging him to her.
“Whatever you need, whatever you want, I’m here,” he promised. “But I need you to let me know what that is.”
She clung to him, tears coming to her eyes, and in an instant, they sprang free.
“Shh,” he comforted, running his hands through her hair. “Let it all out,” he instructed her.
With the tears that flowed, Meredith peeled off the band-aid on the emotions that held her back. It cleansed her body and her mind, allowing her to really feel for the first time since the attack. He held her as she broke down and knew that he’d never be able to let her go.
Chapter Eight
Meredith breathed heavily as she did her second lap around the Heaven Hill compound. The kiss the night before had opened a flood of emotions within her, and she hadn’t been able to sleep very long once they’d made their way back to Tyler’s dorm room. She’d lain there tossing and turning most of the night, thoughts racing through her head. Usually running helped, but not even the steady pounding of her shoes on the ground cleared her thoughts today. Stopping when she finally had a stitch in her side, she bent over. Panting, she crossed her hands above her head and began slowing walking around.
“You okay?” Denise asked as she walked up beside the other woman.
“Fine,” she panted, although her eyes betrayed her. “You?”
Her friend decided to let the obvious lie go and smiled dreamily. “It was an amazing night once we got home. Have I mentioned how hot Liam is? How much I love him? How we decided to maybe try and have a baby?”
The water that Meredith had just taken a sip of spit forward out of her mouth. “Come again?”
“Yeah,” she beamed. “We talked about it, and we decided that since I’m still young and he wants to, we’re gonna take a shot at having a baby.”
The enthusiasm that she tried to show froze in her throat. This had been her dream, having a husband and a child. Jealously reared its ugly head and Meredith had to hit it with all her might to push it down. “That’s great. I’m so happy for you!”
Denise smiled sadly at her friend. “No you’re not, this is something you want. Isn’t it?”
“I’m in no position to know what I want at this point,” she argued.
“It’s okay to not be thrilled for us, seriously,” Denise soothed.
Meredith leaned against the chain link fence that surrounded the compound and put her face in her hands. “You’re right, I want all of that,” she whispered, tears coming to her eyes.
The hollow feeling that settled in the pit of her stomach made her want to puke. It angered her and frustrated her, but at the same time gave her such a feeling of despair. She tried so hard to keep it together, not to let Denise know how much this affected her, but it was futile. The tears came and she couldn’t stop them. Gut wrenching sobs exploded from her chest, and the complete devastation she felt shattered her.
Not knowing what to do, Denise grabbed her shoulders and pulled her close for a hug. It shocked her when Meredith buried her head in the other woman’s shoulder and hung on for dear life. Maybe this is what she’d been missing. The human contact, the feeling of someone else physically helping her hold herself together.
“Talk to me,” Denise pleaded. “You’re not going to hurt my feelings one bit. Tell me how you’re feeling.”
Her nose ran and Meredith coughed as she shook her head, trying to clear the tears from her eyes. “Devastated. I feel like all my dreams are gone,” her broken voice cracked and the sobs started over again.
“They’re not, honey. Now’s the time to realize those dreams, make new ones.”
Someone who hadn’t had such things taken from them couldn’t understand, and Meredith couldn’t seem to explain it with enough detail that others knew where she was coming from. She felt so alone.
“I’m broken and I just don’t know if I can ever be fixed,” she whimpered as she curled her fingers around Denise’s shoulders and hung on for dear life.
“You’re gonna be fixed. I won’t allow you not to be,” Denise vowed, rocking the other woman as she cried it all out.
“What happened?” Tyler barked as Meredith made her way back into the clubhouse.
She looked like death warmed over. Her eyes were red rimmed and puffy, her face a sick white pallor. The woman in front of him looked ready to collapse.
“I really don’t wanna talk about it,” she croaked out. Her throat was raw with all the crying she’d done, and she was physically exhausted. For the first time in months it felt like she could go to sleep and stay there for days. It had finally caught up with her, the utter exhaustion that she’d been feelin
g. Perhaps it was really depression and it’d finally just overtaken her body.
Tyler fought back the protective side he had for her and did his best to respect her wishes. She walked slowly to his dorm room, and he followed her at a respectable distance, hoping not to spook her.
“Anything I can do for you?” he asked softly.
Frustration and anger made her lash out. “I’m so sick of people doing things for me. Treating me like I can’t do anything for myself. It drives me crazy,” she screamed.
Taken aback, he didn’t say anything, just listened to her rage.
“Poor Meredith, she got raped and she can’t sleep at night and nothing is ever going to be the same for her again. Let’s treat her with kid gloves and keep her from getting too stressed out because she might have a nervous breakdown.”
He herded her into the dorm room and shut the door. “Are you done?”
“No, I’m not done. I’m so sick of this.”
She charged into him and screamed, pushing him back against the door to the room. He didn’t try to hold her arms back, just let her go as she started to beat her fists into his chest. After several long minutes, she stopped, collapsing against him.
Carefully, he put his arms around her, hugging her to him. She launched her arms around his neck, holding on for dear life, and it took him by surprise. She was so tentative usually when she touched other people.
“Please, don’t let me go,” she begged tearfully. It was there, the need for human touch. It was finally there again.
“I won’t,” he promised. “I will be here for as long as you need. For whatever you need me for. I’m not gonna let you down.”
She knew without a doubt that he was telling the truth. She also knew that in order for them to move forward, she was going to have to get uncomfortable. Try things that she hadn’t before and put her fears aside. If she could have him and everything she wanted, it would be worth every single drop of fear, anxiety, and sadness she’d ever felt.
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