by Jan Hahn
Not trusting myself to look directly at him, I stared at the rumpled sheets and counterpane, thrilled at his words. He had done it all for me and me, alone.
"But Fitzwilliam!" he said, angry disbelief in his voice. "I cannot believe that he told you."
"Had you sworn him to secrecy in the matter?"
"I had not. I did not think it necessary, for at the time of its occurrence I did not envision him ever crossing your path again. And here, I have thrown you together daily these past weeks. What else has my cousin revealed about me?"
"I can think of nothing, other than sharing bits of your correspondence about that shabby business in London." When he made no further comment, I took a deep breath and made a bold suggestion. "Now that mystery is out in the open, shall we seal it with a kiss as well?"
He smiled, his eyes darkening. "Agreed."
I scrambled into his arms before he could change his mind and this time I kissed him with an utter lack of restraint until I could feel the muscles in his arms begin to quiver. When I drew back slightly, his voice came out quite roughly, as did his breathing. "And...the next item... might be?"
I drew back, but I did not retreat to my former place at the head of the bed. Slowly, we removed our hands from each other's arms and I began to play with the pleat in my gown, rubbing it back and forth between my fingers to keep my hands occupied and thus refrain from touching him.
"Have you kept your promise to me about Mr. Bingley and Jane? From my sister's correspondence, it does not appear that you have."
He frowned, grabbed a pillow and punched it with such force that I expected to see feathers fly, before placing it at his back. "I have not."
"And why not, may I ask? It was agreed upon before our marriage."
"That is correct, but at present I have serious doubts as to the wisdom of such action."
I straightened, pulling my shoulders back, for I could feel that familiar ire rising within me. In doing so, my gown slipped off one shoulder, but I ignored it. Why should he insist on being stubborn about this? What possible reason could he have? I struggled to keep my voice even. "Then you must tell me why. You certainly owe me that much, Mr. Darcy."
He looked directly at me. "We are back to 'Mr. Darcy,' are we? You sit in my bed clad only in your gown, which is falling down in the most fetching manner, and yet address me as Mr. Darcy." I immediately replaced the errant part of my gown, but he reached over and aided it in exposing my bare shoulder once more. "I like it better like that," he said, his voice a low growl.
"Sir, you avoid the subject."
He smiled, which almost made me forget the subject, myself, before he continued. "Very well. I have not spoken to Bingley because I fail to see in him what you do. You profess that he is in love with Miss Bennet and that her feelings are the same. I will not argue with you as to her state of mind. When in her presence, I saw no apparent proclivity in her manner toward Bingley, but I shall accept the fact you possess a thorough knowledge of your sister's wishes and I bow to your thinking in that regard. However, I now wonder if Bingley is truly in love with Miss Bennet."
"How can you doubt it?" I demanded. "At Hertfordshire, he showed every inclination of a man besotted. Why, the entire county talked of it. We all expected an announcement of their betrothal by last Christmas until you and his sisters persuaded him otherwise and whisked him off to town."
"And just exactly how did you come by that intelligence? Who told you that Miss Bingley and Mrs. Hurst and I spoke of such things with him? I have wondered that ever since you accused me thus in the vicar's parsonage last April."
"Richard told me that very afternoon before you...visited me."
"Fitzwilliam? What is he now, an old woman? I never knew him to have such a loose tongue! Or do you possess a particular talent in extracting information from him?"
I glared at him and then saw the smile playing about his mouth. "Oh, no, William! You will not distract me by changing the subject and ridiculing your cousin, no matter how clever you are. I want an answer. How can you not believe that Mr. Bingley was unduly influenced by you and that your interference has kept him from declaring himself to Jane?"
"That is precisely why I have reservations."
"I do not understand."
"If Bingley truly loved your sister enough to marry her, neither his sisters nor I could have pressed him into rethinking his decision."
"But he thinks very highly of you, sir. It is evident he looks to you for guidance and you have caused him to doubt her preference for him."
"Elizabeth, if I loved a woman as you think Bingley loves Miss Bennet, nothing - and I do mean nothing - could keep me from her. Neither her impertinent remarks, nor her teasing manner nor accusations of defects in my character, not even her reluctance to dance with me would deter me." I realized we no longer spoke of Mr. Bingley and Jane. He took my hands in his, then lifted my chin, forcing me to meet his gaze. "Not even when I proposed and she turned me down, declaring that I acted in an ungentleman-like manner and that I was the last man she would ever marry...not even that would keep me from pursuing her, from doing everything in my power to make her mine."
"Pray," I pleaded, attempting to turn my face from his, "do not remind me of what I said then, of how terribly I abused you."
"What did you say of me that I did not deserve? For, though your accusations were ill-founded, formed on mistaken premises, my behaviour to you at the time merited the severest reproof. It was unpardonable. My conduct, my manners, my expressions during the whole of it is now, and has been many months, inexpressibly painful to me, though it was some time, I confess, before I was reasonable enough to allow their justice."
"I had not the smallest idea of their being ever felt in such a way."
"I can well believe it. I have been a selfish being all my life. As a child, I was given good principles, but left to follow them in pride and conceit. Such I was, from eight to eight and twenty; and such I remain except for brief episodes. Episodes that will only reoccur and change me into a more worthwhile person with your influence, dearest, loveliest Elizabeth!"
Oh, I felt all the anger I ever directed toward him dissolve at the words coming from his mouth and the look in his eyes. If I had taken the time to glance down, I would not have been at all surprised to find myself reduced to nothing less than a pool of mush.
"We both have many questions one for the other," he said. "That we have acknowledged, but truly, there is only one that matters. At Hunsford cottage last Easter, I told you that I greatly admired and loved you. I still do."
My heart stood still. I swear that it refused to beat!
"I tried to conquer my desire for you - I tried most desperately - but it was a hopeless case," he said. "At Longbourn in October, you asked me why I wanted to marry you and I refused to tell you, but I tell you now. The sole reason, the only reason is that I love you more than life itself. I loved you more on the day of my second proposal than I did at Kent. I love you more today than I did yesterday, and I know without a doubt that I shall love you even more tomorrow. I will love you, Elizabeth, until I no longer draw breath, and that is God's truth."
I reached up and took his face in my hands. Slowly I pulled his mouth toward mine, while I felt his hands go around my waist, gathering me into his arms. Our lips touched and that exquisite taste of heaven washed over me once again, drawing me in with its enticing flavour, setting every nerve within me on fire. He deepened his kiss and I welcomed it, surrendering to the joy of being loved.
Sometime later, he released my mouth and simply held me in his arms. With his hand he cradled my head against his strong shoulder, binding me to him in the closest of embraces.
"You must answer this question, though," he said.
"Oh, William, no more questions for now. I am spent."
He cleared his throat. "I believe I am the one who answered the most questions. You have escaped with naught but one."
"All right, but you are merciless."
H
e raised me so that he could look into my eyes. "May I dare to hope you are beginning to love me...perhaps just a little?"
I could not help myself. I rolled my eyes. "A little? How can you doubt it? Have I not behaved like a shameless hussy each time you kissed me? I even crawled into your bed this very night!"
He smiled. "Such description is false, Elizabeth. I would say you have responded as a tender-hearted woman who takes pity on a drowning man."
"Ah, William, you mistake my motives. I have never pitied you, not even once."
"Then will you say the words?"
I gazed into his eyes, willing myself not to weep. "I love you, William, from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. I will love, cherish...and try to obey...till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance, and thereto I give thee my troth."
My vision blurred as tears filled my eyes. Laying my head against his chest, I slipped my arms around his waist. His heart beat rapidly in my ear and his breathing grew laboured. His voice was deep and ragged when he spoke. "This time I believe you."
"This time I spoke the truth." I raised my face to his and sought his lips. What began as a gentle caress soon deepened into a long, intoxicating kiss that threatened to blaze into a conflagration, as he stroked my back, holding me closer and closer. It took a huge clap of thunder to bring us to our senses. We both drew apart, looking at the windows as if to ask What? Surely, God in heaven must have laughed to see such surprise on the faces of two of his silliest creatures.
"More rain," William said, pulling me back against his chest. "Did not you once say that you loved to be in bed when it rains?"
"I believe I said I love to sleep when it is raining."
"Hmm, well, I do not anticipate your sleeping any time soon."
I trembled at the thought of what he suggested, but instead of proceeding to kiss me, he said, "Tell me, when did you first love me?"
I laughed. "Oh, no, William, not more questions."
"Why not? Tell me the answer. When did you first love me?"
"I hardly know. It has come on so gradually, that I hardly know when it began. I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun."
"I must know this, Elizabeth, and you must give me a straight answer. Did you fall in love with me after Fitzwilliam told you of my actions toward Wickham and your sister?"
I could hear the emotion in his voice and I knew I must not tease him any more. I shook my head. "No. I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look, or the words which laid the foundation, but I was already in love with you long before I heard his revelation."
He pulled me to him once again and held me tightly, so tightly I could hear our hearts beat as one. "You know not how much that means to me," he said, his voice almost hoarse.
"But why? What is so important about when I began loving you?"
"I would not have you love me out of gratitude."
So that was why he had not told me, why he had sworn the Gardiners to secrecy. He would not use that example of his fine character to cause me to marry him. He would rather force me into an arranged marriage, endure my anger and hostility for months on end, possibly forever, without any certainty I would ever become an agreeable wife. Oh William, I thought, do you not ever do things the easy way?
And then I discovered that at least one time he did just that, for it was exceedingly easy for him to teach me how a husband and wife please each other. I decided he was correct in his first statement after all: I loved being in bed when it rained...as long as he was there, too.
~ * ~
By the time we awoke the second time, the storm had passed and the sun now blazed way up in the heavens. I sat up, wondering at the hour, but the only clock in the room had not been set for some time, as no one had occupied the room for several months. William stirred and opening his eyes, he reached for me and pulled me back into his arms.
"Where are you going, my pretty wife?" He caressed my cheek with the back of his hand.
"Wherever you wish, my good sir." I smiled and stroked the curls back from his forehead.
"Hmm, I can think of some interesting places."
"Mr. Darcy!" I pretended to be shocked.
"No, no, my dearest, you can no longer play the innocent with me, for I know the truth about you." He began to nuzzle my neck and I could not suppress my giggles.
Just then we heard a noise out in the great hall. "What was that?" I said.
He looked up briefly and shrugged. "Probably one of the servants lighting the candles."
"William, there is no need for candles. Look, the sun is far above the house. It must be quite late in the morning."
He sat up then and did, indeed, look around and acknowledged I was probably correct.
"It appears to be mid-afternoon," he said.
"Everyone must have risen hours ago. Should not we do the same?"
He sighed as he smiled at me and then reached down and kissed me. "Yes, but it does seem a shame to leave the room where I have known the greatest happiness of my life."
My heart skipped a beat to hear those words, to know that I was the cause of the great joy that shone forth from his eyes. "Oh, William, I feel the same."
"Do you, my darling? Have I made you happy? Truly happy?"
"How can you doubt it?" I kissed him in return and we were soon swept away by a new wave of passion when an even louder noise from outside the door interrupted us.
"What in blazes...?" He raised his head. "Elizabeth, I must see to this, as much as I hate to leave you."
"Wait! If you open the door, whoever is there will see that I am here in your room."
He smiled. "Well, it is not as though you should not be, my dear. You are my wife." He rose from the bed and grabbed his robe.
"Pray, let me put on my robe, first."
"Very well." He handed me the garment and I slipped it on.
"William, does it show?"
"Does what show?"
"You know...what we were...well, you know."
He struggled in earnest not to laugh openly. "Only if I cannot cease grinning." He reached over and kissed the tip of my nose. "Do not worry, sweetest wife, it is not written on your forehead. Our secret is concealed."
Still, I quickly climbed out of the bed, wrapped my robe securely about me, and tried to smooth my wayward curls before he opened the door. Attempting the most serene and dignified expression that I could muster, I stood beside the bed. William opened the door to find not only his valet in the hall, Fiona and Sarah along with Mrs. Reynolds, but Colonel Fitzwilliam and Georgiana, as well. They were all in earnest conversation, the servants out of breath, seemingly having hurried down the hall.
"Wills!" Georgiana cried when he opened the door. She immediately ran to him and embraced him. "We thought something had happened to you. And where is Elizabeth? She is not in her room and here it is early afternoon. Richard has combed the grounds and he could not find her or you. I am afraid something has hap..." And then she saw me. "Oh, there you are! Why, Wills, did you and Elizabeth sleep in your old chamber last night?"
"Georgiana," Colonel Fitzwilliam quickly moved to her side and took her arm. "Come with me."
"But why? Wills, were you showing Elizabeth some of your things from Cambridge?"
"Georgiana," Richard said again.
"Richard, what is it?"
"Come along," he said forcefully, "now!"
"But why?"
"Never you mind." He raised his eyebrows at William and I could see the nerve in his cheek quivering as he struggled not to laugh. Taking Georgiana by the arm, he prodded her down the hall to the stairs and then below. The servants had all immediately scattered, averting their faces as they were well trained to do. William turned to me and I could see his efforts to repress his feelings reflected on his face.
I sighed and walked past him through the door that he held open.
"So much for concealment," I said under my breath.
We
both stole a glance at each other from the corner of our eyes, and although our shoulders shook as we walked down that long hall to our separate chambers, I am proud to say we did maintain some manner of dignity and successfully refrained from bursting out with laughter until we safely hid behind closed doors.
Chapter 14
That evening at dinner, Colonel Fitzwilliam announced he would leave the next morning to return to his regiment in town. His words were met with disappointment and regret from all of us, especially Georgiana. She pleaded with him to stay until her brother reminded her that their cousin did have responsibilities other than her entertainment.
She sighed and pouted. "I have grown accustomed to your being here all the time, Richard. Shall you not resign your commission and buy a house in Derbyshire?"
"A very inviting suggestion, Sprout, but hardly practical."
"You will return and spend Christmas with us, will you not?" I asked.
"Thank you, Elizabeth, I should love to, but seeing as how the holiday is but a few weeks from now, I think not. My duties will require my continued presence, I am sure, since I have taken such an extended leave."
"But Richard, no one works at Christmas. Surely, you can slip away," my sister said.
"Georgiana," William said, "let him be. Fitz knows what he can and cannot do."
She said nothing more for a while, but I could see her spirits turned melancholy. William surprised me with his next statement, although it was anything but unwelcome.
"I suggest we invite Mrs. Bennet and Elizabeth's sisters to come from Longbourn and join us for Christmas, as well as the Gardiners."
My face lit up at the idea of seeing my family once again. "Oh, William, that is generous of you."
"I shall write to them this evening," he said. "And what say you to extending the invitation to Mr. Bingley, as well?"
I would have kissed him then and there if we had been alone! At last, he would make good on his promise to correct things between Jane and Mr. Bingley. I nodded vigorously and our eyes locked in loving accord.
"I suppose that means you will invite his sisters, as well," Georgiana said somewhat half-heartedly.
