Holding On To Heaven

by Melyssa Winchester

  Chapter Ten

  Gabriel

  “Just what is it you are hoping to accomplish with that little show down there?”

  There are these moments where I swear we are a normal human family. The way my father speaks to me, especially lately, made me feel like nothing more than a petulant child that needs to be placed across his knee. When we were created, we were made in such a way that even though we all knew he was our father, we were treated as equal to him. I was beginning to doubt the validity of his earlier statement. I felt like anything but his equal.

  “I am hoping to do exactly what you think. What is the point of even asking the question when you already know the answer?”

  Sighing in defeat, I watch as he takes steps away from me, his hand resting across his chin.

  “You are aware of the reason I ask these questions, Gabriel. Yes, you are aware that I know what you are doing, but your true intent, what forces you ahead, I cannot be sure of. So in asking you the questions that I do, I am hoping to discern the answer.”

  I was not sure what he wanted me to say. He knew what I was planning and I am pretty sure he knows the reason why. What else is there to say? Did he really just want me to admit what he already knew?

  “You doubt me, but my ability to sense the inevitable has never led me astray. I knew it the last time we spoke to one another and I am positive of it now. You are in love with this girl, are you not?”

  Still unsure of my own voice I could only nod in response. For now, it would have to be enough.

   “I should have informed you of this before you began the undertaking, but your assumptions are correct. She is indeed your beloved. She is meant to be your mate, at least when the time is right.”

  There it is. The very reason I am changing in such a drastic way. I am adapting to her current form, becoming human. It does not matter that she is something much more than human, that she is the destined one. All that matters is that something had taken place between us and given that she was in human form when it happened, it meant I had to adapt. There could be no turning back.

  What it also means is that it is going to do nothing but damage the undertaking and Serenity's true calling. My love for her would blind us both if not carefully monitored.

  “How long have you known what she is to me?”

  There isn't even a breath of hesitation before he answers which says so much more than words ever could. This had not been something he learned along with me. No, he knew before.

  “I have known for some time. Since before the undertaking began.”

  “Why didn't you tell me?” Hearing my own voice, I realize the emotional side is breaking through, making it crack ever so slightly. There is an ache I cannot describe knowing that he had known about this and had not thought to share it with me. Yes we were definitely a lot more like the humans then I first believed.

  “You were not told because it was not of import. My son, we do not operate the same way the humans do. I could not anticipate that it would affect you in this way. I held back the knowledge because everything that happens, as you well know, has to happen of its own accord. My telling you would have done nothing but damage that and put you on a darker path then what was originally intended. That is a risk I am not willing to take.”

  As he spoke of my destiny, it hit me that he is the only one that knew exactly how it would all play out. He knew how the undertaking would end. What would become of Serenity and even what would become of me? So as I stand here, taking him in, the man that I love like a human loves their parent, I wonder if he had intervened already to change the outcome to something more in his favor.

  “I have not altered your destiny, Gabriel. Even with the power I wield, I would never dream of taking that step, which is the reason you are here with me now. We need to discuss what happens next. Exactly what your plan is.”

  Do I admit that I had not given it much thought past getting Graham to agree to be my vessel? Would he accept that or would he try to force one of his plans onto me in hopes of rectifying a situation that didn't have his desired result?

  “You are aware that the last time I used Graham Hudson I was able to make the long lasting connection between him and Serenity. I plan to use that to my advantage to guide her to her rightful place. More than that, I want a way to build her trust in me again as your wise attempt at keeping us apart damaged what I built.”

  “I realize that I may have done more harm than good in that regard, for that I am sorry. I have no objections to your use of the vessel. I only ask that you tread carefully. There is a dark entity surrounding Serenity and until I am able to ascertain exactly who or what that is, anyone that comes into contact with her in a combative way may be in danger.”

  I am stunned. I had not been expecting him to agree to what I wanted so easily. In fact, I expected to be pulled as far away from Serenity and the undertaking as possible given the way I had gone against him.

  “How are you unable to place it?”

  “That my son is a question that I do not have an answer to. I am unaware of anything I cannot place. The fact that I am unable to do something so trivial disturbs me to no end. It cannot mean anything good.”

  “I can track it. I felt it myself. It surrounds Ryan McGregor, but it seems that in regards to it my power has been nullified.”

  “Michael has agreed to help me with this, leaving you with only one solitary focus. You are to continue on as her guardian and handle it in whatever manner you must to keep her safe and alive until such time as she is needed. “

  “Yes Father.”

  “I believe that I pulled you away at a most inopportune time. So go, get back to what you need to do and I will update you when your brothers and I know more.”

  Serenity

  Over the course of the day I learned that Ryan shared three classes with me. As strange as it is, talking to a relative stranger the way that I am, I enjoy the time we’re spending together. Even if we didn't talk during the class, just having him there seemed to have a calming effect on me. Nothing makes a day go faster than having someone to share it with.

  For so long now, that person had been Emma, but our majors seemed to push us in opposite directions this year, so passing the days with her became impossible. Even though it hadn't been my intent, it’s amazing how easily Ryan fit right into the empty space Emma left behind and how accepting I am of it.

  “So now that we're done for the day, you're going to appease the new guy and grab coffee with him right?”

  Remembering I wasn't alone, content as always to move from class to class lost in my own thoughts, I turn my attention back to the guy walking beside me.

  “Of course. I wouldn't want to leave him alone to fend for himself. Who knows what sort of trouble he might get into if left to his own devices?”

  As I smile, he laughs causing me to break out with a laugh of my own. Where only the day before, I felt awkward and put off around him, I was now feeling light and completely at ease. It was shocking the difference a day could make.

  “My thoughts exactly. So what's your poison?”

  “Sugar with a sprinkle of coffee on top.”

  As we made our way across the quad, past groups of other students hanging on the grass, some studying, others throwing a football around, he moved closer into me until his hand was just barely brushing against mine as we walked.

  I didn't want to read too much into the interaction, but the effect that even that small brush of his hand had on me made that impossible to do. I’d already come to terms with the fact that he was flirting with me, but hadn't given much thought to anything beyond that. I had been content just enjoying the back and forth of our conversations.

  As his hand brushed against mine again the tingling I felt earlier when his lips had been near my ear returned in full force. I had only experienced this sensation one time before and it had been years ago. Feeling it now left me anxious and worse, with nowhere to place it.

  �
�Was it something I said?”

  “Huh?” I asked, again focusing my attention back on him, noticing that he stopped walking and his eyes were fixed on me, his expression unreadable.

  “You told me your coffee preference and I responded, then nothing. I hope what I said wasn't out of line.”

  Well shit. How am I supposed to admit to him that I hadn't even heard his response? That I had been so caught up by his hand brushing mine that I’d become lost in it? There is no way he would understand. He'd probably just think I was a freak.

  “No, it’s nothing like that. You didn't offend me at all.”

  “Where were you just now?”

   “I don't know what you’re talking about. I was here. Why, where were you?” I countered with an awkward laugh.

  His eyebrows raise in question, not believing me for a second. I was going to have to work better with my deflecting and evading skills since it’s painfully obvious by the expression on his face that I completely suck at both.

  “Serenity, you don't have to lie to me. If you weren’t paying attention, it’s okay.”

  His voice was calm, smooth even. Like he really meant what he was saying.

  “You're right. I'm sorry. I spaced out for a minute.”

  “Does that happen a lot?”

  “More than I want to admit, yeah. I really am sorry.”

  We stand there, people moving in all directions around us, not even attempting to go with the flow. I prepare myself to move in the direction of the coffee bar when he takes me by surprise taking my hand in his, turning and moving in the opposite direction.

  “What are you doing?”

  “I don't think I'm in the mood for coffee anymore.”

  What am I supposed to say to that? Did I freak him out so bad that he’s about to ditch me, without the guilt of leaving me stranded somewhere alone? Did I really mess this up so quickly?

  Am I that big a loser?

  “Will you stop looking at me like that please?” he says with a sigh, more an order then a request. “I figure we can just sit over there under that lonely old tree and talk. If that's okay with you of course?”

  I let out the breath I didn't even realize I’d been holding and follow him, my hand still firmly placed in his, straight to the destination he’s directing us to. He really wasn't planning on ditching me. Maybe there’s hope for me after all.

  As he seated himself, his back completely lined up with the trunk of the tree, he pulled me down with him, his hand never once leaving mine.

  “What did you want to talk about?”

  “I have to ask you something, but I don't want to freak you out.”

  He obviously had no clue who I am and what my tolerance level is for things that might potentially freak me out.

  “Ask me anything, I promise I won't freak.”

  After a minute or two of silence, watching as he seemed to be carrying on an internal conversation with himself, I began to give up hope. If he’s struggling this much with what he wants to ask, maybe its better that he didn't. I didn't want to admit it, but he was beginning to worry me, the off feeling from the day before making itself known again.

  “How long have you heard them?”

  “Them?”

  “The voices.”

  “I'm not sure what you mean.”

  “You know exactly what I mean, Serenity. You heard that voice earlier today in Biology the same as I did. You reacted to the crudeness of it. So tell me, how long?”

  I had no idea how I looked in the moment, but if my mouth had been hanging wide open, I wouldn't have been surprised. When he made the comment earlier, I knew what he was getting at, but I hadn't really believed that he heard them too. There’s no way he could have known that what the spirit said had been crude though. Unless he heard it himself.

  “Since I was five, but it's progressed a lot since then. It's been this exact way since I turned ten.”

  “I was five when I heard the first voice in my head. I remember thinking it was so cool, I could have an imaginary friend that wasn't really imaginary. I thought I hit the jackpot.” he answered, laughing softly at the memory.

  I can’t believe my ears.

  I wasn't the only one that was dealing with this so called gift. There were more people out there, actual people, just like me. Even though Emma seemed to understand, she could only sympathize to a point.

  “My grandmother talked to me when I was five. Which wouldn't really have been a big deal, except we were at her funeral. Probably not the best time to be carrying on a conversation.”

  He smiled just a little and squeezed my hand that still rested in his. “You want to hear something silly?”

  “Sure.”

  “When I was eight, after my mom figured out I wasn't quite right in the head, I prayed and considering the way my mom is, praying is unheard of.”

  “What did you pray for?”

  “I prayed that someone going through this would find me, so I wouldn't have to go it alone. I was so tired of being the weird kid that talked to dead people.”

  “Did anything ever come of it?”

  He nods his head as his eyes fall to his lap, where our hands rest, linked together, bonded. After studying them for a time, he looks up again and I feel my heart stop the minute he speaks.

  “Yeah, something did.”

  “What?”

  “You.”