Holding On To Heaven

by Melyssa Winchester

  Chapter Thirty

  Ryan

  I have no idea where she is.

  I’ve been by her room, the classes we share that neither of us had shown up for and the quad where we'd been together only days before. The very place I'd taken her and proceeded to kiss her. I don't know why I expected to find her there, but it was somewhere to look since she didn’t appear to be anywhere else. Part of me hoped that in some sentimental way she would find her way back here the way I did.

  After what felt like hours of searching on campus, people milling about all around me, I’m all but ready to give up. It’s then I see the familiar shade of brown that I’ve come to know so easily. It moves out of my view so quickly that I think I imagined it, but using my power, strengthening my eyesight and scanning over the very area she just passed through I find out it’s definitely her. Serenity is here.

  She’s running in the opposite direction away from me, which explains why she disappeared in a flash, but none of that matters because she’s here. I breathe a sigh of relief as I run to catch up to her. With the way she’s running it’s obvious she isn't going to be in the right frame of mind for what I have to say, but there wasn't any time to waste. We were only a few hours away from Lucifer returning and I have to make sure she’s ready for it. No matter what the fallout.

  “Serenity!” I call out, catching up to her speed, but still remaining a few steps behind her. “Wait!”

  She turns and seeing me slows down to a crawl, making it so I’m finally able to catch her. The first thing I notice when I get close enough is the sweat running down her forehead, running down into her very red, puffy eyes. Noticing the small streaks down the front of her face, I realize she's been crying. I don’t like it. I never want to see her this way.

  “Ryan—umm, hey.” she says her voice giving her away, choking up between every word.

  “What's wrong?”

  “Nothing. Just ran so much my eyes watered.”

  If that’s her story, I can easily let her stick to it, but I just wasn't feeling that generous, especially when I know instinctively there’s more to it than that. “I don't believe you. Wanna try again?”

  Sighing and dropping her eyes to the ground she speaks. “It's nothing. I was just an idiot, that’s all.”

  “You're a whole lot of things, pretty girl, but an idiot is not one of them. Now tell me what's wrong. Does this have something to do with the guy from yesterday? Graham or whatever?”

  She looks back up at me, her eyes giving away nothing.

  “How would you know that? Wait, never mind. Seriously, Ryan it's nothing.”

  “Stop lying to me. I think we've moved past that point in our relationship.”

  It’s a risk I know, using the R word the way I am, but I don't care. I have to know what happened between her and Graham. It has everything to do with how we move forward.

  “I told him about you. Well, I told him how I feel about you. I thought it was only fair he know there’s something here, at least for me. It was a mistake. He didn't get it, not even a little.”

  “What did he say to you?”

  If he said something that caused this, I had no problem returning the favor the next time I found myself in contact with him. No one hurts Serenity while I’m breathing. Not even the other half of her soul.

  “He said I’m basically an idiot for trusting you. Nothing I didn't already hear from Gabriel. It’s just, coming from Graham, I don't know, it hurt more.”

  That son of a bitch. He is going to pay for making her feel this way. Supposedly he’s the one that understood her best. The one she’d been the most open with before me and here he is ruining all of that by treating her the way everyone else in her life has. He’s not going to get away with this.

  “He's wrong, Serenity. Please trust me on that. Just say the word and I’ll make sure he gets the message loud and clear.”

  Through her tears I see the faintest smile trace her lips which did wonders for my ever growing heart. This is the way she deserves to be at all times, not riddled with tears and emotion because of some asshole that didn't really know her at all.

  “Thanks Ry.” she says, the smile growing even more, leveling my body with warmth at the sight of it. “I need to go home, get changed and ready for class. Can we talk later?”

  “Actually, I was hoping we could talk now. Something's happened.”

   “What?” she asks as her eyes go wide.

  “Lucifer.”

  “What about him?”

  “His timetable has been moved up. He's aware that I've been blocking him and he isn't pleased. Ser, he's changed the plan. He's changed everything.”

  “How much time do we have? Gabriel was a long shot and I know now that I can't depend on him to help us.”

  “It happens tonight.”

  “Tonight? Why so soon? Don't you have to do more work on me before he can have his way?”

  “Not anymore. Not since he changed the way everything is supposed to go down.”

  “What do you mean? How has he changed things?”

  “I’m his vessel. I’m supposed to take you and make you my wife and then he’s going to join with me. Oh and did I mention drain the life out of you? I'm the one that has to take everything from you, Serenity. If I don't then he's going to kill me, or worse.”

  She goes silent, her consistent breathing the only give away that she’s even still here with me. The look of fear that comes kills me to witness. I thought we'd have more time to make this work. Knowing that we no longer have that option, instead having only a few short hours to figure things out, it’s no surprise that she looked the way she did. I’ve done this to her. I failed her.

  “I'm so sorry Ser. I don't want this to happen, but I have no idea how to stop it.”

  I could hear my own voice choking under the pressure. For the first time in years, I felt completely useless and even though I’m filled with power, I’m powerless to stop what’s coming for her.  Unless there’s a miracle, she would be lost to me forever. I would lose the girl filled with light that I love more than anything Heaven or Hell could create.

  “Don't stop it.” she whispers, focusing my attention back on her.

   Did she just say what I think she did?

  “What are you saying?”

  “Don't stop it. Call Lucifer. Tell him that he wins. I've made my decision.”

  I can’t believe what I’m hearing. When I’d come to find her and explain, I never expected this to be her response. I have no idea what she thinks she’s doing, but she has to realize that nothing good will come of it. She has to know I don't want this and even if I did, I couldn't go through with it. I would not hurt her.

  “Think about what you're saying. What it really means. I'm going to have to marry you in one of the darkest ceremonies known to all humankind and once we do that, I have to drain you of your power. Of the light inside you. The goodness. You'll be lost to me. We will never be able to go back.”

  “So we don't go back. I know what I'm saying Ryan and I know how much you wish I wasn't saying it, but if all we have is a few hours before he comes and takes me anyway, we might as well accept it and move forward. I want to do this. Please let me do this.”

  “I don't think I can. Serenity, before I allowed the darkness to become such a big part of my life, I spent every second praying to meet the one person in the world that would save me from feeling so alone. I've finally done that. I've found you. Please don't make me give you up.”

  “Don't you see? If we go through with this, then you won't be giving me up. Yes, I will lose myself, at least the human parts of me, but no one can take me away entirely. I want to do this. Let me do this. Let me be with you in the only way possible.”

  I can't argue with her logic even though the very heart she helped me find wants me to. The darker part of me wanted to let her go through with this.  To accept our fates and go through with the original plan even though it changed. It would enable me
to be with her and in a way that wouldn't be as wrong as it is now.

  “Serenity...”

  I know what I want to say, what needs to be said, but I have no idea if she’s ready to hear it. I need her to hear it even if it’s too much. I can't let another second pass considering what she’s willing to do for me. It has to be now. I might never get another chance.

  “I love you.”

  “As crazy as it sounds, I love you too.”

  As the words fell, I pull her to me, wrapping my arms around her as tightly as I can manage, never wanting to let go. Not even for what we’re about to face.  I want to stay just as we are now, right in this very moment, locked forever. If I have to leave existence, this is the way I want to go. There is nothing that can tear me away from her now.

  She owns me.

  “Call your father and tell him that we're ready.” she mumbles into my chest. “I've made my choice. I’ll be his bride.”