Chiara – Revenge and Triumph

by Gian Bordin

  It was followed by a sharp call from Hakim’s voice: "Rusty, come here. You need some time to cool off." Followed a moment later by: "Put him in irons."

  31

  Piombino, Chianciano, early March 1351

  I must admit, my dear daughter, that sailing the Santa Caterina into Piombino seemed easier than facing the consternation and critical scrutiny which Lord d’Appiano subjected me to, although I think that in the end I may even have earned his admiration for how I regained my inheritance without any of my tenants getting hurt. He acceded to all my request about not punishing the crew.

  On the other hand, the countess renewed her quest to broker a splendid marriage for me with fervent enthusiasm, my dubious fame becoming one of her trump cards. I was afraid that this time there was no escape, particularly since she did it at dinner time, enlisting everybody’s support. What surprised me most, though, was my own reaction. Marriage was farther from my mind than ever. There were too many things to do on Elba, nor did I want to leave it again so shortly after having regained it.

  And then I discovered that I was bearing the fruit of that single night with Selvo. Having a child out of wedlock was going to be my utter disgrace. This was my first reaction. But it was not in my nature to allow pity for myself to seize me. Rather, the determination grew that I would do everything I could to protect the innocent child from suffering for my sins. This child would be Selvo’s gift to me. I would raise it in the seclusion of Castello Nisporto, hopefully with the support of Alda and Pepe, the two people that I had become to see as my parents. I needed to rush to them to confess, to be comforted. I was sure of their forgiving understanding. I dreaded the reaction of Veronica and Jacomo more. They had always seen me as the person they strove to become in spite of my entreaties to be true to themselves. I feared that I had disappointed them badly.

  * * *

  Chiara was brushing her hair, looking at herself in the mirror, wondering how she would be able to stall the countess’ onslaught to submit to marriage — submission it felt to her, locking away forever her feelings for the man she could never have, the man who was trying to go back to his wife. The subdued light of the single candle gave the dark room an air of mystery, reminding her of the cave. She closed her eyes, imagining him standing behind her, his hands on her shoulders, a boyish smile on his rugged face. The growing heat in her groin alarmed her. She opened her eyes and continued brushing her hair again. How many days has it been? she wondered and stopped her hand in mid-stroke. I haven’t bled yet! With all the action, preoccupations, and planning this last week, it had completely slipped her mind. She had always been regular, twenty-eight days, usually falling on a Tuesday. Today is Thursday. She counted back through events on how many weeks it had been since she last bled. Five. She counted again. Five — am I with child? … No, it can’t be. It must not be. But she knew that it was so. Had she not felt slightly nauseated this morning? Panic seized her. She sank down on the bed. What am I going to do?

  "That’s that for marriage," she laughed bitterly.

  The urge to be held by Alda filled her whole being, grew into a painful, physical need. I must leave tomorrow.

  Sleep evaded her. What am I going to do? beating her mind relentlessly. The dread of disgrace, of losing the respect of people she valued, Veronica, Jacomo, Lady Maria, Count d’Appiano, Mercurio, Lady Teresa. Alda and Pepe will stand by me. She needed to cling to this. How could she have been so thoughtless, just intoxicated by the moment, willingly yielding to the man she then knew she loved but could never have? Without thinking of the consequences — she who always calculated and weighed things up? And with that her thoughts turned to Selvo. Where was he? He would never know that he had fathered another child, a child that other people would judge as bad, since it would be born out of wedlock. Her child must not suffer for her sin. She could not allow that to happen. She would protect it with all her power, with her love. It would grow up in the shelter of Castello Nisporto. Alda and Pepe would support her, of that she was sure. They would not judge her, nor the child. Will it be a girl or a boy? I hope it’s a girl. She did not know why she wished that. It would be both her child and her friend. A child that would remind her of Selvo. His face rose again in her mind, as sleep finally gave respite to her turmoil.

  Low moans woke her in the middle of the night, a feeling of utter rapture radiating from deep in her belly. Yielding to the wave of bliss that was suffusing her whole body, she became aware that the moans were her own. She stayed with the dream of Selvo making love to her.

  The following morning she woke to a new sense of determination. Tomorrow she would leave for Chianciano. The two horses that the young guard, Rinaldo, had fetched from the farm outside Populónia were in good shape, rested and ready for a quick journey home. Home? Home was Elba. Home to the ones I love.

  The countess flatly refused to let her go. "You are not leaving here until we have settled which marriage prospect I should pursue first. I give you that much choice."

  "My Lady, there is no hurry. I know that my friends will be anxious to hear from me and I cannot let them wait any longer… And I too want to see them, tell them the news."

  "You can send a message. You do not have to give it to them in person. You are simply offering excuses. But this time I will not buy them."

  Chiara was sure that her eyes were crying defiance. The countess met her gaze, alarmed and then her whole stance revealed defeat.

  "Chiara, are you hiding something from me?"

  Yes, I am. Does it already show?

  "Why did you not tell me that you are already betrothed and have been so for a long time it seems?"

  For an instant, Chiara was confused and it showed, and then in a flash she saw the solution to her problem. If she admitted it, she could claim that her husband died in an accident shortly after the marriage and to the world the child would not be born out of wedlock. She lowered her face, as if ashamed, acting a fictitious scenario — the very thing she had proclaimed only three weeks earlier she would never do.

  "Why did you hide it from me?" the countess exclaimed. "Who is it?"

  "The second son of a minor noble near Chianciano, my Lady." She hoped that the countess would interpret her blushing as embarrassment, rather than for what it was, the shame of telling such a blatant lie.

  Lady Maria sighed. "I guess it is a matter of the heart. I should have known that without the firm hand of a father, you would succumb to your feelings rather than be guided by common sense." She turned away and looked out the window.

  Chiara began breathing more freely.

  After a while, the countess turned around. "You have been the most promising pupil I have ever had, and I think it is such a pity that you are throwing away a brilliant future. You had it in you to become the leading lady in any illustrious Tuscan noble house of your choice. Instead you bury yourself in the contado, ignored and forgotten within a year."

  "My Lady, please forgive me for deceiving you. I have always held you in my highest esteem as the person I wished to emulate, and I failed you."

  "I can only say that it is a shame. I hope love will compensate you for what you are missing out on." With that, she left the parlor.

  I have lost her respect. But if this bought her child security and freedom from being ostracized, she was willing to suffer that and more.

  * * *

  The following morning, at first light, she took to the road. The countess had insisted that she ride with an escort. Captain Fiorini assigned Rinaldo and Baldaggio to that task. Like Chiara, each had an extra horse, with a bag of oats and barley to sustain their efforts. The excitement of the two young men for having been chosen abated by the afternoon of the first day when they realized that Chiara had no intention of slowing the blistering pace. When they protested, she told them they could turn back, that she released them of any obligations toward her, that this country was safe enough for her to continue alone, particularly if she again donned her clerical disguise. They did not co
mplain again after that.

  Three days later, as the sun sank into the western hills, they entered Monte Pulciano. At Palazzo Benincasa, she insisted on leaving the two young men there, sensing that their protests were only half hearted. She did not want any witnesses when she would fall into Alda’s embrace and cry, not out of despair, no — by then she was looking forward to carry Selvo’s child. It was his gift. She had reached this conclusion on the second day of riding. Having been offered a solution by Lady Maria on how to protect her child, her whole outlook to the prospect of becoming a mother had changed from despondency to joyful anticipation. No, she wanted to cry from the relief and comfort to share it with somebody she loved and trusted.

  It was dark, when she reached Castello Gianbucca. The light through the windows cast faint streaks onto the grassy area in front of the house. She had just dismounted when Alda’s call "Chiara is back!" reached her. They both ran toward each other with outstretched hands and pressed their cheeks together. Pepe joined them briefly in their embrace.

  "Oh, Chiara, I’m so glad you are back," exclaimed Alda, hugging her even more fiercely.

  "So am I, mamina, so am I," she murmured, adding after a pause: "Alda, I’m pregnant,"

  There was no reaction. "What did you say?"

  "I’m with child."

  Alda looked at her. "Did you get raped?"

  Chiara pressed Alda’s head again against her. "No, I was with my sailor."

  "But how? Did you marry him?"

  Chiara let go. "No. Come inside. I’m hungry. I’ll tell you all, while I eat."

  For the fourth time, she recounted in detail what happened, both in Piombino and on Elba, except this time, she told of spending the night alone with Selvo, hidden in a cave.

  "And what are you now going to do, Chiara?" Alda questioned when she was finished.

  She told them the scheme Lady Maria had unwittingly offered her as a solution. Pepe shook his head in disbelief.

  "But won’t she sooner or later discover that?"

  "Unlikely. She showed not the slightest interest in knowing the name of the prospective husband. I think she has washed her hands off me."

  Alda smiled. "Chiara, I should not be surprised anymore, but I am. No matter what the problem, you always pull another rabbit out of the hat."

  "She has done it from the very beginning," chuckled Pepe.

  "I don’t want my child to suffer for my sins."

  "And now, are you now going to stay here with us?"

  "No, I want to go back to my home on Elba, give birth there, and bring up my child there … and I fervently wish that both of you will be with me, help me raise her, be her grandparents."

  "Her? It could be a boy."

  "I wish for a girl, but I’m happy if it’s a boy. Will you come with me? Be my support? … Please."

  Alda hugged her again. "You’re a naughty girl, but I love you none-the-less. Yes, I’ll come with you, even if Pepino doesn’t."

  "What do you mean?" protested Pepe. "I won’t stay here alone. And besides, I always wanted to have a grandchild."

  "Oh, I knew that. I just wanted you to say it… And what about Veronica and Jacomo?" questioned Alda.

  "I thought I would see them before the three of us go to Elba in six weeks or so. If I take two horses, I will only be gone for four days."

  "Shouldn’t Veronica come with us?"

  "No. She’s in love with Luigi. She’ll just pine for him if we take her away. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s married within the year. But that reminds me. I must write to Casa Medici, asking them to increase her investment with them to twelve hundred florins. That’s the size of the dowry I promised Lady Teresa."

  "You really think that she’ll marry into nobility?"

  "I’ve no doubt. She has all it takes to excel."

  "Who would have believed that? Do you recall the spindly girl she was when we met her in Cagli?"

  * * *

  A week later, Chiara called at Palazzo Baglione. She was tired of retelling her story, but had little choice. Lord Baglione, Lady Teresa, Veronica, Jacomo, and Luigi were all keen to hear it in full detail. Lord Baglione jokingly asked whether she would be willing to become his personal adviser on war stratagems.

  Retiring to Veronica’s room after a long and tiring evening, she took the girl’s hand. "Veronica, I’ve to confess something to you that will disappoint you." She paused. Veronica looked at her anxiously. "Veronica, I’m with child… It is Selvo’s child, the slave of Casa Sanguanero. We spent the night together in the cave after Sanguanero fled, after they had discovered me on that hillock. And I was weak, gave in to my love. I gave him money so he could return to his wife and child far away."

  As she spoke, the girl withdrew her hand, her eyes wide in shock. Then she averted her gaze and retreated to the wall.

  "Veronica, you once said that you wanted to become like me, and I told you not to. When it came to live up to my noble ideals, to be firm and not yield to the blind temptation of love, I failed."

  Veronica burst into tears and threw herself into Chiara’s arms.

  "Please, forgive me, Chiara," she sobbed, hiding her head on Chiara’s shoulder. "I love you."

  She stroked her back. "I love you too, and I hope we’ll still be sisters."

  "Oh Chiara, I want that too… What will you do now?"

  "I’ll go to Elba, where I can shield my child from suffering for my sins. I’ll not let my failings fall on my child. That’s the reason I’ll return to the seclusion of my castle, where I can shield it."

  "I will come with you to help you. I will tell Lady Teresa that I cannot stay any longer."

  Chiara could not help noticing the girl’s use of formal language. She’s born for nobility.

  "And if she wants to know the reason? … No, Veronica, you must stay here. If you tell the truth, my disgrace will become known to everybody and it will fall on you too. I’ll make sure that nobody except Alda, Pepe, and you will ever know that I had a child out of wedlock." She briefly explained her scheme. "It must be so for the protection of the child. In a few weeks you’ll receive a letter from me, telling you of my secret marriage to the second son of a minor noble, a marriage sprung from love, and a few weeks later, you’ll learn that he died in an accident, a fall from a horse, and that I have retired to Castello Nisporto on Elba. That will protect the child; it will protect you, not to speak of myself. So you must stay here and pretend to know nothing. Once, the letter about my marriage comes, you may hint that you knew about it, but that I asked you to keep it secret. Will you do this for me?"

  "Yes, Chiara, I will do anything for you."

  Chiara hugged her. "Thank you, Veronica… And besides, you’ve to live your own life. How are things with Luigi?"

  The girl blushed. "He told me that he loved me and that once he has completed his first year at the university, he will ask his father for permission to marry me."

  "There you see, another reason why you must stay here."

  "But I want to visit you in Elba."

  "You can accompany Jacomo during the summer break."

  "Yes, I would like that… Will you tell Jacomo?"

  "Oh yes, he’s my brother too. I owe it to him. I’ve asked him to accompany me on a walk tomorrow."

  * * *

  She found confessing to Jacomo much harder. His look when he had seen her for the first time after her arrival told her that his feelings toward her had not changed. His eyes were glowing, even if his embrace was clumsy and restrained.

  They were walking in the extensive open spaces within the walls of Perugia. He was telling her about his studies, how he enjoyed attending the lectures and consulting all the legal books at the university library. He proudly reported that several professors had praised him for his diligence.

  She finally summoned up her courage. "Jacomo, I’ve to confess something that puts shame on me, that will disappoint you… When I recounted my story about what happened after Sanguanero found me on that hillock
, I left out a vital portion that will change my life." She hesitated for a moment. "I’m with child. It is due in November. But for Veronica’s sake and your own, do not tell anybody. Only she, Alda, Pepe and you know."

  He had stopped walking.

  "The blonde man who was with Niccolo on that hillock behind Piombino, he did not ride away. He stayed behind with me, when I offered him freedom — he was a slave —"

  "— Did he rape you? I will find him and kill him."

  "No, Jacomo. He didn’t rape me. He was the man who had been kind to me on the Santa Caterina four years ago and, yes, he’s the man that I thought I loved —"

  "— and he took advantage of you, the bastard."

  "Jacomo, please listen. He didn’t take advantage of me. He was with me when I hid in that cave, in fact, it was him who found it. I then knew that I really loved him and one thing let to another. I gave myself to him. He didn’t force me. I don’t know what came over me. I lost all reason and gave in to my impulses. I even knew that he would leave the next day, to try to return to his country, find his wife and child. I gave him money… Jacomo, look at me. I failed you, but I still would like to be your sister."

  Her plea brought forth her own tears. She wiped them with an embarrassed chuckle. "Will you still be my brother?"

  "Chiara, I love you. I want to be more than your brother. I want to be your husband. Marry me, please. Even if you do it only for your child."

  Her tears started flowing again. "Jacomo, you’re the most loyal brother that I could ever wish for. But I can’t accept your generous offer. This isn’t the right time for it. You may regret it later on."

  "I’m not good enough, it’s that, isn’t it." His voice sounded bitter.

  "Oh, Jacomo, how can you say that? Lord d’Appiano questioned me a few weeks ago what qualities a man needed to have that I would accept him as my husband when Lady Maria worked on me to let her initiate marriage negotiations. And you know what I told him? I listed all the qualities you have. In fact, when Lord d’Appiano doubted that such men existed, I mentioned you. I don’t care for nobility or status."