Exit wound ns-12

by Andy McNab

  ‘You like what you see, Mr Munley?’

  ‘It’s different.’

  ‘Oh? I have never been to London. Tell me.’

  ‘You don’t see murals of Margaret Thatcher or Tony Blair on the sides of buildings in London – but nobody liked them very much.’

  Majid laughed.

  We passed a billboard that displayed an evil-looking Bush, blood running from his pointed teeth. ‘Marg bar amrika,’ it said. I knew that one: ‘Death to America’.

  Majid felt the need to explain. ‘You have to remember that in Iran our president answers directly to our Supreme Leader and the Supreme Leader is God’s chosen representative – a descendant of the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him. We note with amusement that it is Mr Ahmadinejad, our elected president, who receives a most unfavourable press in the West, but what your colleagues appear to forget, Mr Munley, is that it is the Supreme Leader who wields all the power. And the Supreme Leader, our spiritual guide, is given his mandate by God…’

  There were also lots of posters in shop windows and pasted on walls showing the two main faces fighting the presidential election in June. Hard-liner Armoured-dinner-jacket and the reformist and former prime minister Mousavi. I’d lay money on who Majid was going to vote for.

  Almost two hours after we left the airport, we finally arrived at a hotel that seemed to offer the best of both worlds – a tall glass-and-concrete number that looked like Stalin had designed it after a night on the piss at the Burj Al-Arab.

  Majid handed me his business card and told me to call him if I had any problems. ‘Day or night, Mr Munley. I am here to help. May I suggest that you do not walk around the city? This is a free country, but Tehran has its darker side, like all capital cities, and the traffic can be dangerous. By now you will know that it can come at you from any direction. If you would like to go anywhere, see anything of our great city, Mr Munley, the driver and I will take you. It would be our pleasure. And please, Mr Munley, always have your passport with you at all times. For your own safety, you understand.’

  As we walked towards the lobby, Majid pointed down the street to a busy junction. ‘We are on Mofateh Street. The big road that crosses it there is Taleqani Avenue. The Alborz Mountains – the range you saw as we drove in, and will see from your room – lie to the north of the city.’

  He smiled again and this time I noticed a row of chipped white teeth. ‘Mr Munley, you have me as your guide. As I say, you can call me day or night. No problem too large or too small.’ He pointed to the card he’d given me. ‘What time do you want to arrive at the exhibition?’

  ‘How about as soon as it opens? I always like to be one of the first. Get to know the ground, that sort of thing.’

  ‘The exhibition centre is some way to the north. I will be here at six thirty. We have to allow for the traffic. Do you need any help checking in?’

  ‘No, you’re all right, mate. I’ll be fine.’

  I bent down to get a view of the driver and gave him a wave. ‘See you later, mate.’

  51

  My room was on the seventh floor. It wasn’t much bigger than my cell at Paddington Green and stank of old cigarettes, but there was no point asking them to change from the one Majid had picked for me. How else would he have known what I could see from my window?

  All the foreigners’ rooms would be crawling with surveillance devices. Even looking for the mikes and their transmitters would flag up things about me I didn’t want them to know. After all, I was just a geek journalist.

  The view from the window made up for everything. I moved the plastic garden chair and got comfortable. Set between high-rise hotels and office buildings I picked out the spindly outline of the Milad Tower, the fourth tallest in the world, Majid had told me with some excitement, and the glowing minarets and dome of Khomeini’s shrine, another landmark he had proudly pointed out to me on the drive in.

  I wondered what Altun was doing right now. Something more interesting than counting cars and minarets, I was sure. If his picture was anything to go by, he’d followed the Shah’s example and embraced all the trappings of the American Dream. Come the revolution, he’d slipped seamlessly into the new way of life. Maybe he was like the KGB guys before the Wall had come down, just someone who saw what was coming and adapted to make the best of it.

  From then on, Julian reckoned, he’d been climbing the greasy pole. First as a back-room boy during the Iran-Contra scandal. He was still a back-room boy, by the sound of it, but one who’d helped Armoured-dinner-jacket into power – and was still the main broker when it came to deals between Iran and anyone who had a beef with the West. I bet that made him a very busy man.

  The trouble was, Julian had no information on where he might be. It was reasonable to assume he still lived in the city, but that wasn’t going to help me get a cab to his place.

  There was no getting away from the fact that this city was the capital of the most powerful and stable country in the Middle East. The lads buzzing about in their cars below me knew it wasn’t called the Persian Gulf for nothing. They were busy riding the Islamic fundamentalist wave and wiping out the last vestiges of a secular Middle East.

  They weren’t doing the mad-mullah thing, though. They were cleverer than that. Armoured-dinner-jacket and his pals pursued Iran’s interests coldly, rationally and methodically. They were fighting an asymmetric war. Why take on the West militarily when they’d lose? Better to back a bunch of other nutters and let them do the fighting.

  Everything boiled down to one central objective: clearing out the old Sunni order, the foundation stone of American interests in the Middle East. With Saddam – a Sunni – gone, they had a very friendly Shia government in Baghdad. They were backing the Taliban in Afghanistan and Pakistan, both Sunni power bases. How long could they last? The Af-Pak situation was a nightmare, and a fight Obama might very well lose. Then there was US-friendly Saudi Arabia with a Sunni royal family to sort out – and Altun tucked away in the shadows, keeping the pot on the boil by supplying weapons and the means to fight the jihad without Iran having to commit a single soldier.

  I turned my back on the view and started to sort myself out.

  There was a single bed, a fridge containing a jug of iced water, a wardrobe, a phone, a table and two plastic chairs. There was also a Koran, a prayer mat and slippers, and an old twelve-inch TV. A notice on the table in English and Farsi proudly announced that the Bandar Hotel had ‘why-fi’. The motel we’d stayed at in Dubai had had nothing on the Bandar.

  The TV was even older than I’d thought. It didn’t have a remote. I hit the ‘on’ button. It took an age to warm up. As the speaker mushed away, I slung my clothes into the cupboard.

  I pulled the laptop out onto the bed and fired it up as the TV behind me finally swung into gear. A slightly fuzzy Oprah was talking to a big-haired woman about losing her home in the recession. I pushed the channel button to see David Hasselhoff saving the world in fluent Farsi and Columbo tripping up yet another bad guy who was too clever for his own good. I didn’t bother trying to find the BBC Persian channel. Aimed at the hundred million Persian speakers in Iran, Afghanistan and Tajikistan, it was sponsored by our Foreign and Commonwealth Office – so it wasn’t top of the pops in a government-approved hotel.

  This place really was a mosaic. They watched our films and TV, and listened to our music. They wore our clothes and ate burgers. But they had no problem strapping on an explosive vest and taking on a tank or foot patrol. Not because Allah wanted them to, but because it was seen as the only way to win. One thing was certain: we needed to sort our shit out and prepare for what might be coming our way.

  Everything on the laptop Julian had provided was seriously geeked up for Jim Manley’s world. There were articles penned by Manley for a whole string of defence journals, email correspondence with his ex-wife about how the property was going to be sold and the cash divvied up.

  The system’s history was everything you’d expect it to be. I flicked through em
ail traffic with editors, public-relations consultants, sources within Britain’s defence industry, even plane-spotters.

  Plane-spotters.

  The guys on the roof of the multi-storey.

  I wondered.

  I logged on to the hotel’s free why-fi network. These lads had taken to technology obsessively, just like us. Farsi is the most common language on the Internet after English and Mandarin Chinese. Armoured-dinner-jacket even wrote his own blog.

  The grindingly slow speed made me feel right at home. Access details eventually came up on my screen. I tapped ‘aircraft enthusiasts’, ‘plane-spotters’ and ‘Iran’ into the search-engine and hit ‘enter’. This would have been Manley’s porn channel for the night. Up popped a website called www.iranianmetalbird.net. Magic. The little fuckers got everywhere, even in a dictatorship. Though the West was poring over every aspect of Iran’s infrastructure, the mullahs hadn’t thought to shut the Internet door.

  The website tracked civil and military aircraft that had taken off and landed at most of Iran’s major airports, and was bursting with photos – lots of photos. I didn’t expect to see Altun waving at the camera, but I clearly had a long night ahead of me.

  I started by doing what Jim Manley would do pretty much as soon as he arrived. I sent an email to my editor, telling him that I was in the city and going to work tomorrow. I added a note about my new best mate Majid and what a nice, helpful guy he was. Someone in a Tehran basement would be poring over this any minute now, and I wanted to give those lads something to smile about.

  I went back to plane-spotting at IKIA as Oprah put the world to rights.

  The first clutch of pictures was of C-130s departing IKIA, and a Chinese copy of the MiG-21 landing at Mehrabad. There was even an email address for the guy who’d taken this last one and posted his comments – in English: ‘A Chengdu F-7M used for training flights, tail number 3-7714, taking off from Mehrabad Airport. For more information contact Ali on ali@iranianmetalbird.net’.

  There was a knock on the door.

  ‘Mr Munley?’

  I pulled back the bolts and found myself staring at the unblinking eyes of my new best mate. Maybe he’d already read my email and was here to thank me for my kind words.

  ‘I am sorry, Mr Munley. I hope I do not disturb you, but I forgot to give you this. My profound apologies.’ He handed me a bubble-wrap envelope. ‘It is the press pass for the show and vouchers for food here in the hotel, a gift from Iran. They have no restaurant but will bring whatever you care for so there is no need to go out and face the traffic. Have you tried your mobile yet, Mr Munley?’

  ‘No, I just emailed my editor.’

  ‘Your mobile, unfortunately, Mr Munley, will not work. We are taking great steps to update our systems. So you have another gift, a mobile phone for the duration of your stay.’

  He smiled and I smiled, both knowing it was all to do with keeping tabs on my calls – and, of course, being able to track me with it once I’d tucked it into my pocket.

  ‘Thank you very much, Majid. Very helpful.’

  ‘I will see you in the lobby at six thirty tomorrow morning. I wish you a pleasant evening.’

  52

  Tuesday, 5 May

  0820 hrs

  The traffic was bumper to bumper, just as Majid had predicted. It gave me some thinking time. I hadn’t bothered placing tell-tales in the room to check if it had been investigated while I was out. I was sure it would have been and didn’t want to flag myself up as aware.

  When we finally arrived Majid came good. The area around the conference centre was chaotic. We glided through the crowd and past Registration with little more than a wave of his papers. A giant white banner ahead of us didn’t fuck around. It announced in two-foot-high red letters: ‘IranEx 2009 – The Achievements of the Islamic Republic that Will Make America Suffer a Severe Defeat’.

  The tools of my new trade were proudly on display and I looked the part. My name badge was pinned to my shirt, my Nikon hung round my neck, and I had my laptop, tons of reading material and three thousand dollars in cash in my day-sack. The war on terror and the US trade embargo meant credit cards were a no-no.

  I had another two thousand in fifty- and hundred-dollar bills and my Samsung satellite phone, all tucked far enough down both my Timberlands for me to fold the tops of my socks over them. An ordinary mobile was out of the question. I needed something secure to call Julian on, and to yell for help if I was in the shit. Anything but a satellite phone would be tracked and listened in to, which was why the Iranians wouldn’t allow them into the country. I’d only use it when I had to. The Iranians wouldn’t be able to listen in, but they would still see its transmission footprint. They’d come looking to find out who was using it and why.

  Finally, my passport was in a neck wallet where it should be, around my neck. If I had to drop everything and run, I had the important stuff physically attached to me.

  A few metres further on, surrounded by a crowd of admirers, were a tank and a fighter aircraft. The plane was set on a giant plinth; the tank on a mound of plastic rock. Both had been sprinkled with flower petals. The Third World War had collided with the Chelsea Flower Show.

  Majid was looking at the aircraft the way most of the young guys I’d come across studied Zoo and Nuts. ‘You will know, of course, what this aircraft is – a Saegheh 80. “Saegheh” means thunderbolt, Mr Munley. As you can imagine, we are very proud of this achievement, because it is living proof that Iran can stand on her own two feet.’

  I’d never given a whole lot of thought to aircraft, other than when I’d been jumping out of them or measuring the threat they represented. But I’d done my homework on the flight and recognized Iran’s first attempt to build an indigenous combat jet. I decided not to tell him that it was little more than a halfarsed improvement of the F-5E, an American fighter designed in the 1950s that had been supplied in quantity to the Iranian Air Force during the reign of the Shah.

  Majid droned on as we circled the plinth. For the first time since I’d arrived in Iran, I saw something above the crowd that could only have been worn by a Westerner. Who else would walk about in a green floppy jungle hat covered with badges? As we got closer a tall guy with wavy light brown hair and a matching safari vest came into view. He was armed with a notepad and an impressive camera and set about photographing the Thunderbolt from every angle. He looked more spook than journalist. The other onlookers included an Iranian cleric and, judging by the medals and scrambled egg on display, a North Korean Army mega-general.

  ‘The Saegheh 80 is a joint project between the Islamic Republic of Iran Air Force and the Iranian Ministry of Defence. The first prototype flew in 2004 and the first production variant entered service two years later. It is a multi-role fighter, every bit as good as the F-15 or the F/A-18 built in America…’

  I nodded enthusiastically and took a few polite pictures before we moved on to a large exhibition hall that had been transformed into a one-stop shop for Armageddon. Most of the stands were given over to Iranian companies displaying models of aircraft, unmanned aerial vehicles – Iranian copies of the drones the Americans used to hunt for bin Laden on the Af-Pak border – and every kind of weapon imaginable.

  Majid stood with his hands on his hips gazing at the hardware. ‘Well, Mr Munley, what do you think? So much to see and so little time. It must be hard for someone like yourself to know where to begin.’

  It was, though not for the reasons he suspected. I had to play the game for a while to bed myself in before trying to move on from the Iranian gear to the Russian. M3C was all I cared about. It was my only link to Altun.

  I needed to remain as far as possible on ground Mr Munley was familiar with. ‘I’d like to see what Iran is doing in my field – surface-to-air missile systems.’

  ‘Of course. Then we should visit the stand of the Shahid Kazemi Industrial Complex. The managing director would make a good interview subject for your journal. He can tell you – honestly and openly
– about all the great strides that Iran is making to achieve technological independence in this area. And he can tell you, too, how our defensive weapons are more than capable of defeating threats from potential aggressors to our nation.’

  We stepped onto a stand whose centrepiece was a badly made model of a SAM battery. It looked a lot like the American Patriot system, with the missiles housed in vertical tubes on a mobile launcher, supported by two other vehicles: a launch-control cabin and a radar unit.

  A tall, thin man with piercing brown eyes, a buttoned-up shirt and no tie stood centre-stage. His windcheater was probably on a hook behind the brochure rack. He was explaining to a South East Asian general, via an interpreter, how the system worked. As I leant forward to look more closely at the model I could see his badge. He was from Burma. The man holding court was the MD, Majid whispered in my ear, so we would have to wait.

  The system was totally automatic and could engage as many as a hundred targets at once, the MD told his guest. ‘It can track, target and destroy threats at low, medium and high altitudes from as far as a hundred and fifty kilometres.’ And it was one hundred per cent made in Iran…

  The Burmese listened politely to the MD’s sales pitch for a few moments more before wandering off as if he was in a street market and a lad was trying to harass him into buying yet more bin liners.

  Majid stepped in and introduced me. I told the MD that I was preparing an article on man-portable air-defence systems and was interested to know what Iran was doing in this important field. My editor had promised ample page-space.