Something Deeper

by Shara Azod

  He wasn’t going to cut their little holiday short. He would spend every waking moment loving her like there was no tomorrow. But when it was time to go back to Brunswick, he wouldn’t be joining her. He would send a junior executive down to finish the job. He had to give her time to miss him. Maybe, just maybe she would be a little more receptive to something more than a physical relationship. He just had to make damn sure he didn’t waste these two weeks.

  Let her think they were having a fling. He would stop pressing. In the meantime he would be more than a friend. He intended on working his way into her very being slowly, methodically. By the end of these two weeks, he would know damn near all there was to know about Antonia Bignon. And she would know everything there was to know about him. He would be her everything as much as he could be. Then he would let her miss him for a while.

  It would work. It had to work. Leland was not prepared to give her up. It might not have been love at first sight, more like uncontrollable lust at first sight, but he was sure as shit in love now. Thinking about a future without his petite little hell raiser made him sick to his stomach. Everything about the woman made him hot and cold, as hard as steel and softer than a marshmallow. Her smile made his world brighter. Her laughter soothed his soul. How she managed to do it he didn’t know, and didn’t really care. The point was she did it for him. She made him feel like a real man, and that was a hell of a thing.

  Just in case, he would be making a call to Jimmy today. The man had been instrumental getting him to convince Toni to come to Atlanta in the first place. Jimmy was well and truly an ally, one he intended to use to his fullest advantage. If the plan that had just blown up in his face was any indication, he had better have a back up.

  While Toni was hopefully missing him, he would be busy transferring his business to Brunswick. He already knew without asking Toni that she would never move here. He wouldn’t even think about asking that of her. He could design buildings anywhere. Some of his junior executives would move with him, some would not. He could even possibly keep an office here in Atlanta. That way he wouldn’t have to lay anyone off. If by chance Toni did finally accept what they could be together, he would be ready. If not, he could spend his sweet time convincing her.

  He just prayed this plan worked. As determined as he was to win his woman, he knew that if his absence didn’t jar her, ardent pursuit might not either. But it was all he had, and he would do anything to get the chance to win her love.

  Chapter 12

  “Your body is here but I am guessing your mind is back in Hotlanta.”

  Toni glared at her cousin, but refused to reply to Jimmy’s statement. It was all too true, and he would be able to tell if she was lying. Hell her thoughts, her heart, and half her damn mind was back in Atlanta. She had no idea why Leland had suddenly decided he wasn’t coming back to finish the plantation project. Instead he had sent a junior executive whom he apparently gave instructions to every night. That had been a month and a half ago.

  It hurt much more than she thought possible. Was he ever coming back? It sure as shit didn’t look like it. She talked to him on the phone, but the conversation always ended the same. He wanted more and she couldn’t give it to him. The call last night might well be the last she received, which was why she was in such a nasty funk.

  It had started out alright, nice and superficial, but then the wanting got to be too much for her.

  “When are you coming back?” she had asked, unable to hold the question back.

  It was agony hearing that sexy voice over the phone, so far away. Just hearing him made her all wet and needy. Masturbation just wasn’t cutting it. Once she had the real thing, nothing less would do.

  “What would I be coming back to, Toni?”

  Why had he gone and asked her something like that? What was she supposed to say?

  Tears of frustration burned her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. Maybe this was all for the best. She would get over it soon wouldn’t she?

  “I miss you,” she had dared to admit. “You would be coming to see me. Why can’t that be enough for now?”

  “Because I want more, baby. I told you that. I meant it.” He sounded resolute, if a little sad. Damn.

  “What do you want from me, Lee?” She was so aggravated she couldn’t see straight. She really didn’t get the problem. She had never in her life met a man so intent on a relationship. It just wasn’t normal. She felt as if she stepped into bizarro world.

  “I want everything, Toni. I want it all, all you are, all you were, all you will be. I want to be there holding you hand when our first child is born. And our second and third. I want to hold you when you hurt. I want to see you when you smile. I want to grow old with you. Baby, I want it all. I won’t accept being some little secret or just a sexual plaything. I want you-all of you.”

  That had left her speechless. There was no come back for something like that.

  But Toni was well aware of the setbacks and pit falls that awaited them. She just couldn’t risk the hurt that awaited her if it all fell apart. Could she?

  “Lee, I-”

  “I love you, Toni. Goodnight.”

  He hadn’t even waited for her response. Probably because he knew she didn’t have one.

  It shouldn’t be so complicated. He should just accept her wishes. Right?

  Who the hell was she kidding? Had the roles been reversed she wouldn’t be taking this whole thing very well. In fact, once upon a time she had been in his position. The man she had mention to Leland before, Roger Kilpatrick, had strung her along for three painful years before she realized he had no interest in her outside the bedroom. She had been so young and dumb, hanging on Roger’s every word. She had been that booty call at two or three in the morning for the first three years in college. She had ignored the rumors that he had three more just like her. In her mind she had been in love.

  But it hadn’t been love at all. Not on either end. Roger simply wanted a ready and eager woman whenever he felt the urge. Toni had wanted to feel wanted. He had made her feel sexy, something no had ever done before. It wasn’t even puppy love. Beyond sex, they had little to say to each other. Toni had to face the fact; she didn’t even like Roger much. Still, finding out she was nothing special had hurt. And she had felt humiliated. She never wanted to feel that way again.

  And Leland has never given you any reason to believe he was anything like Roger. The thought mocked her as she went about her day. As much as she hated to acknowledge it, Leland had never been anything but the ideal male. He wasn’t perfect by a long shot. He was autocratic, too privileged by far. He had even gone so far as to fight her about certain aspects of this project. However, when she proved him wrong, he admitted defeat and didn’t even chafe, much, as she did her victory dance. He always listened to her, whether it was about work or any spontaneous thought she felt the need to discuss. Not once had he made her feel like less of a construction worker, or less of a person in general.

  So why was it so hard for her to let him in? Hard to let him in? Hell he was already setting up residence in your heart, idiot! The question was, what was she fighting?

  “Jimmy do you think I’m being foolish?” Toni waited until the crew had left before she brought up the subject.

  It was just her and Jimmy going over the work of the past week. The house would be done in less than a week, but every Friday she and Jimmy usually checked over everything that had been done that week before heading back to Brunswick.

  “Hell, yes,” Jimmy drawled, not even bothering to pretend he didn’t know what she was talking about. “A straight fool. That man is crazy about you, and here you are bound and determined to end up without yet again.”

  “Again?” That threw her. She had never experienced anything like Leland before. What the hell was Jimmy talking about?

  Jimmy sighed, rolled his eyes, and then sat heavily on the wrought iron bench they had just installed near the back of the house. It had a perfect view of what would be a s
mall playground as of next Tuesday, designed by her own hand for all the little rug rats Desiree and her man would undoubtedly have.

  “Come here, girl have a seat so I can school you.”

  That was rich. The man who could never settle on one man his damn self trying to give her advice on her love life. Jimmy was notorious for the speed of his relationships, which is probably why they had always understood each other so well. Neither one of them wanted to be tied down. At least, she hadn’t ever wanted that before. She sat beside her cousin reluctantly, ready to cut him off the minute he started saying anything crazy like, “Give love a chance.” This was the real world, things weren’t that easy.

  “Now baby girl I know you are skeptical of Mr. Man. I was too when I first saw his interest.” Jimmy paused, looking out toward the water as if in deep thought. His usually smooth brow furrowed as if he was grasping for the right words.

  “Do you remember Ron Davies?” he asked out of nowhere.

  “Yeah, I remember Ron,” she nodded unsure where this was going. She had dated Ron about two years back for about a month before she had to break it off. It was just too suffocating. The man expected to know where she was at. Who she was with, and to make matters worse, he wanted most of her nights and all her weekends. She couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t stand the thought of her life no longer being her own. And it had way too soon to be spouting about how much he loved her.

  Just like Leland, she thought in a huff, before her righteous indignation deflated just as quickly as it had arisen. It was nothing like Leland. Ron was a nice enough guy, decent, law abiding, never sticking his noise into her business-professional business anyway. But she had never wanted to share herself the way she wanted to with Leland. She never laid in bed awake at night thinking about him. Once he was out of sight, he was usually out of her thoughts as well. Leland stayed with her every waking minute of the day, and then had the nerve to invade her dreams.

  “You could have settled on Ron,” Jimmy went on. “You thought about it for a minute. I even thought you should. He was nice and steady, and would have never hurt you or cheated on you.”

  Toni had to snort at that. No, Ron probably wouldn’t have cheated on her, but that was partly because he was half scared of her. Not in a wimpy way, but he always complained about her unpredictable nature. She could blow up at the tiniest things. She knew that and she was not about to apologize for it. She was who she was. He had been willing to go along with it, shaking his head but otherwise saying nothing when she flew into a temper. He didn’t back down, he just didn’t confront her. He didn’t do anything at all.

  Leland, damn his perverse hide, seemed to relish her tantrums. He even provoked then every now and again. Toni swore the damn man got aroused when she blew up. He stood right there, toe to toe, never touching her in anger, but not backing away either. Then, there were the times he simply changed the subject. It was usually so abrupt she didn’t realize it until it was too late to go back and get mad all over again.

  He picks his battles. The thought brought a smile to her lips. Wise man.

  “You probably would have had a nice life with Ron,” Jimmy went on. “But you didn’t settle for nice. And I love that about you. You wanted more, and you deserve it. But this thing with your boy, Lee,” Jimmy shook his head and sighed dramatically in a way only a gay man could. She envied the hell out of that. “Girl, this is no joke. This is more than lust. That man looks at you like you are the sun, the moon, and the stars. And honey, I know you don’t want to hear this, but you look at him the same way. Even before you were, uh, intimate, those looks passing between the two of you made me jealous.” He fanned himself shaking his head. “And he isn’t going away, Toni. This is the kind of thing most people dream about, but never find.”

  “People fall in and out of love every day, Jimmy,” Toni rolled her eyes.

  “People fall in and out of lust every day,” Jimmy retorted. “They fall in and out of lust. The thing between the two of you is something few people ever see. It is more than the pleasant love maybe your parents or mine have. It is deeper than friendship that develops over time. That is something you will both have to work on. This is raw, it is primal, it is rare.” He finally turned and gave his cousin a long, hard look. “I am not talking soul mate bull shit. You know I don’t believe in it. But every so often, two people click on so many levels; it is criminal for them to be a part. You found that here, baby girl, don’t fuck it up. You will regret it for the rest of your life.”

  Jimmy got up and pulled Toni up with him. “I am not saying it will be easy. I am not saying it will be perfect. But I am saying you need to give that man a chance. He just might surprise you.”

  Toni let that cryptic statement go without pushing for an explanation. She was too focused on all the other things Jimmy had said. She was afraid it was all too true. When it came right down to it, this was about what she really, really wanted. It may be hard, and they were going to hit some snags up ahead. But was it worth it? Was Leland worth the struggle?

  She was too caught up in her own musing even after they got to the mainland to notice Jimmy ushering her to the passenger side of her truck. They were halfway to Brunswick before she noticed she was not the one driving her baby.

  “What the-”

  “Hush,” he cut off before she could work up a good head of steam. “I need to take you to see something.”

  Hush hell, the man was driving her baby! She never let anyone drive her truck, and Jimmy knew it. Oh he was going to pay, but there was no way in hell she was making him pull over on the long bridge to their hometown. Oh, but he would pay.

  Instead of taking the main road into town, he turned down a red clay country road. Toni winced thinking of the mess that was no doubt accumulating on her undercarriage. All that nice shiny chrome, coated with Georgia red clay. She was so kicking Jimmy’s ass as soon as he stopped the truck. And then he was going to wash dry and wax her baby while she supervised.

  He turned a few more times, the roads getting smaller and smaller until near dusk he stopped at a construction site in the middle of nowhere. The trees and bushes had been cleared just enough so snakes and other creatures wouldn’t come near the structure unless starving. The newly cleared meadow was lush emerald green, built on a slight incline to protect from flooding or the invasion of marshes so prevalent in South Georgia. It really was the perfect location to put a house for people not wanting to be bothered by others.

  Toni did a double take at the structure being erected. There was something oddly familiar about it. Getting out of the truck, she forgot all about whupping Jimmy’s ass the closer she got to the building. She knew this design. And she knew the back of the man shouting orders to a crew she had never seen before.

  Although it was getting dark, the workers didn’t pause. There were flood lights stationed all around, like they were planning on working through the night.

  “Leland?”

  The man who haunted her dreams turned, startled as she approached. She could just make out the dark circles under his eyes and the beard that looked to be several days old. She had never seen Leland all scruffy before. It looked kind of hot.

  “Hey, sugar,” he drawled, pulling her into his arms as soon as she approached. “I guess some people can’t keep a secret.” He was looking past her to Jimmy, but that wasn’t what was on her mind right now.

  She didn’t pull away as she usually did in public. In truth, she could give a shit who was looking. Reaching out she stroked the rough stubby hair on his face. He hadn’t been taking care of himself. How long had he been in Brunswick? Why hadn’t he told her?

  “How did you know? How did you-”

  Jimmy no doubt. Who else could have given Leland the plans to her dream home, or tell him how she wanted a place away from everyone else? The point was he was here, building her dream home, obviously to surprise her.

  “You did all this in two months?” she switched tactics. “You did this for me?”
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br />   Leland shifted unsure of himself. “I can charge you if that’s what you want.”

  Her eyes flew to his reddening face. That was the sweetest damn thing any man had ever said to her! Recognizing she didn’t need him, not to take care of her, or to buy her anything.

  “I think I can accept this gift,” she laughed, feeling strangely lighter than she had in a very long time.

  “You can?” He seemed shocked, making her laugh harder.

  “I love you, Leland Bartholomew Westmorland!”

  Chapter 13

  Leland was afraid to move, afraid to breathe, afraid to do anything to break the spell. Toni said she loved him. Said it without prompting or threats. She had said it of her own free will, loud and clear so there was no misunderstanding. She loved him!

  His eyes closed when she threw her arms around his neck hugging him fiercely. He wasn’t sure he would be able to let her go. At least not for a while. He just held her, his nose buried in her hair, trying not to choke on the emotions assaulting him.

  The truth was he hadn’t been at all sure how she would react when she saw what he had done. He prayed in ways he had never prayed before for the best, but he had steeled himself for the worse. He had two crews working darn near around the clock to build this large, country style home. He knew it wouldn’t be done before the plantation house, but he had hoped to finish as close to the finish of the other as possible.

  He had paid a small fortune to get all the best materials sent with ungodly speed. Sticking as close to her original plans as possible, he added a few extravagant touches here and there. She hadn’t noticed them yet, but she would. He had been so scared of what she would say, especially about the nursery and extra office.