The Family We Make

by Dan Wingreen

  Tim was obviously some kind of sadistic genius, because it seemed like no sooner had Spencer learned to love the feeling of constantly being on the edge, Tim gently flicked his tongue into the slit in Spencer’s head, let go of the base, and ever so gently grazed his fingertips over the smooth, sensitive skin just behind Spencer’s balls.

  Spencer had just enough sense left to cover his mouth with his hands before he screamed and came down Tim’s throat.

  He didn’t even realize he’d collapsed back onto the bed until he felt the mattress dip as Tim lay down next to him and pulled him over to rest against his chest. Those skilled, gentle, evil fingers brushed damp hair away from Spencer’s sweat-slicked forehead as he slowly came back to himself.

  “Fuck,” Spencer said breathlessly.

  Tim made a small humming noise. “Good?”

  “If you wanna wait five minutes for my brain to start working again, I can go through my mental thesaurus and think of something better, but for now…” Spencer sighed happily and nuzzled Tim’s firm chest. “Yeah, good.”

  They stayed cuddled together for a few minutes; Spencer floated along on a post-sex high while Tim ran his fingers through his hair and, every so often, over his shoulder and arm as well. Spencer shivered pleasantly at the light touches.

  “Has it been five minutes yet?”

  Spencer blinked as Tim’s words brought him out of his sleepy almost-doze. “Dude, did you just ask me to tell time?”

  Tim snorted. “‘Dude’?”

  “Shut up,” he said, feeling his cheeks start to burn. “I’m not that old—holy shit, you’re still hard!”

  Distantly, he heard Tim laughing, but it didn’t really register. He was too busy staring down at Tim’s stiff, slightly leaking cock in growing mortification.

  I just came and left him hanging. Oh my God, I’m the worst.

  Before Spencer could think, he reached out and grabbed it. A surge of satisfaction shot through him when Tim’s laughter stuttered, but it was short-lived and quickly replaced by holy crap I’m holding someone’s cock again and fuuuuck this thing is thick. He couldn’t even get his fingers to touch.

  Move or…something! Don’t just sit here holding it.

  Spencer slowly began jerking Tim off. Tim let out a low moan.

  “That feels so good.”

  Heat pooled in Spencer’s groin at Tim’s words, and absently he wondered if he’d developed a praise kink sometime in the last ten years or so. He’d never had one before; hell, he’d never been into dirty talk before, and that’s definitely changed. He felt his face heat up as he replayed some of the things he’d said earlier—come all over me? Who says shit like that?—but even though it was embarrassing, remembering only added to his arousal.

  Spencer had never been bold in bed. He’d always been too scared, too shy to ask for what he wanted, content to fumble around and be led like the blushing, hormone-crazed virgin he’d been. Age hadn’t given him much in the way of experience, but maybe his teenage hormones evening out had been enough to give him some measure of confidence. Or maybe it was because he was doing this with Tim, who went out of his way to make sure Spencer knew how attractive he found him. Who was calm and patient and the hottest fucking thing ever. Who tore Spencer apart and didn’t even bother putting him back together because things were a hell of a lot more fun to play with when they were in pieces. Who, with just a few words and a lot of touching, made Spencer feel sexy for the first time in his life.

  I could ask for anything I want, and he wouldn’t laugh at me.

  He had no idea where the thought came from, or even if it was true, but that didn’t matter. It felt true. And if there was anything Tim had taught him tonight, it was that feelings had power.

  Though, even with all the tantalizing possibilities in front of him, there was still only one thing Spencer wanted.

  “I need you inside me.”

  Tim shuddered. “Yes,” he hissed. “We need lube and—” Spencer couldn’t resist rubbing the sensitive skin under Tim’s head. “—ah! Oh my…condoms! Now.”

  As tempting as it was to get some payback for earlier, there was no way Spencer had that kind of self-control. He let go of Tim—prompting a surprisingly cute whine from the man—and crawled across his bed to rummage through the nightstand. “Got the lube!” He tossed the small bottle toward Tim.

  “Condoms?”

  Spencer made a face. “If I have any, they’re packed away with my college shit.”

  Tim froze. “You don’t have any?”

  “Why would I?” Spencer asked, feeling slightly defensive. “Do you have any?”

  “No…”

  “Well, there you go.” Spencer started to lean back and begin what would no doubt be a very shameless display filled with spread legs and probably more than a little begging, only to realize he might have jumped from point B to D while Tim was still very firmly stuck on C. “Do we…need them?”

  Tim’s face twisted into an expression of…well. Horror might have been an understatement. “I…”

  “I’m clean,” Spencer said, flushing slightly. “They made me get a full physical before I started teaching with blood work and drug testing and everything, and it all came back negative. I obviously haven’t been having bareback sex parties all these years, so…” He trailed off with a forced laugh. “I’d be fine giving them a skip.”

  Biggest. Understatement. Ever.

  “I’ve…never had sex without one,” Tim said slowly like he was still unsure if they were even having this conversation.

  “Oh.” Spencer chewed his lip. “First time for everything?” he asked hopefully.

  “Spencer…”

  “Sorry,” Spencer muttered, trying to hide the crushing disappointment settling in on his chest. “But, I mean, I trust you, you know? So, if you say you’re clean too, I have no reason not to believe you. and if you trust me too then…” He swallowed heavily. “Do you…not?”

  “Of course, I trust you,” Tim said, thankfully able to decode Spencer’s ramblings. “I don’t know if I can have sex without them though. That’s…a pretty big thing, you know?”

  Spencer made a vague noise, but otherwise stayed silent. This probably wasn’t the best time to tell Tim he’d never used condoms and, honestly, kind of hated the idea. Sure, safe sex was important and all, but really half the enjoyment Spencer got from sex was feeling his partner come inside him. He loved the wet, sticky, used feeling he got between his legs after sex, the way the come dripped down his thighs when he stood up, the way he could reach down and feel the mess, everything. It was the one kink he had that came close to being necessary for him to enjoy sex, and the idea of possibly not getting it his first time with Tim very nearly devastated Spencer. And not in the good way.

  “I’m clean too though,” Tim said. “I got tested after I broke up with Rudy, and I haven’t been with anyone since.”

  Spencer bit back the So, what’s the problem? that wanted to come out.

  “Just putting it out there, but I’d be more than okay with going bare.” Spencer tried to keep his voice as neutral as possible, well aware he was skirting the line of pressuring Tim into doing something he wasn’t comfortable with. “But if you’re not, that’s…okay too. I could just, you know, do what you did.”

  “I didn’t say that,” Tim said quickly. Judging by the expression on his face, it was probably a toss-up as to which one of them was more surprised by his words.

  “Oh?”

  Tim shifted so he was sitting cross-legged on the bed facing Spencer, which was…all kinds of distracting because he was still half-hard and glistening and—

  Spencer forced his eyes up when Tim cleared his throat. He expected to see Tim giving him a knowing look, but he wasn’t even watching Spencer. He cleared his throat again, then let out a little huff.

  “What’s wrong?” Spencer asked.

  “Nothing.” Tim laughed softly. “Nothing at all.” He peered up at Spencer through his eyelashes, a su
rprisingly vulnerable gesture from someone who had been so in control a few minutes ago. “But I do have something I need to tell you.”

  A brick settled inside Spencer’s stomach. Never in the history of spoken language had the phrases “We need to talk” or “I need to tell you something” led to anything good.

  “Oh?” he asked again, his voice cracking.

  “It’s nothing bad,” Tim said, smiling gently. “I hope, anyway. I’ve wanted to say it for a while, but I figured it was too soon, and I didn’t want to come on too strong or move too fast or…anything. I sort of have a history of…all of that, really. The thing is, though, I’ve felt like this before, and I’ve said the words before, but I’ve never even considered ditching the condoms with anyone before. And when I realized I was prepared to do that with you, it seemed….kind of stupid to be okay with that and not okay with telling you how…ridiculously in love with you I am and—mmph!”

  The second the L word was out of Tim’s mouth, Spencer lost all control. He leaped across the small space between them and crashed into Tim, knocking him back and fucking…slamming their lips together. Thankfully Tim got with the program pretty quick, kissing back and slipping his tongue inside Spencer’s mouth and grabbing his hair and—fuck, he was feeling too many things. Physical feelings and emotional feelings and things he couldn’t even quantify were all swirling around inside him, stopping off in his stomach to flip it around a bit. Moving onto his heart and stopping it and swelling it and making it skip beats and all that cliched shit. Speeding up to his head and exploding into a fucking riot of colors behind his eyes. He felt completely drunk like he hadn’t let himself be since that night with Becky, but this was so completely different because instead of alcohol and self-loathing, he was drunk on love. At that moment, hearing one stupid word he’d said a million times in his life about food and movies and video games and all sorts of unimportant shit coming out of Tim’s mouth, wrapped in nerves and awe and meaning, Spencer felt like he could kick down the door to the universe and own that bitch.

  “You don’t need to say it back,” Tim said, breathlessly, pushing Spencer away just enough to meet his eyes. “I don’t expect—”

  Spencer kissed his words away. “Shut the fuck up.” He bit Tim’s lip for emphasis. “Of course, I fucking love you. You’re just so…ugh. I’m sharing my fucking kid with you. And fuck what I said before, I want you to be his other dad. I want him to call your parents Grandma and Grandpa, and I want you to meet my parents, and I want us all to have those awful, awkward holidays together where your dad and my dad argue politics, and my mom brings a casserole that no one eats, and your mom gets all passive-aggressive about wanting us to visit more, and we all hate it, but we go every year, and fuck, I want years with you. Years we can rank and say, ‘This year wasn’t as good as last year, but I think next year’s gonna be amazing because I’ll be with you,’ and completely ignore that we were together last year too because it’s a stupid schmaltzy thing couples say, and I’m warning you right now I’m probably gonna come in my pants the first time you do a dad joke with Connor. I’m not even kidding.”

  He broke off and took a deep breath and leaned down, the tips of his curls brushing against Tim’s forehead. His heart began pounding again, newly restarted and energized. This was somehow the most and least eloquent he’d ever been about his feelings, and he didn’t even care how much of a rambling mess he was, because Tim loved him, and nothing had ever made anyone else this happy in the whole of existence.

  “I want everything with you,” he said, his soft voice a complete contrast to the sheer amount of meaning behind his words. “And you think there’s any chance I don’t love you.”

  “I know better now,” Tim said, matching Spencer’s tone with wide, suspiciously shimmering eyes.

  “Damn right you do,” Spencer said, and then he kissed him.

  It didn’t take long for slow, sensual kissing to turn into touching and then into frantic grabbing and rutting. Physical pleasure mixed with a constant refrain of lovelovelovehelovesmeIlovehimfuckfuckfuck until Spencer could barely think. The world outside himself came in flashes. Tim’s mouth on his neck. His hands grabbing the backs of Spencer’s thighs. Pressing down on Tim only to blink and realize Tim was now on top of him. Gently probing fingers slipping between his legs—when did they get so slick?—teasing, touching, slipping inside—fuck, it’s been so long—curling and sending jolts of half-forgotten pleasure through his body. One finger turning to two turning to three, and Spencer was, impossibly, hard again and aching. Tim’s own hardness was sitting heavy on his hip, and Spencer had never needed anything so badly in his entire life.

  He must have said something he couldn’t remember because the next thing he knew the fingers were gone—empty, wet, need more—and the thick, blunt head of—oh fuck, finally—Tim’s cock teased his entrance before slowly—too slow, need it now, fuck it’s so thick, I’ve never been this full—pushing inside.

  Spencer heard noises, moans, keens, and pleas for more, and they must have been coming at least partly from him because more was exactly what he got. Tim pulled out so just the tip of him was inside Spencer, then slammed home hard and—Spencer didn’t even have the words. Being fucked was the be all, end all for sex as far as he was concerned; not even Tim’s life-altering blowjob could change how much Spencer loved having a cock inside him. This, though…this wasn’t just Tim fucking Spencer or Spencer being fucked. No matter how hard Tim went, or how shamelessly Spencer spread himself or wrapped himself around Tim, squeezed or scratched or bit or was bitten, it was also Tim making love to Spencer. He could feel it in every thrust, in the way Tim covered him with his body, protecting him and holding him close, until Spencer couldn’t be sure he wasn’t, in some indefinable way that went beyond anything he ever thought he could experience, inside Tim as well. Tim’s eyes, hot with lust and soft with love, never left his, and Spencer couldn’t look away. Tim’s hands finally settled on his hips, gripping tightly and pulling Spencer to him as he drove himself inside, occasionally slipping down to cup Spencer’s ass and pull him open to get that little bit deeper.

  There was no room for insecurity, no room for doubt or worry or anything outside of the two of them. The whole universe contracted until nothing existed but the small opening in Spencer’s body where they were connected. And when Spencer finally touched himself and came all over his stomach again, his internal muscles pulsed and squeezed around Tim, sending his smooth, hard rhythm into stuttering, jerky movements, and he came deep inside Spencer with a drawn out, guttural groan.

  Spencer had never felt anything better in his entire life.

  When the world finally settled back into something familiar again, Tim had collapsed on his back and Spencer was sprawled on top of him, his head resting on Tim’s sweat-slicked chest, listening to his slowly steadying heartbeat. He closed his eyes, not even trying to keep the wide, stupid smile off his face. That was amazing. He clenched his hole, shivering at the wet sogginess he could feel, sweetness and raunchiness meeting in what had to be the greatest dichotomy ever.

  Suddenly, a thought popped into Spencer’s head, startling a laugh out of him.

  “What?” Tim’s voice was on the edge of sleep, not quite slurred, but Spencer was obviously the more present of the two of them.

  “Nothing,” Spencer said, letting out another huff of amusement. “Just, now that I actually said the words, I’m realizing I’ve been in love with you way longer than I’d like to admit.”

  “Mmm.” Tim yawned and started playing with the hair at the back of Spencer’s neck. “I’ve loved you since that night on the couch.”

  Spencer almost asked which night he was talking about, but he kind of thought finding out Tim had fallen in love with him while Spencer told the story of how he knocked up a thirteen-year-old girl would break the mood, so instead he grinned into Tim’s chest. “So, basically, on the outside we were both being super responsible and not rushing anything and taking things slow,
but on the inside, we were already house hunting and trying to figure out how many new siblings Connor would be okay with?”

  There was a long moment of silence, followed by a “Wh-what?” from a suddenly much more awake sounding Tim. “Is that…do you want more kids?”

  Spencer blinked, not at the question, which he’d kind of invited honestly, but at the tone. Confusion mixed with fear and a tiny bit of something that might have been hope. Spencer didn’t know what to say, so he defaulted to the answer he always gave when someone asked him if he’d ever have another kid.

  “Nah. I can’t even play video games more than once because they’re too damn long these days. Going through the whole kid thing again is just…no.”

  Then, because he apparently wasn’t done proving how perfect he was, Tim said without missing a beat, “No matter how long a game is, or how many times you’ve played it, sometimes going back and playing it with someone else can make the whole experience new again.”

  Spencer stilled as a new world of possibility opened in front of him, his plans for the future rearranging themselves into new, terrifying, wonderful ideas…

  He took a deep breath and let them all go.

  “This seems like a conversation we should be having a year or two from now.”

  “Okay,” Tim agreed, sounding happy and sleepy again in equal measure. Spencer wondered about the happy, considering the conversation, until he realized how causally he’d assumed they’d still be together years from now, talking about kids. It reeked of commitment in a way even exchanging I love yous didn’t, and Spencer was…more than okay with that.

  “Come on,” he said. “Let’s get some sleep.”

  “Connor will know I spent the night.”

  Spencer wrinkled his nose, then shrugged. “He’ll have to get used to it at some point.”