In Another Life

by Liesel Browning

  “At least at the farm, I can live the way I want to,” Sadie said.

  “Yeah, day-to-day,” Manny reminded her. “Or maybe month-to-month. At best, right? In SC, it’s so different. None of the rest of it is gonna matter. You’re gonna have a real life.”

  Sadie suddenly realized something. “I don’t know how I’m gonna explain you to Amelia.” Manny didn’t say anything to this. “I’ve never told her about you. She doesn’t even know that Remy and Johnny have a sister.”

  Manny giggled. “Oops. You want me to lie? We can just say I’m their cousin. She seems a bit preoccupied right now.”

  Sadie shrugged. “I don’t want to lie to her anymore,” she said. Not that Manny was the only secret Sadie kept from her lover.

  “I’ll tell her about SC,” Manny suggested. “That should keep her distracted.”

  “She doesn’t seem as bothered by the whole religious thing,” Sadie pointed out bitterly.

  “It’s really not that bad,” Manny insisted as they headed back upstairs. Sadie brought along an old rolling bag full of their clothes, leaving the rest of their things safely locked away in the store. “The church people are pretty nice. They’re not all, like, fire and brimstone, not like Glenn was.”

  Of course, Sadie told Manny all about her father’s bouts of fanaticism, his hours of preaching and endless nights searching scripture for answers. He could have saved himself a lot of time if he’d just listened to his ex-wife. One of the last things Sadie remembered her mother saying was a rather bold declaration: “You wanna know why this happened, Glenn? Because people are fucked up. People are stupid, and angry, and they want to see the world burn. We’ve been heading to ruin for a long time. Here we are.”

  Sadie couldn’t imagine that anyone could tell her anything more than that. But if these people could help Christian, she had no other choice.

  Sadie found her lover at the kitchen table. The boxes full of Remy and Johnny’s things were stacked on the floor as Amelia sat with the Charles brothers. Remy was talking softly with Amelia, no doubt offering her comfort about her son. Amelia looked up when Sadie and Manny came into the room.

  “Amelia,” Sadie said, “This is Manny.”

  “Hi,” Manny said. “I’ve already been living in SC for a little while, I can tell you anything you need to know about it.”

  And Sadie was relieved when Amelia questioned Manny about this place in BC, this place that offered food, shelter, and purpose in exchange for adherence to religious policies. But as the evening wore on, and Sadie sat beside her lover, she realized that Amelia really seemed captivated by the possibility of this place.

  “A school for Christian?” Amelia asked when Manny was talking about education in the small but growing community.

  “Well, once he’s out of the hospital,” Manny said with a gentle smile. Sadie was grateful, that her former part-time lover was being so kind to Amelia. Manny would sometimes act like she was jealous of Sadie’s lover up at the farm, the woman with whom she shared her bed every night, but she was being really cool. Maybe her husband was enough for her, Sadie thought.

  Johnny offered to heat up some canned soup for dinner. “We may as well eat through some of these supplies,” he said. “If what you guys say is true, we’re not gonna need all this stuff anymore.”

  Manny shook her head. “SC’s totally self-sufficient,” she said.

  “They’ll probably have me working on the collective farm,” Sadie observed with a frown. She pictured herself, pregnant and bending over a row of vegetables.

  “That would depend on your aptitude test,” Hank said. “Manny says you repair your own truck? That big one down there?” Sadie nodded. “Maybe you’ll be a mechanic or something.”

  Sadie shrugged. She didn’t want to think about it, really. She just wanted to think about the little boy in the other room, the one with the massive chunk taken out of his ankle. When he’d shown her the wound, Sadie thought she saw a bit of bone exposed. Amelia, who’d been the one to examine the wound closely and clean it up, wouldn’t confirm this.

  So Sadie felt selfish, that she had so much more than her brother on her mind. At her side, Amelia was in awe as she questioned Manny and Hank about this place. Holding her lover’s hand, Amelia gave hers a squeeze. She was actually excited about going to SC. It should have made Sadie feel better.

  *

  Amelia went to sleep with her son in Mr. and Mrs. Charles’s former bed. Sadie kissed her lover goodnight. “I’m gonna stay up and talk with the guys for a bit,” she said.

  “How do you know Manny?” Amelia asked. “She’s so nice.”

  “Yeah,” Sadie said. “She, uh, she was always hanging around the store.” But she couldn’t lie, that would be stupid. They were traveling with the Charles family, and it would be too easily exposed. “Because she’s Remy and Johnny’s younger sister.”

  Even in the dark bedroom, Sadie could see that her lover was surprised. “Oh,” she said. “You always mentioned the Charles brothers…”

  “Yeah,” Sadie said quickly. “She never dealt much with the business end of things. She and I would just kind of, like, talk sometimes.”

  “Oh,” Amelia said again.

  Sadie leaned in and kissed her lover. She felt Amelia’s resistance. “Everything’s gonna be okay,” she said.

  “I almost believe that,” Amelia admitted. In the dim light, Sadie saw her lover reach down and stroked her son’s hair.

  “How’s he doing?”

  “He doesn’t feel warm or anything,” Amelia said. “That painkiller knocked him out.”

  “I think it was a placebo,” Sadie said.

  “You mean a fake?” Amelia asked. Sadie nodded. She remembered her mother talking about placebos being used in the drug trials she ran at the University of Iowa hospital. They were meant to work through the power of persuasion or something, but they didn’t always.

  “You gonna be okay if I go out there for a little while?” Sadie asked.

  “We’re fine,” Amelia said. She kissed Sadie one more time in the dark. “Tell everybody out there thanks for me. Especially Manny.”

  “I’ll be back soon,” Sadie said. She left her lover and younger brother alone, joining the others back out in the kitchen. When she was offered a stronger drink than orange powder mix, she saw no reason not to accept.

  Chapter Ten

  Before Amelia started sleeping with Glenn, Sadie didn’t go to La Ronge with her father very often. She didn’t like the thought of leaving her friend alone; she worried enough when Glenn went on his own, and it was everything Sadie could do to keep her distracted all day until he returned. But now that things had changed so much…

  Sadie got up early with her father that morning and wordlessly helped him load up the back of the truck. Amelia got up to make breakfast, and was surprised to see Sadie up and dressed. “You’re going, too?” she asked.

  Sadie avoided Amelia’s eyes as she sat at the table. “Yup,” she said, and left it at that.

  Glenn went up to Amelia at the stove and put his arms around her waist. “Fry my eggs, sweetheart,” he said. He kissed her temple. “I want the yolks to run a little.”

  “Okay, Glenn.” He kissed her again. Sadie crossed her arms and looked away in disgust.

  On the way to La Ronge, Glenn tried to talk about his new relationship with Amelia. “You know,” he said, as Sadie stared out of the passenger window, “It’s only natural for men and women…”

  “I know, Dad,” Sadie snapped. She didn’t want to hear about men and women, birds and bees. She didn’t want to talk about the moaning and thumping she heard through the wall each night. Sadie reached over and turned on the radio. It would be a couple of years yet, just after the arrival of his son, before Glenn would trade it off.

  Sadie found no stations that were broadcasting, but she pointedly flipped through, over and over, all the way to town. Glenn didn’t say anything more.

  At the store, Mr. Charles helped t
hem unload the truck. “Go visit with Manny upstairs,” Mr. Charles suggested. “She’s been wanting to see you.”

  Sadie shrugged, and went upstairs, to the Charles’s living space. She found Manny, as she would often for years to come, in the kitchen, reading a book at the table. She looked up when Sadie came in. “Hi,” she greeted her.

  It’d been a while since Sadie had seen Manny, her sort-of friend, and they went to Manny’s room and chatted for a while. Manny showed her the book she was reading, some kind of erotic romance book about two women. “I’ve got a few more,” Manny said, and she passed one off to Sadie. It was missing its front cover, but Sadie flipped it over and read the back. Even the description made her blush.

  “I can have this?” Sadie asked.

  Manny shrugged. “You can borrow it, if you want.”

  “Sure,” Sadie said. “Thanks.”

  On the next trip to La Ronge, Sadie returned the book. And she had her first kiss with Manny, as they giggled and blushed over their favorite scenes in her bedroom.

  *

  Remy and Johnny kept a bucket in their washroom, but Sadie opted to use the outhouse they’d built in the small yard behind the store. She felt a little dizzy from the moonshine. Johnny’s was better than the rough shit Glenn used to get. “He got it from this crazy fucker down the road,” Remy recalled, chuckling a little as they sat around at the table. He shook his head. “That bastard shot himself.”

  “You remember what happened?” Johnny asked. “His distillery blew up and killed his wife.”

  “The people in SC would say that that’s a good argument for banning alcohol,” Hank pointed out, though he was having a mixed drink as well.

  “No drinking at this place?” Remy griped.

  “There’s a bit of a black market for it,” Manny said. “The people in charge turn a blind eye, as long as you show up sober to church on Sunday.”

  “Looks like I’ve found my job already,” Johnny laughed.

  Sadie took a drink. Though Johnny’s moonshine wasn’t bad, she still winced at the strong alcohol. She forced down another drink before she put her jar down. “You guys don’t think the whole marriage thing is weird?”

  “Not as long as I can find me a nice girl,” Johnny said. “You should see some of the skank pussy we’d find down in the Peg. Really rough chicks.”

  “Nice, Johnny,” Manny said, smacking her brother’s arm.

  “They’ll have you tested when you get there,” Hank said. “They have you go through all these physicals and stuff.”

  Sadie didn’t like the thought of being poked and prodded by a bunch of doctors, but Johnny laughed. “Well, nothing’s ever been itching or burning down there, so I think I’m all right,” he said.

  “Good thing we always found condoms, eh?” Remy asked.

  “Yeah,” Johnny said. He teased Sadie, “We used to sell them to your dad.”

  Sadie felt the urge to take another long drink then. The moonshine taste wasn’t bothering her as much now. “I need the washroom,” she said. She went downstairs alone to use the outhouse.

  The kerosene lamp had burned out, but when Sadie came back into the store, she found a candle lit on the counter that hadn’t been there when she’d stepped outside. Manny was waiting in the store. “Hey,” she said.

  “Thanks for talking to Amelia earlier,” Sadie said. “She feels a lot better about all this.”

  “How about you?” Manny asked.

  Sadie shrugged. “I’m just trying not to think beyond getting Christian help. That’s the only reason why I’m doing this.”

  “I’m really glad you’re coming along,” Manny said. When she stepped up to Sadie, Sadie didn’t move away. She didn’t stop Manny from putting her arms around her neck. She didn’t stop Manny from kissing her.

  Sadie reached under Manny’s shirt and felt up the soft folds of her stomach, the mounds of her generous breasts through her bra. She reached up and pulled Manny’s shirt over her head. She reached back and unclasped Manny’s bra. One of the hooks was broken, she found in her fumbling, but when she unhooked the other two, she pulled Manny’s bra away, exposing her.

  Sadie knelt down and kissed Manny’s brown tits. She stuck out her tongue and traced a hungry circle around her hard nipple. Sadie unbuttoned her own shirt as she kissed Manny’s breasts, savoring her warmth. She’d missed her.

  When both women were topless, Manny led Sadie behind the shelves. In the dark, near-empty store, they fucked. Manny pulled down Sadie’s jeans and fingered her against the back wall. Sadie leaned back and raised her hips, keeping time with Manny’s thrusts. Manny shoved her tongue down Sadie’s throat to keep her from crying out when she came.

  Manny ran her hands over Sadie’s exposed torso. “You’re gonna make a lot of new friends in SC,” Manny remarked.

  “You…you get together with other women like this?” Sadie asked.

  Manny giggled. “There’s a bunch who meet up sometimes…we play around the rules,” she said. “It’s gonna be great, Sadie. You’re gonna love it there.”

  Sadie didn’t believe that, but she was starting to think that SC wouldn’t be so bad. She reached out and grabbed Manny’s face, pulling her in for another kiss. She kissed her way down Manny’s soft torso, to her thick thighs. Manny spread wide as Sadie eagerly sought out her clit. She’d found that Manny and Amelia both liked the same move, when she swirled her tongue around the clit before lapping at it with long, slow strokes of her tongue.

  When Sadie got Manny off, they sat together at the back of the store. They didn’t talk much. Sadie had had enough of talk that day. She’d had enough of thinking, too. She just put her head on Manny’s shoulder and sat in the dark.

  *

  The next morning, Sadie and the others were up early to load their vehicles and leave La Ronge. Remy and Johnny talked a couple of neighbors into heading for SC themselves, but they would wait until Hank came back in his armored car. Their caravan would be a small one, made up of Sadie’s truck and the Charles family’s van. Hank left a little while before they did, heading east to check out the other villages and hamlets nearby.

  Christian was curled up in the back seat of the truck again, still tired, though he’d slept through the night. “I think he’s starting to run a fever,” Amelia said.

  “We’re planning to drive straight through,” Sadie assured her. “We’ll be there soon enough.”

  Amelia said nothing as they began their journey west, sitting in the passenger seat, on the lookout for any zombies that might be about on that calm morning. The rifle rested at Amelia’s side. Sadie assumed that if any danger came up, she’d be the one to grab the gun and fire. But Amelia wasn’t a bad shot, she reminded herself.

  Amelia would turn around occasionally to check on her son, who was dozing quietly. Sadie kept her eyes on the Charles family’s van, just ahead on the highway. She found herself wishing, once again, that the truck still had a radio.

  Sadie thought it was early afternoon when Amelia finally said, “Christian’s sleeping. When do you think we’ll get there?”

  “Well past dark,” Sadie said, a guess based on what Manny told her.

  That was the extent of their conversation before Remy signaled that he was pulling to the side of the road. “What’s happening?” Amelia asked as Sadie pulled up behind him.

  “Wait here.” Sadie got out of the truck and went to talk to Remy.

  “We’re gonna stop for lunch,” Remy announced. “We’ve still got turkey to grill up.”

  Sadie gawked at him. “Turkey? You’ve been holding out on me!”

  Remy smiled. “We managed to get a turkey every year. For the holidays. This one’s pretty young, but…best not let it go to waste, eh?”

  “Okay,” Sadie agreed. She went to report this to her lover as the Charles family got out of their van, setting up a little charcoal grill in the middle of the road. They didn’t fear any traffic coming along the highway. Sadie hadn’t seen any other vehicles a
ll morning.

  “Do we really need to stop?” Amelia asked, glancing anxiously at her son again. Sadie looked back at Christian, too. He was sleeping peacefully. He might have looked a little pale, but didn’t he always? Sadie wasn’t so sure. Amelia reached back and felt the boy’s forehead, frowning a little.

  “We need to eat,” Sadie pointed out. “You need to eat.” Amelia didn’t have any soup the previous evening, and hadn’t touched any of the breakfast Johnny served. “Come on,” Sadie said. “We’ll be just right over there. He’ll be okay for a little while.”

  Amelia reluctantly left the truck. She went around some brush to take a piss in privacy, while Sadie helped the Charles family set up their lunch. They had grilled turkey meat and potatoes with the last of the margarine. Sadie managed to get her lover to eat more than a few bites before she retreated to the truck to check on her son again.

  “She’s really worried,” Sadie said, glancing over at the truck. Amelia was sitting in the passenger seat again, ready to leave.

  “I don’t blame her,” Remy said. “Even when we get to SC…”

  “You’d be amazed,” Manny insisted. “They’ll put him in the hospital and…who knows what they’ll be able to do?”

  Sadie just shook her head. “I don’t want to rush us,” she said. “But…”

  Remy nodded, and Sadie helped the Charles family clean up their little makeshift picnic. Sadie felt full, and a little sleepy, as she got back in the truck. At least Remy and Johnny could switch drivers. Sadie was in it for the long haul.

  Sadie rubbed her eyes with the heels of her hands as she waited for the van to pull out onto the road. “Are you okay?” Amelia asked, putting a gentle hand on her lover’s arm.

  “I’m fine,” Sadie said, offering a smile. “Just a little full.”

  “Well at least we can rest when we get to this place and get Christian to the doctors,” Amelia said. “I never thought I’d ever see a doctor again.”

  Sadie said nothing as she pulled onto the road behind the van. They continued heading west, set to arrive at the gates of Sanctuary Coast in the middle of the night. Sadie wondered if they’d let people in so late…if they’d let them in at all.